Please help, the biggest decision of my life!

[rkdowner]

Hi All, I am new to this forum so please go easy on me, ha ha!. I am looking for help in trying to make a decision on moving to Australia. Any positive, or truthful stories or advice on how you made the decision to move and if it has worked out for you, or if not- and why not.

Basically I am 34 and my husband is 37, we have 2 children aged 2 and 4. My husband is the one who first came up with the idea of moving (we travelled around Australia about 9 years ago)- he thinks it will be a better lifestyle for us as a family and give our children a better future. He is a self-employed plumber and I am a student studying Nutritional Therapy (and also stay at home mom). We have sought advice on the visa process and would be looking at the skilled visa route. We were urged to lodge the application sooner rather than later as obviously my husband is approaching 40. He wants to start the process now but I am hesitant. He also wants me to give a yes or no answer and I find I can't! I am about 60% in favour of moving if I am honest. My main worry is leaving my family behind and taking my children away from their grandparents, cousins etc. If I didn't have family around I would make the move tomorrow. After having broached the subject with my mom and sister, they were quite outspoken on how distraught they would be if we moved and I suppose I am feeling very guilty!

I just don't know how I can bring myself to make the decision but at the same time I don't want to regret not moving. Please help! :confused:

[bristolman]

OK well we are returnees so possibly not what you want to hear. Firstly Australia will not automatically give you or your family a better lifestyle or a better future, those things are what you make them. Having said that many people obviously go and make good lives for themselves. I went as a child and we had a good life there, no better or worse than the life we have back in the UK.

You will get people telling you it was the best thing they ever did, you will get others saying they are pretty much where they were before they left, financially speaking and for others it didn't work out at all. Australia doesn't suit everyone.

I see that you have at least been to Australia, many havent. Much has changed as you would expect.

Just be prepared for a variety of answers to your question, some will be what you want to hear and others possibly not. No one wants to rain on your parade but just go into it eyes wide open.

Good luck

[Captain Roberto]

Hi All, I am new to this forum so please go easy on me, ha ha!. I am looking for help in trying to make a decision on moving to Australia. Any positive, or truthful stories or advice on how you made the decision to move and if it has worked out for you, or if not- and why not.

Basically I am 34 and my husband is 37, we have 2 children aged 2 and 4. My husband is the one who first came up with the idea of moving (we travelled around Australia about 9 years ago)- he thinks it will be a better lifestyle for us as a family and give our children a better future. He is a self-employed plumber and I am a student studying Nutritional Therapy (and also stay at home mom). We have sought advice on the visa process and would be looking at the skilled visa route. We were urged to lodge the application sooner rather than later as obviously my husband is approaching 40. He wants to start the process now but I am hesitant. He also wants me to give a yes or no answer and I find I can't! I am about 60% in favour of moving if I am honest. My main worry is leaving my family behind and taking my children away from their grandparents, cousins etc. If I didn't have family around I would make the move tomorrow. After having broached the subject with my mom and sister, they were quite outspoken on how distraught they would be if we moved and I suppose I am feeling very guilty!

I just don't know how I can bring myself to make the decision but at the same time I don't want to regret not moving. Please help! :confused:

 

It's a complex one, and most people who have moved, are planning to, or who have gone and returned will have dealt with stuff like this. You'll find loads of it on here already if you search through the site.

 

It's a thing you need to work through and chew over for yourself I think, but reading others tales might help you think it through quicker and give you more insight. I guess, ultimately, if you did decide to move, you don't actually have to stay forever (even though it's a pretty expensive experiment). but it takes a lot of thought and you and your partner need to make sure you are 100% on the same page, with an agreement on how to do it (a pact of sorts).

 

Of course, it's a risk. But this site is primarily for people who have taken (or plan to take) that risk, so you're in the right place!

[Gbye grey sky]

There are plenty of threads here of this variety. My advice fwiw is not to do it if you are only 60/40. Your concerns about missing family when there is probably the no. 1 reason for people who regret the decision. It can also be a problem if one of you later wants to stay and the other wants to return. Plumbers normally need to retrain to get work too.

