What's the secret!!

[janine the party queen]

I must have fallen really lucky then.

I have 2 friends who I can vent on.This stupid hand injury,that I did nearly a year ago,has left me angry and frustrated.These 2 people just took over,helping with the house,yard being my taxi,even down to putting make-up on for a party.The surgery was finally done just over 2 weeks ago,they are still here helping me out.They listen to me when I get frustrated because I can't do something then off they go and do it for me.Quite humbling to be honest.

To pay them back I am treating them to a 10 day break in Bali in June.

Oh yes, they are both Ozzies

[Johndoe]

Oops,no it was not aimed at you, lol.

 

Me then? :cry::cry::wink:

[Que Sera Sera]

Its a difficult one to explain, but yes for me its been very easy to settle. Firstly both my parents are dead so I dont have the guilt associated with leaving them behind (never ever thought I could turn that negative into a positive!) but when I see some of the pain my friends go through it does make me feel releived I dont have that. Secondly I have always been a very private person happy in my own company, I have never been the sort that likes people popping in on me and I never do that either. I have friends here, some of which I met whilst still in the UK but mostly I have made new ones. I dont do meets anymore because I just dont feel I need to, Id rather naturally find friends rather that force it. I have made a conserted effort to only mix with my positive friends, those that constantly moan I have stayed away from, it might seem mean but its self preservation in my opinion. My OH missed his family but he only saw his Mother rarely so its not too much of an effort for him, and he sees how much more we have here and how we have surrounded ourselves with a beautiful lifestyle that we could have only dreamed about having in the UK. It certainly helps that his wages are 3 times what we had in the UK, I think if your not financially better off, that could be a problem. Another thing is health, I was very depressed in the UK, having a really stressful job and having to work to pay the bills, and I would really suffer if I didnt get enough daylight and fresh air. Here, I dont have to work there is no stress on me. If I ever feel a bit down, on goes the thongs and down to the beach I go for a power walk and 20 minutes later and have a huge smile on my face and a feeling of deep joy and fullfilment (if you've never experienced it then its hard to explain!) Im not a religious person but its hard not to thank a higher being, for being able to live this fantastic life, I feel truly blessed to have this life and even growing old doesnt bother me if I can do it here in this beautiful place rather than some Pre Fab in Bristol then well..........................:biggrin::cool::notworthy:

[janine the party queen]

Me then? :cry::cry::wink:

No,you just pretend to be a grumpy old git.......big teddy bear really.:tongue:

[LKC]

Its a difficult one to explain, but yes for me its been very easy to settle. Firstly both my parents are dead so I dont have the guilt associated with leaving them behind (never ever thought I could turn that negative into a positive!) but when I see some of the pain my friends go through it does make me feel releived I dont have that. Secondly I have always been a very private person happy in my own company, I have never been the sort that likes people popping in on me and I never do that either. I have friends here, some of which I met whilst still in the UK but mostly I have made new ones. I dont do meets anymore because I just dont feel I need to, Id rather naturally find friends rather that force it. I have made a conserted effort to only mix with my positive friends, those that constantly moan I have stayed away from, it might seem mean but its self preservation in my opinion. My OH missed his family but he only saw his Mother rarely so its not too much of an effort for him, and he sees how much more we have here and how we have surrounded ourselves with a beautiful lifestyle that we could have only dreamed about having in the UK. It certainly helps that his wages are 3 times what we had in the UK, I think if your not financially better off, that could be a problem. Another thing is health, I was very depressed in the UK, having a really stressful job and having to work to pay the bills, and I would really suffer if I didnt get enough daylight and fresh air. Here, I dont have to work there is no stress on me. If I ever feel a bit down, on goes the thongs and down to the beach I go for a power walk and 20 minutes later and have a huge smile on my face and a feeling of deep joy and fullfilment (if you've never experienced it then its hard to explain!) Im not a religious person but its hard not to thank a higher being, for being able to live this fantastic life, I feel truly blessed to have this life and even growing old doesnt bother me if I can do it here in this beautiful place rather than some Pre Fab in Bristol then well..........................:biggrin::cool::notworthy:

 

Pretty much the same as me, although we are worse off financially here (hubby took a 50% salary cut, but it was a calculated decision based on his future prospects). I do know what you mean about that sense of deep joy and fulfilment. I almost feel like there was a piece of my jigsaw missing, and that Australia kind of was that piece. It is like I am part of it, and it is part of me. That sounds really stupid, but I just feel connected in some way that I can't explain to Australia.

