Guest GoldCoastMag Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I dont feign interest, have friends who bore me or feel any shame, but do feel like I fit in better here. I think to a degree you do have to become accustomed to different ways of doing things and without being aware of it change to the Australian way. I like being Australian, I am proud of my accomplishments here. I dont regret my country of birth but am very happy that my children have dual nationalities and love their way of life. Sometimes it takes going away from your country to realise where you want to be and my years in the USA and gaining US Citizenship only heightened my awareness of my love of and need to be back home in Australia. Not everyone feels the same and that is good, but to not adjust to a new country makes living there more difficult and may mean you need to go home. I know because America was much harder for me, even though there were aspects I enjoyed, I needed to be home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I dont feign interest, have friends who bore me or feel any shame, but do feel like I fit in better here. I think to a degree you do have to become accustomed to different ways of doing things and without being aware of it change to the Australian way. I like being Australian, I am proud of my accomplishments here. I dont regret my country of birth but am very happy that my children have dual nationalities and love their way of life. Sometimes it takes going away from your country to realise where you want to be and my years in the USA and gaining US Citizenship only heightened my awareness of my love of and need to be back home in Australia. Not everyone feels the same and that is good, but to not adjust to a new country makes living there more difficult and may mean you need to go home. I know because America was much harder for me, even though there were aspects I enjoyed, I needed to be home. I agree that you need to 'adjust' to living with different rules, laws, culture etc but that doesn't mean you need to change who or what you intrinsically are. I think the success to happy migration is to be comfortable with yourself and your past FIRST, then the rest should fall into place in it's own good time. If you come here thinking that everything about the place you left is $hit, or are somehow apologetic for being a pom, then you're doomed for failure. Be proud of yourself and your past life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 ..........there has been a lot of these threads recently.............and it's really made me think and examine my life..............I do think it's a lot to do with your attitude............someone on here said I was truly optimistic...........may be but a lot of it is acceptance...............there are many things I don't like here .....but I cannot change them so have found ways of livving with them..............I was used to thinking if someone said ......see you tomorrow.........they always meant.....the next day..!............now I accept the less..........for want of a better word....structured ......socialising............I miss much about the UK countryside .........so have actively seeked out things here to replace it........not the same but attractive in its own right...............I haven't lost my identity..........I will always be me..........and must admit it has been to my detriment sometimes................some of.my home is as it would be if I lived in the uk.........I have a room that is very ..'English'....................I cannot .....atm...........go back even for a visit............but I can sit in my English room and reminisce................I have become more self sufficient .........content with my own company...............I used to be a very social being .................but age and lack of outside opportunity has moulded me................maybe if I lived in the UK I would of still become the same.............We came here to have a better life..........and better life has different meanings for different people.............ours meant work for OH ..............a better chance for the children to obtain a career.....as they have............a home of our own.............but to achieve this something's have to be given up.........I left family.......many who have passed on now..........who my children never really got to know.........a culture that they find embarrassing here.............they are Australians .............they have fully embraced a country that has given them so much.............we would of been unable to of achieved the same in the uk..................but I admit we have also lost a lot....................my kids their heritage and culture...........family and close friends..............but then these would of never been ours to enjoy..........no work......no money......so none of the little extras in life.............a poor area that in itself results in poorer schools........health care the list goes on............they say money doesn't make you happy.........but you need some to make that difference between existing and livving..................so if quality of your family life is better...............sometimes just acceptance of what can't be changed...........and finding something different..........not better or even worse..............just a viable alternative to fill the gaps..................tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surflen22 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 ..........there has been a lot of these threads recently.............and it's really made me think and examine my life..............I do think it's a lot to do with your attitude............someone on here said I was truly optimistic...........may be but a lot of it is acceptance...............there are many things I don't like here .....but I cannot change them so have found ways of livving with them..............I was used to thinking if someone said ......see you tomorrow.........they always meant.....the next day..!............now I accept the less..........for want of a better word....structured ......socialising............I miss much about the UK countryside .........so have actively seeked out things here to replace it........not the same but attractive in its own right...............I haven't lost my identity..........I will always be me..........and must admit it has been to my detriment sometimes................some of.my