 

It is also costly so expect to spend between £20,000 and £50,000 for visas, flights, car, accommodation for the first few months if no work found initially. My view is that both parties need to be pretty committed to it.

 

Suggest spend some time reading through threads and researching.

[Bungo]

Hi All, I am new to this forum so please go easy on me, ha ha!. I am looking for help in trying to make a decision on moving to Australia. Any positive, or truthful stories or advice on how you made the decision to move and if it has worked out for you, or if not- and why not.

Basically I am 34 and my husband is 37, we have 2 children aged 2 and 4. My husband is the one who first came up with the idea of moving (we travelled around Australia about 9 years ago)- he thinks it will be a better lifestyle for us as a family and give our children a better future. He is a self-employed plumber and I am a student studying Nutritional Therapy (and also stay at home mom). We have sought advice on the visa process and would be looking at the skilled visa route. We were urged to lodge the application sooner rather than later as obviously my husband is approaching 40. He wants to start the process now but I am hesitant. He also wants me to give a yes or no answer and I find I can't! I am about 60% in favour of moving if I am honest. My main worry is leaving my family behind and taking my children away from their grandparents, cousins etc. If I didn't have family around I would make the move tomorrow. After having broached the subject with my mom and sister, they were quite outspoken on how distraught they would be if we moved and I suppose I am feeling very guilty!

I just don't know how I can bring myself to make the decision but at the same time I don't want to regret not moving. Please help! :confused:

 

 

It always is a worry when the reasons for going are those unproven, arguable ones of better life, better future for children. If you had said you had a yearning to go back after your travels and just loved Australia it would make more sense to me than the old "better life" stuff to be honest.

 

We found the move to Australia easy, settled quickly and were never homesick. Although it was a bit too much at times, I liked the warmer weather on the whole, but it really didn't change my lifestyle. Still went to work, in same occupation, roughly same hours, I liked moderate outdoor activity in UK and was same in Australia. Australia didn't change my work, my likes, my dislikes, my hobbies, my interests and definitely not my personality.

 

Still many people make the move and are quite happy about it, we were too, although we have returned now after five years as it was better for us due to our circumstances (which I won't hijack the thread with as it not that interesting or relevant). So I wouldn't want to put you off either.

 

I would just encourage you to really weight things up carefully, try to keep it real and keep old clichés about "better life", "better for kids" and "better to regret something you did blah blah blah" out of it.

 

Also make a pact. A pact around what will happen if one of you decides you don't like it, how long you give it etc. Obviously a pact is not enforceable, but just having had the conversation and having that agreement to refer back to will hopefully be very beneficial (if needed).

[Quoll]

Yup, ditch the "better life for the kids" "better lifestyle" thing. If you want an adventure and can be incredibly selfish (not in a pejorative sense) and self sufficient then go for it but 60/40? No, not until you're 110%! If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

[JockinTas]

I've lived here happily for over 30 years but I agree with Quoll about the "better lifestyle" thing. It won't really be better - still work to go to - bills/mortgage to pay- kids to worry about etc. The worst thing is being so far away from family.

[wolvesaussie]

Depends where you lived I guess, if u live in a nice part of England I think there not much in it, weather being the deciding factor maybe if you don't like the cold. We came from Wolverhampton and its so much better here in Australia than that, not financially, just nicer, cleaner, less scum bags. Make sure you research your husbands job, might be a lot of hoops to jump through to get qualified here.

[akiralx]

Yes, I would advise against it: unless there is something particularly wrong with your life in the UK I would stay put, as you could be spending a lot of money, time and effort to gain only heartache.

 

I understand people like plumbers have to jump through a lot of hoops, and pay fees, before they can even work here, for one thing. Living in Aus can be hard, especially without family support, and expensive.

 

There's nothing to regret in not living in Aus. It's not a paradise - and not that much different to living in most other places: you still have to work, commute, pay bills... Its not better than the UK, just different. And in one way for you it's clearly worse than the UK: it doesn't have your family and friends.

