Lady bird Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Apologies in advance for the long post but I think it’s important to give some background info to my current dilemma. I moved from the UK to Australia just over 3 years ago with my partner of 12 years. I moved back to the UK about 8 months ago primarily because my dad was terminally ill and partly because my relationship was breaking down. My partner and I subsequently separated and my dad sadly passed away 2 months ago. I was always unsure whether the move back to the UK would be permanent as I enjoyed life in Oz and my work agreed to keep my job open for me until May this year in case I return to Oz. So I’m now facing the huge dilemma as to what to do and need to decide within the next couple of months. I don’t regret separating from my partner it was 100% the right thing to do however I don’t have any children and I’m not ‘young’ anymore (I’ll be 41 this year) so I’m also feeling the pressure of making the right decision as to where to build a new life for myself as a mature single person. I really struggled when I first came back to the UK but I think a lot of that was coming to terms with my dad’s terminal illness, my relationship break up and also the fact that I was living and working in city about an hours drive away from my family where I didn’t know anyone. I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable here again now though. At the moment I’m taking some time out and staying with family whilst I attempt to make a decision as to what to do next. I don’t have a huge support network in either the UK or Oz. In the UK I have my mum and step dad and a few extended family members. I have a couple of close friends in London where I lived for 18 years prior to moving to OZ. I can’t afford to live in London as a single person on NHS wages though so if I do stay in the UK it will be close to family in the North Midlands. My best friends lives in Portugal so I don’t see her too often but it’s obviously a lot easier and cheaper to see her from the UK than from OZ. In Australia I have a few friends but as I was there for less than 3 years and also because my partner and I spent most of our time together I wouldn’t say I have any really close friends there but definitely there’s scope to build on those existing friendships. I guess in either country though I’m kind of starting again as a single person friendship wise. I guess my pros for moving back to Australia are: · I prefer the weather overall (sunshine and blue skies in Brisbane most of the year). · I have a really good well paid job in the health service which I enjoy and I get on with my colleagues. In the UK there is possibly more variety in terms of the jobs in my field however the pay is significantly lower and I’m approximately £25000 a year worse off salary wise in the UK. · My standard of living/quality of life in terms of housing and areas I could afford to live in is higher in Oz. · I prefer Brisbane as a city to the region in the UK where I would be living and working. · I prefer the lifestyle in Brisbane overall. · Also I worked so hard to get the visa (PR) and that job that I have in Oz so not returning would potentially leave me with lots of what ifs. My pros for staying the UK are: · My mum and step dad. Neither of them want me to go back to Oz and I’m aware that even though they’re in good health they’re not getting any younger (mid 70’s) so that could change quite quickly. They have lots of supportive friends but immediate family wise I’m all they’ve got and losing my dad has made my acutely aware that they won’t be here forever and that I should cherish the time I do have left with them. · Closer to my close friends and best friend so I can see them for weekends and also holiday with them. · The illness that my dad had is genetic so I could potentially develop serious health problems within the next 5-10 years. Though I’m ok at the moment and don’t know whether I carry the gene or not. · I have a cat (who has already travelled to Oz and back with me once), rehoming him is not an option and I’d feel so guilty putting him through that again-not to mention the expense! · The disruption expense and upheaval of moving back to Oz · I did miss things like seasons, history, pubs, sense of belonging etc when I was away and I’m only just starting to feel more settled again here now. I’m just so torn at the moment my sensible head says stay in the UK and build a new life for myself here closer to family, that sunshine and a big salary and lifestyle is not as important as loved ones. My heart says that I should just go for it and return to Oz but I’m terrified of getting back there and feeling alone and thinking ‘what have I done?’. Returning as mature single person will be very difficult to going there as part of a couple or a family with that ready-made support, I’m well aware. I know that it’s my decision and no one can advise me of what to do but I’d be interested on hearing other people’s thoughts on what they would do in position? And whether anyone thinks it sounds completely mad and reckless to be contemplating returning to Oz with my circumstances? As most people on this section of the forum will have had experience of living in both countries/moving back/ping ponging I’d really appreciate your words of wisdom! