I'm so stressed... to go back, right or wrong decision?

[bristolman]

Back to the bullying again....

 

Haha, yet you LIKED the post I was responding to which by your weird measure was bullying surely ?

[bristolman]

I was ready to buy a house and move. I'm horribly disappointed. Who would have guessed you were talking nonsense?

 

About what ? I usually leave that up to you

[docboat]

I have spent the last few years avoiding Pomsinoz and feeling much the better for it. But I dropped back in this afternoon and found your post, @Rainman, worrying. You will, of course, make up your own mind, and it seems you have. When a mind has been made up, you generally find that arguments to the contrary are seen as a challenge, to be fought back as somehow being incorrect, misguided or just not appropriate for your circumstances. We all do it.

 

I was 16 when my parents took me "back home". It was nearly 4 decades before I returned home. In between I had a fantastic life, almost none of it spent in the UK, a place I avoid like the plague. They had very good reasons, and I appreciate the fact that their reasons were very valid. I learned to live with their decision, and finished school, and university, to leave at the very first serious opportunity. (Germany for a decade, as the first stop)

 

Now, my reasons for being unhappy in the UK are entirely irrelevant. It is a beautiful country, there is/was family there, and you do get used to the weather, even if the lifestyle has to be changed completely. I was a surf lifesaver, and that does not work well in the North Sea. I loved my tennis, and while you can certainly play (Andy Murray - yay!) the opportunities in Australia are certainly way better. Golf may be at home in Scotland, but the courses in Perth are far better. My friends gradually lost contact with me - I made new friends, but you know, I never was able to have long term friends, good friends, meaningful friends, because I was never certain if I was going to be around for much longer. You tend to learn to make - and lose - friends very easily. It is a good social skill, but do you want your children to develop that skill? Mind you, at 19 that is another matter altogether, and she will be out of your home in a flash and off to live her own life before you can blink.

 

What concerned me about your initial post, and it may be completely wrong, and your family may well be 100% behind your decision, but it seemed that the whole move was about you. For which you are now prepared to pay the price of long commutes, staying away during the week in undesirable digs, forcing penury upon yourself ... because you feel it is the right move ... for you. It is really none of my business, or anyone else for that matter. But it disturbs me.

[bencrom81]

golf courses in perth better than Scotland.. St Andrews, Royal Troon, Carnoustie, Turnberry, Muirfield, Gullane, Loch Lomond, Prestwick, Gleneagles. Probably the finest cluster of golfing acreage on the planet. This disturbs me.

 

no idea what 'opportunities' lie in Germany that aren't in the UK. Maybe youre comparing Berlin with Scarborough here. Im in Manchester and the city is buzzing.

 

I am still bemused by the anti UK stances of British people on here generally. I think ultimately peoples reasoning revolves around the need to be in permanent sunshine. when that doesn't occur in Australia anyway.

[VERYSTORMY]

I wonder if the reasons for cheap housing will become more obvious once your Glaswegian honeymoon period draws to a close?

 

I don't think so, as haven experienced living in the South East, I would never ever consider living there again. I have lived in a number of other parts of the UK. I was born in Middlesbrough, lived in York with the army, moved to Leicester for university and stayed for a many years, then Windsor, now back north near Glasgow. The only one I wouldn't return to is Windsor. Nice enough place, but too noisy - Heathrow and a total rip off for housing.

 

I can only think of 2 occupations that force people to live there; The Queen and Politicians and as the vast majority are never going to be either, I don't get the reason for doing so. From my experience, the pay for living in the SE just doesn't make up for the extra costs.

 

No where is perfect, but, there are a million better options than the SE. Our little village isn't perfect. It is very pretty and the residents a nice mix - our neighbors vary between countryside workers such as shepherds to professionals that work in Glasgow such as my next door neighbor who is a doctor.

