bunbury61 Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Hi all, we've been out in Oz for just coming up to 3 yrs- 1 yr Brisbane, 2 in Sydney. I feel really ready to go home now. My hubby (also british) has family here and I know would be happy to stay if I was (though probably back to QLD, which we both preferred, and where his family is). He accepts that going back is what I want though, and our kids are equally up for it. All my friends, bar a couple of school mums, are British and I just feel like I'll never properly belong here. Plus I have ageing parents and an extended family back home whom I adore and miss terribly. Of course there are lots of other issues, mirrored in the posts of many others, which I won't go on about here. Basically apart from the lovely friends I've made here and the sunshine I feel that there is very little I'll miss. There is a small part of me though that is wondering if we are crazy. We could start the process of applying for PR this month (on 457 at the moment and hubbys work would support our application) and I think back to the amount of emotional and financial effort it took to get us out here and get scared we are doing the wrong thing going back. You only need to glance through some of the other forums to see how many people would love to be in our position. Anyway I guess I'm just looking for some other perspectives and also the experiences of others who've been through the same and are back in the UK. I do have three British friends who I made out here and who are now back in England and seem really very happy (but then, would they admit to making a mistake?!). Thanks all and good luck to everyone facing a similar dilemma. Polly , I can speak from experience ....20 YEARS WORTH ..... At times it has been like being in lifes washing machine .......my life has turned out nothing like I expected, but that is because I have had to make decisions for my family ( wife and 2 girls ) , and my ageing mother ......has it been hard , you bet Have I regretted it at times....yep We have lost financially and emotionally , and I gave up a career Would my children have had a better chance in oz ,when they were younger ...probably ......its a fantastic place for young families Would they have experienced more in oz ...definitely not ...my eldest regularly goes off to London or Europe..... and they have both seen so much we are taking the youngest to London for her birthday next week ...take in a show and a bit of shopping ......she doesn't really how lucky she is , not financially , but in life experience and memories. Would I go back to Oz now , probably not , but that's nothing against Oz , I loved it, iam too old now anyway , and doing OK here ....i came back to England , and the " hand of responsibility " , pointed at me .....iam the youngest ( its usually the way ). All in all , I bloody love England ( well most of it ) , as I grow older I appreciate it even more ....I meet new people everyday through work ......and most of them are decent people ....I get to drive through scenery ,most never see, truly stunning .......and travel to some unsavoury places as well .... All in all iam very happy with my lot ...this winter is a bonus as well .....iam working around the house today , I have even done a bit of work outside in a t shirt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 I will be honest and tell you what I would do in your position. I would get my PR and stay for the extra year and get citizenship. I only say that because you say about "a small part wondering if you are crazy". I think that often we want what we can't have. If you end up going back and getting nostalgic for Australia (even if it's not justified) then you won't have a way back. If you do have a way back, you may not want it! Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Is it ethical to seek PP/citizenhip if you have no thoughts of living here? Seems a bit dodgy to me. .........and it is commonly done,...and both Governments know it is commonly done and turn a blind eye. I suspect because the UKG is happy to depopulate, and the AusG is happy to have 'old country' migrants return. _______________________________ I returned after 37 years. For me personally (always the tedious qualifier) Australia no longer exists. As many have said-even after a long period; 'it's as if I never lived there'. I knew it was unlikely I would have regrets, because I did not return for people; I returned for places/history/and even dull---yes dull weather (without incessant blaring sun). And of course it's been Utopia!! NO. It hasn't. It was the correct choice, that much is glaring, but there have been huge problems that were totally unexpected and unnecessary, and are going to be stressful and draining to deal with. (And for good measure?-My air flight has scored me a nice little blood clot in the lung, confirmed yesterday. Non hereditary blood clots both lungs 2012, 6 month medication. Every precaution necessary on that flight and triple the price for insurance. I still copped it. Rat poison for life). Do I regret it? Not one jot. Pro Australianites will issue warnings about return. Pro UK'er's will tell you 'it's lovely'---or 'it has its problems but..'. The simple hard fact is that you will not get 'the truth'. You will get the opinion of the individuals bias. And my bias: Australia is nowhere near as wonderful as portrayed, and the UK is nowhere near as bad. All I can say is, go with your gut instinct. