Aggi Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 (edited) After losing my husband 2 years ago im thinking of moving back to Melbourne after 20 years in UK. I have family in oz but elderly parents in UK who are both healthy don' know what to do. I visit Melbourne often and gave dreamt about moving back. We came back to UK as my husband' mother was ill. Dilemma Edited February 7, 2018 by snifter Title Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 You’ve been gone a long time. Tbh I think if you really want to go and are in a position to, then why not. Plenty of people move either way after a long time in another country as they have a longing to go. If you are financially in a position to make it happen and know what may be ahead and want to go, give it a whirl. If you wanted or needed to return to the UK at some point for a period of time, you hopefully can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 I agree with Snifter - life is for living and if you can do it - then go for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Go back, it's a short life and no time for regrets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggi Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Thanks everyone for your advice x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 If you can afford it, why not? Assume you’re a citizen so you can come and go at will. With luck you’ve got siblings who can step up to help your parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggi Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Yes I'm a citizen but no siblings in the UK which is making it difficult and I'm 61 now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 I think what you're saying is, you want to go back to Melbourne but you feel guilty leaving the parents alone in the UK? All the rest of your brothers and sisters are in Australia, and you're the unlucky one that happened to go back to the UK, and now you feel stuck. Will your parents be devastated if you leave, or are you just worried because there will be no one to look after them if they get sick? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggi Posted February 8, 2018 Author Share Posted February 8, 2018 My dad is happy for me to go but my mum has just been diagnosed with dementia although healthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Sorry to hear about your husband Aggi. I'm with the others. If you have the means, good prospects and are a citizen why not. However, it does make the decision harder with an ailing mum (sorry to hear about that also). I think you should chat things through properly with your dad, does he have other support as well? Will your mum stay with him? Wish you all the best, it's not an easy decision to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 My dad is happy for me to go but my mum has just been diagnosed with dementia although healthy That was our situation in a nutshell! If you can persuade them to go into supported accommodation then you can leave them knowing they’ll be cared for but if, like mine, they want their own home - could go on for years. Mum died after 5 and a bit years and she had dementia with mobility limitations, dads had heart attack and strokes and still bopping along 6+ years later.Would I stay for them again? Sure I would but some days I would head back to Aus in a heartbeat (and if you knew me you’d be flabbergasted!) - they can go on for a long time is what I’m saying so it’s up to you - and your siblings- what support you give them. No reason why you should give more than anyone else IMHO. If I were giving myself advice I would say “do what suits you!” But taking my own advice would be too hard for me, even my stone heart couldn’t do it.Good luck with your decision but don’t let yourself do it all if your siblings do bugger all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggi Posted February 8, 2018 Author Share Posted February 8, 2018 I only have a brother and he lives in oz I have no children. So I feel I'm up shit creek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 7 hours ago, Aggi said: I only have a brother and he lives in oz I have no children. So I feel I'm up shit creek Not necessarily. Try and steer them to supported living - tell them you have to go and you want to know they’ll be safe so you’ll help them find a place before you head off. Have a word with your brother, you never know, he might be prepared to move back. I hope they’re not as stubborn as my olds! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggi Posted February 9, 2018 Author Share Posted February 9, 2018 My bother would never move back he has been in Australia for 30 years married and 2 kids he's happy and settled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 5 hours ago, Aggi said: My bother would never move back he has been in Australia for 30 years married and 2 kids he's happy and settled. Oh dear, hugs to you! Why should his settledness with kids be any more important than where you want to spend your life? You are entitled to be where you want to be, he doesn’t have the monopoly on that. He could, just as easily relocate if your parents needed the support. You could tell him it’s his responsibility to share their support. I always b8tch about being an only child (it sucks!) but then I hear of families where siblings don’t pull together and think maybe it’s not too bad being a lonely only. Dont let yourself get trapped, it’s the pits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 What Quoll said. I'd talk to your Dad and see about some form of housing or help for them in their own home as they begin to need it should you go back to Australia. Check out the options before you leave though as some companies can be a bit hit and miss in their services and care. If he is happy you go and you can hopefully still visit them on holiday (if thats going to be tricky, I'd still go for it and save for a cheap flight every now and again) then go for it. He has given you his blessing to make the move. Take some comfort from that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 On 08/02/2018 at 06:34, Aggi said: Yes I'm a citizen but no siblings in the UK which is making it difficult and I'm 61 now Think about coming back here very carefully at 61. The New Coalition laws ,state if you become ill,and are deemed to be a burden on the Australian Health Service your Australian citizenship will be cancelled and you will be deported back to your country of origin. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 12 minutes ago, Zack said: The New Coalition laws ,state if you become ill,and are deemed to be a burden on the Australian Health Service your Australian citizenship will be cancelled and you will be deported back to your country of origin. Exactly which laws??? Australian citizenship can be revoked by the Minister for Immigration only if you are convicted of a serious criminal offence or there was fraud involved in the process of you obtaining citizenship. It has nothing to do with your health status. Stop misleading people. https://www.homeaffairs.gov.au/Citizenship/Pages/Losing-your-citizenship.aspx 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumbeat Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 21 minutes ago, Zack said: Think about coming back here very carefully at 61. The New Coalition laws ,state if you become ill,and are deemed to be a burden on the Australian Health Service your Australian citizenship will be cancelled and you will be deported back to your country of origin. What a load of drivel (as usual) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 38 minutes ago, Drumbeat said: What a load of drivel (as usual) I don't where Zack gets this information. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 40 minutes ago, Skani said: Stop misleading people. Don't spoil his fun. "Misleading" is all that he seems to live for. When he was in the UK he misled folk about the state of the UK, now he's back here, he does the same misleading that he did before he went to the UK. What's the betting that once back in the UK, there'll be more misleading Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 3 minutes ago, Toots said: I don't where Zack gets this information. He conjures up all sorts of scenarios and "facts" to justify his miserable state of mind, be it here, or in the UK. Blames his unhappiness on his location no matter where he is. I've yet to see one "upbeat" post from him no matter where he's living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobj Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 5 minutes ago, Johndoe said: He conjures up all sorts of scenarios and "facts" to justify his miserable state of mind, be it here, or in the UK. Blames his unhappiness on his location no matter where he is. I've yet to see one "upbeat" post from him no matter where he's living. I doubt if he would ever blame himself for all or any wrongdoings in his world. You know the saying about blaming ones tools. Cheers, Bobj. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumbeat Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 2 hours ago, Johndoe said: He conjures up all sorts of scenarios and "facts" to justify his miserable state of mind, be it here, or in the UK. Blames his unhappiness on his location no matter where he is. I've yet to see one "upbeat" post from him no matter where he's living. He also claims to have lived in NZ and hated that too? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulya Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I believe he spent time in heaven but said it was an experience best forgotten 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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