 

As I have said, the housing isn't "cheap", its just not a rip off. In 99% of the UK you can get a very nice house in a very nice area with good schools and things for a tiny fration o what people pay in the SE. Our village is a little cheaper than some because of a few issues. 1, it is tiny and has no amenities other than the village hall, though that does a lot for our little community such as monthly movie showings (great event where you book a table, take your owns beer and wine and snacks), 2. We have a primary school but there is no senior school for a long way and no buses. 3. No public transport. 4. The village is infamous for snow and gets more than Glencoe (a ski resort) but speaking to neighbours, they have only had 2 days in the last 5 years when the roads were not passable as the farmers are mainy dairy farmers and so keep the roads open. But, snow doesn't suit everyone, though it does us.

[bristolman]

golf courses in perth better than Scotland.. St Andrews, Royal Troon, Carnoustie, Turnberry, Muirfield, Gullane, Loch Lomond, Prestwick, Gleneagles. Probably the finest cluster of golfing acreage on the planet. This disturbs me.

 

no idea what 'opportunities' lie in Germany that aren't in the UK. Maybe youre comparing Berlin with Scarborough here. Im in Manchester and the city is buzzing.

 

I am still bemused by the anti UK stances of British people on here generally. I think ultimately peoples reasoning revolves around the need to be in permanent sunshine. when that doesn't occur in Australia anyway.

 

It does my head in to be honest, it shouldn't I know but at times I am just left scratching my head wondering where it is they are talking about. I am accused of being anti Australian and overly positive about the UK but there are a couple who are absolutely the exact opposite but it is never questioned. One in particular if I said I paid the equivalent of $5 for something you can be guaranteed they paid $4.99 just yesterday.

Don't get me wrong I go totally OTT about this country but that is mostly because I feel so passionately about it. My bother scanning through Google to try and disprove something that is my opinion ? It makes no sense.

[ali]

Let's just remember that this thread isn't in CTF - let's try not to get personal

[bencrom81]

It does my head in to be honest, it shouldn't I know but at times I am just left scratching my head wondering where it is they are talking about. I am accused of being anti Australian and overly positive about the UK but there are a couple who are absolutely the exact opposite but it is never questioned. One in particular if I said I paid the equivalent of $5 for something you can be guaranteed they paid $4.99 just yesterday.

Don't get me wrong I go totally OTT about this country but that is mostly because I feel so passionately about it. My bother scanning through Google to try and disprove something that is my opinion ? It makes no sense.

 

if everyone spouted generic middle of the road politically correct answers on here, there would be no website. opinions are the things that drive it and its clear people prefer one place or the other. the clue is in the website title.

from my brief 7 yr experience, I believe people return to the UK to fill a void that can only be filled by a feeling of belonging, family, old friends and the individual beauty of the UK and the adjacency of Europe.

Some people are willing to sacrifice these things for sunshine and beaches which is their prerogative. That's fine. Then I suspect there are a number who are anchored to Australia without their desire and are now trying to fill the void by pretending their life in the southern hemisphere is better.

When really, Im not entirely sure that's the case. Im glad I experienced the place and returned. But that's just me. There just isn't sufficient there to sacrifice the isolation.

[Rainman]

I have spent the last few years avoiding Pomsinoz and feeling much the better for it. But I dropped back in this afternoon and found your post, @Rainman, worrying. You will, of course, make up your own mind, and it seems you have. When a mind has been made up, you generally find that arguments to the contrary are seen as a challenge, to be fought back as somehow being incorrect, misguided or just not appropriate for your circumstances. We all do it.

 

I was 16 when my parents took me "back home". It was nearly 4 decades before I returned home. In between I had a fantastic life, almost none of it spent in the UK, a place I avoid like the plague. They had very good reasons, and I appreciate the fact that their reasons were very valid. I learned to live with their decision, and finished school, and university, to leave at the very first serious opportunity. (Germany for a decade, as the first stop)

 

Now, my reasons for being unhappy in the UK are entirely irrelevant. It is a beautiful country, there is/was family there, and you do get used to the weather, even if the lifestyle has to be changed completely. I was a surf lifesaver, and that does not work well in the North Sea. I loved my tennis, and while you can certainly play (Andy Murray - yay!) the opportunities in Australia are certainly way better. Golf may be at home in Scotland, but the courses in Perth are far better. My friends gradually lost contact with me - I made new friends, but you know, I never was able to have long term friends, good friends, meaningful friends, because I was never certain if I was going to be around for much longer. You tend to learn to make - and lose - friends very easily. It is a good social skill, but do you want your children to develop that skill? Mind you, at 19 that is another matter altogether, and she will be out of your home in a flash and off to live her own life before you can blink.

