So you want to move back home to UK

[Ali B]

Just been reading a very old thread started by a very unhappy Brit feeling trapped over here and missing UK and Loved ones.

 

We've been here a LONG time now (since Nov 1999) and i have some observations. We have had times of utter misery and depression. I struggled badly for a good 4-5 yrs and still do on and off. But I cope a lot better now. As a family, being here has brought good and bad:

 

We started in Adelaide and HATED it. We decided to locate to Melbourne which was a good decision. It is very like Europe. So: pick your city carefully and maybe consider re-locating before the expense of moving back. Some people settle well in Brisbane Canberra and Perth, but if like us you like big cities you need to be in Melbourne or Sydney as there is sooooo much to do. We had friends here who moved for jobs to Perth and Hate it.

 

We left UK because we had the offer of two good jobs that would rid us of £18K debt. We were paid double what we got in UK and are now debt free and have a house and savings. Thats not the case necessarily now 14yrs on for newly arrived Brits. It is harder these days. So:if jobs aren't working out, why stay? Sometimes making GOOD decisions involves realising the decision you need to make, is to cut your losses and run either to a different city in Oz or back to UK.

 

Our kids settled and were really happy. They were then 9 7 and 1.5 yrs. Fast forward 14 yrs our elder two are both finishing off uni (good courses at good Universities here in Melbourne) our youngest is now in her last two school years. They'll have better education behind them than secondary schools where we lived in Brighton. You cannot think back to the "great small village schools" your Infant/Junior school kids were at. The reality is that a lot of secondary schools in UK are not nice. So: think long term of the benefits of solid decent schools here.

 

And probably the biggest thing to remember is that "nothing has to be forever" Honestly there are pros and cons to being in Oz.

We have straightened ourselves out financially here.

We bought a nasty dump of a house and have renovated it over 10 yrs. Get out of rental into anything that you can call your own. Our mood lifted immediately we had our own bit of turf.

 

Get a job that can help you meet people AND keep you busy during the hours of depression in a rental.

 

Psychologically you will feel less trapped if you tell yourself you can always go home one day. We are neither happy nor UNhappy here in Oz but are now considering what live will be like in retirement. Considering a bolt hole in UK.

 

Our girls ironically are grown up and still miss UK but they have lives and friends here. We have been back several times and we have never stopped loving home. Our girls LOVE the UK but visiting and re-settling are very different aims. There's not work there in the quantity as here, the rain would drive me insane, but we are maybe considering retiring because we find Brits friendlier.

Tho over the years a lot of friends have moved on from our home town themselves. Elderly relatives sadly have died. Its not the place we left.

 

so: like anything weigh up realistically the pros and cons. Think with your head not your heart and manoeuvre yourself into a position of strength where you can make realistic decisions that wont mess your lives up, split families and ruin your finances. Nothing needs to be forever. UK won't disappear. You CAN go back, but go back at the right time forthe right reasons, not because you are swilling in negativity on a grey day or month.

 

good luck everyone.

[Que Sera Sera]

What a lovely honest post. Life is fluid and children grow, our priorities change and as you said so well, nothing need be forever.:wubclub:

[cheswick]

Hello Ali B..

Must say that's a really good honest post..from someone who has defo been there and done that it seems..i emigrated in 1994..and have returned to the uk this year...so I know all about the pros and cons...you`ve summed it up very well...all the best..cheers..

[Tappers2oz]

Beautiful post. :-)

[Chortlepuss]

The greatest tip here I think is about getting out of rental. We are on our 5th rental in just under 8 years and this is a huge driver for returning to UK where we rent our own home. We couldn't sell as we came over on 457 then it all got complicated but for us we can't stand the insecurity and expense any more. I am sad because I know how much better our Oz experience could have been if we could have lived in our home without the sordid intervention of property managers and simple things - like having a dog for our son. We move today for the last time before we go home.

[Chris N Lora]

I have lived here in Sydney for 3 years there is not so much to do? late night shop on a Thursday? life is not a hussle and bussle like London that is truely 24/7!!! we came here to seek a new life, yeah got a good job in the government, however it is still depressing over here variety is poor the public transport system is appalling, Broadband etc .... I agree it is great for some but for us it really doesnt compete to the UK, we are going to give it until we get citizenship then we will prob move back home to the UK to watch real sport!!