home is as it would be if I lived in the uk.........I have a room that is very ..'English'....................I cannot .....atm...........go back even for a visit............but I can sit in my English room and reminisce................I have become more self sufficient .........content with my own company...............I used to be a very social being .................but age and lack of outside opportunity has moulded me................maybe if I lived in the UK I would of still become the same.............We came here to have a better life..........and better life has different meanings for different people.............ours meant work for OH ..............a better chance for the children to obtain a career.....as they have............a home of our own.............but to achieve this something's have to be given up.........I left family.......many who have passed on now..........who my children never really got to know.........a culture that they find embarrassing here.............they are Australians .............they have fully embraced a country that has given them so much.............we would of been unable to of achieved the same in the uk..................but I admit we have also lost a lot....................my kids their heritage and culture...........family and close friends..............but then these would of never been ours to enjoy..........no work......no money......so none of the little extras in life.............a poor area that in itself results in poorer schools........health care the list goes on............they say money doesn't make you happy.........but you need some to make that difference between existing and livving..................so if quality of your family life is better...............sometimes just acceptance of what can't be changed...........and finding something different..........not better or even worse..............just a viable alternative to fill the gaps..................tink x Tink- what a great post. So thoughtful and insightful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I think you do have to make an effort to fit in though, some do just seemlessly slot it if, like me, they are lucky however some people dont find it easy so have to make an effort. Myself and my OH forced ourselves to go and watch AFL, now my OH loved it the minute he saw it, I however had to keep at it, as I hadnt a clue what was going on. Im bloomin glad I did though because by the end of last season I couldnt miss a game, I love it and the Aussies that watch me screaming at the game love that we are so into it, its not false, but it did take a fair bit of effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I think you do have to make an effort to fit in though, some do just seemlessly slot it if, like me, they are lucky however some people dont find it easy so have to make an effort. Myself and my OH forced ourselves to go and watch AFL, now my OH loved it the minute he saw it, I however had to keep at it, as I hadnt a clue what was going on. Im bloomin glad I did though because by the end of last season I couldnt miss a game, I love it and the Aussies that watch me screaming at the game love that we are so into it, its not false, but it did take a fair bit of effort. I suppose we're all different. Not my cup of tea that approach but it obviously works for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamjar Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I think that there are alot of people who constantly complain that its not like it is in the UK. Well ofcourse its not - IT'S NOT THE UK. Just like Spain, France, USA or South Africa are not either. They are all different cultures, yes you might say that Oz has no culture but that is there culture (trust me the US doesnt either). You have to adapt, that does not mean that you change who you are but you learn how things operate, what the work place is like, learn some of the local banter etc etc. Perhaps its because I live in London but even here you have to adapt everyday. Even at work, you deal with different charactors everyday, you cant have the same approach to each person or if you do you will never get ahead, you sus out the situation and make it work for you. I think a lot of people who struggle with the move are poeple who have lived in a cocoon (small towns, same job for yrs and yrs, same friends, never moved from where they grew up, family in your street) all thier lives, they have never had to make the effort to ever fit in at anything as they have never changed anything ever. And now they have changed everything all at once and cant adjust becuase they dont know how to or refusr to. And all they can see is the good live back home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 What a ridiculous notion.Anyone who honestly thinks this will make them fit in better here in aus have no idea........in fact 'friends' they make here will probably be laughing at them rather than with them on most occasions.Can you imagine an aussie rocking up in London acting and talking like a pom?Who do you think they would be fooling?They would be treated like the village idiot........and would provide for great comedy material when they are not present!! What a shame some people feel the need to reinvent themselves when they move somewhere.What happens a few years down the road when you realise the real you is not that happy......only the 'NEW' you is pretending to be happy.If people have such a low opinion of themselves that they think they have to think,act and talk differently to make a go of things then I suggest they cancel all migration plans and spend the money on counselling services instead....... What a sad way to start a new life....feeling shame for who you are and where you come from. You don't get it. I'm not a 'new arrival' and I certainly didn't mention reinventing oneself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 This is a really interesting thread. I've read several of the going back to UK posts, and I think those who come to Australia from possibly a small town background with lots of family around will be lucky not to struggle, I'm generalising. There seems to be an undercurrent of anger as well from some of those returning, obviously not all. There is no failure in trying something and discovering it's not for you, it's better to have tried, than regret not trying. Again I'm generalising, but if you have moved around a lot, I