 

What concerned me about your initial post, and it may be completely wrong, and your family may well be 100% behind your decision, but it seemed that the whole move was about you. For which you are now prepared to pay the price of long commutes, staying away during the week in undesirable digs, forcing penury upon yourself ... because you feel it is the right move ... for you. It is really none of my business, or anyone else for that matter. But it disturbs me.

 

Gosh, I feel honoured that you have decided to break your silence to comment on my plight. Though any comment I make will support what you put in your opening paragraph. I can't win but then you knew I had to answer anyway...

 

You’re right of course, it is 100% about me. Only I know how I really feel about living in a country that I have no emotional connection to and how much I want to go ‘home’. But as a Parent who lived in Britain until I was 35 with children who have grown up in New Zealand and Australia but not the land of their birth I think it’s only natural that I would like them to experience life in the UK and spend time with their British family for a while. And to experience the diversity of Europe, which is I suspect how your Parents felt and the fact you spent so much time in Germany maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Were you stationed there?

In the same way my wife, a New Zealander, wanted them to experience life in her country as they grew up. Then it was a 100% about her and what she wanted. Ultimately nothing is the right or wrong decision, it’s just what suited us at the time and what was the ‘right’ thing to do according to whoever gets to make the final decision.

Regardless of how my children will feel years down the line, if they want to return at least they may be able to make an informed decision of where they really want to be and not have the turmoil going on in their heads that their Parents had because at the time it was 100% about the children and what we believed was best for them.

[BacktoDemocracy]

I realise your cheersquad immediately liked your post but believe me if it came down to be glass half full or glass totally empty like you there really is no choice.

So now the good house has gone up to 500k, wow it was 400k yesterday. No wonder no one takes you seriously lol

Honestly I'm starting to wonder whether you actually read what I post or whether the red mist of rage , dislike and prejudice obscures what I've written, I said you need a cushion of 500k to have a good life back here with no worries assuming you are going to buy outright, I said quite specifically what our house cost and the costs of living here are.

Is it just a matter that an alternative un-blinkered view of the UK is so upsetting, it's not the best country in the world by a long way, but it does offer some opportunities like training and going freelance that other countries don't make easy and the natives do speak english, but it has a bloody great class divide, very high property prices and is very overcrowded with poor infrastucture and the highest public transport costs in W Europe, it's not Shangrila but offers some things Australia doesn't and you have to balance those things out.

Edited October 7, 2016 by BacktoDemocracy

[VERYSTORMY]

Honestly I'm starting to wonder whether you actually read what I post or whether the red mist of rage , dislike and prejudice obscures what I've written, I said you need a cushion of 500k to have a good life back here with no worries assuming you are going to buy outright, I said quite specifically what our house cost and the costs of living here are.

Is it just a matter that an alternative un-blinkered view of the UK is so upsetting, it's not the best country in the world by a long way, but it does offer some opportunities like training and going freelance that other countries don't make easy and the natives do speak english, but it has a bloody great class divide, very high property prices and is very overcrowded with poor infrastucture and the highest public transport costs in W Europe, it's not Shangrila but offers some things Australia doesn't and you have to balance those things out.

 

I don't know your area, but £500k sound a heck of a lot of money to me. I live in a fairly middle class fairly sought after village and you could buy half my road for that sort of cash. I know that it doesn't get a lot in the SE, but in normal parts of the UK you wouldn't need a fraction of that and not just up here in the North. A house bought outright would be about £200k for something pretty decent. A lot less for many, and only a tad more for something VERY good in most of the UK

[bristolman]

Honestly I'm starting to wonder whether you actually read what I post or whether the red mist of rage , dislike and prejudice obscures what I've written, I said you need a cushion of 500k to have a good life back here with no worries assuming you are going to buy outright, I said quite specifically what our house cost and the costs of living here are.

