blobby1000 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I have been posting recently on the "moving back to UK" area due to our decision to return in a year (after 2.5 years here). I wont repeat our reasons as its probably getting a bit dull for everyone. We planned this move full of optimism but I wonder, for all the happy Poms out there, what do you think the secret is? What is it that makes you feel happy here? What makes you want to stay? Why do you like living here? We are going back but I would be really interested to know if there is something we have missed that would have helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Im going to be interested in this one,and no i havent read your posts about coming back in nutshell is it family,i dont have any so im not tied ,in a way lucky that its not a problem. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 So with all due respect, the secret for you CaptainR is not having many friends in the first place? I dont mean this disrespectfully, but I think you have a point. Loads of people I meet here that seem content, never really had mates in the UK, due to moving around a lot/travelling overseas or just not feeling the need to have close friends.... In a way then, people that have close ties to anywhere may always struggle over here? I met a lovely Brit a while ago who reported exactly this, she never stuck around anywhere long enough to make real friends and so didnt miss anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I’m really interested in this one too. We visit family in WA fairly regularly and constantly meet people who tell us that they love their life and wouldn’t consider returning to the UK - and it feels like they all in on a secret that eludes us. We can (and do) appreciate the weather, the country, the lifestyle, but for us it is a great holiday and we are always happy to return home to the UK - we have never felt any great desire to move to Australia ourselves. I’ve thought about it a lot and come to the conclusion that in our case it was enough to just find a place that was very different from where we were born and raised. We moved to Wales, found a beautiful country and lifestyle that we love, and have settled. It’s home now and where we feel happiest. Perhaps the bottom line is that people need to feel a sense of belonging, and different things trigger that feeling for different people? Tx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) My parents having itchy feet we traveled a lot and lived many places. Its the excitement of somewhere new, exploring the new area, finding how it ticks. My father good gardener, once he had a garden up to scratch, had to move it was all about the move. For me I did not move with them as much as my brother as I am older than him but I have pretty much stayed in one place. However if I had to move oversees tomorrow to somewhere new where I knew no-one I would be fine. Accepting of the new and getting on with it. No regrets. I believe we only have a few friends whoever we are but some have many acquaintances. People pass through our lives at different stages when we have similar lives. In the end if you are lucky you get into final decade and by then most friends and family have gone anyway. Optimism is the key, self sufficiency, adventure. Just to add I think the more material things we have the more worries we have. My parents would up sticks with just tickets and some money in the bank and move across the world, making do was so much more exciting than having it all I guess. Edited March 29, 2012 by Petals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paisleylass Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Having no ties in the UK helps, and I love the scenery here, bloomin palm trees and lorikeets all over the shop. I always loved holidays in California and this reminds me of that (well, there were plenty lorikeets at the aquarium at Long Beach anyway hoho). I also love the bug noises in the evening - strangely relaxing. The compulsion to escape, to always have a holiday booked to look forward to, has disappeared. Once I get a job I actually like I'll feel even more settled - working on that right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MackyD Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 We move out soon and I'll be interested to see how we fair. My wife is South African and Australia is a popular destination for them (same outdoors lifestyle but without the brutality). So she thinks she's going to love it. My kids are Pre-school so should adapt quickly. As for me, work is more likely to determine my enjoyment of the experience. If that goes well I think the move will go well. We'll see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamjar Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I dont believe there is any secret. Some people can deal with the seperation and some cant - not all those that do deal it have no closeness to the family/friends they left behind they just know how to cope with it. I know very close families that are continents apart and that closeness has not died at all. With regard to friends, well some would say that you should be able to make them wherever you go, if you cant then maybe there is something wrong with you - not them. But again not everybody is the same and not everybody finds it easy. What I do findl interesting is how quickly supposedly life long friends lose contact with you when you move and how un-interested they are in your new plans/life when it is no longer in thier direct life. I bet those with lots