Metoo Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 They sound like a bunch of users. I would be telling the in-laws to move out, it sounds like they have far outstayed their welcome, as Fifi says, they are not your problem. You owe them nothing, certainly not your house which you have worked hard for. As others have said, get some some legal advice and don't sign anything. What they are trying to do is outrageous, don't stand for any of it. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest 47403 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 can't offer any wise words BF but keep your wits about you, don't be the one to come out of it with nothing! Do not sign anything over, let her/her parents buy you out but don't give up anything, one good thing about being in Oz is it seems to have strong laws in place to ensure fathers get good access to there kids should the marriage breakdown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gareth 666 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Don't really know what to add other than another voice from the 'do not sign your house over' camp. It's YOUR house that YOU'VE worked hard to build and pay for. So how come BIL (sounds like a right dick to me) can point blank refuse to have the out-laws stay with him but you have to put up with them for the 4th time?? Does he have wife and kids? If they've got the money to take over your house payments then why can't they afford and find a place of thier own? Seems to me that they are selfish and lazy, why bother looking for your own place when you can lever your son in law out. I'd seriously sit your OH down and ask if she likes your home coz if she does she needs to share it with you and the family she chose start with you, otherwise you'll sell it to allow yourself to have funds for a decent place to live and she can put up with a lesser sized accomodation that mummy and daddy wouldn't fit in anyway. Also show her this thread and see how she feels when virtual strangers have a better handle on how to live in a civilised manner than she seems to.. Best of luck, I think you're gonna need it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 What a situation!! Have they moved in for good or short term? Was your marriage on the rocks before they moved in? This is one of the reasons I wanted to return to the UK..amongst others...that having children in Australia could be a death trap! Trapped to staying in oz to be with your children...so so hard! I also agree, I would not be signing anything over to her...you will have worked hard to get what you have...does she actually want you to move out or said that in frustration? You both deserve equal shares in what you have worked towards if you do go separate ways...so hard when you still love her! Can you make it work? But by her parents emigrating, you must have seen she was not going to return to the UK as you had planned to do?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 As others have said it does seem odd that your wife's whole family have managed to move out to be with you so quickly. I fully agree with you that you should have seen all this coming a very long time ago. I feel for you and the spot you are in now but hope you don't mind a little 'devil's advocate'. Your own clear lack of commitment to the move contrasts radically with your wife. That lack of commitment must be making it harder for her too and this may be forcing her away from you and towards her family who are clearly supporting her position by coming over. She may feel too that you are poisoning your son against Australia because I suspect he is picking up on negative vibes within the house. Clearly the sooner your in-laws get their own place the better for all however they probably will never be inclined to do this while they feel their daughter needs their support. Nobody here can possibly know even 20% of the whole story from this blog but is it possible you can change your own attitude towards Australia, stop hankering to return to Wales and envisage a future in Australia together as a family. If not it seems that it can only end badly. You will not be permitted to return with your children so surely Wales cannot trump being able to be with the woman you still have feelings for and your children. Forget Wales and think of the future. If Wales is that fantastic why did you ever leave it, even temporarily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Just because a house is in one name does not mean a spouse is not entitled to his/her share if you were to divorce the house would be part of the property settlement. Days of man owning house and woman on the bread line are long gone and vice versa. So guess you just leave as is and sort it all out and what will be will be. Hard for you, hard for her, hard for her family. Moaning and groaning wears people down, whereas a smile and optimism makes people happier. We all do things for someone else in our lives its what life is about. When we moan about it and don't like it that is when the cracks appear. Another point if you have a mortgage over the property its doubtful the lender would agree to any changes on title. A whole new mortgage would have to be drawn up. I would be making an appointment with a family law lawyer, and getting correct advice, then you can make up your mind. Who knows maybe its not being in Australia that is the problem for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 As others have said it does seem odd that your wife's whole family have managed to move out to be with you so quickly. I fully agree with you that you should have seen all this coming a very long time ago. I feel for you and the spot you are in now but hope you don't mind a little 'devil's advocate'. Your own clear lack of commitment to the move contrasts radically with your wife. That lack of commitment must be making it harder for her too and this may be forcing her away from you and towards her family who are clearly supporting her position by coming over. She may feel too that you are poisoning your son against Australia because I suspect he is picking up on negative vibes within the house. Clearly the sooner your in-laws get their own place the better for all however they probably will never be inclined to do this while they feel their daughter needs their support. Nobody here can possibly know even 20% of the whole story from this