[Gbye grey sky]

I have lived here in Sydney for 3 years there is not so much to do? late night shop on a Thursday? life is not a hussle and bussle like London that is truely 24/7!!! we came here to seek a new life, yeah got a good job in the government, however it is still depressing over here variety is poor the public transport system is appalling, Broadband etc .... I agree it is great for some but for us it really doesnt compete to the UK, we are going to give it until we get citizenship then we will prob move back home to the UK to watch real sport!!

 

I agree but for us it is the reason for heading the other way. In London and many other places in the UK it seems there is no elbow room. But we are older and so what once felt vibrant now just feels crowded. Sure there is lots going on but everything from shows to sporting events are massively over-subscribed so you pay through the nose and have to try for tickets months in advance. We are seeking room to breathe. There are places in the UK less crowded of course but even remote areas are a magnet when the weather is fair and a long journey in traffic jams more often than not.

[flag of convenience]

I agree but for us it is the reason for heading the other way. In London and many other places in the UK it seems there is no elbow room. But we are older and so what once felt vibrant now just feels crowded. Sure there is lots going on but everything from shows to sporting events are massively over-subscribed so you pay through the nose and have to try for tickets months in advance. We are seeking room to breathe. There are places in the UK less crowded of course but even remote areas are a magnet when the weather is fair and a long journey in traffic jams more often than not.

 

I can understand that sentiment in regards to London, although doesn't bother me as rather like blending into the crowd, but in the regions hardly. We drove around Yorkshire and up to Newcastle in 10, barely noticing a crowded isle. Just very polite drivers, expanses of countryside and generally approachable people. In fact had far more off the cuff conversations with strangers in those four plus months, than would have done in eighteen months in OZ.

[Bound4Tassie]

I agree but for us it is the reason for heading the other way. In London and many other places in the UK it seems there is no elbow room. But we are older and so what once felt vibrant now just feels crowded. Sure there is lots going on but everything from shows to sporting events are massively over-subscribed so you pay through the nose and have to try for tickets months in advance. We are seeking room to breathe. There are places in the UK less crowded of course but even remote areas are a magnet when the weather is fair and a long journey in traffic jams more often than not.

Yep me too! I must be getting old. Don't get me wrong I love lots of things about the UK. I love London to visit and then get the hell out! I wouldn't live there for all the tea in China. I love our coast particularly NE Yorkshire where I currently live but try visiting the beach on a sunny day ( even off peak holiday season.) It's a nightmare to park! Cornwall & Devon amazing as they are get gridlocked. I've no idea what Sydney is like to get to the beach for a family of 4 but I wouldn't consider living there either. I could be tempted by Melbourne possibly but we are headed for Tassie eventually as my husband is from there. I love that it is quiet and remote! It's a good job we are all different! Some people find Sydney too quiet / nothing to do....I find it way too busy and a place to visit occasionally to see the sights.

I'm just old and boring maybe! I just want a quiet simple life where we can have a family day out that doesn't start with the stress of not being able to park / move down the street without 1000 others competing for the same metre of space!

[starlight7]

Tassie is gorgeous- there is nothing like it anywhere else and it is great that you can go to all these beautiful remote places and not have to LOOK at people- all to yourselves, wonderful! I couldn't live there permanently myself( did try for a while but being London born it was just too quiet for me.) Melbourne is a good compromise for us, loads to do and mostly you can find a parking spot! I don't think I could settle in Sydney, just a bit alien to me, but I could go Brisbane and probably Adelaide too ( though that is a bit small). Britain is just too crowded- quarter the population and I would think it would be much more attractive. Funny how we're all different, isn't it?

[Ali B]

Its comforting reading that other people have worries and doubts like us too. As i said above, we aren't unhappy here in Melbourne, but we aren't really happy either. Its a life in limbo, like we're waiting for our real life to begin again. Hard to nail down exactly why it feels like a half life. I grew up in east Surrey near Gatwick so London has always been a part of my life - love the hustle and bustle and we spent first 4yrs as young marrieds there going up the West End, cinema, knew all the trendy spots.

 

Moved later to Brighton. Loved being by the sea and the pubs on the south downs in Sussex. Tiny villages and beautiful woodland just spitting distance from the sea. Sitting out on a sunny Sunday with a ploughmans and a cold lager just looking at people and families all having a great time in each others company. I loved the history of UK. Every single town and village has a story. Someone born there or invented something there or designed a chimney pot or hid in a tree escaping from a castle. It felt part of my blood.

