Just feel really fed-up

[MARYROSE02]

maryrose, I have lived & travelled around Oz & Nz over 10 yr period so have lots of comparisions. Lurved Sydney as a 20 something backpacker, in someways probably we should have gone back there but instead lived in Nz & then moved to Perth as had friends from uk moving there & although enjoyed nz didnt want to be there long term & actually missed some of our country folk & fellow brits so choose perth because of the higher concentration of brits!

 

interestingly, we never did surround ourself with fellow brits but local perth-ites (if that is the right word) & lived an hour from those friends I mentioned so literally started out on our own.

 

Perth is a very far removed place, not just in locality but in attitudes. Hard to explain unless you have lived somewhere else & until you have lived there. I found it quite refreshing at first but after while it got quite frustrating!

 

Perth, or rather Fremantle, if you want to be pedantic was where I first set foot in OZ. I loved Perth from the moment I saw it and the only reason I left was I could not get a job and I thought I'd better see Sydney before I went home.

 

The isolation part of Perth which people go on about is meaningless to me. When I lived in England, in The New Forest, I spent most of my time within about fifteen miles of my village. In Sydney I do much the same thing, spending most of my time within a few kilometres of where I live in the inner city.

 

It's 600 miles to Melbourne from Sydney and 800 to Brisbane and 2,600 to Perth. So what? What do people in Perth need from the rest of Australia? Are their hospitals, theatres, shops, etc. somehow lacking?

 

As a matter of fact I would no longer want to live in Perth but that's only because I like Sydney too much. I know from my own experiences that I COULD live anywhere if I had to.

[jamjar]

You havent even given it a chance - I dont understand this at all. I could understand if you had given it some time but your feet have hardly hit the ground. You complain about having nothing to do but what have your tried?

 

Do you have job? Have your started looking?

Do you have kids?

Have you tried volenteering?

 

Make an effort at least - you owe to yourself.

[debbk]

Thank you so much for your honesty!! It means a lot

[menlow4]

I live in Mandurah and have been here 7 years. Planned to go home but 'things changed' and we are staying. It is a very long story but I know exactly how you feel. If you ever want to chat then just message me. x

[Guest yorkshirepud]

Hi, I am in Secret Harbour too. We've been here 2 1/2 years. When we first arrived it was just a real shock and we did feel trapped, having spent all that time getting visas and all that money, selling our house etc. There's a huge amount of pressure on you to enjoy it and tell everyone how wonderful it is! We've made friends and we go camping and we do the beach and, oh yeah, that's pretty much it for WA haha. I've had days where I've been on the internet, looking at houses in the uk and looking at booking flights, then i've had days when i'm in our pool with the kids, its scortching hot and I think, oh yeah, this is perfect. I have some really nice friends but what gets me is how guilty you feel for saying you want to go back. Some people look at you as if you are mad! My friends laugh at me now as I will be the one in tears at the end of the night thinking of my family and friends back home. But we are still here, still trying to make it work. There's many pluses but I still feel something is missing. My husband wants to try over east before thinking about going back, I am not sure I can go through all that again! Am just trying to focus on getting citizenship!

[Harpodom]

I felt exactly the same around the 6 month mark. For me there was no easy return as the wife (Aussie) had done 7 years in the UK and as far as she was concerned this was permanent move. I became increasingly down as I felt trapped: if I stayed, I'd be unhappy 'forever'; if I went home it would mean potentially tearing the family apart, which I had no intention of doing. It felt like a catch 22.

 

In the end it took a change of mindset for me and a slight shift in thinking for the mrs. For me, the mindset changed from being here 'forever' to being here 'now' and overnight a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Nothing needs to be forever. If you can manage to enjoy the here and now and not worry too much about where you'll be in 5 or 10 years time, then you can relax and 'commit' a bit more. All of a sudden 'doors' open, if you know what I mean.

[Quoll]

I felt exactly the same around the 6 month mark. For me there was no easy return as the wife (Aussie) had done 7 years in the UK and as far as she was concerned this was permanent move. I became increasingly down as I felt trapped: if I stayed, I'd be unhappy 'forever'; if I went home it would mean potentially tearing the family apart, which I had no intention of doing. It felt like a catch 22.

 

In the end it took a change of mindset for me and a slight shift in thinking for the mrs. For me, the mindset changed from being here 'forever' to being here 'now' and overnight a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Nothing needs to be forever. If you can manage to enjoy the here and now and not worry too much about where you'll be in 5 or 10 years time, then you can relax and 'commit' a bit more. All of a sudden 'doors' open, if you know what I mean.

 

Yup, it's the "forever" that brings the iron bars down. Even I could cope with the "now" and the prospect of escape if I needed it. And look what happened to us - the forever changed its mind (thank heavens) and I am really enjoying the "now" I have back home

[Guest karen561]

Hi hun hope ur ok, but sounds as if ur realy fed up.

I am in the same boat as u. We emigrated ere last nov, and it feels like i have been ere 4 ever.

I just want 2 go bac ome 2 morrow, but we cant aford it. The hubby said we can go ome this nov, we are just organising the container eg nwo.

But beleive me i have nearly had a break down, i been on pills 2 try sort mi head owt.

Luckly we didnt sell our house, woz up 4 sale but never sold thank god, so we rented it owt. I just want 2 get bac in ther.

It is so lonley ere, not like england , i had plenty of friends, my son is struggling 2, he gt friends but they dont seem 2 want 2 do anything. He is bored stiff, and wants 2 get bac 2 his friends. Just wish we could go 2moz.

But we got 2 wait. Luckly i got a job 3 dats a week in an after school club, and i love it , so it is passing time. Plus we gt friends comin in July so that will pass more time.

People say give it another year but, if ur not happy life is 2 short just go bac home, i know my heart is not ere. So i just goin 2 enjoy the time ere while i can. I live just up the road fm u in rockingham so if u want my mobile number can give it 2 u and u we can meet up, and keep each other sane.

Well hope ur ok talk soon x

[Bob1]

I read a research article some time ago about emigrating which said that between 3months and 6 months it is common for new emigrants to feel depressed - when you first arrive it is all new and different and you feel like you are holiday. At 3 months you suddenly realise it's not a holiday any more but it is at a time when you haven't had time to feel part of a community or become familiar with things like shops/TV progs/sports teams and made close friends. Also if you have moved from owning a house to rented accommodation you don't feel like you belong - you can't go and paint a wall, add plants to the garden etc. This is probably where the 'give it two years' advice comes from - certainly tell your self that you are in the natural, well documented depression stage and you'll come out of that soon. I have spoken to many people who have said they went through this - and I know I did. I had three moves to different countries in 4 years - the first was the hardest as I didn't know how to put myself out there and make friends. By the time I came to Oz I knew I had to say yes to every invitation, even if I really didn't want to go - as it might lead to something else. Keep saying yes for a few months. Also if someone said 'you must come for coffee some time" say 'I am free on Tuesday" - pin them down.

So what you are feeling is perfectly natural, hang in there and it will get better. I have to say getting out of Secret Harbour might be a good move too - come nearer the city if you can into more of an established community.

[Guest Fredwanteddownunder]

Hey,

I came out here 2.5 years ago and the feeling never goes away you just learn to live with it!! I am how ever going home in about six weeks, god knows how I will feel but just know its something I need to do!! you are right the social structure is different you just need to get out and about do things with the family you have here, it can make a relationship stronger or weaker!! Just be true to yourself and do what makes you happy money doesnt matter if your miserable sod the cost at least you can say you tried but it didnt work out!!! In life we have choices for a reason so choose whats right for you and not other people even if this means you partner!!

 

Good luck ;-) x