Marisawright Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 ^^^^This, absolutely. We have a few British friends who were recent arrivals in Australia and they would just about jump down your throat if you said anything that could be considered critical of Australia. It was like you were trying to burst their bubble or something. They would constantly be saying 'well you can't do that back in the UK' when not only was it perfectly possible to do it often we had in fact done it. Lol Absolutely right, bristolman - but I must admit I felt you were doing exactly the same to me when I dared express disappointment with this area of the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 It never fails to amaze me how different we find things. Have been retired for 12 years now and on the Sunshine Coast , know an awful lot retired people, and racking my brains to think of any retired ex British who feel trapped and financially shackled. Most of us are too busy living a great life to the full. Accept that Moving countries and experiencing a different life changes you, sometimes for the better sometimes not, but no experience is wasted, this comes from someone who has lived properly in 5 countries, including Africa as a single female in the 1960's, a Muslim country for 10 years, now that was hard at times, but look back at the friends made and the different experiences, and wouldn't have missed them for the world. If you are happy great, if not then and it's best for you to return back, then if viable return, but don't waste your life moaning or regreting. Posters go on and on about missing family, and I can understand that, but as I have moved extensively all my life I haven't missed it because I've never had it if that makes sense, army brat etc. so accept my life as it was, not what it might have been? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 thats so true. you dont get how massive it is till you move here & how much variety there is for different lifestyles. Geographically yes but in other ways oh so similar in certain respects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I disagree because I know many 'thirty something' Pommie/Irish migrants who are in the peak of their carerers here in OZ, and have no desire whatsoever to return to the UK or Ireland. I was with some of them tonight watching NSW v QLD in Origin III. We were all watching the first day of England v Australia on oen of the other screens. These guys may have been in 'adventure mode' when they came out here, but now they want to, if not settle down, keep on working in their six figure salaried jobs. Why would they want to return to the UK? Depends on career. Or even if career orientated. As such many have better opportunities in places like London or elsewhere. Plus I'd hazard a guess to say far more diverse ways to spend their money outside of watching sport on TV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 The other thing to bear in mind is that we all change and what suits us as a 30 something may be the last thing we want to do as a 50 something. Needs change, priorities change and attitudes to prevailing conditions change. I know many 30-40 yr veterans of Aus who would kill to live back in UK if they could but when they moved over in their 20s all was hunky dory - I guess we were all more in adventure mode back then but then real life sort of smacks you about a bit and hey, nice place for an adventure but let me go home! It may apply to some folk but I'm well settled here and never think of going back permanently. I've had my adventures, travelled extensively and now I just want a nice quiet life with no hassles :cute: May sound boring to many of you but it suits me just fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Moved to Brunei age 48, then retired to Australia at 58, even though all our children were still in UK then. So was still up for change and adventure later in life, and what great adventures we had in Borneo especially. Must be honest so settled now that I don't anticipate or want to move again. Going to UK shortly for 9 weeks, and to be honest if it wasn't because of 1 son + grandchildren are there I wouldn't bother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaiapoilady Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 A very interesting read, thank you for posting I for one feel torn very often. Having left the UK 11 years ago, we moved to New Zealand and lived in Christchurch, New Zealand (until last year), very happy there until the big earthquakes hit and destroyed the city, not to mention our home, and my nerves..I do still struggle with this today. I often feel why on earth did we leave beautiful Yorkshire, our home, friends and family, and now my family is all over the place, most in the UK, my son in Melbourne, daughter in New Zealand and now we are living in Sydney because of my husbands job. I guess i have had some experiences only some only ever dream about, and don't get me wrong i have been to some amazing places around the globe, but I just don't feel settled anymore. I have thought often about packing up and going back home to Yorkshire, to have coffee with my parents, go out to dinner with my friends etc etc Thanks for sharing you story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzhead Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I guess that feeling torn after making the move or it not working out is better than staying in the UK, waking up one cold grey Wednesday morning in your late fifties and thinking 'what if?'