Rachel Tilley Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 That 5 months has flown by! Well, it has for me, but not for my son. For those of you that predicted the outcome that he would be home for good - you were right Sadly, it was not the most pleasant of experiences for him, but one thing he has learnt from this is what it's like to live with his dad. He has now decided that is not a life that he wants and he is grateful that it is a life I removed him from. He has seen, heard and been subjected to treatment that I have protected him from by leaving 8 years ago, and I'm finally at peace that I did the right thing by applying for a Relocation Order. Unfortunately, some people just don't change. Things he loved about Australia: He loved his school. He said it was really weird in that everyone was really nice and there was no bullying in the school at all. The kids all welcomed him and he made some nice friends, although it did take a few months for those friendships to form. He had a school trip away where they went off to camp and do outward bound activities and he really enjoyed that. Things he didn't like about Australia: The heat! He has struggled with everything over 35 degrees and says that during his last week it was over 43 degrees for several days on the trot and they had to stay at home with the air con on. On one occasion he got badly sunburned in just ten minutes playing in the garden. The loneliness. The friends he made at school he was only in contact with at school as they all lived a long way away from him (and due to the family dynamics he couldn't invite anyone over to his home to play or stay). No one played out in the street and although he lived in a nice suburb everyone kept themselves to themselves. He has decided that he doesn't want to go back to Australia. I've told him that the choice is his - if he wants to go he can, but if he doesn't then I won't make him go. I will encourage him to stay in contact with his dad, but I do think that relationship is now strained. Driving home from the airport yesterday he commented that the area was a bit grey and a bit of a dump compared to where he'd lived in Oz, but he didn't care because this is where he was happier and this is where he wanted to be. So, all in all, the trip served a purpose because it has now answered his questions and he has made up his own mind where he wants to be and he can now move forward with peace of mind knowing that he has come to his own conclusion and decision at 13 years old. I've got him back in to his old school (which wasn't straight forward at all and we're lucky he hasn't had to go to a new school in England), but after a tumultuous 8 months we're now back on track and he's come home a happy boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Oh that's great news! He's now an older and wiser lad and I am so pleased you got him back into his school! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindor Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 So happy for you Rachel! Have a very lovely Christmas with your boy x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Fab news Rachel,really happy for you both!Hope you have a lovely Xmas together and Happy New Year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 You have been so brave and wise Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 That's wonderful news Rachel. You've shown enormous courage as a mum in supporting your son in this chapter of his life. As you both move onwards and upwards he can do so without any unanswered questions in his mind as to what life with his dad might have been like. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas together. :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 So good to hear You were amazing in supporting his choice to go and I can only imagine how hard it has been on you. But he is back and it sounds like he's happy to be there I must admit, that run of hot weather we had here was horrible. We did stay home a lot and did everything before 10am and after 6pm so we didn't have to be out in it. We also hit the beach and in laws pool later in the day to help cool off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Have a wonderful Christmas with your son Rachel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Merry Christmas Rachel, the best gift you've given your son is to let him have had the experience and to have made his own choice and where he'd like to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 You gave him the gift of going and he gave you the gift of returning. Merry Christmas x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the bottler Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Best Christmas present ever for you ... so pleased he is home ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie Girl Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I am really pleased to hear this. I think you handled it incredibly well and now your son can move on with his life knowing what he is not missing out on. I hope you and your son will feel at peace now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted December 22, 2015 Author Share Posted December 22, 2015 Thank you everyone for your kind messages. It will indeed be a lovely Christmas here and I wish you all a very happy Christmas too xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucharmily Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 What an inspirational Mum you are Rachel and what a lucky lad your son is to have you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariaC Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 It always makes me tear up when I read your threads Rachel. I can only imagine what you have gone through but you are inspirational. Your boy is back where he belongs and through his own choice. God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si T Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 As a Dad, you have my admiration for allowing your son to make his own decision and having the strength to let him go and find out for himself. For your son, it is a pity that he had to go through a less than deal experience in order to know that it would not be what he wanted long term. It takes a special parent to not bad mouth the other after a family splits up, one who is able to put the needs of the child before their own personal feelings. My parents split when I was two years old and not once did my mother criticise my father in front of me. She simply waited until I was old enough for me to find out for myself and supported me through the process when I did. I am forever grateful to her for that and I am sure that when your son is old enough to understand better, he will be grateful to you also. It is a great pity that there are not more parents like you, the family courts would be a lot less busy and the children would be a great deal happier. Good luck and I am glad it has worked out well in the end for you both. Si Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 As a Dad, you have my admiration for allowing your son to make his own decision and having the strength to let him go and find out for himself. For your son, it is a pity that he had to go through a less than deal experience in order to know that it would not be what he wanted long term. It takes a special parent to not bad mouth the other after a family splits up, one who is able to put the needs of the child before their