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Nice post Peccavi and sorry to hear the news about the clots.Hope you are ok?xxxPS Loved your line "Australia is nowhere near as wonderful as portrayed and the UK is nowhere as bad"How true that is hon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Nice post Peccavi and sorry to hear the news about the clots.Hope you are ok?xxxPS Loved your line "Australia is nowhere near as wonderful as portrayed and the UK is nowhere as bad"How true that is hon? Off topic for a sec. Yes I am lucky. I decided on a medi-MOT on Friday, and casually mentioned a slight and very occasionally occurring sharp pain in the right lung. Other matters were bothering me far more, but Doc' had me in an ambulance on a semi emergency basis a couple of hours later. It was the local non emergencies sick pit. Tests were 'inconclusive' so I was booked in to Lancaster Monday for a full service and tune. The right lung was clear, but the scan showed what nobody was expecting; a clot in the left lung. Be careful on long hauls folks. This time there were no symptoms (shortness of breath). If that had continued (no warning signs) the clot would have hit the heart or brain. Lights out is OK because I would not have known, but permanent disablement? I was lucky. So many others have so much worse to cope with. I relate this because even though I exercised every hour or so/drank plenty of water/wore those damned stockings.... You don't have to have a propensity for clots-the previous crop came from a clot originating in the calf of my leg and wending its merry way to my lungs-not this time,-it can happen to anyone. I don't want to frighten youse-but be aware. Sorry OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted January 7, 2014 Share Posted January 7, 2014 Wow!Thank goodness hon they picked it up before anything dire happened?I'm glad you're ok.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I think it's all to easy to move between countries. Having immediately regretted the move back myself I would consider your job security and financial position before considering coming back. The grass isn't always greener believe me. BTW -a eureka moment for me was being in England renting an ex council house and scraping the ice off the car in the winter. I thought to myself 'aha now I remember why I emigrated now - doh!!!!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Glad you are ok peccavi- that long flight is very punishing and puts us off coming back for a visit these days. Wish Europe was where Asia is, then it would be perfect here for us! I love Asia but am missing the treasures of Europe, too- just to visit , mind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Goodness Gracious Peccavi - what an incredibly lucky catch! Hope you are doing well now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I presume you think Oz better for kids long term? My hubby was of the same opinion, partly what drove us coming here. But I keep going over and over it and the only way I can see they've benefitted so far is in the time they've been able to spend on the beach and in swimming pools. On the flip side they've been away from grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins, moved from a fantastic small village school to being in a huge class in a school of 750 children, education has been very narrow and their maths and reading hasn't progressed as I would like, they don't have nearly as many opportunities to go to museums, galleries, theatre, concerts etc as back home and their manners have gone severely downhill thanks to some of the children they are mixing with (they are also getting exposed to far too much American 'culture' imo). They miss the changing seasons- playing in snow, collecting conkers, long summer evenings playing outside etc. Plus they are missing out on the richness and diversity of Europe, its culture, architecture, language, history, heritage. Don't think I appreciated all that when we were living in the Uk but now we are so far away I realise how lucky we are to have all that on our doorstep. I guess we were lucky in terms of where we lived in the UK and maybe we've just picked the wrong suburb here, but I honestly do feel they are likely to have a far greater breadth of education and opportunity in Europe. Couldn't have put it better myself ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Julz Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 No regrets whatsoever, I spent 3 years in Oz feeling like I was living in a bubble, been back in UK just over a year and have never felt so alive and happy, it has so much to offer for my whole family. Follow your gut instincts and do what you think is right, you only get one life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curly1000 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hi Polly, I feel your pain. I moved to WA for 10 months and returned to the uk, my time there I felt very pressured because my partner loves it but I just felt such a pang for my family, friends and lifestyle that I really didn't think I would miss. I always had a fab life in London and moving away actually made me realize how fortunate I was to live here. I think whatever u decision u make as long as u feel u won't have any regrets, having a family makes it much harder I know and ur decision affects not only yourself, but really despite Australia's amazing sunshine, being back home I don't feel like I'm missing much. Yes WA is beautiful and serene but for me I thought it was more of a holiday destination, I got bored very quickly, England has culture, diversity and a lot more going on. There are lovely places In England to bring kids up, and even if your a hours from family no where feels as far since ive been back from oz. Children can be immerse in a multicultural society with lots of museums, galleries, fetes, fairs. Personally I missed the theatre and the amount of options of things I could do, any given night here In london I can choose something different to do and it's not all that expensive if I don't want it to be. It's winter and I still go out for runs along the Thames and walks, kids don't care so much if it's raining! Anyway i hope u make a decision with your family and you all feel it's is right for you, for me there is no price on family and friends, I can't justify sacrificing my relationships with them for a beach but each to their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nomes Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Returned to the UK after 33yrs away...NO regrets, love it here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samlee337 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Polly, we are in a similar position. Been in Perth 18 months and dont feel its the place for us. Work is great for hubby and the place is nice, weve got some amazing friends but theres things missing. Im not