Is it just a matter that an alternative un-blinkered view of the UK is so upsetting, it's not the best country in the world by a long way, but it does offer some opportunities like training and going freelance that other countries don't make easy and the natives do speak english, but it has a bloody great class divide, very high property prices and is very overcrowded with poor infrastucture and the highest public transport costs in W Europe, it's not Shangrila but offers some things Australia doesn't and you have to balance those things out.

 

Believe me no red mist or rage where your posts are concerned, I tend to skim through them to be honest lol. It matters not one jot whether you think it is the best Country in the world, many do, just like people think the same about every other country. We love living where we do, it isn't crowded at all, very reasonable property prices, good infrastructure, wonderful friendly people and lovely countryside.

[bristolman]

I don't know your area, but £500k sound a heck of a lot of money to me. I live in a fairly middle class fairly sought after village and you could buy half my road for that sort of cash. I know that it doesn't get a lot in the SE, but in normal parts of the UK you wouldn't need a fraction of that and not just up here in the North. A house bought outright would be about £200k for something pretty decent. A lot less for many, and only a tad more for something VERY good in most of the UK

 

Half a million quid is a huge amount of money almost anywhere in the country and we certainly didn't have close to that and have a very comfortable life here. That sort of money would buy something spectacular in this region.

[Marisawright]

I suspect there are a number who are anchored to Australia ...and are now trying to fill the void by pretending their life in the southern hemisphere is better.

 

 

...and I can think of a couple of people on these very forums in the opposite situation - they find themselves stuck in the UK, and fill the void by convincing themselves they love life in the northern hemisphere.

 

They are easy to spot whichever side of the globe they're on - they're the ones who are the most vociferous in defending the country they're stuck in. They have to be: if they allow themselves to accept even the tiniest criticism, it might threaten the myth they've created for themselves.

 

Those who are really happy in their chosen country - whichever it is - are generally far more relaxed, very willing to admit it's not perfect but secure in the knowledge that it suits THEM better.

 

Personally, I find Australia suits me better, and strangely enough it has nothing to do with sun, beaches or the surf. In fact I think there is usually no logic about the country that suits you best - it's an emotional attachment at the end of the day.

Edited October 7, 2016 by Marisawright

[Quokka2005]

I don't think so, as haven experienced living in the South East, I would never ever consider living there again. I have lived in a number of other parts of the UK. I was born in Middlesbrough, lived in York with the army, moved to Leicester for university and stayed for a many years, then Windsor, now back north near Glasgow. The only one I wouldn't return to is Windsor. Nice enough place, but too noisy - Heathrow and a total rip off for housing.

 

I can only think of 2 occupations that force people to live there; The Queen and Politicians and as the vast majority are never going to be either, I don't get the reason for doing so. From my experience, the pay for living in the SE just doesn't make up for the extra costs.

 

No where is perfect, but, there are a million better options than the SE. Our little village isn't perfect. It is very pretty and the residents a nice mix - our neighbors vary between countryside workers such as shepherds to professionals that work in Glasgow such as my next door neighbor who is a doctor.

 

As I have said, the housing isn't "cheap", its just not a rip off. In 99% of the UK you can get a very nice house in a very nice area with good schools and things for a tiny fration o what people pay in the SE. Our village is a little cheaper than some because of a few issues. 1, it is tiny and has no amenities other than the village hall, though that does a lot for our little community such as monthly movie showings (great event where you book a table, take your owns beer and wine and snacks), 2. We have a primary school but there is no senior school for a long way and no buses. 3. No public transport. 4. The village is infamous for snow and gets more than Glencoe (a ski resort) but speaking to neighbours, they have only had 2 days in the last 5 years when the roads were not passable as the farmers are mainy dairy farmers and so keep the roads open. But, snow doesn't suit everyone, though it does us.

 

Im glad you seem to be enjoying scotland so far

[VERYSTORMY]

Im glad you seem to be enjoying scotland so far

 

Thanks Stace. We very much are.

 

It it is interesting at work where about half the office are English and been here between 2 to 8 years. None of whom would consider living south of the border again and I think I see why. I love the fact that from my door I am surrounded by stunning countryside, but, also have the big city available only half an hour away and then can be in mountains and the scenery of Loch Lomand in an hour from my door.

