Paul1Perth Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I know what you mean..the demands on women nowadays are multiple..but we are at least lucky to have 'choices'....women make decisions based on what they want and what they feel is their priority. No doubt that can lead to regrets in the future but....we are all blessed with a brain and individual decision making is just that. If my career had been my priority at 22 who knows where I would be now in terms of family....I did it the other way round but that's not to say one way is better..or worse..it can be for the best... The demands on women are the same as they've always been HH. It's only the desire to have everything that leads to the thought that demands are greater. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 What I meant was people do a whole lot of other things in there 20's and 30's and when they hit late 30's try for a baby and fail.The excuse that they weren't meant to have a baby is probably wrong. They just left it too late. Who says though? Maybe they were meant to contribute to society in other ways....maybe the 'other things' were what they wanted and bought them lots of pleasure? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 The demands on women are the same as they've always been HH. It's only the desire to have everything that leads to the thought that demands are greater. I disagree, society demands I work alongside my husband. It's less acceptable to be a stay at home Mum, you need to be productive in many aspects, socially, sexually, practically, financially...the list goes on...men just have to be strong and bring in the $$.....that said I agree the desire is there in many but societal influences are strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I disagree, society demands I work alongside my husband. It's less acceptable to be a stay at home Mum, you need to be productive in many aspects, socially, sexually, practically, financially...the list goes on...men just have to be strong and bring in the $$.....that said I agree the desire is there in many but societal influences are strong. Boy, I can't think of anything much worse than the thought I might have to work alongside my wife every day. She's way too bossy, the kitchens not big enough when we cook. :wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Boy, I can't think of anything much worse than the thought I might have to work alongside my wife every day. She's way too bossy, the kitchens not big enough when we cook. :wink: Lol. You are a traditionalist and that will impact on your opinions naturally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Lol. You are a traditionalist and that will impact on your opinions naturally. Is traditionalist just another saying for old fart HH?:wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Is traditionalist just another saying for old fart HH?:wink: Don't put words in my mouth!:cute: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 People are NOT meant to be childless. Oh FFS!! :arghh: There is no law anywhere that says every human being has to have a child. Animal species do what comes naturally and offspring are the result. They don't have a choice. Human beings are able to make conscious decisions, especially since the advent of reliable birth control. Some people do not wish to become parents....some people SHOULDN'T become parents.....including many who have children and shouldn't have. That's why there are now so many children in out-of-home care. Species reproduce to ensure their survival. That is not going to be a problem with humanity. In a world which is overpopulating itself to extinction, humans who choose not to have children are to be applauded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I started thinking that maybe leaving it till my 30's isn't right but I've just thought of 5 women who have had kids in their mid 30's and they don't seem too old at all. My daughter's first child was born in the same month she turned 35. She was very reluctant to go to the new mothers' group organised by the local child health nurse because she thought she'd be an "oldie" amongst a lot of "young uns". I finally convinced her to go to the first meeting.....and all bar one were just like her....first time mothers in their early 30s. The average age of women giving birth in Oz is now 30.1 years. And you don't have to choose between travel, career and a child. Plenty of women manage to do all 3 - including many PIOers! :smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Oh FFS!! :arghh: There is no law anywhere that says every human being has to have a child. Animal species do what comes naturally and offspring are the result. They don't have a choice. Human beings are able to make conscious decisions, especially since the advent of reliable birth control. Some people do not wish to become parents....some people SHOULDN'T become parents.....including many who have children and shouldn't have. That's why there are now so many children in out-of-home care. Species reproduce to ensure their survival. That is not going to be a problem with humanity. In a world which is overpopulating itself to extinction, humans who choose not to have children are to be applauded. Couldn't have put it better myself :yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Oh FFS!! :arghh: There is no law anywhere that says every human being has to have a child. Animal species do what comes naturally