Reflections on migration and becoming a Ping Pong Pom

[Paul1Perth]

It never fails to amaze me how different we find things.

Have been retired for 12 years now and on the Sunshine Coast , know an awful lot retired people, and racking my brains to think of any retired ex British who feel trapped and financially shackled.

Most of us are too busy living a great life to the full.

 

Accept that Moving countries and experiencing a different life changes you, sometimes for the better sometimes not, but no experience is wasted, this comes from someone who has lived properly in 5 countries, including Africa as a single female in the 1960's, a Muslim country for 10 years, now that was hard at times, but look back at the friends made and the different experiences, and wouldn't have missed them for the world.

 

If you are happy great, if not then and it's best for you to return back, then if viable return, but don't waste your life moaning or regreting.

 

Posters go on and on about missing family, and I can understand that, but as I have moved extensively all my life I haven't missed it because I've never had it if that makes sense, army brat etc. so accept my life as it was, not what it might have been?

 

Yep, never understood the missing family and friends argument. I love my Sister, parents and friends but I had moved only 40 miles or so away from them when I went to Uni and when i got married after Uni. We used to see them infrequently, a few times a year for a weekend or so. I got new friends at Uni, I got new friends when I moved to Manchester and we have got a great bunch of new friends here. The kids have never had cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents, round and I don't think they are missing out on anything. They have their own friends and even though I grew up with relations in close proximity they weren't as close as my friends, I didn't hang around with them or anything.

 

I've never really understood the programs like "who are you" where they get someone famous and go through and dig up their past. They get all teary and it's a good advert for ancestry.com but i sometimes think they were happy not knowing all this for 40 years and suddenly find out there grandparent was a thief and a bigamist or something.

 

Let sleeping dogs lie I reckon.:cool:

[Paul1Perth]

Well after posting this 2 months ago and suggested we would return in the next 2 years, we have plumped for a return and booked our tickets to return in January. Very excited and feel like all the ties and things that were drawing us back to the UK have finally been put to bed. It feels like we are going home.

 

careful wher you settle this time. Pick a place where there are going to be less flies.:wink:

[Paul1Perth]

Yes I get that about reminiscing & sentimentality - totally agree that we find our stability within ourselves . I've never been one for sentimentality & gave up relying on anyone else for mine a long time ago & am stronger for it. However I only moved to Sydney just over a year ago & already have to make 'that trip' that everyone finds so difficult.

And I already find myself knowing that I won't be able to stay with any of my family even in these circumstances ( never did before so why would I now - I'd feel like an interloper - They just think I'm stubborn !)

so it's going to be a very strange visit back for my first one. hence mixed feelings about going back at all really; I'm tired of flying so hadn't any intention of returning any time soon, and I know everyone back home lets you go & gets on with their own life . We keep in touch & no doubt at all we'll have some nice times together after the necessaries are done ( can't even bring myself to say the words!) but I know I'm going to be in a hotel room & so it won't feel like a homecoming at all .

So I hope I feel like your partner Slean & can't wait to come back - maybe after this I moght decide never again , it's far too emotional!

 

Your family are right, you're just being stubborn. If you can't stay with family or friends at an occasion like your going back for when can you? You can help each other through it and not sit on your won in a hotel room feeling down. I went back for my Dad's funeral last year and stayed with my Mum a few days while we got her into a home. Then I stayed in my Mum and Dad's old place and with my Sister for a while. Tried to make the best of the visit and we had a few laughs as well as helping each other through it.

 

Good luck.

[Paul1Perth]

For the last 15 years I've rotated between Asian cities like Bangkok, Hong Kong and KL with the past 6 being based in Beijing.

I call Melbourne robotic and boring because it is just that. There is no energy in the city or the people. The mundane way of life revolves around going to work in an office and going home interwoven with the seemingly only 'done' thing to do of sitting in a restaurant or wine bar listening to loud people complain about their jobs.

As I said, on paper, Melbourne has it all available however the reality for me is that it is just not exciting enough. I've spent a lot of time coming to Australia for work over the past 20 years, often staying up to a month at a time. I really thought I kind of liked it however I think the knowledge that I had a return ticket and a place to go home to clouded how I saw things. I never liked visiting Beijing when I was just travelling but I enjoyed it when I finally lived there.

 

Conclusion for me is that Australia is an ok place to visit but as someone else here said, living somewhere and trying to make a home is a whole different ball game and it's not an extended holiday when you don't have a ticket out

 

If you've let that become your way of life in Melbourne then it's your fault and no-one elses dave. Melbourne isn't my favourite place but there is plenty to do there. It's like everywhere though, you have to get out and make an effort.

