Spherian Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hi all, This massive post is really just to get it off my chest, but as a long reader of pom in oz couldn't think of no where better to post So I went to Oz Jan 2010 and done the whole WHV thing for 2 years, then luckily got sponsored on a 457 for my job, it was a fantastic job which I loved so much up in Karratha WA. However my Step Father got cancer and was really ill, so came back for a visit in March 2013. He passed away in April so I had to extend my stay for a extra 4 weeks, which caused issues with my job but stayed home to support my small family, basically my mum and brother. Further to my Step Father passing my mother didn't cope too well with his death, she cared for him for 2 years with his cancer and she had a mental breakdown about a week before he passed. She was sectioned under the mental health act and was in a secured hospital for 5 weeks, she seemed to come to terms with his death and with the help from me, my bro and our auntie thought we could get her back to her normal self. However, that was never meant to be, in June 2013 she commited suicide and after the 2nd funeral in just 2 months me and my bro had sooo much to sort out, house, cars, famil business etc etc Around, december 2013 we had done everything that was required to resolve all my mum and step fathers affairs. from all bills / debts paid to cars returned to the buisness being closed and house being sold. it was a lot of work. The problem now, Well i was made redundant from my uk job that I got in sept 2013 (shortest job ive ever had ;0) so I have nothing to do, I was soo busy the last 10 months its just come to a sudden stop... Over the last few weeks, i have kinda felt myself slide into a depressed state, I am going bed late 2-3 am getting up at 12/1pm I have no interest in anything, probably put on a stone in the last 6 weeks.. I do however have a girlfriend who has suported me through all of this, the only issue is Im not in love with her. I love her and she has a fantastic heart but I just feel we are so different... any way that is a whole different post.. I am looking for work, but I cannot think of anything worse than sitting on a train to london everyday followed by 7/8 hours in a office!! being in IT this is the norm, so I was thinking of a career change however this is too another post. Back to my original post, after 11 months of being back I just dont know what to do now... I have tried to get over the whole OZ thing and just be home and get on with life but its always in the back of my mind.. and after last year I kinda hate being here and want to leave!! Anyway, I am going egypt in March for 10 days, I hope this will give me the time to decide 1 - what to do about my relationship and 2 what to do for my future and hopefully help me snap out of this horrid despressed moany, grumpy, lazy, man I have become!! Thanks for reading!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nicolac34 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Gosh I really don't have any useful advice, but what an awful year you've head. My heart really goes out to you. Is there any way of applying for a PR visa to come back to Australia? Have you looked at your options with a migration agent? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Gosh you sure have been put through it,you poor thing and i hope what ever you decide to do, you do find happiness. Your young, no kids(?), the world is your oyster now. Have you spoken with your brother about how he would feel if you did move away from the UK? Does he have his own family or are you all he has left? Ive no answers as such but want to wish you all the best and hopefully encourage you to break the routine you've got stuck in and get out and about be it ,job searching, re training or moving on from your present area. Big Hugs Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 The advise people give is never to make life changing decisions whilst you are still grieving. I'm not sure I agree with that though. If you find yourself stuck in a rut both actual and mentally then why not plan something to try to give you a focus. I've list both my parents too and it kind of makes you want to grab life with both hands and try to experiment new things. On the flip side some will not feel like that and can unfortunately slide into a depression. Only you will know what feels right though. You are young with no children and no ties. Why not persue a dream. The very best of luck to you my lovely and t sounds like you are well and truly due some lovely times in your life.:wubclub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I'm so sorry for your loss, what a truly awful time you've had. It sounds to me like you need to get back to Australia - does your visa allow for a return? If you are not in love with your girlfriend I think you should gently break it off. It's the kindest thing for both of you. And please don't give yourself a hard time about feeling depressed/grumpy etc. you've been through so much I don't see how you could feel any other way! And you aren't lazy, every case I've ever heard of depression the person says they have no energy/motivation to do anything, it's part of the illness. Maybe speak to your GP about a referral to a counsellor to start you back on the road to happiness? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Depression is an awful thing and I am wondering if you should perhaps pay a visit to a decent GP and have a discussion with him/her- especially if you are finding it hard to get up in the morning. You have been through such a bad time, hopefully 2014 will be better for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yeah similar thing happened to me I was full of beans in Australia, made the dreadful decision of coming back to UK, despite the fact wed made a nice life for ourselves. Got back to UK, reality set in, thought my whole life was over. Now starting again back in Australia is very tough mate. Hope you get back on your feet and can think about the future Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I think you are wise to take the holiday first before commiting to anything further.Im very sorry to hear about the loss of your parents.The holiday will give you some breathing space and sometimes,when we're in a relaxed frame of mind,its abit easier to make bigger decisions.It does take alot of energy and time to move to Oz,as you already know,so if it were me,I would focus on getting yourself better first,small