and offspring are the result. They don't have a choice. Human beings are able to make conscious decisions, especially since the advent of reliable birth control. Some people do not wish to become parents....some people SHOULDN'T become parents.....including many who have children and shouldn't have. That's why there are now so many children in out-of-home care. Species reproduce to ensure their survival. That is not going to be a problem with humanity. In a world which is overpopulating itself to extinction, humans who choose not to have children are to be applauded. That rant is totally irrelevant to what we were talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 My daughter's first child was born in the same month she turned 35. She was very reluctant to go to the new mothers' group organised by the local child health nurse because she thought she'd be an "oldie" amongst a lot of "young uns". I finally convinced her to go to the first meeting.....and all bar one were just like her....first time mothers in their early 30s. The average age of women giving birth in Oz is now 30.1 years. And you don't have to choose between travel, career and a child. Plenty of women manage to do all 3 - including many PIOers! :smile: I thought you said she was 35. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bound4Tassie Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Well, I went to University, got a profession, did some travelling ( where incidentally I found the right partner!) , set up a life and had kids at 32 & 35. That works for me. It might not for everyone but it suits me. If I hadn't travelled , maybe I wouldn't have met anyone suitable who knows??! If I hadn't had kids , I wouldn't worry, I'd just get on with enjoying my life with all the freedom of a child free existence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Your time will come. Maybe you're just being more sensible, and bypassing the mistakes and failed relationships/marriages some of us have along the way! I was in two long relationships (one a marriage) before I finally found my current oh, and by that time I was fifty. So you've got a long way to go yet before you have to worry! If you check my posting history I've had this panic attack about the right age before lol. I was with someone for quite a long time but they were quite a lot older than me. I started thinking that I'd need to have them earlier than I planned because I didn't want him to be too old by the time I was ready in my late 20's or very early 30's. Even though I wasn't sure if I even want them and he was the same. I think sometimes it's easy to be made to feel like you should have to want to kids. I always thought I wouldn't and that I'd be happy around other peoples instead. I don't particularly like babies tbh. I love toddlers though. Maybe I could adopt a toddler instead lol. Although I know that is very hard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Well, I went to University, got a profession, did some travelling ( where incidentally I found the right partner!) , set up a life and had kids at 32 & 35. That works for me. It might not for everyone but it suits me. If I hadn't travelled , maybe I wouldn't have met anyone suitable who knows??! If I hadn't had kids , I wouldn't worry, I'd just get on with enjoying my life with all the freedom of a child free existence! I like this.. 32 is my plan too IF I end up at Uni. It sounds like it worked our well for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I think sometimes it's easy to be made to feel like you should have to want to kids. I always thought I wouldn't and that I'd be happy around other peoples instead. I don't particularly like babies tbh. I love toddlers though. Maybe I could adopt a toddler instead lol. Although I know that is very hard Yes, I had the same pressure - when I got married (at 20!), my mother-in-law showed me two teddy bears, sitting in her airing cupboard, and said, "they're ready when you are"!! Thankfully my Mum said, "don't have kids unless you want to". In the end I never did have children and I have to say, at 60 I'm still waiting for the regrets to kick in. Who knows what my life would've been like with kids, but it's been a wonderful life without them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 My mums demented with me because I've been going on about it since yesterday. I told her it was her fault for saying she really wanted grandchildren and then telling me early 30's was a bit too old :laugh: serves her right lol. Well if you don't regret it then that's all that matters. I actually think is rather adopt than have my own but it sounds so difficult Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bound4Tassie Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Yes, I had the same pressure - when I got married (at 20!), my mother-in-law showed me two teddy bears, sitting in her airing cupboard, and said, "they're ready when you are"!! Thankfully my Mum said, "don't have kids unless you want to". In the end I never did have children and I have to say, at 60 I'm still waiting for the regrets to kick in. Who knows what my life would've been like with kids, but it's been a wonderful life without them. God, I really thought you were going to.say she showed you what to do with 2 teddies!! Phew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm really struggling with...I'll just pick the most appropriate age to have a child concept..and like magic it happens...it should happen when you find the right person..sometimes life doesn't just go to plan.