own personal feelings. My parents split when I was two years old and not once did my mother criticise my father in front of me. She simply waited until I was old enough for me to find out for myself and supported me through the process when I did. I am forever grateful to her for that and I am sure that when your son is old enough to understand better, he will be grateful to you also. It is a great pity that there are not more parents like you, the family courts would be a lot less busy and the children would be a great deal happier. Good luck and I am glad it has worked out well in the end for you both. Si Thank you Si, it's nice to read views from a dad's perspective. I hope that if anyone who is reading this and is considering moving to Australia to try and 'save' a relationship that is abusive in the hope that things will be better in a different country will reconsider their options. An abuser will continue to abuse no matter where they live or who they are with. I'm just glad my son is no longer living in that atmosphere - and he is too. It's a shame that he had to go and learn it for himself, but it's an experience lived and a lesson learned and now he knows the truth and I don't have to explain to him why I left his dad anymore - he knows for himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 As a Dad, you have my admiration for allowing your son to make his own decision and having the strength to let him go and find out for himself. For your son, it is a pity that he had to go through a less than deal experience in order to know that it would not be what he wanted long term. It takes a special parent to not bad mouth the other after a family splits up, one who is able to put the needs of the child before their own personal feelings. My parents split when I was two years old and not once did my mother criticise my father in front of me. She simply waited until I was old enough for me to find out for myself and supported me through the process when I did. I am forever grateful to her for that and I am sure that when your son is old enough to understand better, he will be grateful to you also. It is a great pity that there are not more parents like you, the family courts would be a lot less busy and the children would be a great deal happier. Good luck and I am glad it has worked out well in the end for you both. Si Excellent post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 That 5 months has flown by! Well, it has for me, but not for my son. For those of you that predicted the outcome that he would be home for good - you were right Sadly, it was not the most pleasant of experiences for him, but one thing he has learnt from this is what it's like to live with his dad. He has now decided that is not a life that he wants and he is grateful that it is a life I removed him from. He has seen, heard and been subjected to treatment that I have protected him from by leaving 8 years ago, and I'm finally at peace that I did the right thing by applying for a Relocation Order. Unfortunately, some people just don't change. Things he loved about Australia: He loved his school. He said it was really weird in that everyone was really nice and there was no bullying in the school at all. The kids all welcomed him and he made some nice friends, although it did take a few months for those friendships to form. He had a school trip away where they went off to camp and do outward bound activities and he really enjoyed that. Things he didn't like about Australia: The heat! He has struggled with everything over 35 degrees and says that during his last week it was over 43 degrees for several days on the trot and they had to stay at home with the air con on. On one occasion he got badly sunburned in just ten minutes playing in the garden. The loneliness. The friends he made at school he was only in contact with at school as they all lived a long way away from him (and due to the family dynamics he couldn't invite anyone over to his home to play or stay). No one played out in the street and although he lived in a nice suburb everyone kept themselves to themselves. He has decided that he doesn't want to go back to Australia. I've told him that the choice is his - if he wants to go he can, but if he doesn't then I won't make him go. I will encourage him to stay in contact with his dad, but I do think that relationship is now strained. Driving home from the airport yesterday he commented that the area was a bit grey and a bit of a dump compared to where he'd lived in Oz, but he didn't care because this is where he was happier and this is where he wanted to be. So, all in all, the trip served a purpose because it has now answered his questions and he has made up his own mind where he wants to be and he can now move forward with peace of mind knowing that he has come to his own conclusion and decision at 13 years old. I've got him back in to his old school (which wasn't straight forward at all and we're lucky he hasn't had to go to a new school in England), but after a tumultuous 8 months we're now back on track and he's come home a happy boy. Hey Rachel , merry Xmas ...some things you cant put a price on ...glad all is well As long as you,and your son are together ,nothing else matters ...baghdad,Burnley or Brisbane ...who cares ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesky12 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Thank you everyone for your kind messages. It will indeed be a lovely Christmas here and I wish you all a very happy Christmas too xx I am so happy for you Rachel and for your son....I did the same as you when I divorced...I let my children find out what there father was like them selfs, and they did......I have also bought and downloaded your book it's a very moving story...take care and enjoy your life with your son you so deserve to be together.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milliem Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Great story, thanks for sharing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Thank you Si, it's nice to read views from a dad's perspective. I hope that if anyone who is reading this and is considering moving to Australia to try and 'save' a relationship that is abusive in the hope that things will be better in a different country will reconsider their options. An abuser will continue to abuse no matter where they live or who they are with. I'm just glad my son is no longer living in that atmosphere - and he is too. It's a shame that he had to go and learn it for himself, but it's an experience lived and a lesson learned and now he knows the truth and I don't have to explain to him why I left his dad anymore - he knows for himself. Have you thought about making your signature a URL Rachel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 I am so happy for you Rachel and for your son....I did the same as you when I divorced...I let my children find out what there father was like them selfs, and they did......I have also bought and downloaded your book it's a very moving story...take care and enjoy your life with your son you so deserve to be together.x Thank you very much Bluesky, much appreciated x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Have you thought about making your signature a URL Rachel? I hadn't, but now I've seen yours I will copy you! Thank you for the advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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