[VERYSTORMY]

Not really sure what the "better future for children" is all about.

 

The UK is a first world country, Oz is a first world country. Both of their pluses and negatives - and those pluses and negatives are very similar. We have the same issues with young unemployment. Same issues with university places being expensive and students facing debt. Same issues with crime and drugs.

 

To be honest, i think kids can do well in either and it should not be a factor in a move to the other side of the world. I can understand it for those coming from developing countries. But, from other first world countries - all bit a bit of a muchness when it comes to children.

[HappyHeart]

I think that unless you really want to do it, you should put it out of your mind or on hold. If you want it, you will make it happen. No use trying to talk yourself into it.

[wattsy1982]

We made the move 2 years ago, in our early 30s and with 2 young children, then 3 and 1.

 

We had no need to move, came from a nice part of the UK, had plenty of family and long term friends all within 20min drive. We both had good (convenient with the kids too) jobs, help with babysitting etc.

 

I would move back to the UK tomorrow but that doesn't mean i don't like it here (a common misconception people make) I just miss home.

 

Like a previous poster commented, Aus hasn't changed me either, I'm not suddenly a mad surfer, 4x4'er, camper, rugby fanatic. I like bbqs and the sunshine...but i find I like it less now than I did when we first moved...I guess its not so much a novelty now.

 

I was only talking to a friend (ex uk) last night about his work, he's a plumber and had to nearly re-train 2 nights a week for 2 years (i think) and all the time could only work as an apprentice...meaning less money. That said, he's been here 9 years, got his own business and mortgage free....so make your own mind up on that.

 

Most kids are happy wherever so I think its more a case of would it make YOU happy. I think in your 'normal' situation it comes down to weather v family..as for us thats all each country has that the other doesn't....it wasn't until we got here that we realised that and when we did it mad me realise what is better/more suitable for all us as a family...UK

 

We maybe get a bit more family time here but my wife and I hardly get any adult time as we have no help with child care (our choice and we knew that before we came)

 

Unless you have come from a rough/dangerous area in the UK i don't buy into the whole "better life for kids" either and it all depends how close you are as a family (grandparents etc too). Its like saying the sunshine is 'better' for your kids than their family (if you have a good life in the uk)

 

There is no right answer, you might be really close to your family, have a good life there and move here and love it and stay...unfortunately the only way to know is to move...which is what we did.

 

In a way I wish we had never come, but thats only because we are probably going to move back, meaning more money and resettling kids etc...but Im also glad we did come to find out that it isn't for us. Until we do move back there are worse places to "sit tight"

 

Im by no means telling you not to come..after all we did. It just comes down to things v people. We have given our kids a bigger house and swimming pool but in turn they are not seeing their extended family, prioritise that as you see best.

 

Theres no doubt about it that we (and most id say) miss family for our kids sake more than the kids do as they are young and very matter of fact etc and yes you could argue that now they have had the weather, beaches, house, swimming pool etc that they would remember and miss that (if we move back to uk) than they currently miss their family but its a decision as a parent that you have to make as to what YOU feel will impact their life more.

 

Anyway, if you make a go of it there can be a lot to be gained here.

 

Only you can really decide whats more important.

 

All the best.

[HappyHeart]

We made the move 2 years ago, in our early 30s and with 2 young children, then 3 and 1.

 

We had no need to move, came from a nice part of the UK, had plenty of family and long term friends all within 20min drive. We both had good (convenient with the kids too) jobs, help with babysitting etc.

 

I would move back to the UK tomorrow but that doesn't mean i don't like it here (a common misconception people make) I just miss home.

 

Like a previous poster commented, Aus hasn't changed me either, I'm not suddenly a mad surfer, 4x4'er, camper, rugby fanatic. I like bbqs and the sunshine...but i find I like it less now than I did when we first moved...I guess its not so much a novelty now.

 

I was only talking to a friend (ex uk) last night about his work, he's a plumber and had to nearly re-train 2 nights a week for 2 years (i think) and all the time could only work as an apprentice...meaning less money. That said, he's been here 9 years, got his own business and mortgage free....so make your own mind up on that.