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) My mums demented with me because I've been going on about it since yesterday. I told her it was her fault for saying she really wanted grandchildren and then telling me early 30's was a bit too old :laugh: serves her right lol. Well if you don't regret it then that's all that matters. I actually think is rather adopt than have my own but it sounds so difficult Yes it's hard these days. It's not just the tighter controls, it's that their are fewer children around to adopt. It's not an easy thing to do, anyway. One of my friends got approved for adoption and she was SO excited, it had been her dream for years. But she wasn't prepared for the actual process. They got approved and then got told to wait for the call. You're told that the call may come tomorrow, or you may be waiting a year or more, so you can't make any plans. When you get the call, one partner has to give up work on the spot (there must be one stay-at-home parent). Then you visit to see the baby and you have to take a piece of clothing you've worn, which you leave with the baby so he/she gets used to your scent. Then you have just a few days to equip the nursery and get your home ready, then you go and pick up the baby and go home! You can just imagine how overwhelming it is to have no baby one day, and a week later you're a mother. No nine months to get ready for it! She really struggled at first to bond with the baby. I think she was lucky that it was a small baby - some people adopt at older ages and I'd think it must be much harder to think of it as your own. Edited February 11, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Yes it's hard these days. It's not just the tighter controls, it's that their are fewer children around to adopt. It's not an easy thing to do, anyway. One of my friends got approved for adoption and she was SO excited, it had been her dream for years. But she wasn't prepared for the actual process. They got approved and then got told to wait for the call. When you get the call, one partner has to give up work immediately (there must be one stay-at-home parent). Then you visit to see the baby and you have to take a piece of clothing you've worn, which you leave with the baby so he/she gets used to your scent. Then you have just a few days to equip the nursery and get your home ready, then you go and pick up the baby and go home! You can just imagine how overwhelming it is to have no baby one day, and a week later you're a mother. No nine months to get ready for it! She really struggled at first to bond with the baby. I think she was lucky that it was a small baby - some people adopt at older ages and I'd think it must be much harder to think of it as your own. That at doesn't sound like the average adoption...it's normally a very well planned process..occurring over months... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I think I would prefer adopting a toddler to a baby, not sure why. I never realised there were less children to adopt. I guess I always thought there were lots and lots. It must be a hard thing to do though, I admire them. Would need lots of patience. I admire people who foster too. I think I'd grow too attached and wouldn't want to let them go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 That at doesn't sound like the average adoption...it's normally a very well planned process..occurring over months... It's the way it works in Australia and it is very well planned! The process of being approved for adoption was very painstaking and took over a year. Once the whole approval process was completed, they were put on the waiting list. They attended a course and were given a manual, so they would be prepared to act fast once they got the call. I think the logic is that if a mother gives up a baby for adoption, they don't want the baby to be without a mother a moment longer than necessary, so the baby isn't put into institutional care -- it goes straight from the hospital to a couple on the waiting list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I think I would prefer adopting a toddler to a baby, not sure why. I never realised there were less children to adopt. I guess I always thought there were lots and lots. It must be a hard thing to do though, I admire them. Would need lots of patience. I admire people who foster too. I think I'd grow too attached and wouldn't want to let them go! In the olden days, the authorities were much less tolerant of problem parents -- if they had any doubt the parents could be trusted with the kids, they would remove them permanently and put them up for adoption. These days the attitude is that natural parents are always best, so social services prefer to put the child into foster care and try to rehabilitate the parent(s). Also - if you've seen Love Child! - single mothers used to be pressured to give up their babies, whereas now they're pressured to keep them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bound4Tassie Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 In the Uk the process isn't supposed to take longer than a pregnancy ( 9 months obviously) They are trying to make the process easier whilst still safeguarding the children. I don't know how that's panning out in reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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