bug family Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 [YOUTUBE][/YOGggggggggjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 ......oh my goodness.......:hug:......I'm so sorry to hear this..... ......I can't help with anything visa wise...... .......but stay strong and I hope you get this sorted.......tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Oh dear, I really do not even know what to say to that. Marriage counselling? There is no visa "issue" here, you are permanent residents independently now, it doesn't matter that you were the main applicant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi all, haven't posted on here for a while......I will try to keep it short....basically my wife, little boy and me all moved out to Perth from north wales some 2 and half years ago, it was a long stressful and costly process, before we left we agreed as I am sure most people do that it wasn't a forever thing and that if one of us didn't like it after we had given it a good go we would move back.......during the last couple of years we have achieved a lot including building a new house and had a little girl out here in oz.but I have never settled and I miss the uk and Wales massively...especially at this time of year.....I don't really have a big family back in the uk...but I do miss the place...I hate the hot weather here and the boredom here....I work in a factory my day starts at 4am and ends around the same time and that's my life.....my wife has now moved her mum and dad and dog in with us, I didn't really get a choice and I don't get on with them (her dad tried to attack me last year).......she will always come down on her family's side over mine..... I feel very lonely out here she has all her family here and I have virtually none apart from my little boy and girl.....she has now basically given me an ultimatum that we will give it a few weeks and if it doesn't work out I have to leave, I have to sign the house which I have worked so hard for over to her (seems convenient that her mum and dad are looking to save for house here and have moved in at the same time as I am being asked to leave), she can't afford the house on her own so she says her dad will take over the payments! Also my kids are my world I have said if I leave I will bring my little boy back to the uk with me, he would have such a better quality of life back in Wales with me I truly believe that and he misses the place and finds here boring (how many five year olds do you know say that they are bored with their life ) .....but my wife won't allow it ....so basically I lose the house my kids the lot....because she loves it here and has her parents etc are here.....I should have spotted this ages ago....maybe I did but didn't want to admit it.....I have always been second place to her when it comes to her family....when my dad died a few years back her first reaction when she realised that we would have to rearrange our flights out to Australia for us and her brother due to the funeral....was that her brother couldn't fly all the way here on his own (he's in his thirtys!!) and that she would have to go with him and leave me to find my way out to Australia on my own at a later date......... I was devastated at losing my dad and here was the women that was supposed to love me telling me that she wasn't going to stand by me because her brother needed his hand holding on an aeroplane...it was only when I got a loan and paid for flights for all of us in place of the original flights that she agreed to stay....does anyone know how we stand if I do leave as we are on a state sponsored skilled visa, permanent residents .....I am the primary visa holder?.......anyhow there's lots more that I won't bore you with now....it's been good to get this off my chest.....I have no one else to talk to so thanks for listening ....I guess it takes being away from somewhere and looking at it from far away to realise what you left behind ....... Change jobs, get out and do something. If you're bored that can only be fixed by you, it isn't Perth's fault. What would you be doing in Wales that you can't do here for a start? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doubter Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi all, haven't posted on here for a while......I will try to keep it short....basically my wife, little boy and me all moved out to Perth from north wales some 2 and half years ago, it was a long stressful and costly process, before we left we agreed as I am sure most people do that it wasn't a forever thing and that if one of us didn't like it after we had given it a good go we would move back.......during the last couple of years we have achieved a lot including building a new house and had a little girl out here in oz.but I have never settled and I miss the uk and Wales massively...especially at this time of year.....I don't really have a big family back in the uk...but I do miss the place...I hate the hot weather here and the boredom here....I work in a factory my day starts at 4am and ends around the same time and that's my life.....my wife has now moved her mum and dad and dog in with us, I didn't really get a choice and I don't get on with them (her dad tried to attack me last year).......she will always come down on her family's side over mine..... I feel very lonely out here she has all her family here and I have virtually none apart from my little boy and girl.....she has now basically given me an ultimatum that we will give it a few weeks and if it doesn't work out I have to leave, I have to sign the house which I have worked so hard for over to her (seems convenient that her mum and dad are looking to save for house here and have moved in at the same time as I am being asked to leave), she can't afford the house on her own so she says her dad will take over the payments! Also my kids are my world I have said if I leave I will bring my little boy back to the uk with me, he would have such a better quality of life back in Wales with me I truly believe that and he misses the place and finds here boring (how many five year olds do you know say that they are bored with their life ) .....but my wife won't allow it ....so basically I lose the house my kids the lot....because she loves it here and has her parents etc are here.....I should have spotted this ages ago....maybe I did but didn't want to admit it.....I have always been second place to her when it comes to her family....when my dad died a few years back her first reaction when she realised that we would have to rearrange our flights out to Australia for us and her brother due to the funeral....was that her brother couldn't fly all the way here on his own (he's in his thirtys!!) and that she would have to go with him and leave me to find my way out to Australia on my own at a later date......... I was devastated at losing my dad and here was the women that was supposed to love me telling me that she wasn't going to stand by me because her brother needed his