. I think that once the seed is firmly planted you would never forgive yourself for not giving it a go. Especially when it's too late later on in life during the cold, grey, miserable days when life is getting you down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 It may apply to some folk but I'm well settled here and never think of going back permanently. I've had my adventures, travelled extensively and now I just want a nice quiet life with no hassles :cute: May sound boring to many of you but it suits me just fine. I wonder though a nice quiet life with no hassles couldn't be equally obtained in mother country? I suppose it doesn't really matter where. Scotland, England or Devonport or somewhere else. Interesting where we finally wash up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Moved to Brunei age 48, then retired to Australia at 58, even though all our children were still in UK then. So was still up for change and adventure later in life, and what great adventures we had in Borneo especially.Must be honest so settled now that I don't anticipate or want to move again. Going to UK shortly for 9 weeks, and to be honest if it wasn't because of 1 son + grandchildren are there I wouldn't bother. I've not been back to UK since Xmas 08. No reason especially. No family to see I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie Hopeful Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Well after posting this 2 months ago and suggested we would return in the next 2 years, we have plumped for a return and booked our tickets to return in January. Very excited and feel like all the ties and things that were drawing us back to the UK have finally been put to bed. It feels like we are going home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Well after posting this 2 months ago and suggested we would return in the next 2 years, we have plumped for a return and booked our tickets to return in January. Very excited and feel like all the ties and things that were drawing us back to the UK have finally been put to bed. It feels like we are going home. Good luck! Give it time to settle. I've five it three times which means three emigrations, as bad as three relationships?!?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slean Wolfhead Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 You just can't get rid of that nagging..... Once you have made the move it changes you. Once you have experienced something different, you can't just settle. Could we stay put and be happy, yes. Could we thrive in careers, yes. But as far as lifestyle goes, there is no comparison. Guaranteed good weather, great outdoor lifestyle and just the pure quality family time that life in Oz affords. Whilst we like where we are, the weather is a major factor in restricting your enjoyment of the outdoors. Its cold, wet and windy (and thats the summer). The family and friends is a big one, but the red carpet treatment lasts a day and once you are back you are back and ironically, I speak less to friends now than when I was in Oz and we've had less visitors. Its a huge disappointment and a huge eye opener. Have we had rose tinted glasses throughout our journey? Yes probably. The reality is that both places have pro's and con's and the way I see it, it comes down to a choice between lifestyle and family and friends, but on returning to the UK, our view on this has changed considerably with expectations just not met. The reality is that the grass is not greener anywhere, its just different grass. Different people look for different things in life and that should ultimately determine where you choose to live. It's a worthwhile and enriching experience. and one recommended for everybody who's emigrated. Go back home and try and imagine living back there. It's easy to imagine, but the reality is sometimes different. Everything is changing all the time. My partner has just been home for a month, to cure that itch. She loved it, seeing her old mates and catching up, everything close, felt like she'd never been away. Did all her jobs, sorted her parents out, bought them stuff, painted, cleaned, gardened etc.. But she was on holiday and after 3 weeks realised that everybody else was at work, and they were too worried about their own lives and jobs that they didn't have time to worry and ask much about her life. They were struggling, but on their own path. When she really looked around and retraced a few steps, she realised that it was still the same problem place she wanted to leave. Busy, dirty, polluted smelly air, unpredictable weather, tiring, queuing, crime, traffic, work culture, petrol, trains, etc. I picked her up from the airport on Thursday morning, drove home 15 minutes on an empty highway, clear blue sky with the sun coming up and she said she'd totally got it out of her system and Australia was now her "home", 100%. The best lesson i think, is that you have to look forwards, not backwards. I see a lot of slightly aggressive posts on here about returning home and justifications, but can't understand them. Surely once you're home and happy, then there's no need to come back and tell everybody unless you've still got nagging doubts in your own mind? So how can anybody else think for you? Reminiscing and sentimentality is a condition unique to humans (and perhaps an overall weakness, although comforting), but it can't change the future. Stability comes from within, not the external environment, because you can't control that. That's down to the strength of the individual to move with the times, because time waits for no man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freesia Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Yes I get that about reminiscing & sentimentality - totally agree that we find our stability within ourselves . I've never been one for sentimentality & gave up relying on anyone else for mine a long time ago & am stronger for it. However I only moved to Sydney just over a year ago & already have to make 'that trip' that everyone finds so difficult. And I already find myself knowing that I won't be able to stay with any of my family even in these circumstances ( never did before so why would I now - I'd feel like an interloper - They just think I'm stubborn !) so it's going to be a very strange visit back for my first one. hence mixed feelings about going back at all really; I'm tired of flying so hadn't any intention of returning any time soon, and I know everyone back home lets you go & gets on with their own life . We keep in touch & no doubt at all we'll have some nice times together after the necessaries are done ( can't even bring myself to say the words!) but I know I'm going to be in a hotel room & so it won't feel like a homecoming at all . So I hope I feel like your partner Slean & can't wait to come back - maybe after this I moght decide never again , it's far too emotional! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Great posts all. My take is that the fundamental problem is one of ease of travel. Speaking as a foreigner to the UK (OK, Scottish, but born abroad, lived the vast majority of my life abroad from the UK, mostly Asia and Australia) I feel absolutely foreign to the UK. It is just not in my mindset to accept the UK as "home". On the other hand, I have followed my grandad's aphorism that "home is where you hang your hat". In days past, travelling to Australia was not easy at all. A long sea journey, snail mail system, airmail cost a lot, by sea it took weeks. Telephone connection - subsea cable, crackly, expensive. Once you left, it was often for life, and as a life-altering decision, you had to be sure and, if not, you liked it or lumped it. Now it is easy. Issues about length of flights, comfort of seats, hotels or airport facilities - laughably easy, and issues raised basically reflect a level of pampering to which the modern traveller has become accustomed. So it is easy both to travel, and to reverse the journey if the flies get too troublesome. My advice is on record here. Bottom line though - think long and hard, and get the mindset right. Emigrating is not an extended holiday. Love the OP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthedave Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I'm new to this forum but I have to say after reading these great posts, it's made me feel a bit better that I'm not alone or going mad. I'm originally from the UK but 6 years ago moved to Beijing for a new job. It wasn't my first choice of location but the job offer was great opening a new foreign subsidiary for a German company so I went for it. 6 years in Beijing was not easy but it also was exciting and a challenge. I went there not being able to speak a word of Chinese and with my whole life in one suitcase. Then a year ago the company decided to open an office in Melbourne and wanted me to head it up on the basis that it should be easy for me being an English speaking country (and them being German) I didn't really want to do it but also didn't really have a lot of choice so figured I'd give it a go. I have to say that after 8 months here I absolutely hate it. I love my job and and have it very cushy with an excellent salary package.Living in China is very hard and you feel very alone with the language barrier but in 6 years I've never once though of quitting. Since being in Melbourne, I honestly feel not a day has gone by where I've not felt like throwing it all in and handing in my notice. Thing is though, I can't really put my finger on why I hate it. I just do. I can't settle here, the people are difficult, the weather is really bad (I know summer is coming but China also has bad weather and pollution that didn't bother me), the houses are dark and poor quality - not to mention expensive! I just don't know what it is and it keeps me awake at night worrying what my options are Mywife (who is Thai) really didn't like Beijing and was quite excited about moving here but even she can't settle and often talks about missing our home in China. Why is it we can't settle? On paper, Melbourne does seem to have everything available. Good food,massive Asian community (to make the wife feel happy or even remind me of China), nearby beaches, good public transport in and out of thecity. It's not like we sit indoors all the time but we still don't like it. We have a circle of friends but still feel lonely and isolated. Again,for the first time I actually feel homesick, even for the UK and I always thought you'd have to put a gun in my back to return there,and even then I'd risk a flesh wound. My job takes me to cover SE Asian and my happiest moments over the past 8 months have been on a plane leaving. Even with the extensive travel I do, I don't look forward to coming 'home' (in fact we struggle to call it home) I feel really stupid because I've got a good job, well paid and full relocation package so effectively it costs me nothing to be here soyou'd think I'd be happy but for the first time in my life I'verealised the truth behind the saying money isn't everything. I don't really have a point to this post or even a happy solution so I apologise for stumbling across this forum while awake at 1.30am googling 'Unhappy in australia' and using it to just vent my feelings If someone knows how to make life in Melbourne more exciting then I'm all ears but for now, I think I'm simply bored with this sleepy,mundane robotic city but I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cypruscj Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Refreshing honesty. My fiance and I did a year in Sydney and dream of going back. But we too felt the pain of leaving family, the guilt trips from certain members who couldn't accept our wanting to go and the homesickness - nothing prepared me for that. But since being back in the UK we find we have itchy feet. We also were shocked at the openly racist-at-times some Australian's were. The whole experience albeit for a short time of 1 year, has changed us both. Australia is a long long way from the UK and its not all sunshine and roses when you get there. Best of luck to all who try it. X? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Refreshing honesty. My fiance and I did a year in Sydney and dream of going back. But we too felt the pain of leaving family, the guilt trips from certain members who couldn't accept our wanting to go and the homesickness - nothing prepared me for that. But since being back in the UK we find we have itchy feet. We also were shocked at the openly racist-at-times some Australian's were. The whole experience albeit for a short time of 1 year, has changed us both. Australia is a long long way from the UK and its not all sunshine and roses when you get there. Best of luck to all who try it. X You wouldn't be the first to conclude that the real Australia isn't quite the dream Australia. I lived in Australia for 30 odd years and the overt racism was always hard to take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Why is it we can't settle?... I don't really have a point to this post or even a happy solution so I apologise for stumbling across this forum while awake at 1.30am googling 'Unhappy in australia' and using it to just vent my feelings If someone knows how to make life in Melbourne more exciting then I'm