think it's easier to settle here and be more accepting of the cultural differences. We retired here having been expats, and none of our children were here then, but it was what we wanted to do. We have been made totally welcome here. We have a great mix of friends from local Australians, to others who have settled here like ourselves, but our UK friends are still our friends even after 18 years away, and we are made so welcome when we visit. Some of our family have moved here from Africa, and have adapted well, but it's not so easy perhaps to go back to Africa as it is to go back to the UK, so more important to make a go of it. My nephew when he got married thanked his parents for the brave step they took uprooting from Africa to give their children a chance of a better life her, and he feels completely Australian, even if perhaps his parents never might. I don't think I will ever feel Australian, I didn't grow up here, but I love the country and the life style, we have travelled around the country loads, but still have plenty to explore. we go back to UK most years for about 3 months at a time, but as yet have no desire to live there again. This is home. Life is an adventure, if you come to Australia and it's not for you, it doesn't matter, just enjoy your time here, and go back with no regrets. Having lived in quite a few countries, it's amazing how you start to forget the things that you didn't like, and start to remember the good times. I hope that happens to everyone going back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 What a ridiculous notion.Anyone who honestly thinks this will make them fit in better here in aus have no idea........in fact 'friends' they make here will probably be laughing at them rather than with them on most occasions.Can you imagine an aussie rocking up in London acting and talking like a pom?Who do you think they would be fooling?They would be treated like the village idiot........and would provide for great comedy material when they are not present!! What a shame some people feel the need to reinvent themselves when they move somewhere.What happens a few years down the road when you realise the real you is not that happy......only the 'NEW' you is pretending to be happy.If people have such a low opinion of themselves that they think they have to think,act and talk differently to make a go of things then I suggest they cancel all migration plans and spend the money on counselling services instead....... What a sad way to start a new life....feeling shame for who you are and where you come from. I reckon it is even more ridiculous to carry on like you are still in the UK, trying to surround yourself with other poms, behaving like you never left. I've seen lots of threads on here where people are actively just seeking out other poms and you mention maybe trying to be friends with the locals and they, for whatever reason, don't see the logic. I don't think anyone mentioned trying to change your accent, that would be nigh on impossible. I'll never feel shame for who I am or where I've come from and as far as reinventing oneself, well that's an opportunity not to be missed if it works. There are opportunities here that just wouldn't rear their head if migrants had stayed in the UK. Surely that's one of the things people come for, a chance to make things better or different at least. I don't think I've changed too much since I've been here, maybe the accent a little bit, but I've been here 20 years so that's hardly surprising. The "NEW" me is very happy with my lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surflen22 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I reckon it is even more ridiculous to carry on like you are still in the UK, trying to surround yourself with other poms, behaving like you never left. I've seen lots of threads on here where people are actively just seeking out other poms and you mention maybe trying to be friends with the locals and they, for whatever reason, don't see the logic. I couldn't agree with you more. I've some UK friends here who I've gradually had to distance myself from due to their insistence on only mixing with other Poms - if that's what I wanted, I'd have stayed in the UK. They also mention that they don't like Australians - good place to move to then!! My friend base is wide, a mix of many nationalities but mainly Australians and my OH is Australian too so that can make for an awkward social encounter! As you say, we need to take the chance to make things better or at least different and not try to recreate the life we had back in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I reckon it is even more ridiculous to carry on like you are still in the UK, trying to surround yourself with other poms, behaving like you never left. I've seen lots of threads on here where people are actively just seeking out other poms and you mention maybe trying to be friends with the locals and they, for whatever reason, don't see the logic. I don't think anyone mentioned trying to change your accent, that would be nigh on impossible. I'll never feel shame for who I am or where I've come from and as far as reinventing oneself, well that's an opportunity not to be missed if it works. There are opportunities here that just wouldn't rear their head if migrants had stayed in the UK. Surely that's one of the things people come for, a chance to make things better or different at least. I don't think I've changed too much since I've been here, maybe the accent a little bit, but I've been here 20 years so that's hardly surprising. The "NEW" me is very happy with my lot. This approach clearly worked for YOU. No one would deny that for YOU, getting up at 5.30am every day to go to the beach (though god only knows what you get up to there!) has improved YOUR life. We're all different. Some people are comfortable with and ready for change, actively seeking it out in fact, which is fine. Others are overwhelmed by the enormity of the change and seek out familiarity where they can, which is fine too. I agree only making friends with poms is probably a mistake. My life here is actually quite similar to the life I had back home, and I LIKE that. The weather is reminiscent of (but better than) England, I have my family and we do stuff together, I go to work, go to the pub, go running, I sleep etc etc, all much the same as was in England. I'm happier than I was there but I think that's just where I'm at personally. My life is very comfortable the way it is thanks. I have mostly English friends but also Aus friends. I don't actively seek out poms, in fact when I hear pommy accents around Geelong I cringe slightly, just like I did when on holiday in Europe. I cannot stand AFL, NRL, V8 supercars, beef snags, BUT I also couldn't stand the premier league, the relentless reality TV shows, the Daily Mail 'Mr Angry' brigade and general media pap that you get in the UK. There IS a 3rd way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 in fact when I hear pommy accents around Geelong I cringe slightly, just like I did when on holiday in Europe. Why? ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Why? ........... I just do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gpo1971 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I couldn't agree with you more. I've some UK friends here who I've gradually had to distance myself from due to their insistence on only mixing with other Poms - if that's what I wanted, I'd have stayed in the UK. They also mention that they don't like Australians - good place to move to then!! Sounds like our experience of Poms. Other than family, we don't bother as a rule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I just do... So are you saying that you won't deny your heritage but cringe at those with similar, or that you're in some way different to other poms and don't want to be put in the same basket? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salma Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Very interesting, I have been here now for 5 and a half months and can say that I have not pined to go back "home". I admit the first weeks were hard it just rained, I was stuck on a farm in the middle of no where and everytime I spoke to my family I could feel that I was welling up. I am from a small town in england and come from a close knit family, but I knew what I was leaving when I decided to move with my aussie husband and my family all respected that. I have lived abroad previously as a child (i had no choice) but I knew I had a choice was enjoy it or be a misery guts (i went from a "first" world country to a "third" world country). The secret is not thinking it is England and embracing new ideas. I havn't made any friends yet but I have started taking my son to playgroup and have met a cross section of women and hopefully friendships will follow. I have a friend of friend who has been great and will see her more and another girl I went to school with years ago will meet up with her too but not relying on them being my social circle. Friends I have left behind been here not long and there isnt much contact at all so lets see how it goes........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 So are you saying that you won't deny your heritage but cringe at those with similar, or that you're in some way different to other poms and don't want to be put in the same basket? oh FFS what is this? The Spanish Inquisition? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 :wideeyed: oh FFS what is this? The Spanish Inquisition? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamjar Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Why? ........... Oh come on, you telling me that you have never been sitting in a nice quiet cafe somewhere in Europe, South America, Asia or Oz and then out of nowhere a bunch of loud foul mouith poms sit a the table next to you and start up. I also cringe when I hear the accent abroad because sadly more times than not you know whats coming - yes a big generalisation but still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 oh FFS what is this? The Spanish Inquisition? If it was, I'd probably stand a better chance of you getting to answer the question.....................something you commented on in another thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Oh come on, you telling me that you have never been sitting in a nice quiet cafe somewhere in Europe, South America, Asia or Oz and then out of nowhere a bunch of loud foul mouith poms sit a the table next to you and start up. I also cringe when I hear the accent abroad because sadly more times than not you know whats coming - yes a big generalisation but still. Yes, but only those individuals make me cringe, just as similarly behaved aussies would...................nothing at all to do with the fact that they're poms.................we're not all tarred with the same brush, despite what some would have you believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 When I first came here I used to avoid other poms like the plague- couldn't stand them because they were always complaining and comparing the place with the UK ( unfavourably).Probably I was unlucky in the ones I came across, in retrospect. Now, though, I find most people from the UK are not whingers and are actually quite interesting because they know what is going on over there and will tell you the truth. I haven't been back there since my Mum died in 2002 and don't expect to go again, ever- can't be bothered and no real reason to now. As your own family grows and puts down roots you begin to feel a part of the scenery and a real part of the community. It is a gradual process but one day you think, hey, this is where I belong. I was lucky because I came with 2 babies and was very busy with them and when you have little kids you make friends very quickly. I still remember when we first came I told our neighbours we had only been here a few weeks and she said' oh, you poor thing!' Still have no idea what she meant even after nearly 40 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Yes, but only those individuals make me cringe, just as similarly behaved aussies would...................nothing at all to do with the fact that they're poms.................we're not all tarred with the same brush, despite what some would have you believe. If it makes you feel any better, I feel exactly the same when I see Aussies en mass in london Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 If it makes you feel any better, I feel exactly the same when I see Aussies en mass in london Why would I feel any better just because you feel a certain way? Oops sorry! Wrong "unanswered question" thread :tongue: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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