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) How important is it for you to "settle down" or are you in "life is an adventure" mode? Our rule of thumb was to go where you had the best opportunity at the time. If your job in Australia is more enjoyable, more profitable and offers better career prospects then go for it. Spend a few more years in Australia then you'll be eligible for citizenship and can come and go at will. The issue of isolation is certainly one to be wary of and you will need to be sure of your capacity to cope with that should the going get tough at any point - much harder when you're on your own for sure but only you know how self reliant you are. Could you do a belt and braces thing and take a career break from your current position or is that a bit cheeky? I usually do the coin toss - the response to the result "phew" or "best of 3" will probably tell you what you really want to do. Remember that nothing is forever. I should have said - I'm sorry to hear about your dad, perhaps hang off making your decision until the last minute - they do reckon that life changing decisions shouldn't be made in early bereavement. Edited January 23, 2019 by Quoll 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I can't give you any words of wisdom but I am very sorry to hear about your Dad. The last few months have been very difficult for you so I can understand how difficult it must be for you to decide what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 My gut feeling is that your future is in the UK but that, having a job to go to, you’d be mad not to return to Australia for a few years to get your citizenship. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady bird Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Thanks for your replies so far. Quoll, if you'd asked me this time last year I would have said that I'm in 'life is an adventure' mode. I'm not a homebody by nature, I moved away from home to uni when I was 18 and then to London and never looked back. I've always been very independent and self reliant and never felt the need to have lots of people around me or to see my family very often. I was focused on enjoying myself, living an interesting life and travelling as much as possible. But this past 6 months I've felt an increasing need to feel more 'settled' I think it's due to the combination of losing my dad and finding myself single again at this age and turning 40, that's all brought with it the realisation that I'm getting older and that my family won't be here forever. I guess it's left me feeling vulnerable which is new to me. So whether I stay in the UK or move back to Oz one of my main focuses would be on establishing a strong support network (as awful as this sounds-before my mum and step dad pass away), buying a property and potentially starting a new relationship down the line. Given my age I really want to start establishing this now rather than ping ponging so whichever country I choose it would be with the intention of staying there long term and building my life there. If I was 5 or 10 years younger I might be more inclined to go back to Oz just for a few more years and see how it goes but due to my circumstances if I do move back now it would be with a view to it being permanent-this obviously brings with it more pressure to make the right decision! I completely agree that it's a bad time for me to be making life changing decisions but my work have already granted me 12 months unpaid leave and can't extend this so I need to return by May at the latest. Obviously I have more of a support network to build on in the UK if that's my priority .....but I prefer living in Australia overall...though I do have a few good friends in Oz and some lovely colleagues and my ex-partner is still there and I'm still on friendly terms with him and could potentially rely on him and my friends in a crisis. Toots-many thanks for your condolences-yes it really has been a rubbish few months! Marisa I'm interested about your gut feeling that my future is in the UK, is there anything in particular that leads you to feel that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I know this is a tad macabre but is there any chance you could get a genetic test done to see what sort of imperative you might have for a strong support network in the next decade or so? I could quite understand if you didnt want to know because that would be awfully depressing but having the sword of Damocles over your head might be equally so. Having spent over 3 decades in Aus, I would not be hoping to get a strong support network there tbh. I found that I had plenty of "friends" who didn't stand the test of time and by the time I left there were only a handful and few of them would be the "call at 3am" kind. I don't know if it is the place I lived (although my sister in law lives elsewhere and says the same thing) or the time of my life but nothing stuck especially not when things got tough. I know that I was the support network for one of my (long term expat) friends and since I have left she has barely made contact with me but she would have unhesitatingly called me at 3am. In fact, most of the friends I had were all long term expats like myself and one positively saintly woman who is uber special but has since moved on herself. It certainly is tough for you and I dont envy you but my pragmatic self says - go back and get citizenship then decide what to do. Once you have that, you have both belt and braces on and can move at will - who knows, maybe you will get your "life is an adventure" mojo back and maybe any new relationship will adventure along with you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 2 hours ago, Lady bird said: [Edit].... Obviously I have more of a support network to build on in the UK if that's my priority .....but I prefer living in Australia overall...though I do have a few good friends in Oz and some lovely colleagues and my ex-partner is still there and I'm still on friendly terms with