going to say we dont miss family, we do but thats not pulling us back to the uk. Think its the question of, education, stability, hubby is worried about will he ever be able to afford to retire here, whereas he would in the uk? we have 2 small children and although the 'outdoor' lifestyle is great and our 3yo can swim, thanks to being in our pool everyday, what else is there for them? Most of the summer its too hot to go out, so its only like being in the uk on a rainy day! ha. Oh i dont know, maybe we should try over on the east? Its so hard, decisions decisions, and expensive ones at that! :unsure: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hi Polly, I feel your pain. I moved to WA for 10 months and returned to the uk, my time there I felt very pressured because my partner loves it but I just felt such a pang for my family, friends and lifestyle that I really didn't think I would miss. I always had a fab life in London and moving away actually made me realize how fortunate I was to live here. I think whatever u decision u make as long as u feel u won't have any regrets, having a family makes it much harder I know and ur decision affects not only yourself, but really despite Australia's amazing sunshine, being back home I don't feel like I'm missing much. Yes WA is beautiful and serene but for me I thought it was more of a holiday destination, I got bored very quickly, England has culture, diversity and a lot more going on. There are lovely places In England to bring kids up, and even if your a hours from family no where feels as far since ive been back from oz. Children can be immerse in a multicultural society with lots of museums, galleries, fetes, fairs. Personally I missed the theatre and the amount of options of things I could do, any given night here In london I can choose something different to do and it's not all that expensive if I don't want it to be. It's winter and I still go out for runs along the Thames and walks, kids don't care so much if it's raining! Anyway i hope u make a decision with your family and you all feel it's is right for you, for me there is no price on family and friends, I can't justify sacrificing my relationships with them for a beach but each to their own. iam a fan already ...iam in London next week ...iam more excited than my daughter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 If there's any doubt at all, I strongly recommend you stick it out until you all qualify for citizenship. That way, if you want to come back, you can. Whereas if you leave and lose your permanent residency, you'll NEVER be able to live in Australia again. You're so close now! You don't have to give up your British citizenship to be an Aussie, so it's a win-win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janlo Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Obviously i don't know where you live, but if you are close to a capital city there should be plenty of opportunities for museums, galleries, theatres etc as well as more sporting opportunities.I think in either England or Australia you will get different types of schools and they are not all the same. But consistently Australia outscores UK for liveability. Health and lifespan is longer in Australia. But many people on here have gone 'home' and immediately regretted it so be careful. Disagree - I saw very poor end of life care for my mother-in-law - small 8 x 10 ft room and the money the family were paying !!! whow That level of care is completely free in the UK. Unless you pay private the national health is inferior in oz. I agree about the culture nearer to the cities but the average jo bloggs these days cant afford to live close to the major cities so its the beach or more beach for them. :skeptical: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Having immediately regretted the move back myself I would consider your job security and financial position before considering coming back. The grass isn't always greener believe me. BTW -a eureka moment for me was being in England renting an ex council house and scraping the ice off the car in the winter. I thought to myself 'aha now I remember why I emigrated now - doh!!!!' Very wise words. When you move to a new country, you immediately see your old life through rose-coloured glasses and forget all the stuff that made you so keen to leave! As I said on another thread - if you think you want to go back, sit down and make an effort to remember why you left. I say this as someone who's contemplating moving back to the UK, at least for a few years. There are good reasons for doing so but I am anxious that some of the reasons I left will still be there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen85 Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 There are good reasons for doing so but I am anxious that some of the reasons I left will still be there! I'm sure they will be but I think emigrating teaches you that nowhere is perfect and you have to accept the good and bad with where you decide to call home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 There is a small part of me though that is wondering if we are crazy. We could start the process of applying for PR this month (on 457 at the moment and hubbys work would support our application) and I think back to the amount of emotional and financial effort it took to get us out here and get scared we are doing the wrong thing going back. You only need to glance through some of the other forums to see how many people would love to be in our position. It's a bit like being in an unhappy relationship, isn't it? All your friends think you're so lucky to have landed such a great guy - he's handsome, funny, easy-going - but there's just no spark. You stay with him far longer than you should've, because you know your friends would love to be in your shoes, so surely you'd be mad to end it. Then you hook up again with an old flame who's more cuddly than he should be, and a bit of a stick-in-the-mud - but somehow you get along so much better. Everyone's different. After an unhappy year in country Victoria, I fell in love with Sydney the moment I saw the harbour. I've never been that close to family so I didn't