hand holding on an aeroplane...it was only when I got a loan and paid for flights for all of us in place of the original flights that she agreed to stay....does anyone know how we stand if I do leave as we are on a state sponsored skilled visa, permanent residents .....I am the primary visa holder?.......anyhow there's lots more that I won't bore you with now....it's been good to get this off my chest.....I have no one else to talk to so thanks for listening ....I guess it takes being away from somewhere and looking at it from far away to realise what you left behind ....... I feel for you mate but it seems you are unhappy with your personal life rather than Australia. I can understand your desire to return to Wales as it was my driving force to return, it can be a friendly close knit place to live with a good community but dont look at it with rose tinted glasses. Only you can make the decision and I guess you have 3 options. Stay where you are, move out and find somewhere in OZ near your kids or return to the UK. Not too sure about the visa issue but even though you are the primary the remainder of the family has PR rights but I am not sure what if you leaving will have on state sponsorship. Trying to take your kids back with you could open up a can of worms. Good luck with your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi, I don't quite understand a few details. Is your wife from the UK too? On what kind of visa did her parent get out here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 How dreadful. Best of luck with whatever you decide. If it were me I'd concentrate on getting out of my marriaage and making a life for myself close to my kids whilst consulting a solicitor asap re my rights to home and visitation. Sounds like you may have to play hardball..if your version is accurate then your wife wont be looking out for your best interests when its all over, just try and play fair for kids sake but dont get shafted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Personally i wouldn't be signing the hse over mate,i signed away about 50K of equity for 4K back in 2000,but that was simply because my ex had not long had a breakdown and i didnt want to put her thru a fight in court,your situation is totally different,agree with what Fiona said,protect your own rights,stick up for yerself,and try to keep things as amicable as you can for the kids sake. Thats if you both decide to split up obviously,but hopefully you'll sort things out between you,all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi, I don't quite understand a few details. Is your wife from the UK too? On what kind of visa did her parent get out here? Hi xenon, yes we are both from Wales in the uk, her parents have come out on a contributory parent visa, basically they sold up everything to pay for it as it was very expensive, they have now moved in with us to try and save up and start all over again.....I know there are two sides to every story and you only have my point of view....but they are really hard to live with....my brother in law also lives here just up the road and he has said point blank they can't live with him.....this by the way is the fourth time!!...they have lived with us!! I think I have done my bit ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 surprisingly and seriously, I will echo what pablo said. You are under strain, and you will (not may - you WILL) be making mistakes. So ensure you do not lose out, ensure that you have looked after your mind (get counselling, do it now) and get legal advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doubter Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I agree with the previous posts stand up for your rights and dont sign it over and walk away, seek legal advice if need be. If you are unhappy and want out of the marriage rather than sign the house over for her father to meet the payments which is your wife's idea suggest he buys you out and then you will sign. other than that its selling up and splitting down the middle but I assume you have financial obligations to the kids in OZ as you have in the UK. Is there an OZ equivalent to the CSA as if things get nasty she could hit you in the pocket unless you go back to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi BF!Wow you must be feeling very stressed atm right?Why is this all about your OH?So she gets the outlaws to move in with you,she gets to keep the house,kids and so on,so what do you get?If you can afford it,I would seek some legal advice about all this.Its easy for people to agree with the "Lets give it say 2 years and if it does'nt work for us,we'll move back"but........when the time comes,if one of you goes against that?Then what do you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Seek legal advice and quickly. She may have already done so, so I wouldn't dawdle if I was you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Don't be signing anything at all it may be in your best interests to put it on the market - you need to take legal advice as quickly as possible. You won't be able to take your children back to the UK unless your wife agrees. Your five year old is probably picking up on things - my son is 14 and was 7 when we moved and to be honest remembers very little about the UK - his fondness for it is really from our family chats about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I just want to echo what everyone else had said. You are unable to remove your children from Australia without your wives permission so if you go back to Wales you will do it alone. Get legal advice before you do anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi BF!Wow you must be feeling very stressed atm right?Why is this all about your OH?So she gets the outlaws to move in with you,she gets to keep the house,kids and so on,so what do you get?If you can afford it,I would seek some legal advice about all this.Its easy for people to agree with the "Lets give it say 2 years and if it does'nt work for us,we'll move back"but........when the time comes,if one of you goes against that?Then what do you do? Hi melza...............I consider myself a typical tough bloke can handle most things....but...yep this one is getting to me ....very stressed is round about right.......for what it's worth I did say to my wife some time back that lets do a deal, I would put up and shut up while she did her nursing training which is a good few years and then before my little boy is of high school age we would sell up and return ......but this seems to have been shelved now ....and to be honest as long as her parents and brother are here I can't ever see my wife leaving .....and I definitely do not see my sanity lasting for the next ten or twenty years here..... I will look at legal advice just to see......funny thing is I do still love my wife.......just not right at the moment.