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Friendships


BritChickx

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I read something on Facebook (yes fb) which made me have a think. 'If a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, psychologists say it will last a life time' and that most friendships don't last longer than 7 years.

It got me thinking... I'm still really young and have plenty of time to build new friendships. I have friends from school who are still my closest friends, one from work and one from college who I haven't quite known for 7 years but I know it will last (unless they decide while i'm here to drift away lol). I've lost 2 friends who i've known over 7 years, one from betrayal, and the other, well don't know what happened there, but it still gets to me.

 

Do you have many friends? Are you still close to the friends you had years and years ago?

 

Friendships don't come easily to me, it takes more than a few nights out for me to consider someone a good friend, but I hope to make some this year.

Edited by BritChickx
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Friendships are a tricky business I find.

 

I don't think I've got anyone I would count as a best friend share-anything with but I don't feel that sad about it.

 

I speak to two friends from school, one I've known since I was at primary the other secondary - both of whom I lost touch with for around 3-4 years somewhere in the middle. We catch up via email and text occasionally and have a good natter when one of us can be bothered to call/skype. I have one other friend who I met at 16 at an old job (I'm 30 now), still in touch but it's hard being over here and continuing a close relationship.

 

Other than that we have a few couply friends we hang out with that we've known for a year since arriving in Oz.

 

Wow, doesn't sound all that many when you write it down - lol!

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I could count my real friends on one hand (probably without needing my thumb!) and certainly can't be bothered with trying to reconnect with people I knew at school/uni via social media.

 

I have acquaintances who I socialise with but who I know are never going to be the "thumb".

 

Our family unit is far more important to me than transient friendships.

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I have one very close friend who I have known over 20 years now. We met in student halls and although he is back in blighty we still send each other a couple of long emails a couple of times a month.

 

Got a couple of others who are good mates also back in the UK who keep in regular contact

 

Have a few "friends" here who are mainly ex work mates - went out for a beer with a few yesterday.

 

My wife is my best friend though and we are happy spending our time together.

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I have a small core of 40yr+ UK friends who have stood the test of time even though we don't see each other that much (one hand with thumb required!). Mostly from uni and one from PNG. Having been away from Aus for 2 yrs now my Aus "friends" have largely disappeared though one relatively recent friend is proving more of a friend than I imagined (we bonded while working on a Disaster) and we catch up every year when she comes over. I've found a couple of new friends since being here and we've had some really good times together - haven't laughed so much in years. Whether they survive the test of time I dunno but I have a feeling they might.

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I've got some amazing friends but the problem is that we all move around so often we don't live near eachother. My best friend lives in Nottingham at the moment and it's about 3 hours away but we see each other every couple of months if we can.

 

I have friends at the top of Scotland and down in Cornwall. Friends who have been posted abroad to Germany, Canada and civilian friends in Australia etc.

 

I have one true friend where I live but she's an army wife too and no doubt will move on soon enough. I don't have any real friends from school as we moved away when we were 18 and grew apart although I still have them on fb I wouldn't consider them true friends now. I have friends at Uni but they are all civilian friends and because they stayed in one place their whole life they have friends from school etc.

 

It can be hard making friends. Hubby I think is worried about leaving the Army and not making any civilian friends because Army blokes seem to be fair weather friends so friends when you are posted somewhere then don't talk to them again really until you randomly bump into them when you see them.

 

I'm not bothered about making friends when we move to Australia because we are so used to "starting again" and being the new guys it won't be any different in Australia when we don't have anyone lol. Xx

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I have mates but only two real friends. One I have known since I was 3, and the other who I have been friends with since secondary school. I'm 46 now so that's well over 7 yrs lol. I even worked with one up until christmas and we're still best friends and so are our children.

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My husband I would say is my best friend, I then have 4 close friends. One I've known for 21 years, two 10 years and the other 9 years. The latter lives in Australia and we email each other probably about monthly and we visit each other around every 3 years (next visit planned for next year). I had friends growing up (two come into mind) who I thought would be life friends but either you slowly drift apart due to life in general or you upset one another in some silly way or another. I don't think the number of friends matter (I have other people I occasionally socialize with), its the quality of the friendship. Even if you only have one close friend that's better then having friends who betray you or say bad things about you behind your back.

 

However having friends are nice :)

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Guest The Pom Queen

 

Friendships don't come easily to me, it takes more than a few nights out for me to consider someone a good friend, but I hope to make some this year.