steps at a time.You will then make the best decision for yourself at that time,so it won't be a mistake.Good luck and take care of yourself xxx:hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 One hesitates to say this but grief can slap you in the face and impact your life in many ways. After your holiday it might be a good idea to take yourself off to a GP and talk about your feelings. A lot of what you are going through is quite normal but counselling can help you focus on getting what you want out of life. It may be Australia, it may be elsewhere, it may be right where you are now with different priorities. You are young, the world us your oyster so you can look forward. Looking back to when life was perfect (it probably wasn't) when things are going wrong in the here and now and comparing unfavourably is a very normal thing to do. Im so sorry for your losses, it sounds like the year from hell to me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynne78 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 So sorry for your loss - you have had a terrible time. I would agree with previous posts that said wait before moving back to Australia. About 5 years ago I suffered from depression and found counseling very helpful, but also took medication for about a year. I definitely agree with others about seeing a GP and getting assistance as clinical depression can be a difficult thing to shake on your own. A holiday would be a good idea, but I'd hold off on making a decision about moving to Australia until you are feeling a lot better. Lots of people post about being depressed about a move back to the UK and can't wait to get back to Australia, but I think it's clear that your present feelings are about everything else: parents, relationship, work, and they will still be there if you move. Am I right in assuming that your brother and aunt are pretty close to you? If you have no family in Australia it may be best to stay where you are so you have some support, especially if things aren't going well with your girlfriend. You will be able to focus more clearly on your future - whether in Australia or elsewhere - when you have recovered. Don't rush into anything, and most importantly have a great time in Egypt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Londongal76 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 So very sorry for your loss. In reality you've been through a shitload of stuff and very recently, it's more than likely you're still heavily grieving and don't realise it. It affects us all in many different ways. I know i really wasn't myself for a good year or 2 after my Dad passed away. Sounds like a holiday is well overdue and some sunshine will probably help your mood a great deal, along with the time for self reflection. If she's not the one, as above, don't waste (both) your time. Life is short and if you know it's not right, be kind and cut it off. I hope you have a great holiday and come to some decisions whilst there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Sorry for the bad times you've been having. Your loyal and supportive girlfriend sounds like a keeper to me. There is no such thing as "love" anyway. After the chemicals of romance wear off, if you're lucky there is just harmonious companionship anyway - and you've already got this - you're a lucky man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnetteV Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hi Am really sorry to hear about your loss, I hope you have happy memories to think of. As others have said perhaps a visit to yr GP will be a good start. Enjoy your holiday, take in the sun and just take deep breathe. And perhaps tell your girlfriend you need some time to sort yourself out and it will be best to be friends nothing more for a while. She is not getting younger and no need for wasting time, life can be short enough as you sadly know too well. Be good to yourself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Oh dear you poor thing you have been through so much. Try not to think too much about the future at the moment as you have your holiday planned - see how you feel after that. Take one day at a time until your holiday then relook at things. I am wondering if you are going on holiday with your girlfriend? Doesn't sound like she is the one for you - well you already know that. If you have planned your holiday with her wouldn't it be best to finish before and go on your own. Good luck whatever you decide but remember (as you will be aware) there is only one life and it is yours and it is not a dress rehearsal - good luck x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spherian Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hi all. Thanks for the kind messages and posts. I am really looking forward to my holiday and those wondering I am 29 with no kids, my girlfriend is 23 so there is a small age gap... And yes i am taking her, one reaon is altough I met her in April last year just before my step faher passed, we really only see each other once a week or maybe twice at most which is why i think we have lasted. I think the holiday will be a great decider for me on our relationship.. I am not going to make any big decision yet! Holiday first then some changes in my life I reckon. Those who asked I am not that close to my auntie, my auntie was close to my mum! me and my brother are close however he has his own life and would support me what ever i chose to do!! Thanks for the messages Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatDane Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Sorry to hear about your loss. Don't worry about the age gap, most girls are far more mature than us guys :biggrin: She sounds like a keeper. Hope it all works out in your favour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I am so sorry about your losses, after such a hectic time it's no wonder that your mind and body is asking for a bit of care and attention - you've recognised that you're heading for depression. Medication, whilst helpful isn't always the answer - why not discuss with your GP if he can refer you to someone for CBT to help with how you feel, how to deal with it and increase your ability to deal with any negative thoughts? You might have unfinished business with Aus - but you need to be in a better place yourself before deciding - don't make any major decisions at the moment, number one priority is you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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