 

And I genuinely love Brits, the quirky eccentric way of looking at life, having a moan then smiling and saying tomorrows another day. There's always something to moan about too, the weather or the "bloody foreigners" or traffic and speed cameras. But then you'll see a couple stop and help someone or chat to the "foreigners" in the corner shop and you realise for all the moans, we are actually really nice and accommodating of so many different people. As long as people are kind to us, we'll take it all on board. Before you know it the West Indians on the London Underground are part of the fabric of UK life, not foreigners anymore. I think Brits are good like that.

 

Dunno why we came here really. We always travelled a lot and liked the adventure. Genuinely planned for two years then couldn't afford to move back to UK so resigned ourselves to staying. Found Ozzies welcoming at first up to a point then after a year or two we were kind of left stranded. We both had jobs so meeting mums for coffee didn't happen so much. We also find Ozzies are really into their own friends and family and don't take in strangers all that readily despite seeming friendly at first. We've also picked up a nastily racist vibe here. Mocking and quite nasty of people-not-like-us. Its on the radio and telly and you hear people drop things in conversation that jar and you think, "oh you wouldn't hear that at home!" Its unkind and intended to underline what being in the Australian Team involves. Be one of us or piss off. So if you don't like AFL or being a bloke or laughing at people, you are the problem.

 

Our girls rapidly un-learnt their Brighton accents to speed up fitting in. They have made friends and have their own life and boyfriends. We could retire in five years and go back... except by then they might have married and we'll be breaking away from family again just as we did when we came here. Its a tough call. Sorry I'm rambling folks, I'll shut up now. just that seeing that old thread has made me think. Dunno who the person was or if they went back. It's nothing other people can solve for you.

[janlo]

Just been reading a very old thread started by a very unhappy Brit feeling trapped over here and missing UK and Loved ones.

 

We've been here a LONG time now (since Nov 1999) and i have some observations. We have had times of utter misery and depression. I struggled badly for a good 4-5 yrs and still do on and off. But I cope a lot better now. As a family, being here has brought good and bad:

 

We started in Adelaide and HATED it. We decided to locate to Melbourne which was a good decision. It is very like Europe. So: pick your city carefully and maybe consider re-locating before the expense of moving back. Some people settle well in Brisbane Canberra and Perth, but if like us you like big cities you need to be in Melbourne or Sydney as there is sooooo much to do. We had friends here who moved for jobs to Perth and Hate it.

 

We left UK because we had the offer of two good jobs that would rid us of £18K debt. We were paid double what we got in UK and are now debt free and have a house and savings. Thats not the case necessarily now 14yrs on for newly arrived Brits. It is harder these days. So:if jobs aren't working out, why stay? Sometimes making GOOD decisions involves realising the decision you need to make, is to cut your losses and run either to a different city in Oz or back to UK.

 

Our kids settled and were really happy. They were then 9 7 and 1.5 yrs. Fast forward 14 yrs our elder two are both finishing off uni (good courses at good Universities here in Melbourne) our youngest is now in her last two school years. They'll have better education behind them than secondary schools where we lived in Brighton. You cannot think back to the "great small village schools" your Infant/Junior school kids were at. The reality is that a lot of secondary schools in UK are not nice. So: think long term of the benefits of solid decent schools here.

 

And probably the biggest thing to remember is that "nothing has to be forever" Honestly there are pros and cons to being in Oz.

We have straightened ourselves out financially here.

We bought a nasty dump of a house and have renovated it over 10 yrs. Get out of rental into anything that you can call your own. Our mood lifted immediately we had our own bit of turf.

 

Get a job that can help you meet people AND keep you busy during the hours of depression in a rental.

 

Psychologically you will feel less trapped if you tell yourself you can always go home one day. We are neither happy nor UNhappy here in Oz but are now considering what live will be like in retirement. Considering a bolt hole in UK.

 

Our girls ironically are grown up and still miss UK but they have lives and friends here. We have been back several times and we have never stopped loving home. Our girls LOVE the UK but visiting and re-settling are very different aims. There's not work there in the quantity as here, the rain would drive me insane, but we are maybe considering retiring because we find Brits friendlier.

Tho over the years a lot of friends have moved on from our home town themselves. Elderly relatives sadly have died. Its not the place we left.

 

so: like anything weigh up realistically the pros and cons. Think with your head not your heart and manoeuvre yourself into a position of strength where you can make realistic decisions that wont mess your lives up, split families and ruin your finances. Nothing needs to be forever. UK won't disappear. You CAN go back, but go back at the right time forthe right reasons, not because you are swilling in negativity on a grey day or month.

 

good luck everyone.