him and could potentially rely on him and my friends in a crisis. ^^^^^ This! Go with your heart. Everything else will be much easier to organise, work for, and achieve if you are where you want to be and feel happiest. Good luck. T x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) 4 hours ago, Lady bird said: Marisa I'm interested about your gut feeling that my future is in the UK, is there anything in particular that leads you to feel that? No reason, just something about the way you'd written your post gave me that sense. I do think it's your dad's death that's making you feel the need to settle down. 40 is not old. I was over 30 when I first migrated to Australia. My marriage broke up there. At 40 I met someone and we were together 10 years but we probably should've broken up after 5! I met my second husband when I was 51. Trust me, there is more time than you think for adventure at 40, don't don the cardigan and slippers just yet. It may not be everyone's experience, but one of the things I found hard about living in England (we tried to move back there three years ago) is that most women my age were very conscious of their "maturity" and their "need to behave sensibly", whereas here in Melbourne, women over 60 are intent on growing old disgracefully. Edited January 24, 2019 by Marisawright 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I would be returning to Aus and securing citizenship. You say you prefer the Aus lifestyle,, the area and the quality of living, you prefer the weather and have a good job here, so why settle for less. Going off the amount of posts over the last month or so from people returning or looking to get RRV's you are not the only thinking of a return. Lots of luck with whatever you decide. Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 5 hours ago, Lady bird said: Thanks for your replies so far. Quoll, if you'd asked me this time last year I would have said that I'm in 'life is an adventure' mode. I'm not a homebody by nature, I moved away from home to uni when I was 18 and then to London and never looked back. I've always been very independent and self reliant and never felt the need to have lots of people around me or to see my family very often. I was focused on enjoying myself, living an interesting life and travelling as much as possible. But this past 6 months I've felt an increasing need to feel more 'settled' I think it's due to the combination of losing my dad and finding myself single again at this age and turning 40, that's all brought with it the realisation that I'm getting older and that my family won't be here forever. I guess it's left me feeling vulnerable which is new to me. So whether I stay in the UK or move back to Oz one of my main focuses would be on establishing a strong support network (as awful as this sounds-before my mum and step dad pass away), buying a property and potentially starting a new relationship down the line. Given my age I really want to start establishing this now rather than ping ponging so whichever country I choose it would be with the intention of staying there long term and building my life there. If I was 5 or 10 years younger I might be more inclined to go back to Oz just for a few more years and see how it goes but due to my circumstances if I do move back now it would be with a view to it being permanent-this obviously brings with it more pressure to make the right decision! I completely agree that it's a bad time for me to be making life changing decisions but my work have already granted me 12 months unpaid leave and can't extend this so I need to return by May at the latest. Obviously I have more of a support network to build on in the UK if that's my priority .....but I prefer living in Australia overall...though I do have a few good friends in Oz and some lovely colleagues and my ex-partner is still there and I'm still on friendly terms with him and could potentially rely on him and my friends in a crisis. Toots-many thanks for your condolences-yes it really has been a rubbish few months! Marisa I'm interested about your gut feeling that my future is in the UK, is there anything in particular that leads you to feel that? Sorry to hear about your dad (sending hugs). I think from your post, if you don't return Aus will always be unfinished business. Unlike Marissa, I read your post and my feeling was that it swung more towards Aus as several times you said it was your preference. I agree, I would at least get Citizenship so that you always have options open to you (sorry can't remember if you have or not). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) So sorry to hear about your Dad. It’s a sad time for you. My pennies worth is, as others say, return to Australia to get citizenship, and then reassess. Honestly 40 isn’t old. My husband totally changed careers aged 40.. We went to live in Brunei aged 50 and then moved to Australia aged 60 as we were both up for new adventures and wanted to experience living here for a few years as we weren’t ready to retire to UK. 15 years later we Never left!!! I appreciate it must depend on where you live, but having moved to the Sunshine Coast ‘ cold’ actually it’s 16 years ago in a couple of weeks and with no family or friends here, we have made such good friends, both Australians and other expats, we certainly don’t lack support, and know we can call on them day or night. We live in a small crescent, don’t live in our neighbours Pockets, but again know we support each other when needed. So. you have plenty of time to make good supportive friends wherever you decide to live. Good luck with your decision, and wish you happiness wherever you live. Edited