[Paul1Perth]

I don't know your situation Blobby but for us we both always wanted to be near the sea for one. considered moving closer to the South Coast in the UK but it was too expensive. We also liked sunny, warmer climates and I loved windsurfing and lots of other sports in the UK, so thought I would be able to do even more of what I enjoyed here.

 

Certainly didn't think I was going to come over, have a big house with a pool, make loads of money, advance my career. None of that was even thought about. We hadn't been before didn't know anyone here but Perth seemed to have everything that we were looking for. Our eldest was only 2 when we came so we didn't have to think about him missing friends, changing schools, any of that sort of stuff which can cause extra stress on the whole family.

 

From day one we loved it. I was out of work for 5 months, it was pretty dire here in 92, but we got by on my wife's salary. After I got the first job I've never been out of work since.

 

Everything we had read and researched about Perth seemed to be spot on. We rented for a year and then moved to where we could afford to be nearer the ocean. We joined local clubs, surf club, squash club, AFL when our oldest showed some interest. Ended up coaching both AFL and surf club. Took an active part in everything as did my wife. Met lots of people with the same interests. Bought a windsurfer, went out a few times but then started doing so much other sport I didn't have time to use it. We embraced Aus and everything about it suited us. We have a bigger house, close to the ocean that was always part of our dream. We are probably fitter and more active now than we were 20 years ago when we emigrated. Our kids have grown up pretty well, are both very active, eldest one has finished his apprenticeship as an electrician and the youngest is doing 2 days work experience and 2 days at school with a chance of a job at the end of it.

 

According to a lot of our Aussie friends we are more into the Aussie lifestyle portrayed on TV than most Aussies are. There are plenty of Australians we know who don't like the beach, stay in with the curtains closed when it's sunny and whinge about just about everything, It's hardest when one partner settles and loves it and the other one doesn't, for whatever reason. Some of our Aussie friends who we meet down the beach have partners who flatly refuse to come to the beach and join in with their lifestyle.

 

Don't know whether there is any big secret to being happy here Blobby, wasn't unhappy really in the UK, just felt there had to be something better.

[blobby1000]

.............once the needs are met...........work ...house ...school.................I would say determination...........our early years here were hard............OH worked away for nearly 6 months initially..............oldest son beaten up at school(he was 8)............for his 'posh'......accent...............moved into our fist home and the bush fires came through......first day hadn't even unpacked..!...........lost my father .....he was only 59......................OH made redundant ..........house repossed...........BUT...............we knew a better life was more achievable here...........

 

Bloody hell, you are one serious optomist after that start...

[Guest The Ropey HOFF]

If you can't get over the loss of family and friends i can imagine it will feel like a bereavement, a constant ache, which must eat away at your mind and soul and we aren't there yet and who knows if this will happen to us, but if it happens we will return to the uk and still have a good life. Whats the secret ........ It is probably many a complex thing that can not be described or defined, what works for one person, might not work for others, we are all different and humans are very hard to understand or fathom out.

[blobby1000]

I don't know your situation Blobby but for us we both always wanted to be near the sea for one. considered moving closer to the South Coast in the UK but it was too expensive. We also liked sunny, warmer climates and I loved windsurfing and lots of other sports in the UK, so thought I would be able to do even more of what I enjoyed here.

 

Certainly didn't think I was going to come over, have a big house with a pool, make loads of money, advance my career. None of that was even thought about. We hadn't been before didn't know anyone here but Perth seemed to have everything that we were looking for. Our eldest was only 2 when we came so we didn't have to think about him missing friends, changing schools, any of that sort of stuff which can cause extra stress on the whole family.

 

From day one we loved it. I was out of work for 5 months, it was pretty dire here in 92, but we got by on my wife's salary. After I got the first job I've never been out of work since.

 

Everything we had read and researched about Perth seemed to be spot on. We rented for a year and then moved to where we could afford to be nearer the ocean. We joined local clubs, surf club, squash club, AFL when our oldest showed some interest. Ended up coaching both AFL and surf club. Took an active part in everything as did my wife. Met lots of people with the same interests. Bought a windsurfer, went out a few times but then started doing so much other sport I didn't have time to use it. We embraced Aus and everything about it suited us. We have a bigger house, close to the ocean that was always part of our dream. We are probably fitter and more active now than we were 20 years ago when we emigrated. Our kids have grown up pretty well, are both very active, eldest one has finished his apprenticeship as an electrician and the youngest is doing 2 days work experience and 2 days at school with a chance of a job at the end of it.