blog but is it possible you can change your own attitude towards Australia, stop hankering to return to Wales and envisage a future in Australia together as a family. If not it seems that it can only end badly. You will not be permitted to return with your children so surely Wales cannot trump being able to be with the woman you still have feelings for and your children. Forget Wales and think of the future. If Wales is that fantastic why did you ever leave it, even temporarily. Thank you Gbye grey sky......I agree there are two sides to every story and I can only put a small percentage of it on here......I will admit I do need to have more of a positive outlook on living here ( by the way I think Australia is a beautiful country) .....but you ask if Wales is that fantastic why did we ever leave ?......this was agreed in the beginning by both of us before ever setting foot in Australia that we as a couple would not make this home forever it was always supposed to be an adventure in life....a break from Britain .....not a forever thing.....Wales will always be my home no matter where I choose to go in the world ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 It sounds like all other parties had already decided this was a one way trip. You have to wonder why the in laws spent so much money on a PCV if it was only a temporary thing. It sounds like they had no intention of returning to Wales. I also wonder why you had a house built if you did not intend to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Thank you Gbye grey sky......I agree there are two sides to every story and I can only put a small percentage of it on here......I will admit I do need to have more of a positive outlook on living here ( by the way I think Australia is a beautiful country) .....but you ask if Wales is that fantastic why did we ever leave ?......this was agreed in the beginning by both of us before ever setting foot in Australia that we as a couple would not make this home forever it was always supposed to be an adventure in life....a break from Britain .....not a forever thing.....Wales will always be my home no matter where I choose to go in the world ...... Sure, Wales will always be your spiritual home as England will be mine, even if I never return here to live. But in your situation now I think that you would be better off parking the thought that it will be your actual home (at least for the foreseeable future) and see if a positive mind-set about your new home that you have built together improves your relationship with your wife. It will take time I am sure. I truly hope that there is more chance than your original post might suggest and that you can turn this around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pob Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 This is the fourth time the outlaws have lived with you. What you didn't learn the first time? Or the second? Or the third? If the house is in your name and it has come to such a horrible place. It is time for them to leave. The kids can stay with you in the house, they will be well cared for won't they. The rest can go get their own house or go back to England. You are being used mate and made to feel lousy at that. If they want the house they can buy it from you. Tell them that as the owner of the house that you are putting it up for auction and they are more than welcome to bid on it if they want to stay. Tell the wife how lucky she will be to receive 50% of the house money after you have paid off the mortgage. Which is fair. It's your house do with it what you want. Oh and now is the time to open up your own bank account as well, stop getting your wage paid into the joint account and maybe take half the money out and put it in a plastic bag under the spare wheel of your car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I think it's all been said. It seems that there never was a chance of Australia being a temporary residence for your family and your situation really is one big balls up. Putting everything that's been said to one side, but dwelling on what is inferred by a couple of the latter posters: IMHO you have to make up your mind as to what is your priority..............moving back to Wales, without your kids, (that's the reality), or putting that idea on a very long hold and putting your relationship with your kids first. It can only be one or the other. All the other problems take 2nd place because they won't sort themselves, and you won't sort them either, until such time as you decide which is the better of the two options (for you). Negativity will likely be your millstone for some time to come, but you have to supress that negativity and attempt to "weather the storm". Your negativity is understandable, but, it will be felt by others who will eventually respond by withdrawing from you. Stop talking about a return to Wales, especially in front of your children, and attempt to show that you will "knuckle under" to what your wife wants.........................it may be unfair, and tbh, it could be detrimental to your health, but that is your only option if you want to remain with your kids................if committing yourself to that, is (understandably) too much, then you have to be resigned to leaving them if Wales is your option. Do not though, just bale out and sign your life away. Fight for what is rightly yours. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 This is the fourth time the outlaws have lived with you.What you didn't learn the first time? Or the second? Or the third? If the house is in your name and it has come to such a horrible place. It is time for them to leave. The kids can stay with you in the house, they will be well cared for won't they. The rest can go get their own house or go back to England. You are being used mate and made to feel lousy at that. If they want the house they can buy it from you. Tell them that as the owner of the house that you are putting it up for auction and they are more than welcome to bid on it if they want to stay. Tell the wife how lucky she will be to receive 50% of the house money after you have paid off the mortgage. Which is fair. It's your house do with it what you want. Oh and now is the time to open up your own bank account as well, stop getting your wage paid into the joint account and maybe take half the money out and put it in a plastic bag under the spare wheel of