Just feel really fed-up

[debbk]

Hi, I'm new to Poms in Oz, so sorry to join with a sad face, but I have only been here since January, (Secret Harbour, WA) and I feel so incredibly low. I struggle to find anything to do and feel so lonely. I have met some lovely people, but it just doesn't feel right, whatever 'right' is anymore!! Before coming here, I sold my house, gave up my job and now just regret it completely and just don't know how on earth I will get back.

Do any of you feel 'trapped' here too?

x

[cartertucker]

:hug:

There are many people thinking of moving back to the Uk, some do it & some wait a while before making any BIG decisions....Im in the latter group

 

It is very hard at first, I know ~ It helps to talk to others I found

[Guest Guest31881]

Hi,

 

Sorry about how you feel, but you are not alone, there are others who feel the same. have you looked at our sister site for Perth and WA, you may find others on there who perhaps would like a meet up and a chat and a cuppa. I know it does not solve problems but meeting others may help you deal with everything.

 

http://www.perthpoms.com/

 

best wishes and what ever you decide I hope it works out for you...

[cartertucker]

^^ Agree ~ I think its really good to talk, especially to those that feel the same

 

I was advised to stay off the mbttuk section, but I couldnt, I just felt I needed to feel I wasnt the only one feeling the way I did :wink: If you keep reading posts about 'love life here' 'loving living in australia'....You worry about why you dont feel this way too?

 

I must say, it really helped hearing from others (thanks for some of the PMs I recieved) I still have days where I long to go 'home'....But I also have days where I dont!

 

The main thing is, we are staying here for another 3 years & in that time, we plan to enjoy all that Australia has to offer, exploring WA & venturing over to the East Coast :cool:

[debbk]

Thanks for your replies, its nice to know that others have felt or feel the same

[ali]

There are quite a few members who post on Perth Poms down your way who i'm sure would be happy to meet up with you. It's a bit of a whirlwind when you arrive. Have you looked at other suburbs? I know we always said that if we didn't like where we landed we'd look at other suburbs. Migrating can leav you feeling rather vulnerable and isolated.

[RockDr]

Given there's an entire threadful of unhappy perth poms wanting to meet up, I'd say you're definitely not alone. http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/socialising-get-togethers/147786-unhappy-perth-poms-fancy-meeting-up.html

 

Migrating is a very difficult business, and affects everyone differently. Some people are unhappy at first and then get happier, others the reverse, some decide to stay, others decide to go back. Either way, you're definitely not the first to feel like this :hug:

[Soozan]

Definitely! We've been here 6 months, had to sell our house back home and as each day passes I hate being here more and more. If one more person tells me it tends to take around 2 years to get used to it I won't be responsible for my actions. Hubby wants to stay for another year and a half but the thought of it makes me ill. When you're as low as I am how on earth can I last another year and a half! I know exactly how you feel and don't know what to do about it.

 

Big hugs to you. x

[debbk]

Thanks Soozan, what a shame youre not local to me, we could drown our sorrows together! Yes I too keep getting told to wait 2 years, but the thought alone fills me with total despair. All I know is that the life I had in England was so much better than the one I have right now.

 

Hugs to you too xx

[emmaroo]

If one more person tells me it tends to take around 2 years to get used to it I won't be responsible for my actions.

 

 

:laugh: I know exactly what you mean!

 

Deb, you are not alone. It's hard for people to understand that are here and happy. I wish I could have been one of these people but I am not. I am heading home in August and I can't wait. Like the previous poster said many often have thias idea that you HAVE to give it 2 years but I am sorry 2 years of feeling lonely, isolated and unhappy is not good for you! I really hope that you can find some happiness here until such times until you can return home.

 

Take care

Emma:hug:

[liverpoolloo]

Hi, I'm new to Poms in Oz, so sorry to join with a sad face, but I have only been here since January, (Secret Harbour, WA) and I feel so incredibly low. I struggle to find anything to do and feel so lonely. I have met some lovely people, but it just doesn't feel right, whatever 'right' is anymore!! Before coming here, I sold my house, gave up my job and now just regret it completely and just don't know how on earth I will get back.

Do any of you feel 'trapped' here too?

x

 

Hi, i am heading your way around september time and will gladly catch up for a coffee, i will more than likely end up getting homesick as it's norm to do so, we can have a chat about oz and the uk and get it off our chests. I can remind you about freezing winters, high fuel bills, petrol costing as much as your food bill, no work and high grocery bills.... They say to give it at least 2yrs which i think is about right, it took me 2yrs to settle from moving south to the north in this country. Hope things buck up for you.