 

Most kids are happy wherever so I think its more a case of would it make YOU happy. I think in your 'normal' situation it comes down to weather v family..as for us thats all each country has that the other doesn't....it wasn't until we got here that we realised that and when we did it mad me realise what is better/more suitable for all us as a family...UK

 

We maybe get a bit more family time here but my wife and I hardly get any adult time as we have no help with child care (our choice and we knew that before we came)

 

Unless you have come from a rough/dangerous area in the UK i don't buy into the whole "better life for kids" either and it all depends how close you are as a family (grandparents etc too). Its like saying the sunshine is 'better' for your kids than their family (if you have a good life in the uk)

 

There is no right answer, you might be really close to your family, have a good life there and move here and love it and stay...unfortunately the only way to know is to move...which is what we did.

 

In a way I wish we had never come, but thats only because we are probably going to move back, meaning more money and resettling kids etc...but Im also glad we did come to find out that it isn't for us. Until we do move back there are worse places to "sit tight"

 

Im by no means telling you not to come..after all we did. It just comes down to things v people. We have given our kids a bigger house and swimming pool but in turn they are not seeing their extended family, prioritise that as you see best.

 

Theres no doubt about it that we (and most id say) miss family for our kids sake more than the kids do as they are young and very matter of fact etc and yes you could argue that now they have had the weather, beaches, house, swimming pool etc that they would remember and miss that (if we move back to uk) than they currently miss their family but its a decision as a parent that you have to make as to what YOU feel will impact their life more.

 

Anyway, if you make a go of it there can be a lot to be gained here.

 

Only you can really decide whats more important.

 

All the best.

 

Excellent post. Agree with all.

[Parley]

You make it sound like most people come just for the sunshine which is quite a shallow way of looking at it.

Most families have much more substantial reasons than that.

[wattsy1982]

Excellent post. Agree with all.

 

Thank you..often get shouted down but then I can be/have been negative at times.

 

I find it hard not to get passionate about the UK and in turn I seem to put Australia down.

[wattsy1982]

You make it sound like most people come just for the sunshine which is quite a shallow way of looking at it.

Most families have much more substantial reasons than that.

 

Not my intention at all.

 

I was only referring to the OP situation in that they seem to have it all there and from the outside would only be gaining the weather and losing their family. If there is a more in-depth reason for them moving then of course thats a deciding factor but they didn't mention that so I cannot comment on it.

 

Not looking to spark anything, just commenting on their situation from what they have told us and by relating it to our own situation.

[Gbye grey sky]

You make it sound like most people come just for the sunshine which is quite a shallow way of looking at it.

Most families have much more substantial reasons than that.

 

I have to admit that is the climate and the weather that is the pull. If it was the same or similar climate to the UK we would definitely not give it a moments thought.

 

I think the reasons people had in the past of forging a better life for their families in a new young country were valid and the weather/lifestyle may have been secondary. Personally I doubt that Australia in 2015 offers little, if anything, in terms of bettering yourself than the UK. If you succeed in Australia you probably would have in the UK and vice versa.

[Marisawright]

Hi All, I am new to this forum so please go easy on me, ha ha!. I am looking for help in trying to make a decision on moving to Australia. Any positive, or truthful stories or advice on how you made the decision to move and if it has worked out for you, or if not- and why not.

Basically I am 34 and my husband is 37, we have 2 children aged 2 and 4. My husband is the one who first came up with the idea of moving (we travelled around Australia about 9 years ago)- he thinks it will be a better lifestyle for us as a family and give our children a better future.

 

Australia can be a wonderful adventure and has much to offer, but please please please don't move to "give your children a better future", because it won't. Australia used to be a land where you could pick and choose your jobs, never be out of work, and earn higher salaries than the UK - it's not now. Australia has youth unemployment just like the UK. Salaries are higher but so is the cost of living, so it works out about th same. It's also much, much harder to move for work because of the distances involved - whereas in the UK you can easily get from Manchester to London or Birmingham or even to Europe to find work, and still get home to see mum and dad occasionally.