 

Let's face it youre stuck here or else you move back and leave your children behind. It's would be unlikely they will all follow you and if they did then yes..... win win all round. If anyone out there wants to move back then do it before the kids are 15 before they get partners and won't come back with mum and dad !

[Jacaranda]

OP,enjoyed reading your post,so thankyou for sharing your thoughts.

[Guest]

You are describing to a letter how I felt - I definitely wasn't unhappy, we wouldn't have stayed as long as we did if we were but we had a sense of 'this is it?' We were busy enough and invited to plenty of social gatherings but after 5 years there was no-one I truly felt I could turn to when life took some difficult turns.

 

My son had never truly settled despite only being 5 when we moved was absolute that he was moving to Scotland as soon as he could. The biggest pair of rose-tinted specs ever BUT he would have done it and talking to adults who had been young migrants it seems it's not that unusual and doesn't necessarily go away.

 

Fortuous circumstances meant we had the choice to move back and I am so glad we did. I would not have moved back to poverty so the head was involved in the decision but I see nothing wrong with a 'heart' decision either. We didn't have any good reason to move back we simply wanted to. Of course we didn't have older children to consider but tbh I would not stay in Australia for them, Afterall they could end up anywhere in the world.

 

My parents seriously considered moving to Scotland and once I saw the possibility I did everything I could to make it easy but in the end they decided no & I truly understood, although they are housebound and I am the only family they are in the town where they belong, when my mam reads the local paper it is the people and places she has known her whole life and that sense of connection is important.

[Ali B]

LR - yes and yes. So agree.

Janlo too - yes we are truly stuck. I just worry hugely that our youngest wants to leave Oz and doesn't want to stay here. She was 18mths when we came over but knows Brighton (UK) like the back of her hand and has a deep connection to friends and family there. Our middle girl is 23 and finishing a teaching degree, she could travel anywhere and also wants to live at least three years in UK. i suspect then she'd stay. She has a real problem with the attitudes of just about every 20+ Aussie boy shes met. Our eldest is in a stable relationship with an Australian boy of Maltese/Kenyan parents. He hankers after Europe and has travelled there. Has family in Malta. She is the one we worry about as she'd not cope with us not being around. If we went back it'd destroy her to stay here.

 

On top of that we moved our teachers pension over here two yrs ago (and we had to pay ATO $15000 each as it was classified as income !!) Its performing well but we reckon we'd have to pay massive tax on it to take it out of Oz again. All extra research we'd need to do.

 

if it wasn't for our three girls Id go back today.

[Aunt Agatha]

Thanks for such a thoughtful post, I was immediately struck by you saying that you are neither unhappy nor happy here, that's very sad. Have you pitched the idea of a family move back to the UK to your girls? I hope you can make it happen somehow.

 

I have been happy here in Australia but now I am poised to leave I am aware that there has been something missing and I don't mean family and UK friends. Just a certain je ne sais quoi - most likely the desire for British culture I think. Even though my children are still tiny, I already worry that they will want to settle in Australia one day and we'll either have to move here too (if they want us!) or resign ourselves to a long-distance relationship with the people who matter more to us than anyone in the world. The curse of the dual citizen!

[Quoll]

It's a bugger when you've got past the point of no return! Once your kids are grown, all bets are off I reckon and you do what you need to do. I never gave a thought to where my kids would end up - mainly, I suppose, because I expected them to take the same independent strides that I did with the same response from me that my parents accorded me - "it's your life to do as you want". Ironically, the one who couldn't wait to leave (went too young) returned pretty quickly and is now trapped with a wife and two kids somewhat jealously eyeing his big brother who came to UK for a post Uni gap year - 11 yrs ago - and who has had some amazing opportunities, fantastic travel, his own home and now wife and child. So, grand kids on both sides of the world - not ideal by any means! But it's their lives and I let them get on with it! Meanwhile I won't say that living in UK with my parents - one very dementia driven - is a piece of cake, it isn't, it's an occasional nightmare but I wouldn't swap it for quids - the feeling of belonging has been missing from my life for so long that I'd forgotten what it felt like. I didn't hate Aus for the first 10 or even 20 years. I quite liked the first 10 in fact but the older you get the stronger the need to return to your roots I reckon. For us the time was never quite right to move on to UK and then, when it was, my Aussie DH had become so entrenched in living in "his" place that he wouldn't even entertain the thought of living in mine! Now he's here he's like a pig in muck!