your car. I think this advice is a bit extreme. I've lost count of the number of families that rely heavily on the grandparents, either financially or for child-minding services. And we don't know how big the house is. You say "the kids will be cared for" but by whom? the OP works 4am til 4pm. His wife is studying for a nursing quali. Do you think things will improve by forcing her to stay at home? And the house is less than 2 years old, so I doubt that there's much equity in it. The hollow threat of an auction/eviction is likely to inflame the situation. As is opening another bank account. I think the OP has to decide with his wife where they want to be in 5 years time in terms of their relationship, not in terms of geography. The grandparents have clearly invested far too heavily to just go back, and yet they can't afford a place of their own. The only part of your advice that I agree with is that the repeated move-in/move-out is set to become a permanent feature. Their finances must be strained, otherwise they'd buy a house for themselves, invite the daughter to move in and that would be that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Do NOT move out if your home until you have had legal advice. You will end up a big loser if you do, paying rent and losing access to what is rightfully yours. Get legal advice ASAP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akiralx Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I think this advice is a bit extreme. I don't. She has given you an ultimatum - can I suggest giving her one: that she take steps to move her parents out in the next month or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I don't. She has given you an ultimatum - can I suggest giving her one: that she take steps to move her parents out in the next month or two. Or else what? It's all very well playing poker from your armchair when you've got nothing to lose, but the OP is going to have to live with the decision he makes. I'm all for getting all the options on the table, but you've really got to try to see what the long-term effects are likely to be. Threatening to evict your wifes' parents will gain you nothing. And it would be just a threat; obliging them to leave would be very difficult. No doubt you'd purport to filling bin bags and chucking them on the street, but again, you're in the lucky position of not having to actually do it. It's no good throwing them out the front door if your wife is letting them in the back. Whichever way you look at it, it's a terrible situation. Hopefully the OP can use some of the scenarios described to try and get his head round what he could do. Not an easy decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pob Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Or else what? It's all very well playing poker from your armchair when you've got nothing to lose, but the OP is going to have to live with the decision he makes. I'm all for getting all the options on the table, but you've really got to try to see what the long-term effects are likely to be. Threatening to evict your wifes' parents will gain you nothing. And it would be just a threat; obliging them to leave would be very difficult. No doubt you'd purport to filling bin bags and chucking them on the street, but again, you're in the lucky position of not having to actually do it. It's no good throwing them out the front door if your wife is letting them in the back. Whichever way you look at it, it's a terrible situation. Hopefully the OP can use some of the scenarios described to try and get his head round what he could do. Not an easy decision. Just throwing the parents out into the street would be a bad idea and will only add stress to the situation. But he shouldn't have let them back in after the first time. A mans place is by his wife and a wife's place is by her Husband not mummy and daddy. The Original poster needs to get back to how he was when he first married the woman and not how he is now. He has been taken for a ride by these people and they will stay on the merry go round till it stops spinning. The situation I can only guess is exaberated by having the parents in the house. They need to leave and find their own place so that the grown ups can have some space. If they have not got the money to move out maybe the parents should go back to England? The guy needs some space. Many people work odd hours I'm sure something can be worked out. Either by a part time nanny or the wife could help with child care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 Hi xenon, yes we are both from Wales in the uk, her parents have come out on a contributory parent visa, basically they sold up everything to pay for it as it was very expensive, they have now moved in with us to try and save up and start all over again.....I know there are two sides to every story and you only have my point of view....but they are really hard to live with....my brother in law also lives here just up the road and he has said point blank they can't live with him.....this by the way is the fourth time!!...they have lived with us!! I think I have done my bit ...... The in-laws must be a big problem in your life mate. Can't imagine having to live in that situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I think you need to lawyer up. You are entitled to at least half of the house value for start. Go to one of those lawyers where you only pay if you win the case. There is also the question of the kids- don't let her get away with not letting you have sufficient access. Oh- and boot the inlaws out ASAP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted December 2, 2013 Share Posted December 2, 2013 I think you need to lawyer up. You are entitled to at least half of the house value for start. Go to one of those lawyers where you only pay if you win the case. There is also the question of the kids- don't let her get away with not letting you have sufficient access. Oh- and boot the inlaws out ASAP. I believe that lawyers that 'are no win, no pay' do not apply to this area. There is no 'winning' the case in this situation, there is only equitably splitting money and and house etc, which may well be not equal. It will be expensive either way, lawyers always are. The OP definitely needs to get legal advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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