 

I'm not saying don't do it, but if you're going to move, do it for yourself - not for your kids' future, because that's a myth.

 

Also as others have said, research what your husband would need to do before he's allowed to work - he may have to work for a year or two at apprentice rates because he's got no Australian qualifications. As GreySky said, it will cost you at least £20,000 just to make the move, so you need to work out whether you can afford it if his wage is going to be low.

[Alaska]

We had a similar situation to you - we were well set up in the UK, young kids etc. Nothing was wrong but we both felt like that life was short and we wanted to experience different things. It was an incredibly difficult decision and I wasn't 100% about it to be honest.

However I am really glad we did it and have been very fortunate with setting up new friendships etc.

 

That's not to say that this is forever, but it's been a great experience. We decided that we would regret it more if we didn't give it a try and always wondered "what if".

The only thing I would make things better would be being able to afford to go back to the UK every year or two as there are some people I miss incredibly.

[wattsy1982]

We decided that we would regret it more if we didn't give it a try and always wondered "what if"

 

Exactly the same here!

[bristolman]

It's important that the OP doesn't think everyone is saying don't do it, that is far from the case. What people are saying is do it for the right reasons. As others have said Australia is not what it was 10 or 20 years ago, life can be very tough and for many migrants very lonely. Look at it very carefully, put the better life, better future stuff out of your heads and as I say do it for the right reasons.

[wattsy1982]

I personally think it has to be a place yu want to move to/live regardless of whats on offer/could be achieved, that way you are not moving for reasons/situations that 'might' happen.

 

By all means give it a go, but do it for the right reasons.

[Gbye grey sky]

Thank you..often get shouted down but then I can be/have been negative at times.

 

I find it hard not to get passionate about the UK and in turn I seem to put Australia down.

 

You have shown a different side to yourself @wattsy1982 in this thread which is great. It just goes to show that it can be easy for otherwise fair-minded people to get drawn sometimes into the slanging matches that PIO can sometimes degenerate into.

[paulrickett]

I would say go........the main reason is your kiddies ages- at that age you have complete control, as they get older it gets harder as they make their own lives and theres disruption of education, at your husbands age believe me from my own experience the last chance to go will creep up and be gone before you know it, finally again form my own experience if you don't go because of grandparents etc then sadly they will be the reason you didn't go causing resentment, i dont normally write on this forum but we went exactly the same scenario, if you can afford it to take the risk then do it my friend just remember its a brand new life ahead, Paul.

 

 

 

 

Hi All, I am new to this forum so please go easy on me, ha ha!. I am looking for help in trying to make a decision on moving to Australia. Any positive, or truthful stories or advice on how you made the decision to move and if it has worked out for you, or if not- and why not.

Basically I am 34 and my husband is 37, we have 2 children aged 2 and 4. My husband is the one who first came up with the idea of moving (we travelled around Australia about 9 years ago)- he thinks it will be a better lifestyle for us as a family and give our children a better future. He is a self-employed plumber and I am a student studying Nutritional Therapy (and also stay at home mom). We have sought advice on the visa process and would be looking at the skilled visa route. We were urged to lodge the application sooner rather than later as obviously my husband is approaching 40. He wants to start the process now but I am hesitant. He also wants me to give a yes or no answer and I find I can't! I am about 60% in favour of moving if I am honest. My main worry is leaving my family behind and taking my children away from their grandparents, cousins etc. If I didn't have family around I would make the move tomorrow. After having broached the subject with my mom and sister, they were quite outspoken on how distraught they would be if we moved and I suppose I am feeling very guilty!

I just don't know how I can bring myself to make the decision but at the same time I don't want to regret not moving. Please help! :confused:

[starlight7]

Hard to say whether you should give it a go or not, not knowing you and your personal circumstances. I would be inclined not to, though, given you are only 60% sure. When we came we were 100% sure - and you need to be sure because it is not easy for the first couple of years even if you find jobs immediately.