 

According to a lot of our Aussie friends we are more into the Aussie lifestyle portrayed on TV than most Aussies are. There are plenty of Australians we know who don't like the beach, stay in with the curtains closed when it's sunny and whinge about just about everything, It's hardest when one partner settles and loves it and the other one doesn't, for whatever reason. Some of our Aussie friends who we meet down the beach have partners who flatly refuse to come to the beach and join in with their lifestyle.

 

Don't know whether there is any big secret to being happy here Blobby, wasn't unhappy really in the UK, just felt there had to be something better.

 

Brilliant post, seems like you did everything absolutely right.

 

I had travelled in Australia many years ago which did not prepare me for living here and my wife had never even visited. We have concluded after 17 months that, to live in, we just dont fancy Australia. Nice to visit, btu we miss England. You sound like you have completely taken to the lifestyle and made the best of all opportunities. I suppsoe we cannot prepare for whether we will like a place or not until we actually get here and live here.

[blobby1000]

This is an interesting question, and one which I think has many answers. We have settled well, we are some of those happy Poms who have adjusted to life here and have no intention of returning. Neither oh nor I have have any homesickness or regrets at all in the 3+ years we have been here. For us, we were always pretty self-sufficient in the UK. We lived far away from family, we moved around a bit (actually a lot - something like 8 house moves in 10 years), and we never 'got' the just popping round to see the family thing. We were (and still are) a self contained unit, and I don't think that either of us could bear to be 'tied to mothers apron strings' as is the case with some of our family members (my sister still lives at home at the age of 32!).

 

We saw the move to Australia as an adventure. It was a good opportunity with regards to oh's career, and I had dreamed of living in Australia since I was a small child, so for me it was a dream coming true. We had talked about moving years back, but had to wait until the right time. So, over we came and we just got on with the job. We are both quite stoical people, and just tend to get on with things in a matter of fact way and I think that that helped. There were and are no tears about family or friends, other than the goodbyes. That isn't to say that either of us are cold and uncaring at all (we are both actually total softies), but that we are accepting of the fact that if we want to live in Australia, then we have to be apart from our family (if that makes sense). We don't like it, but we accept that it is how it has to be.

 

It did take me quite a while to make friends here, but I (and hubby) have always been of the opinion that we would rather have a handful of very good friends than a bucket full of not so good ones. That has been my experience here. I have made friends with a small number of people who I would consider to be the best friends that I have ever had.

 

Another couple of interesting points to note are that I, in particular, like to be different to other people. I am not one of the sheep and never will be. I don't care about 'fitting in', and won't dress in a particular way or like certain things just because I think I should. I like rock music, wear black most of the time, am about to get my first tattoo, don't like celebrity or reality tv shows and am certainly not your typical mumsy mum (my 4 and 6 year old girls like Foo Fighters rather than Justin Bieber!). That extends to Australia too. I like to be the odd one out, the interesting foreigner, I like my British accent and the fact that people ask about where I am from when they hear me speak. I don't feel the need to try and fit in anywhere. Also, I have also never actively sought the company of other expats and I only know two other Brits. One is a mum at school who has been here for about 10 years, and the other is the husband of a friend who I only see occasionally. They are people who are in my life through chance, rather than because I have actively sought them. My friends are all Australian and one Slovak, and I accept them for who they are just as they accept me for who I am. Maybe that has a factor to play, in that I am happy to be different and I am happy for others to be different, rather than wanting myself to fit in with a particular group of people who are all similar to me. If that makes any sense at all!

 

I think thats a good point, and since we "gave up" we already feel happier, being ourselves and not worrying if people like us or we fit in, and we are finding it easier.

 

Incidently my wife is covered in tattoos, but regardless of looks we still feel a need and desire to belong and to make friends and it is hard to be yourself out here but you have done very well meeting locals, I guess it takes time. I dont see much point in hanging round exclusively with Brits, its like "poms on tour" and you are not getting into the feel or culture of the lifestyle here but equally it can be hard to make friends with Australians.

[jamjar]

I think thats a good point, and since we "gave up" we already feel happier, being ourselves and not worrying if people like us or we fit in, and we are finding it easier.

 

Incidently my wife is covered in tattoos, but regardless of looks we still feel a need and desire to belong and to make friends and it is hard to be yourself out here but you have done very well meeting locals, I guess it takes time. I dont see much point in hanging round exclusively with Brits, its like "poms on tour" and you are not getting into the feel or culture of the lifestyle here but equally it can be hard to make friends with Australians.

 

I find that very strange that you wouldnt always be yourself. I am not surprised now that you havent settled, that must be a constant stress on you if that is how you have been living. Perhaps you havent met good friends over there because you havent actually been yourselfs. I could never do that, people must either like me for what I am or get lost. Life is way to short to be trying to fit a mold that you belief others want.