[Rainman]

Thanks Stace. We very much are.

 

It it is interesting at work where about half the office are English and been here between 2 to 8 years. None of whom would consider living south of the border again and I think I see why. I love the fact that from my door I am surrounded by stunning countryside, but, also have the big city available only half an hour away and then can be in mountains and the scenery of Loch Lomand in an hour from my door.

 

I love Scotland, I always felt at home there. One of my ancestors was Scottish and I must have inherited their dominant Celtic genes, having reddish hair and fair skin. Plus I love Golf! I had the honour of playing St Andrews many years ago. I had goosebumps virtually all the way round. Walking up the 18th fairway was surreal.

If we could buy a house mortgage free, I'd be quite happy living there but I think my family would consider it too far north.

[Quokka2005]

Where i live theres a fair amount of english people, usually from the south. I think if someone likes scotland and they can find work then its a no brainer since they can get a really nice house for much cheaper. Once on the train im 40 mins to glasgow, 50 to edinburgh. Its 4.5 hours on the train to london or a short flight so its not far.

[VERYSTORMY]

I love Scotland, I always felt at home there. One of my ancestors was Scottish and I must have inherited their dominant Celtic genes, having reddish hair and fair skin. Plus I love Golf! I had the honour of playing St Andrews many years ago. I had goosebumps virtually all the way round. Walking up the 18th fairway was surreal.

If we could buy a house mortgage free, I'd be quite happy living there but I think my family would consider it too far north.

 

Pit isn't that far north. Heck, by Oz standards Glasgow is almost a suburb of London lol.

 

Seriously though, you can get a flight from Glasgow to London for under £20. My best mate is in Leicester and for us to get together for a beer involves a very short flight for £20 to East Midlands - he lives near the airport, picks me up, go for an afternoon out and jump back on the plane.

[AJ]

Pit isn't that far north. Heck, by Oz standards Glasgow is almost a suburb of London lol.

 

Seriously though, you can get a flight from Glasgow to London for under £20. My best mate is in Leicester and for us to get together for a beer involves a very short flight for £20 to East Midlands - he lives near the airport, picks me up, go for an afternoon out and jump back on the plane.

Wow! I have just looked incase we take a trip back at the end of the year, not decided yet, but can get 3 of us from Edinburgh to London for a 3 day break for just over 100gbp return, or even less, depending on times! Why is it so cheap just now?

[VERYSTORMY]

Wow! I have just looked incase we take a trip back at the end of the year, not decided yet, but can get 3 of us from Edinburgh to London for a 3 day break for just over 100gbp return, or even less, depending on times! Why is it so cheap just now?

 

It is always pretty cheap. I have seen them from £13 per person.

[Quokka2005]

Yeah ive noticed its really cheap. It seems to be that all the time atm but it wasnt january 2014 when i went to london. It was working out £60 but i got a megabus for 30 return. Now im looking and its £20 return. Its the exact same with dublin. Im going to go to one or both next year

[CatMoose]

We've been talking about moving back to the UK for a few years now and have decided to do it next year. It's the same old expat story, I'm very homesick, have no feeling of belonging here and sick of the xenophobic shite coming out of Australian politicians' mouths.

I desperately miss being with my family in the UK even though we usually end up arguing when we're together! As each year passes I struggle with the fact I'm so far from my Dad and siblings, my Dad's 79, my brother and sister and me are in our 50's. It's hard seeing them having aged a bit more each time I go back for a visit. Not to mention my kids are missing out on spending time with their cousins, who are now in their early 20's. There are many other reasons why I want to go back but of course family is the primary reason.