of close friends soon realise that that number soon drops to about 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Being close® and being able to nip home was an important factor for us when settling back into the UK after Italy. For me, having a good job where I felt accepted and useful helped me settle, as did having a nice house which we chose. Yes, we miss friends and some family but the reasons we are not settling in Oz are not those, just that it is not our place. We have felt more drawn to other places in the past and it simply hasn't happened with this move. So, each person will likely have their own "secret formula" which helps them settle? For us it feels that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AaronS Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 What I do findl interesting is how quickly supposedly life long friends lose contact with you when you move and how un-interested they are in your new plans/life when it is no longer in thier direct life. I bet those with lots of close friends soon realise that that number soon drops to about 3. I actually found the opposite. All my close friends stay in constant contact...and honestly, quite a few I didn't feel were that close back home have become even closer. They get in touch regularly and genuinely want to know how things are going...and now, when we are coming home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I actually found the opposite. All my close friends stay in constant contact...and honestly, quite a few I didn't feel were that close back home have become even closer. They get in touch regularly and genuinely want to know how things are going...and now, when we are coming home. Hand on heart...........do you think that would last if you'd been her 10 yrs though? Many of the Poms I know, myself included, were initially amazed at how much contact we had with those in the UK when we arrived here.................it lasted about 2 yrs.......................if we didn't initiate contact once we'd been here a while, then none was forthcoming. I made the mistake of joining facebook and every man and his dog crawled out of the woodwork...................folk who never kept contact, now wanted contact 17yrs later.....................I can't be doing with it now and don't even go near FB. I have a (not so new) life and they're (metaphorically) dead and buried as far as I'm concerned. TBH, I think I buried 'em all the day I moved here, which goes some way to answer the OP's question. Energy expended on old relationships leaves less energy for current and new..................yes I know, I'm a hard/weird b@stard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 This is an interesting question, and one which I think has many answers. We have settled well, we are some of those happy Poms who have adjusted to life here and have no intention of returning. Neither oh nor I have have any homesickness or regrets at all in the 3+ years we have been here. For us, we were always pretty self-sufficient in the UK. We lived far away from family, we moved around a bit (actually a lot - something like 8 house moves in 10 years), and we never 'got' the just popping round to see the family thing. We were (and still are) a self contained unit, and I don't think that either of us could bear to be 'tied to mothers apron strings' as is the case with some of our family members (my sister still lives at home at the age of 32!). We saw the move to Australia as an adventure. It was a good opportunity with regards to oh's career, and I had dreamed of living in Australia since I was a small child, so for me it was a dream coming true. We had talked about moving years back, but had to wait until the right time. So, over we came and we just got on with the job. We are both quite stoical people, and just tend to get on with things in a matter of fact way and I think that that helped. There were and are no tears about family or friends, other than the goodbyes. That isn't to say that either of us are cold and uncaring at all (we are both actually total softies), but that we are accepting of the fact that if we want to live in Australia, then we have to be apart from our family (if that makes sense). We don't like it, but we accept that it is how it has to be. It did take me quite a while to make friends here, but I (and hubby) have always been of the opinion that we would rather have a handful of very good friends than a bucket full of not so good ones. That has been my experience here. I have made friends with a small number of people who I would consider to be the best friends that I have ever had. Another couple of interesting points to note are that I, in particular, like to be different to other people. I am not one of the sheep and never will be. I don't care about 'fitting in', and won't dress in a particular way or like certain things just because I think I should. I like rock music, wear black most of the time, am about to get my first tattoo, don't like celebrity or reality tv shows and am certainly not your typical mumsy mum (my 4 and 6 year old girls like Foo Fighters rather than Justin Bieber!). That extends to Australia too. I like to be the odd one out, the interesting foreigner, I like my British accent and the fact that people ask about where I am from when they hear me speak. I don't feel the need to try and fit in anywhere. Also, I have also never actively sought the company of other expats and I only know two other Brits. One is a mum at school who has been here for about 10 years, and the other is the husband of a friend who I only see