[Marisawright]

Now that's something I hadn't considered and probably the most obvious thing anyone's pointed out to me. I have, to be fair, led a pretty hectic lifestyle for so long, being an expat in fast paced, exciting and exotic locations. Now, whilst still an expat, I'm in a country that speaks the same language and is no challenge. When I look at it from that view, I am now living the 'normal' life!

So, maybe Melbourne isn't really a boring place; it's just not the place for me!

.

I will always remember the time I spent in Africa as the most stimulating time of my life, and the place where I had the best social life. It was also the toughest place I ever lived, and that's why the expat community stuck together so well and worked AND played so hard. I met quite a few people who had gone from contract to contract around the world, were getting into their fifties and sixties and were worried where they would settle in their old age, because they knew that "normal" life wouldn't have much to offer in comparison, no matter which country they chose.

Edited September 14, 2015 by Marisawright

[JockinTas]

I will always remember the time I spent in Africa as the most stimulating time of my life, and the place where I had the best social life. It was also the toughest place I ever lived, and that's why the expat community stuck together so well and worked AND played so hard. I met quite a few people who had gone from contract to contract, were getting into their fifties and sixties and were worried where they would settle in their old age, because they knew that "normal" life wouldn't have much to offer in comparison, no matter which country they chose.

 

My sister worked for years for the British Foreign Office. She lived in many different countries over the years and always said how difficult it was to settle back in the UK. I visited her when she worked in Germany, Israel, Zambia and Cyprus (she worked in several other countries as well). She led a very nice life though having to work fairly long hours. She had a great social life and as Marisa says, worked hard and played hard.

[ramot]

Met my husband on a blind date in Zambia in 1968!! 45th wedding anniversary next week.

Still in touch with friends from our expat days together all those years ago, meeting up for lunch tomorrow with one couple from those heady ex pat days in the late 1960's.

have made and kept so many wonderful friends, there is a special tie to each other when you have lived an expat life.

Then as mentioned by Marisa where to retire to after a working life all over the place, finishing off in Brunei for the last 10 years of work?

It can be very hard to decide where to settle, some friends have gone happily back to UK, but most have chosen elsewhere.

For us climate was relevant, we like a warm climate, and after the last 9 weeks in UK, know the Sunshine Coast was the right decision for us.

Apart from the weather, we find that a lot of our friends here have lived and come from different countries so have an interesting mix of friends which as expats we are used to.

We love going back to our old village, share a history with our friends there, but after 22 years away we have changed more than them. This is no criticism, they are as happy as we are living life in retirement in our own way.

[imthedave]

I will always remember the time I spent in Africa as the most stimulating time of my life, and the place where I had the best social life. It was also the toughest place I ever lived, and that's why the expat community stuck together so well and worked AND played so hard. I met quite a few people who had gone from contract to contract around the world, were getting into their fifties and sixties and were worried where they would settle in their old age, because they knew that "normal" life wouldn't have much to offer in comparison, no matter which country they chose.

 

Interesting and similar views now and I think I found the answer I was looking for so thanks for that! Melbourne is very 'nice' but it simply isn't for me. It's too much like the UK, too slow and too much like the normal way of life. I'm not ready to do that yet, nor do I think I will be.

My retirement is already planned out with our house in Thailand but I've got a few years left in me yet before I finally throw the mobile phone in the sea and spend my days painting my boat on the beach...

Sent the CV off today for some posts in Singapore, Hong Kong and KL but as I'm not desperate, I'll bide my time for the right offer and at least ride the summer out here

[Freesia]

Your family are right, you're just being stubborn. If you can't stay with family or friends at an occasion like your going back for when can you? You can help each other through it and not sit on your won in a hotel room feeling down. I went back for my Dad's funeral last year and stayed with my Mum a few days while we got her into a home. Then I stayed in my Mum and Dad's old place and with my Sister for a while. Tried to make the best of the visit and we had a few laughs as well as helping each other through it.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Thank you ; I know you're all right! It's just been such a difficult couple of weeks - we found out our long lost brother has died at the other end of the UK where none of us live - he chose not to keep in contact which I think I've found even sadder now he's gone so young & I think I will just find it hard to have to endlessly discuss that aspect of things . Only today can we go ahead with even planning the funeral which from a distance has been hard.

The choice to stay with which sibling is not even simple as two are away atm, another doesn't have much space etc etc - it's always a bit more complicated than it first seems !

And the other aspect which I know I was making difficult for myself is that if I do stay with one or other it might make me want to stay - & I want to feel as easy leaving again as I did thefirst time aaah!!

but yes- I know once the formalities are over it will be good to see everyone & lean on each other a bit - & go out & do ordinary stuff for a week. My daughter's able to come back with me now too but we can't stay together - more complications !!