feel that pull. I think that's the crux of it. You can name all kinds of problems and things you don't like, but the reality is there will be just as many issues at home, too - they just won't matter, because you'll have your family around you. If you're the kind of person who needs to be close to family, then you're never going to be happy in Oz. The ideal would be to stay until you can get citizenship - then you'll have the freedom to come back one day, which your children especially will appreciate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmab1995 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 That is a brilliant way to look at it marisa love it .....x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 That's a fantastic analogy Marisa but I think in this case the ex is not a stick in the mud but someone edgy and interesting and funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chandi1 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 We hav just moved back to the UK having spent 14 months in Perth. A few years ago when my wife was pregnant and our child was born we started discussing a number of things regarding the UK in terms of life style, work, weather - the whole lot and we started to think about the option of moving to Oz. I don't have a particular pull to my family, they have been distant for a number of years (even though we have 3 kids) so moving for me was not really an issue. My wife is closer to her family and therefore the move was more difficult for her as she had that pull and her brother had already moved to New Zealand so not ideal. We both agreed that at the start we would look to stay for 5 years and then make a decision as to what to do next in terms of stay or come and if one of us didn't want to stay we would come back. We moved in sept 2012 and we bought a house in November outside Perth however in Feb my wife said that she wanted to move back as she wasn't really settling for a number of reasons: culture, missing family, lack history compared to UK (we knew this before going out), the heat which was hard when it was a constant 35-40 week in week out. This was probably the one thing that we didn't realise and the kids hated the sun cream being put on day in day out and the school that they went to wasn't very challenging for the kids in our view - only homework for 7 year old was learning 10 words each week and if they were good in school they were given sweets, also the lag in start dates was not great. It was not an easy decision to come home as I had a job in enjoyed Australia more than the UK. We landed back in November and we have moved back to nearly the same location, same school where they have settled in really well which is great, same family issues and I'm now looking for work. My wife is happy because she has the opposite of all the issues that she had in the Oz, which is great because I want her to be happy. On the other hand I'm in the boat of now missing all the things that I liked and back with all the things that I wanted to move away from and have in Oz. In terms of regrets I don't regret moving because in my view life is about exploring the world, taking on new adventures, experiences and as a family we did that and the children got to do and see different (not better compared to the UK) things that they may never do again and we have provided that to them and they will be better for it. The previous comments about the things to be done in the UK is correct and we will be spending more time doing those things. My only regret is that there is now a divide between my wife and I because I just don't want to be in the UK anymore. In a selfish way everyone else gains by moving back, my wife with the above gains, the children and school (however, we could have moved them school) and family members gain by seeing them (which is good) but even this is limited as both sets of parents see them rather than play with them or take them out. These are not bad things as I'm pleased that I am making others happy however, I left a country that I enjoyed and didn't want to leave, I don't have a job and I'm finding it hard to obtain which gets you down. We wont move back to Oz again in my view because the kids will be too settled in school and we lost a lot of money on the exchange rate when we moved back to the UK and we just can't afford to keep doing the move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zephyr Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 chandi 1 "My only regret is that there is now a divide between my wife and I because I just don't want to be in the UK anymore. In a selfish way everyone else gains by moving back, my wife with the above gains, the children and school (however, we could have moved them school) and family members gain by seeing them (which is good) but even this is limited as both sets of parents see them rather than play with them or take them out. These are not bad things as I'm pleased that I am making others happy however, I left a country that I enjoyed and didn't want to leave, I don't have a job and I'm finding it hard to obtain which gets you down." You should be proud of yourself for putting your families needs before your own. How lucky they are to have you! The divide you talk about between you and your wife may settle with time especially when you find work and settle back into a routine again. My OH didn't want to return either but did because it was the best decision for all of us. We've been back 8 months now and he's 'moved on' remarkably well. Ultimately it's the people in your life that make your life fulfilling, not the country in which you live, give yourself a chance to grieve for the life you've left behind and then think about how you can shape your future back in the UK. Good luck with the job hunting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 What a nice unselfish person you are, chandi. I am sure you will feel a whole lot better once you get a job- it is very debilitating being out of work. meanwhile, concentrate on the many positives and I think things will get better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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