occasionally. They are people who are in my life through chance, rather than because I have actively sought them. My friends are all Australian and one Slovak, and I accept them for who they are just as they accept me for who I am. Maybe that has a factor to play, in that I am happy to be different and I am happy for others to be different, rather than wanting myself to fit in with a particular group of people who are all similar to me. If that makes any sense at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Gosh, if we knew the answer we could bottle it and make a fortune. I've thought about yourquestion and for meI think that not being relient on our families for thingsin the UK probably helped us, we never got help with babysitting, childcare, having the kids sleeping over etc., so when we arrived here in Aus, in that respect it was pretty much life as normal. The other thing for us was the expectation that life would be very different living in a different country (which it of course proved to be) and we seemed to be able to adapt reasonably quickly. We made a really big effort not to compare prices with the UK from the off, to try not to say "in the UK" and compare things less favourably ... in essence we had a saying "it is what it is lets get on with it". Maybe it's an age thing too, we were in our early 40's and felt quite established in the UK and ready for a challenge, and perhaps it was easier to let go (still thinking about that one). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I have been posting recently on the "moving back to UK" area due to our decision to return in a year (after 2.5 years here). I wont repeat our reasons as its probably getting a bit dull for everyone. We planned this move full of optimism but I wonder, for all the happy Poms out there, what do you think the secret is? What is it that makes you feel happy here? What makes you want to stay? Why do you like living here? We are going back but I would be really interested to know if there is something we have missed that would have helped. Honestly? Massive doses of antidepressants and time to adjust Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GoldCoastMag Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I never did go with the "expat club" when I arrived, I made friends with any and every nationality. I felt like I belonged and I loved living here. However when I immigrated to the USA, I tried to make friends but it was hard. Eventually I sought out the aussie-kiwi club and made friends through it. So I do understand both. My family has been spread over the world for decades, so it wasnt a big deal to stay in touch even prior to tinternet via tape messages, phone calls and aerogrammes. Because I settled where I landed I have never considered moving far - I do wonder however if some immigrants would prefer a different area if they dont feel settled where they first landed. My very best wishes to all, whether you stay or return to your country you only have one chance at life, if you have decided where you prefer, go for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 .............once the needs are met...........work ...house ...school.................I would say determination...........our early years here were hard............OH worked away for nearly 6 months initially..............oldest son beaten up at school(he was 8)............for his 'posh'......accent...............moved into our fist home and the bush fires came through......first day hadn't even unpacked..!...........lost my father .....he was only 59......................OH made redundant ..........house repossed...........BUT...............we knew a better life was more achievable here...........we had to be more self reliant with out the network of lots of family and friends...........it brought us closer as a family and.....it's true that when the sun shines and your sat looking out at the great ocean.............it puts your problems In to perspective...................you've got your health............an optimistic youthful outlook................so it's up to you...........so we started again and have found our niche...................it's not the uk ......or Europe.......it has it's own characteristics...................but life is all about choice,...............how you react to any given situation................it can break you ar make .............choose......................no secret really................tink x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AaronS Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hand on heart...........do you think that would last if you'd been her 10 yrs though With my core friends, yes. Guess everyone is different. I consider "old" friendship really part of what makes me who I am. The experiences we shared, the lifestyle we built and the the plans we made. I realize now that I was a fool for leaving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janine the party queen Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I guess it's about being yourself. I found ,when we first arrived,I sought out other people from the UK.My first big mistake.They really dragged me down with their constant complaining about anything and everything.It took me a few months to realise I was only "friends" with them because I had no-one else.As soon as I stopped hanging around with them I made my own friends very quickly. Now that I am in Darwin,I have so many friends that I have to turn down invitations to coffee,parties,days out etc. I use FB to stay in touch with family and friends who live all over