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi xenon, yes we are both from Wales in the uk, her parents have come out on a contributory parent visa, basically they sold up everything to pay for it as it was very expensive, they have now moved in with us to try and save up and start all over again.....I know there are two sides to every story and you only have my point of view....but they are really hard to live with....my brother in law also lives here just up the road and he has said point blank they can't live with him.....this by the way is the fourth time!!...they have lived with us!! I think I have done my bit ...... OK. So they're committed to Oz then. (I thought contributory parent visas took ages, but that's by the by). And I assume that the brother in law also obtained a visa somehow. It does seem that they're trying to set up a family nest partially at your expense. I think the chances of any of them going back to Wales is slim. How are they supporting themselves? Are the parents working, or living off savings? I do sympathise with your situation, but my sympathy won't lead to a solution. Hopefully, by getting most of the facts on the table, some possible avenues might reveal themselves. It's early days, but you have to consider all your options and make a plan accordingly. As depressing as it sounds, you have to think about whether you want to live with your spouse long-term or not. That's not an easy thing to think about, and certainly not to commit to on a Sunday Evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy1 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 You too will need a house for your kids...even if its just to visit...............so do not hand over your share of your house. Best of luck and hope things work out in some way for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug family Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 Thank you all for your interest and advice .....it helps....it really does ....thank you .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi melza...............I consider myself a typical tough bloke can handle most things....but...yep this one is getting to me ....very stressed is round about right.......for what it's worth I did say to my wife some time back that lets do a deal, I would put up and shut up while she did her nursing training which is a good few years and then before my little boy is of high school age we would sell up and return ......but this seems to have been shelved now ....and to be honest as long as her parents and brother are here I can't ever see my wife leaving .....and I definitely do not see my sanity lasting for the next ten or twenty years here..... I will look at legal advice just to see......funny thing is I do still love my wife.......just not right at the moment.... BF how would you feel about your wife and staying in Oz,if her family did'nt live with/near you?Any different?When her parents buy their own place,are they going to be near you?I like my outlaws but I would'nt like them living with us,or just "down the road".I think if it were me,I would discuss with my OH my own feelings about the way your lives are atm.If she does'nt care about your feelings,then there's not alot you can do about that tbh.But if she does?You might be able to work through this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Jeez Bug, there isn't anything I can add, other than to send you my best wishes :hug: One bit of advice, DO NOT sign over the house, I know we don't know both sides of the story, but you both have a responsibility to the children, and if the worst happens you need to live and be able to provide for them whilst in your care. Get legal advice asap. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Sounding harsh but I def wouldn't be handing over the house. as for her parents...well I would be telling them to sling their hook. Not your problem that they have used their savings to get here. I mean what was discussed before they went ahead the visa re what they would do and where they would live? you say you still love your wife so there may be hope, but there again a wife that won't stand up for and put her husband first maybe isn't worth the fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 :hug: Blimey! What a rock and a hard place situation! Counselling is always a good first option - get the parents out ASAP as part of any compromise! if you are beyond counselling then get yourself a good legal Rottweiler! On the plus side, Aus courts are likely to give you better custody arrangements but on the down side you won't be able to take your kids out of Australia so if you want your kids you will have to suck it up and live in Perth for the next 15-18 yrs. good luck, it sounds like a right nightmare! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I don't know if it's the same in Aus as here, but I don't think I'd even agree to moving out of the house until you've taken legal advice. I've heard of cases where one partner leaving the house means they have fewer rights than those who are still resident. What a horrible situation for you to be in - it sounds like you've got her whole family to contend with, not just your marriage and children. :sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazsmith Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi Bug, is good sometimes just to get it off your chest, it can be hard when it feels your not just contending with your wife but her whole family too and can really lead you to feel bitter. i can imagine you feel you just have to roll with all the decisions leaving you isolated, which manifests into thinking it's just not right for you! Hang in there buddy it may just all come good! Work constructively with the in laws and move them on when they have the deposit they need! Maybe suggest a break for your wife and kids to get away together with you and try to work it out! remember why you wanted a new life here and although you love wales there must of been a sparkle that brought you here to get a better life! I had a childhood if holidays in north wales and each one was an adventure, I loved and hanging round the black cat in towyn and it still brings back fond memories. However I'm now in Perth and no matter how good those memories are they will never pull me back! Like you I have had a daughter here and I can only want her to grow up here in Australia knowing that she will have such a better life. Start yourself up with an interest and give yourself a new lease if life, don't get down trodden, as you stated! New country! New home! Just adjust the lifestyle mate and rekindle the love you not only had with coming here but also with your wife and family! Show them all the big guy you are can play ball with the best and come out the winner! Where would any of them be if you hadn't took the huge step to get here! Your the winner mate, the family is riding on the coat tales!! if your ever down mandurah way send me a message and we can have a beer! gaz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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