Damn I better build up some more time with you then :tongue:

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I still have friends from 20 years ago....but they're all aussies and live in Australia!I'm in the UK at present.I have funnily enough found it very hard to make friends in the UK.Partly because originally we were moving around the UK alot (OH was a relief farmer so we got moved around alot)so no roots were put down so to speak)I find people here quite reserved.Ok this is the diff.When I lived in Sth Oz,we moved to a small country town.The day we moved into our home,I was unpacking boxes when I heard a knock at the door.I answered it to find a lady standing there holding a casserole dish.Turned out she had seen us earlier in the day with the truck in the driveway and figured we'd be too busy to make ourselves tea so she made us a casserole!Amazing!She became a good friend of mine.Within a week of moving there,I had a large circle of mates,who are still,20 yrs later my mates.I can go back home and know I will be welcomed with open arms.Truly great people!Here though?Different story.People I have found tend to keep to themselves alot.I don't think I have ever ad hoc been invited in for a cuppa by any neighbours or whatever.I know I'm a pretty decent person,otherwise I would'nt have such close mates in Oz!I've tried all sorts of stuff as well,joining groups etc and people are either in one of those horrible cliques (?)or they just don't want to know.I am returning to Oz shortly and for no other reason apart from looking after my Mum I will be glad to embrace the friendships I have there and not feel so bloody islolated all the time.It can be truly debilitating to be suffering from loneliness.

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Guest The Pom Queen

To be honest we have moved around so much and are both loners that we don't have any true friends (although saying that there are a couple on here and some who I have adopted as family, even the youngest says why can't they be our real family)

It isn't because we don't like people, when I was young I had lots of friends! its more because we prefer each other's company.

Yes I have friends but mainly in the virtual world because we never go out! workaholics we are.

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I've not kept in touch with anyone from school, but still have one friend from childhood. We've known each other since we were 7 and although we don't speak all that often I know I can pick up the phone anytime. We've had a few holidays together as families since we've had children, but her marriage has just ended, so that's unlikely to happen again.

Since I've been an adult I've moved often, so friendships have mostly been more transient, but there are people I count as real friends from every place I've lived - just a handful from everywhere. I know I could land on their doorsteps and we'd pick up our relationship where we left off. Lots of them come to visit us here and we have people to stay most weekends which is lovely.

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I have a few close friends but many more I would just call friends. I find that as you get older you change a bit and someone who was a friend may not always remain so . We used to be fairly heavy drinkers at one time but now we aren't and we have found that our former 'drinking buddies' get on our **** now- we have changed but they are the same as ever. We haven't had a fight but we seek their company a lot less now.

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I know exactly how you feel Stacey...I need to feel a real connection to call someone a good friend.

I have 2 very close friends from England, one I met aged 8 at school, the other I met age 26 as a student nurse.....I consider them both 'family'....I am Godmother to my oldest friends eldest. I also have another close friend who I met 16 years ago in England though we are not quite as bonded as my other two friends we are still close....I have other friends but not ones I would class as 'close'

 

In Australia I have a 5 year friendship (since we arrived) I consider her to be a very close friend....I also have another two friends...one Ive known for a long time 'online' and the friendship has developed since we met for the first time maybe 2 years ago? The other is a woman I met through my daughter, we have a common bond but are strengthening our friendship outside of that. I feel real lasting friendships require a common bond, similar outlook on life and plenty of time and shared experience to strengthen the friendship and make it meaningful.

 

I have other 'friends' but these are the ones that mean the most to me.

Edited by HappyHeart
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I saw the same post on FB!

 

I don't make girl friends easily and one of my best friends is a bloke, I seem to think different than everyone else - talk to me about shoes, handbags, the latest gorgeous hunk off TV (someone off Sherlock apparently!) and you'll get a vacant stare.

 

My two 'best' friends I met at work, one back in 1993 when I was a teacher and the other in 2002, both live in the south of England and those friendships have easily endured me moving to Scotland then Australia. I was down in London seeing one of them the weekend just gone :)

 

Then I have my 'coven', my girlfriends in Scotland - we met as mum's of newborns and I'd known them five years when we moved to Australia. I think the intensity of early motherhood and the related traumas of divorce and separation, affairs, health issues, bereavement etc. created strong bonds. The incredible support (practical and emotional) when my life started unravelling was unbelievable.

 

I was realistic coming home that we would all have changed, and tried not to have any expectations but if anything the bonds are stronger.

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I don't really have many close friends. I would say that my OH is my best friend. I was the same when I was younger, I didn't really enjoy being friends with other girls because I wasn't really interested in the same things and I hated the bitching and backstabbing that can go on. Most of my friends were boys, two of my four A levels were 'boy' subjects (chemistry and physics) and I was the only girl in the class so my best friends were boys right through to then.

 

I moved around quite a lot when I was a young adult with uni and different jobs, so I never really stuck in one place long enough to make many close friendships. I do have a couple of friends from work whom I worked with for about 9 years and would consider them to be close. I saw a couple of them when we were back in the UK in September, and it was like we had never been away! I would say that I have made a few friends here in Australia through playgroup and more recently school. One of them I thought I was really close to, but just lately she has stopped phoning me and whenever I see her she makes snide comments about things. I don't know what I did, but can't be bothered to play silly schoolgirl games. I have phoned her a few times and left messages, but she hasn't phoned back so as far as I am concerned the ball is in her court.