[Playghirl]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Very big hugs to you. :biggrin:

[Quoll]

:hug: There is nothing magical about the 2 years other than that you do tend to become desensitized to what is in your face every day.

 

It is much easier to get along if you know you have an end date and can work towards that either by actively organizing your return, having a bucket list to work through of things to do/see in Australia, having a flight home booked etc. Add to that a calendar and a big red pen and bob's almost your uncle.

 

There do seem to be more pingpongers who havent given it the requisite 2 years but sometimes if there is something that can be salvaged by a quicker return (kids education, returning to prior workplace etc) then a quicker return is the best option.

 

In the scheme of things anyone can manage 2 years, that's only 104 weeks 730 days (give or take) and we could all do that if we knuckled under - it's the fear that then the goal posts will have changed: the OH will love it so much they wont go, the kids will be settled, the insecurity of finances will be a threat etc ... that's when the troubles really start.

 

Good luck!

[debbk]

Thanks Emma x

[Guest ShellBee]

It's so normal to feel like this when you get here sometimes it goes sometimes it stays. You are the only one who can judge how you feel. If your unhappy more than half of the time then you need to do something about it. Either check out new places or go home. Life is too short to be unhappy & you don't want to spend 2 or 3 years trapped trust me!

In the meantime meet up with others who are in the same boat, it will help!

[flag of convenience]

I think a person knows sooner than later if it is right for them or not. After that comes acceptance which is something else....if not continued dislike.

[ghost]

I think your at the toughest point debs, I'm sure it will get better !

 

I wanted to go home after 4 months, but I started to like it more as time went on. The rest of the family still didn't settle, so we are going home.

 

Just keep your mind open and keep trying!

 

Stay positive !

[Conniebygaslight]

Debs I know how you feel....I felt like that too after a couple of weeks and posted about it on another forum, I had a reply from a lady who told me to gohome as I would never be happy....I thought she was completely over the top, going home seemed crazy!

 

We ended up returning to UK after only 8 months, to the cold, bleak economy, high petrol prices...blah blah blah.....and we LOVE IT, for us the UK has more to offer than Oz ever can, My Ozzie husband completely agrees. We have no family in the UK so it wasn't about missing friends & family (all family are in Oz) we just missed England...it staggers me that people find that so hard to believe. Nearly 2 years back now and still very happy.

 

Everyone is different, so people love Oz and some don't.....god luck to you...being somewhere you are desperately unhappy is absolutely dreadful and to honest people saying 'don't come back to the UK because it's grey etc' really have no idea.

[Conniebygaslight]

Hi, i am heading your way around september time and will gladly catch up for a coffee, i will more than likely end up getting homesick as it's norm to do so, we can have a chat about oz and the uk and get it off our chests. I can remind you about freezing winters, high fuel bills, petrol costing as much as your food bill, no work and high grocery bills.... They say to give it at least 2yrs which i think is about right, it took me 2yrs to settle from moving south to the north in this country. Hope things buck up for you.

 

Moving from North to South is completely different to moving to the otherside of the world! When you are feeling so dreadfully homesick the fact that petrol is cheaper in Oz and the sun shines is of little comfort.....as for grocery bills....you may be in for a rude awakening! Giving things 2 years is just something that people say...everyone is different some love it after a week some still hate it after 10 years.

[Sunshine111]

Debs I know how you feel....I felt like that too after a couple of weeks and posted about it on another forum, I had a reply from a lady who told me to gohome as I would never be happy....I thought she was completely over the top, going home seemed crazy!

 

We ended up returning to UK after only 8 months, to the cold, bleak economy, high petrol prices...blah blah blah.....and we LOVE IT, for us the UK has more to offer than Oz ever can, My Ozzie husband completely agrees. We have no family in the UK so it wasn't about missing friends & family (all family are in Oz) we just missed England...it staggers me that people find that so hard to believe. Nearly 2 years back now and still very happy.

 

Everyone is different, so people love Oz and some don't.....god luck to you...being somewhere you are desperately unhappy is absolutely dreadful and to honest people saying 'don't come back to the UK because it's grey etc' really have no idea.

 

completely agree. Being somewhere you are desperately unhappy just generates a detachment for whats is going on around you & life in general. I know in those last few months before we returned, seemed like the world was going on around us, people going about their business & we just didnt feel part of it. If we had of stayed I am sure I would have had to have seeked help!

 

Since being back in the UK, all those feelings have gone & actually feel like we are living our lives rather than watching!