all ears but for now, I think I'm simply bored with this sleepy,mundane robotic city but I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future. I think you've answered your own question. You wonder why you can't settle,then you call Melbourne boring and robotic. I'm curious, because if we return to Australia then it will either be Hobart (which I fear will be too small), or Melbourne, which I've always seen as the most cultured city in Oz. Can you explain why you feel it's "robotic"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthedave Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 For the last 15 years I've rotated between Asian cities like Bangkok, Hong Kong and KL with the past 6 being based in Beijing. I call Melbourne robotic and boring because it is just that. There is no energy in the city or the people. The mundane way of life revolves around going to work in an office and going home interwoven with the seemingly only 'done' thing to do of sitting in a restaurant or wine bar listening to loud people complain about their jobs. As I said, on paper, Melbourne has it all available however the reality for me is that it is just not exciting enough. I've spent a lot of time coming to Australia for work over the past 20 years, often staying up to a month at a time. I really thought I kind of liked it however I think the knowledge that I had a return ticket and a place to go home to clouded how I saw things. I never liked visiting Beijing when I was just travelling but I enjoyed it when I finally lived there. Conclusion for me is that Australia is an ok place to visit but as someone else here said, living somewhere and trying to make a home is a whole different ball game and it's not an extended holiday when you don't have a ticket out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I call Melbourne robotic and boring because it is just that. There is no energy in the city or the people. The mundane way of life revolves around going to work in an office and going home interwoven with the seemingly only 'done' thing to do of sitting in a restaurant or wine bar listening to loud people complain about their jobs. As I said, on paper, Melbourne has it all available however the reality for me is that it is just not exciting enough. Like I said, you've answered your own question - you know exactly why you're unhappy, and it's because the Melbourne lifestyle doesn't suit you. I have never lived in Melbourne but it sounds very much like Sydney - people work long hours and have long commutes, so there's not much time for anything but working and then collapsing in a restaurant! Disappointing, I did think Melbourne had more to offer than that. One thing I'd say is that the expat lifestyle - which you're used to leading - is way, way more exciting than ordinary life, no matter where in the world you live. I've lived that life too. Foreigners working in an alien city tend to make friends with people they'd never befriend normally, and work harder at their social lives. The tougher the environment, the better it is. Many expats have trouble settling into "ordinary" life when they try to settle down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthedave Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Now that's something I hadn't considered and probably the most obvious thing anyone's pointed out to me. I have, to be fair, led a pretty hectic lifestyle for so long, being an expat in fast paced, exciting and exotic locations. Now, whilst still an expat, I'm in a country that speaks the same language and is no challenge. When I look at it from that view, I am now living the 'normal' life! So, maybe Melbourne isn't really a boring place; it's just not the place for me! Time to brush off the CV maybe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Interesting read.. for what it's worth, I've not been to Perth to experience the flies.. but I had no issues with flies in Sydney or Cairns when I visited. However, in Melbourne I was under constant attack. Don't know where the OP lived in Perth but live near the Coast and flies aren't a problem. If you want to live in the bush or even a few kilometres in-land they can be. We have barbies a lot, live about 10 minutes walk from the beach and flies aren't a worry. We've been here 22 years and never felt that it's been too hot in summer. We spend more time down at the beach than anywhere else and absolutely love Perth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Really interesting read this thread. As someone who is on the verge of applying for a 189, I am taking from this that the most important thing is to manage my expectations. Emigrating carries with it a lot of hyperbole eg 'living the dream' or 'fairytale move'. I guess that none of these things actually exist. It's simply life in a different place. I think the majority of people place too much pressure on themselves trying to pursue the 'dream' instead of anticipating what is effectively a simple change of scenery albeit a fair distance away. Daft as this may seem I actually think that it's possible. Depends what you dream is I guess but when we emigrated we thought that maybe we could just afford a house within walking distance of a nice beach, decent jobs that paid the mortgage, good weather, friends, lots of time spent doing sport and for us it's been perfect. We didn't have the internet to do loads of research and fill our heads full of over expectations. We wanted simple things really, that was our dream and we're living it. I have a friend who's son is about 24. Born in the UK, loves the surf club where we see him a lot, loves the outdoor lifestyle, he has a job as a plumber which he doesn't mind, it's a job that pays the bills, loves mountain biking, triathlon, adventure racing. His response to our question of "how are you Daniel" is "living the dream":cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Funny how we are all so different. I found Perth totally, totally boring but never Melbourne or Sydney for that matter. Guess a lot also depends on who you meet and where you hang out. Some of our cities are very sprawly and the lifestyle varies depending where you live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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