 

I am very introverted, happiest blending in to the background and just getting on with things. I find the whole social/friendships thing quite stressful, and although sometimes I do wish that I had more friends, when I think about it I realise that that is just who I am and I can't change my personality whether I want to or not.

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I have a couple of close friends and a few I would class as sort of friends and then my OH as he is my best friend as I spend more time with him than anyone (well except my children that is) and, of course, he knows me the best.

 

My closest friend I've known since we were about 4/5 years old, so a good 23/24 years! We went all through school together, played outside school, however only see eachother nowadays every couple months as I have children, she doesn't and works full time. We would always go out lots before I settled down but we stay in touch and when we get together nothing has changed, because we've known eachother so long. We're quite similar in a lot of ways, and she knows me well. I

 

have another who I went all though school with too and would have considered a best friend at some point, she's the one I travelled in Australia with. We're quite different though so I still see her sometimes as she's friends with the other one too. We all used to go out together and still do occasionally. None of my friends I was close to in school have children yet.

 

Which leads me onto making friends with Mums. Before I left work to have my children I became friends with another girl who had a baby while we were working together. Then I had my son, then had my daughter and she's had her second recently too. We see eachother regularly with the children, get on well but are still getting to know eachother really as there's only so much talking you can do with little ones about, we're actually going out in Feb for a meal and few drinks. She's nice, we're quite similar in personality.

 

Other Mums I have tried to make friends with through playgroups etc I have found difficult as I find that people already have their 'groups' of friends and being quite a shy person with slight social anxiety anyway, I find it harder to make conversation with people I don't know well, it takes me a while to feel confident.

 

When I was at work there was another girl I used to get on with, she has children but lives in a different area to me, we stayed in touch after I left for maternity leave, then she left with her seconds, but then it was like suddenly one day she decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. Didn't say anything, I just didn't hear from her anymore...Not sure what happened there.! Things like that dent my confidence a bit. I think it's always a bit hard to know who you can trust.

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Don't have many friends.. I have 6 friends from primary school that I have known since I was 5.. One is my best friend and the other is my cousin lol. I sometimes feel like they wouldn't be there for me no matter what, even my best friend sometimes.

 

Like you, I hope to meet more friends, hopefully at college

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I still have friends from 20 years ago....but they're all aussies and live in Australia!I'm in the UK at present.I have funnily enough found it very hard to make friends in the UK.Partly because originally we were moving around the UK alot (OH was a relief farmer so we got moved around alot)so no roots were put down so to speak)I find people here quite reserved.Ok this is the diff.When I lived in Sth Oz,we moved to a small country town.The day we moved into our home,I was unpacking boxes when I heard a knock at the door.I answered it to find a lady standing there holding a casserole dish.Turned out she had seen us earlier in the day with the truck in the driveway and figured we'd be too busy to make ourselves tea so she made us a casserole!Amazing!She became a good friend of mine.Within a week of moving there,I had a large circle of mates,who are still,20 yrs later my mates.I can go back home and know I will be welcomed with open arms.Truly great people!Here though?Different story.People I have found tend to keep to themselves alot.I don't think I have ever ad hoc been invited in for a cuppa by any neighbours or whatever.I know I'm a pretty decent person,otherwise I would'nt have such close mates in Oz!I've tried all sorts of stuff as well,joining groups etc and people are either in one of those horrible cliques (?)or they just don't want to know.I am returning to Oz shortly and for no other reason apart from looking after my Mum I will be glad to embrace the friendships I have there and not feel so bloody islolated all the time.It can be truly debilitating to be suffering from loneliness.

Sorry to hear that - do you knit? I've found knitting groups to be great for finding new friends!

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I have about 7 good friends, all of whom I've had for well over 7 years. I always seem to make at least one friend who I stay In contact with, from different places I've worked. I think as you get older, you become more selective and look for different things in friendships. Some of my friends are the same age, others older but the one i have most fun with is nearly 15 years younger than me!!! Lol. They call us the 'terrible two' at work. We don't have many couple friends though. I'm a firm believer of quality not quantity....

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I only have one that has been over 7yrs, I have moved so much that I haven't really keep that much contact, and if the only time I hear from them is if they need a room to stay on holidays, then no thanks!! I have a few good friends now for about 4 or 5 yrs and I will be moving back to OZ in 2 yrs so don't really know what will happen. As long as I'm happy family wise, I will be happy and make friends anywhere... My best mate is my partner, and we've been together 12yrs, so hopefully she'll be sticking around ;)

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Thanks for your contribution everyone... I guess when it comes down to it most people only have a handful of really good friends! Sorry to hear some of you are struggling to make friends or are away from your friends currently...i'm in the same boat too. Definitely think quality is better than quantity.

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