the world.With the help of skype I have attended weddings,christenings,parties. I am in the lucky position of having grown up children who can afford to come and see their old mum !!!!!! In-laws and out-laws visit us regularly.the few people on here who have been unforunate to have met me will tell you,what you see is what you get. IMHO there is no magic potion as to why some people settle and others don't.I think it has more to do with you as an individual,being happy within yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 With my core friends, yes. Guess everyone is different. I consider "old" friendship really part of what makes me who I am. The experiences we shared, the lifestyle we built and the the plans we made. I realize now that I was a fool for leaving. Yes, see I don't have that with anyone other than my husband. Of my school friends I was the only one who went to uni, the others settled down and had relationships/families. My uni friends were from all over the country, so when we left uni we went back to from whence we came. I moved back home briefly, but I and my school friends had moved on in totally separate directions. I moved away again, and whilst I do have one very good friend who I met at work, we only keep in touch by email once in a while. I met my husband when I was at uni for the second time, and he became my best friend, and still is. Again, our other friends at uni were from different areas, so we didn't keep in touch, plus at that time I was far older and had a different background to the people around me so we had little in common. After uni we lived in various places, but didn't really put down any roots anywhere, and lived nowhere for more than 18 months. The advantage in that I suppose, is that I brought my best friend with me! We have lived here for longer than we ever lived anywhere in the UK, and to me this feels more like home. I sound like a total loner! That isn't the case really, I have always had friends, I am just terrible at keeping in touch with people. I also find that I tend to look forwards in my life rather than backwards, so people from my past don't really occur to me. I enjoy planning the future, but I don't think about the past so I tend not to get sentimental about people, places or possessions. That is just who I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 We came very close to leaving at the beginning of this year and got as far as going back to look at houses. Then realized that it just wasn't home anymore and that home is Oz. I think as well my work plays a big part as I changed jobs last year to work in Africa so I could FIFO from the UK and realized that I didn't want to work there and that Oz is far better for us both here with regards to my job. Here I work 1 week on 1 week off, there I would do 6 on 2 off and for the same money. So far better to be here. We were close to friends and that has been hard, but were not close to family. For my wife it was probably easiest as she only moved to the UK at the age of 16 from Peru so didn't feel that big tie. There are things I miss such as the countryside and a good pint of beer in a decent pub. But I know I would miss Oz things just as much if we left Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I guess it's about being yourself.I found ,when we first arrived,I sought out other people from the UK.My first big mistake.They really dragged me down with their constant complaining about anything and everything.It took me a few months to realise I was only "friends" with them because I had no-one else.As soon as I stopped hanging around with them I made my own friends very quickly. Now that I am in Darwin,I have so many friends that I have to turn down invitations to coffee,parties,days out etc. I use FB to stay in touch with family and friends who live all over the world.With the help of skype I have attended weddings,christenings,parties. I am in the lucky position of having grown up children who can afford to come and see their old mum !!!!!! In-laws and out-laws visit us regularly.the few people on here who have been unforunate to have met me will tell you,what you see is what you get. IMHO there is no magic potion as to why some people settle and others don't.I think it has more to do with you as an individual,being happy within yourself. Hey! I hope I didn't moan too much! I agree with what you say about being happy within yourself. I am a pretty happy person, I don't like negativity, don't like bitching or moaning, don't like people who aren't happy unless they are unhappy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janine the party queen Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Oops,no it was not aimed at you, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Oops,no it was not aimed at you, lol. Phew! Glad you are getting on well in Darwin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janine the party queen Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Loving Darwin.It's really hard to explain why though !!!! It's very expensive,shopping is woeful the humidity is awful,BUT,I love it. Amazing group of friends,from all over the world, and a fantastic job.O/H is away a lot,so guess that is the only downside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Honestly? Massive doses of antidepressants and time to adjust I failed to mention finding a friend with whom you can totally be yourself, let rip on all your frustrations and most importantly, have a laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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