January 24, 2019 by ramot 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady bird Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Thanks for your replies everyone. Quoll-Not macabre at all it’s something that anyone in my position needs to seriously think about……pre-symptomatic genetic testing is available for the condition that runs in my family and whether to go for the test or not is something that I have agonised over and discussed with various health professionals and other family members in the same position. However as there’s no cure or effective treatment at the moment I’ve decided that I don’t want to, it would be like having a black cloud hanging over me if I did test positive for the gene. Living with the uncertainty as you say is not great either but it’s the option I’m sticking with at the moment. If a cure or effective treatment was identified (which is a significant possibility within the next 5-6 years) then I would most likely get tested. Testing positive would also have implications in terms of securing a mortgage and health insurance etc. Finding it more difficult to establish a support network in Australia than the UK is something I’ve read on this forum many times and something that I do worry about. My group of friends and colleagues in Oz is a mix of UK expats and Australians and to be honest I haven’t found them any less friendly (not just superficially so), supportive or difficult to connect with than the people I know in the UK. Though obviously you’ve got more experience of this than I have and as you say it’s whether those relationships stand the test of time…. Tea4too-Thanks for the good luck wishes! it seems like the consensus is with you, that I should follow my heart and prioritise my immediate happiness at this stage of my life and at least go back to get citizenship….. Marisa and Ramot-Your replies made me smile. I probably am overthinking the age thing, reading my post back you’d think I’m 80 not 40! I know 40 isn’t old and there’s hopefully lots of time for fun and adventure still. Marisa I do agree that my recent losses, particularly losing my dad, has triggered this fear of being alone and needing to settle down, a frame of mind that’s most likely temporary as it’s not like me to feel this way generally, so I shouldn’t let that dictate my decision. Cal-I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment about ‘settling’. Staying in the UK seems like the easier, more practical and sensible option and I’m sure I could be content here but I worry that I will feel like I’m ‘settling’ for less if I do stay as it’s not where I imagined ending up at this stage in my life. Ali-Thanks for your condolences. I don’t have citizenship yet just PR. I agree that if I don’t return to Oz it might always feel like unfinished business, and then I might struggle to settle properly in the UK due to the what if’s. Thanks again everyone your replies have given me lots to think about and brought about a bit more clarity! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home and Happy Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I think the U.K. is an amazing place. We wouldn’t ever dream of going away back out there again. There’s nothing there for us, there never was. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, Home and Happy said: I think the U.K. is an amazing place. We wouldn’t ever dream of going away back out there again. There’s nothing there for us, there never was. Most posters have been understanding of the OP’s situation and have tried to help the OP with sensible help, Also most of us possibly also have a realistic view of where we live. Nowhere is perfect, or suits everyone. Edited January 25, 2019 by ramot 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grizzly111 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) How about this as a suggestion: 1. Move back to Brisbane. Hook up with your old job and start earning the some good $AU. 2. Apply for your citizenship - this will take over a year to complete (Im still waiting for mine - lots of delays at present). 3. By this time you can really assess if Australia is better than the UK according to your needs. The $AU you earned could go towards purchasing in a superior location back in the UK. By this time the exchange rate may have improved also with Brexit etc? Not sure on this though. Not sure on what your finances are like but if they are solid then ask yourself would you rather be well-off in the UK or Australia? How far will $1 go in the UK vs AU? I know of one health professional looking to cash out in Australia and take around $1.5mill cash (at your age) excluding super with him to the UK. The reasons you list for remaining in the UK are mostly emotional. That's fine. But returning to Australia would enable you to re-assess, earn and establish the important citizenship. These are logical, non-subjective reasons to my mind. Remember this though: in order to grow you need to put roots down. At 40 you still have time to do the above. Make it happen and good luck! Edited January 26, 2019 by grizzly111 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumbeat Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 14 hours ago, Home and Happy said: I think the U.K. is an amazing place. We wouldn’t ever dream of going away back out there again. There’s nothing there for us, there never was. So why bother commenting? You repeat the same old one-sided view time and time again. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady bird Posted January 26, 2019 Author Share Posted January 26, 2019 Thanks for your reply grizzly. Returning to Oz for a couple of years to reassess and get citizenship is definitely an option and probably the one I'm leaning towards most at the moment....as my salary is so much higher over there I'd be in a better financial position if I did come back to the UK after 2 years, even factoring in the cost of the move both ways and a few months off work, than if I just stayed here...and I would have my citizenship too. Financially I'm in a good position now but even with healthy savings for a big deposit I'd struggle at the moment to buy a property I'm happy with in an area I like in the UK close to family on NHS wages. If money was no object and I could afford to live where I wanted and take lots of holidays every year to get my sun fix then I'd probably choose the UK in the longer term to be honest....but given my practical and financial situation my day to day life in Brisbane would be more comfortable and enjoyable...and the thought of not living there again makes me sad after all the hard work I put into moving over and building a life for myself there. If I do move back to Oz it will break my heart to leave my mum though we've grown very close over these past 6 months, she's been my rock through all of this and I know she'll be devastated if I go back which makes me feel so guilty after all the support she's given me...so it's still a tough decision to make!...having said that I could afford to come back at least once a year and she and my step dad are financially in a position to visit me too or meet for a holiday halfway so I could make it work. Thanks again for all your replies everyone it's been really helpful to hear your thoughts and I do feel like I'm getting closer to making a decision! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grizzly111 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Not a problem Lady Bird. I have to agree with you there - I would also pick the UK over Australia if money was no object. Much like many of the rich & famous - have a property in a top area of the England and have a holiday home/bolthole or two someplace warm & beachy! The simple fact of the matter is that there is so much more diversity, culture etc to take advantage of in the UK especially with its ease of access to Europe. If you have the $$$$ of course. Australia is still a very young country and life I find is very concentrated around the major cities especially on the East coast. One of the issues I've found in Aus is how pricey things are and how people seem to get away with it so easily without adding value & service to the transaction. Hong Kong & Japan are way ahead in this regard. UK someplace in between in my opinion. Property (excluding units) in Brisbane is looking attractive to purchase at present however it remains to be seen whether the downturn in Syd + Melb plus tighter bank lending will impact signifcantly in Brisbane. Renting a unit should be easy as there is an oversupply at present. When work is involved, Australia (especially for general health professionals) appears to be easier. Higher average wages are a major factor. Whatever your decision I am sure it will be the best. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I'd definitely go back and work for a couple of years or so and then review the situation. Make stacks of dosh , enjoy your life and then maybe buy a big warm coat and return to the cold country! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain_Tor Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Caring for a loved one with terminal illness is awful especially whilst also dealing with the breakdown of your relationship as well. You sound to have the weight of so much on your shoulders, maybe it's time to put yourself first. Can you take a bit of time before having to make a final decision? From what you have written, my first thought is that you seem more passionate about your life in Oz. When you have listed the pros & cons, the pros for Australia are heavily related to lifestyle, career fulfilment and future opportunities. Where as the pros for UK are all based around being here to support family and a sense of duty. When in times of upset and uncertainty it's human nature to look for the familiar, so that's perhaps why you feel drawn to the UK but this could just be temporary after all you have been through. I think the best way to look at it is that no decision is forever (unless you want it to be) and that the door is open to either country if you want it so whichever you choose, if it doesn't work out there will always be the other. You sound to have built a life for yourself in Australia with a good job, friends and financial security. Even if you are returning as newly single and it might seem daunting, it could also be exciting, meeting new people, growing friendships and seeing your life there in a whole new light. Personally if it was me I would have to give Oz another chance, see what lies ahead. As much as your family in the UK would like you to stay, you also have to consider what it is you want from your life. Worst case scenario, moving back to Oz will hopefully give you the clarity you need, rather than staying in the UK and always wondering what if. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady bird Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Thanks for your reply and your condolences Captain Tor. It certainly has been a challenging few months. I’m lucky in that I do have a bit of breathing space, (off work and staying with family) before I make a final decision but I think the decision is more or less made to be honest. As you say there would be too many ‘what if’s’ if I don’t at least go back to Australia in the short term, I think I’d feel like I’m settling in the UK for a lifestyle which isn’t exactly want I want at this stage in my life. I wouldn’t say staying in the UK would be entirely about family and a sense of duty, I love the UK, it’s a spectacular beautiful country, my emotional connection to here is stronger than my connection to OZ and there are definitely aspects of the UK that I miss when I'm away.....however in terms of the reality of my day to day life as a full-time health professional, my lifestyle in Australia is more comfortable and enjoyable and offers me better work opportunities at the moment. Also there’s so much more of Oz that I still want to see and explore and with citizenship so close it would feel like a waste not to go back at least for a couple of years, see more of the country, then reassess. Hearing everyone’s thoughts on this forum has been so helpful as it’s really helped me to get some perspective on the situation. So with my decision more or less made I’m feeling excited and not too daunted-I’ve got far less to sort out on arrival in Oz than when I moved over the first time thankfully. Not looking forward to arranging everything this end though…..shipping (fingers crossed I can get away with a large move cube), pet shipping, short term accommodation, flights, car hire etc etc-can’t believe I’m doing all this again! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BacktoDemocracy Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 (edited) Lady bird I get a feeling you really like Brisbane and I don’t blame you, who wouldn't, been back 5 years and although family and work make up for some things we still miss Brisbane, the climate and the sense of freedom. Without wanting to throw a spoiler in, I do think you have to factor in the effects of age on employability, one of the reasons for us leaving was my wife had a good job at 50 but got squeezed out by a Chairman who it transpired wanted a younger bloke in, even tho she was highly successful, and then when she looked for equivalent jobs there were none and then we realised how important it was to be safely nestled into a job by age 45/9 and then to stick in that job come hell or high water That is creeping in here but there seems to be more of a staff shortage here which mitigates it.,, This family thing is a real difficulty, I've now officially joined the oldies but I really don't expect my son to form his life around us, it's nice that he does do do things occasionally with us but he has his life to make and he has 40 years to get thro before he's at my stage of life and he has to maximise his opportunities now, because they wont come along again and I expect him to do that, whatever it is , so maybe you could assuage your feelings of guilt with that as a thought Edited February 2, 2019 by BacktoDemocracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady bird Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Thanks for your reply BacktoDemocracy, I do really like Brisbane, it’s a fantastic city with a relaxed and vibrant feel to it and lots of character IMO. I definitely miss the weather too! I do find the heat, humidity and storms in Jan/Feb a bit oppressive but aside from that it’s near perfect weather (for me) for the rest of the year. Sorry to hear that your wife had such a bad experience at work-hopefully things worked out ok for her in the end work wise though? Getting older and employability is something to be mindful of definitely, it’s not something I’m overly concerned about in the specific field of healthcare that I work in as there have always been unfilled vacancies for experienced staff (both in the UK and Oz) since I started working (over 16 years ago) and I can’t anticipate that changing any time soon in either country. Securing more senior roles like the one that I’m in at the moment would be more challenging if I move around too much though, but I hope to have made a firmer decision as to where to live long term within the next 2-3 years so I can start to put down more permanent roots (work and life) before age becomes a factor. Re the family thing, I’m lucky that my mum and step dad are both fit and healthy and very active (they’ve got far more friends and a more active social life in their 70’s than I’ve ever had!). So the guilt at the moment is about how much I know they’ll miss me rather than concern about how they would cope practically without me. They definitely don’t expect me to arrange my life around them and understand why I want to go back to Oz but my mum worries about me I guess, so this is another reason she would prefer me to stay here. She’s much more of a home bird than I am and the thought of living on the other side of the world on her own away from family and close friends would be her idea of a nightmare. So I suppose that she struggles to imagine that I could be content in that situation and worries about me feeling isolated……Ageing parents is probably the toughest issue facing most people who emigrate to Oz I imagine…there will obviously come a point in the future when they do need me to be around to support them and when that happens as an only child I will have to move back, either temporarily as I did with my dad or more permanently. Not just due to guilt or duty but because I want to be there for them when they need me.….I may well have moved back well before that becomes an issue anyway if they keep on going strong as they are currently.…but at the moment I’m trying to get away from stressing so much about that and my age-hopefully time is still on my side for now! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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