I have been fortunate that my old firm have been keeping a job open for me in the hope I would return but they said recently, they can't hold it open much longer. I've only got until June next year to come over, otherwise the door shuts. It's a good job, doing what I do now, in a sought after specialized field and the pay's not bad, close to 40,000 pounds with overtime. This is my last chance to get back home knowing I've got a job when I get there, which is important as my wife needs a Spouse Visa. I feel we have to go, I can't miss this opportunity. Plus, the recent bounce in the Aussie dollar against the pound thanks to the Brexit vote has made it possible to get quite a bit more for our money than compared to last year. Who knows how long it will last, so I feel this is the time to take advantage. So, the house is on the market, we had an offer fairly quickly which we accepted though it wasn't quite as much as we had hoped. We're waiting for it to go unconditional, so it could still fall over. But once sold, the plan is to move into a rental for 6 months get rid of the stuff we don't need, then I go over to start work and find a place over there. A couple of months later the wife and kids come. Sounds straight forward enough...

 

The problem is I am seriously stressing out that it is going to be a massive mistake. In my heart it's the right decision to go but when I think about it too much I come up with so many reasons not to go I just don't know what to do:

 

Reason no.1 - We won't have as much money as we would have liked to buy a decent house remotely close to where I'll be working. I'm hoping we'll end up with up to 150,000 pounds as a deposit (if the exchange rate stays where it is).

 

2. Our 19 yo daughter loves it here but is willing to come back with us because she loves her Parents more and couldn't bear being away from us. I am so worried she'll absolutely hate it living there and will come to resent me for making her come back. Of course, she could always go back to Oz eventually but then my wife will resent me, I'm in a no win situation!

 

3. Our son is in year 10, but will be 16 when we return, so not sure if he would be able to go to 6th form college without us paying international fees (have to be resident in the UK for 3 years). I'm worried sick he won't be able to do any further education over there and end up in some dead end job for the rest of his life - because of me.

 

4. We have a good life here. We have (until its sold) a lovely large home lots of space in a good area. I have a well paid job and my wife has a job she loves and only needs to work 3 days a week. I have an easy drive to work against the rush hour traffic, zero stress when I'm there. Once in the UK it's likely my wife will be on a zero hours contract, working 5 days a week for crap money and I'll be stuck in a bedsit 5 days a week as the drive to work is too far because we can't live closer and my work in London will be stressville.

 

Is it enough to risk the happiness of my wife and kids and our quality of life for my selfish reasons of wanting to be back in the land of my birth because I'm homesick and want to spend the time remaining with my Dad and siblings?

 

I'm the first one to admit I am a worrier, and tend to think of the worst case scenario happening. I'd be grateful to hear your thoughts, especially from those who have gone home with teenage kids.

 

Thanks.

 

You've a job to go back to?? And you're still concerned??!!

 

Sheesh! I'm planning on going back in January. I'm trying to get a job in advance but it's proving difficult. At this point it looks like me and my cat will be moving into a friend's spare room in Wolverhampton while I job hunt.

 

£40,000 salary?! Christ I've never earned anything like that amount. My line of work pays mid twenties.

 

Mate to be honest, if you're going back with cash, AND a job to go back to, you should be able to save up enough to return to Oz in a couple of years time if it doesn't work out. Why not bank your cash in the UK and rent for a year to see how you get on back there?

 

Your daughter is an adult, she'll do as she likes and rightly so. Can't speak for your son but teenagers adapt.

 

I agree with people's concern about xenophobic shite in the UK at the moment, but it still won't put me off. I'm personally tired of how far behind the times Oz is in many ways, but that's my own personal opinion.

 

I won't be returning to my home town - an hour away from my family is a minimum requirement! I love them dearly but I've no desire to be at their beck and call again.

 

If I were you I'd go and treat it as a bit of an adventure, Couple of years seeing a bit of Europe and enjoying the cultural delights of the UK.

 

Remember - it's the UK, not Mars. You can always come back, best of luck!

[bristolman]

I'm just not seeing this xenophobic stuff people are talking about, yes there was a upsurge in racist attacks after the Brexit vote but it was hardly a huge number and it's apparently dropped off again. People are even referring to the talk by the Government of prioritising jobs for the British as xenophobic, that is absolutely ridiculous. If it is worrying anyone don't let it as it really isn't an issue.

[CatMoose]

Sorry - but I find the attitude of the British government towards foreign employees (and school children ffs) sickening. To each their own, but even over here in Australia I registered to vote by proxy to try and avoid Brexit. That's for another forum. Like I said, the state of UK politics is not a factor in me returning and I'm not going to get into it here.