[Perthbum]

Honestly give it time, if you come back to the same place you left you will just be miserable in a few months, always a different location. IMO

[Jordconcal]

Hi, I'm new to Poms in Oz, so sorry to join with a sad face, but I have only been here since January, (Secret Harbour, WA) and I feel so incredibly low. I struggle to find anything to do and feel so lonely. I have met some lovely people, but it just doesn't feel right, whatever 'right' is anymore!! Before coming here, I sold my house, gave up my job and now just regret it completely and just don't know how on earth I will get back.

Do any of you feel 'trapped' here too?

x

 

I think you have to think of the reasons you moved to Oz in the first place and people are right when they say give it time, nothing happens overnight you have to work at every thing in life. You could try coming back to the UK for a holiday, it might make you see the reasons you wanted to leave. If you do decide to come back then treat it like an extended holiday then maybe you will at least enjoy the rest of your time there.

A good few years ago I went to America to live got really homesick and came back after 6 months, I regretted it after just a couple of months. I'm hoping to move to Oz later this year and I think now I am more prepared for it,

[Conniebygaslight]

Honestly give it time, if you come back to the same place you left you will just be miserable in a few months, always a different location. IMO

 

 

Not necessarily PB..we came back to the same village to get the kids back into the same school..(we figured they'd had enough upheaval), completely started from scratch and incredibly happy. I think it depends why you leave the UK in the first place....if you do it because you are unhappy with your life in the UK you may not settle back in the same place, if you leave for an adventure or job opportunity or other reasons and you still like the life you leave then I would imagine moving back is easier. We moved to Oz to be near family not for any other reason...

 

IMO there is no easy answer its horses for courses. x

[MARYROSE02]

Living in Sydney I just assumed, that being the most populous city and state it would also be the most 'popular' destination for Brits, but it turns out that WA/Perth is both the most popular and the most UNpopular!?!?

 

I don't know what the answer it is? It takes time to settle anywhere new, time to start to feel that the local news and issues and sport is important and not just trivial, alien banaliities. It's odd for me as I ADORE watching UKTV and both Sky UK and BBC World News, listening to The Archers on the BBC web site, reading all the UK papers on line, and watching every EPL game I can too, especially all Spurs matches. BUT I am equally at home watching the Aussie news, reading the Aussie papers, listening to Aussie radio - and most important of all - going where I'm going now - Aussie pubs and beer.

 

What else can I say? Try to get out there and meet some Aussies? Join some evening classes, sporting clubs, volunteer, follow an AFL team, go to a cafe or pub and talk to the staff, become a 'regular.' I'm not the most outgoing person myself. And got another appointment with my therapist tomorrow to discuss my 'successes' & 'failures.'

 

That's one other thing I recommend unhappy people to consider: depression so go and see your GP, tell him/her and see what he/she thinks.

[Sunshine111]

Living in Sydney I just assumed, that being the most populous city and state it would also be the most 'popular' destination for Brits, but it turns out that WA/Perth is both the most popular and the most UNpopular!?!?

 

I don't know what the answer it is? It takes time to settle anywhere new, time to start to feel that the local news and issues and sport is important and not just trivial, alien banaliities. It's odd for me as I ADORE watching UKTV and both Sky UK and BBC World News, listening to The Archers on the BBC web site, reading all the UK papers on line, and watching every EPL game I can too, especially all Spurs matches. BUT I am equally at home watching the Aussie news, reading the Aussie papers, listening to Aussie radio - and most important of all - going where I'm going now - Aussie pubs and beer.

 

What else can I say? Try to get out there and meet some Aussies? Join some evening classes, sporting clubs, volunteer, follow an AFL team, go to a cafe or pub and talk to the staff, become a 'regular.' I'm not the most outgoing person myself. And got another appointment with my therapist tomorrow to discuss my 'successes' & 'failures.'

 

That's one other thing I recommend unhappy people to consider: depression so go and see your GP, tell him/her and see what he/she thinks.

 

maryrose, I have lived & travelled around Oz & Nz over 10 yr period so have lots of comparisions. Lurved Sydney as a 20 something backpacker, in someways probably we should have gone back there but instead lived in Nz & then moved to Perth as had friends from uk moving there & although enjoyed nz didnt want to be there long term & actually missed some of our country folk & fellow brits so choose perth because of the higher concentration of brits!

 

interestingly, we never did surround ourself with fellow brits but local perth-ites (if that is the right word) & lived an hour from those friends I mentioned so literally started out on our own.

 

Perth is a very far removed place, not just in locality but in attitudes. Hard to explain unless you have lived somewhere else & until you have lived there. I found it quite refreshing at first but after while it got quite frustrating!