[Pumpkin]

The greatest tip here I think is about getting out of rental. We are on our 5th rental in just under 8 years and this is a huge driver for returning to UK where we rent our own home. We couldn't sell as we came over on 457 then it all got complicated but for us we can't stand the insecurity and expense any more. I am sad because I know how much better our Oz experience could have been if we could have lived in our home without the sordid intervention of property managers and simple things - like having a dog for our son. We move today for the last time before we go home.

 

My rental experience has been pleasant. One house, no rent increases, two inspections in more than four years. I defended renting for a while. But I am over it now, not because it is has been a bad experience, but I think it has maybe stopped us from putting down roots. I cannot bear the thought of rolling our lease forward again.

[starlight7]

I am really, really glad I didn't read anything like these posts before we came to Australia. New would- be migrants should be assured that these people are in the minority, difficult for them and all that- but they do not represent the majority of migrants in any way.

[Aunt Agatha]

@starlight while some posters' experiences are more extreme than others, I think missing aspects of home (sometimes acutely) is an experience shared by the majority of migrants, whatever their country of origin.

[Katie22]

I am really, really glad I didn't read anything like these posts before we came to Australia. New would- be migrants should be assured that these people are in the minority, difficult for them and all that- but they do not represent the majority of migrants in any way.

But they're being written in the Moving back to UK forum so sometimes I don't get why would be migrants or the migrants who are really happy here want to read these posts as they're obviously not going to agree with them? The people who want to move back, me included, are in a minority and that's why it can be really helpful hearing each other's point of views and giving each other support. And I reckon all of us acknowledge the fact that Australia can be a fantastic place to live - for the majority but not for everybody.

[Gbye grey sky]

I am really, really glad I didn't read anything like these posts before we came to Australia. New would- be migrants should be assured that these people are in the minority, difficult for them and all that- but they do not represent the majority of migrants in any way.

 

As a prospective migrant I could not disagree more. I find the posts here and on MBTTUK in general contain a lot of positives as well as negatives about Australia and those coming over are well-advised to look at this before making such a commitment. I suspect almost all, like us, will still go ahead, and so they should, but it is useful to read the nuggets of wisdom from those that have been there and done that.

[Petals]

We are all different and I know many migrants who have come here gone home, laid the ghost and come back and never go back again. As we age our lives change and what we want to do is so different from when we are younger. I like a quiet life now, don't particularly like going out at night anymore, like going out but before 6pm :laugh:.

 

I am going to the UK next year and I am not really looking forward to it, just want to see family potter about and come back here. Probably the lat time I will go.

 

As pensions become stressed due to the aging populations in the west and each new government making things harder and harder to access services and pensions, young people need to think of this when moving about as it does affect what life will be like when they are retired or if thy get to retirement age. Rolling stone gathers no moss.

 

So people may think they have a lot of time but boy it flies by, especially once children are involved, its like lightening and its gone and we are old and they are the new adults running stuff.

 

So plan your lives carefully and enjoy every day of your life because there are no guarantees.

 

Personally Aus is ok and its what you make it, I don't blame Aussies for thinking people should fit in. We fitted in but we did our own thing in the family, we always wanted to fit in that is why we migrated in the first place. No point going somewhere and being alienated from the local way of life just because its different.

 

How many English people ask migrants to their homes each week when they move into a Street near them, not many I guess just like Aussies.

[Guest]

But they're being written in the Moving back to UK forum so sometimes I don't get why would be migrants or the migrants who are really happy here want to read these posts as they're obviously not going to agree with them? The people who want to move back, me included, are in a minority and that's why it can be really helpful hearing each other's point of views and giving each other support. And I reckon all of us acknowledge the fact that Australia can be a fantastic place to live - for the majority but not for everybody.

 

 

Good point. I think if you're happy here and are uncomfortable reading the accounts of those who aren't, or of those who feel their time here is coming to end, this particular forum is best avoided. I'm not sure that posts which are less positive about Aus put prospective migrants off. In fact, I can think of a few posters who have expressed their determination to not end up as 'failed migrants' - whatever that means - having read their accounts on MBTTUK.

[Aunt Agatha]

As pensions become stressed due to the aging populations in the west and each new government making things harder and harder to access services and pensions, young people need to think of this when moving about as it does affect what life will be like when they are retired or if thy get to retirement age. Rolling stone gathers no moss.

 

This is spot on. When we moved here aged 29 we gave this no thought at all - partly because we only intended to stay here for four years initially - but now aged 40 we certainly wish we had! We'll be okay but have lost a lot of ground moving around the world and will have to work very hard to make it up. A forum like this would have been invaluable to me then.