 

Good luck and I glad your have now relaxed and happier.

[blobby1000]

JamJar its not so much about not being ourselves as not really having the opportunity to be ourselves. Its really hard to go into a pub on my own and laugh and joke like I would in England, likewise its hard to meet people and immediately act like you would in England, you have to kind of feel your way in! Also we find that there is very little laughter in Australia. Everyone sits in restaurants eating quietly. We cant just roll in there making a racket! Its the same at work. No team work, every man for himself, no communication. Its taken me 18 months to act in a way I was on a ward in England within a month.

 

Its not that we are being someone else. We are just suppressed versions of who we are. Quiet. Wallflowers with no friends!!!!!

 

I make it sound so pathetic!!!!

[Petals]

JamJar its not so much about not being ourselves as not really having the opportunity to be ourselves. Its really hard to go into a pub on my own and laugh and joke like I would in England, likewise its hard to meet people and immediately act like you would in England, you have to kind of feel your way in! Also we find that there is very little laughter in Australia. Everyone sits in restaurants eating quietly. We cant just roll in there making a racket! Its the same at work. No team work, every man for himself, no communication. Its taken me 18 months to act in a way I was on a ward in England within a month.

 

Its not that we are being someone else. We are just suppressed versions of who we are. Quiet. Wallflowers with no friends!!!!!

 

I make it sound so pathetic!!!!

 

It would be so nice if it was UK with sun for you, it isn't though, its Australia and you are heading back so who cares, just go with the flow. Having lived in a few countries I just do not get this whole "its not like we do in UK, people are not like they are in UK, in the UK we used to do this and that" There is an answer its different, its not the UK.

[starlight7]

We were too busy having kids and looking after the ones we already had to even think about going back. Then the kids grow up, get partners and start having their own kids. Hey presto your family is here, not over there. Early on I was just too busy to wallow around pining and besides, the fares were too high in those days.

[blobby1000]

It would be so nice if it was UK with sun for you, it isn't though, its Australia and you are heading back so who cares, just go with the flow. Having lived in a few countries I just do not get this whole "its not like we do in UK, people are not like they are in UK, in the UK we used to do this and that" There is an answer its different, its not the UK.

 

Petals you are always jolly kind on here, so I will go easy on you!!!! But all this "you are heading back so who cares" does that mean if we dont like Australia then we are not welcome on here? Im sure you didnt mean that!!!

 

Im not criticising Australia for not being England, Im commenting on the differences and explaining that I dont like the differences! Its made me (us) realise how much we like England. As I am quite careful to point out, this is just my opinion on what I have found...

 

It doenst meant others wont enjoy this lifestyle

[blobby1000]

We were too busy having kids and looking after the ones we already had to even think about going back. Then the kids grow up, get partners and start having their own kids. Hey presto your family is here, not over there. Early on I was just too busy to wallow around pining and besides, the fares were too high in those days.

 

"wallow around pining"

 

In our time here we will have driven 3000km (with our children aged 3 and 1) to Adeliade and back stopping at every town we could....driven from Melbourne to Sydney taking two weeks, flown to Brisbane and driven down to Sydney taking three weeks, flown back to Brisbane and travelled up to Cape Tribulation, flown to Perth and driven up to Coral Bay and back.

 

We have been on weekend trips to the Grampians, to Port Campbell, to Ballaratt (of all places!) to Wilson Prom...

 

We have bought surf boards, wet suits, bodyboards, I commute 250km a day return to try to live in the place we want....we have never ever stopped trying....

 

Im spending the majority of my time in charge of a psychiatric ward, my wife has been described as "the best nurse to ever work (for the private company she works for)"

 

We have been tripped up by those we thought we could trust who brought us here, we picked ourselves up and carried on....

 

No pining here my friend, we have thrown ourselves into this and we want to go home for all the reasons Ihave described.

[Guest Ptp113]

There is no secret. Just realise that you moved to a foreihn country, and don't continue to think, act, and talk like a pom.

[Harpodom]

There is no secret. Just realise that you moved to a foreihn country, and don't continue to think, act, and talk like a pom.

 

Nonsense

[blobby1000]

There is no secret. Just realise that you moved to a foreihn country, and don't continue to think, act, and talk like a pom.

 

Ah, I see, so the idea is to come over here in your 30s and forget that you are English?

 

So the trick is to get off the plane and turn into a sort of psedo-Aussie....buy a BBQ, grow a moustache, buy a ute, make your sentences go up at the end, ask people "how you going?, call afternoon "arvo" and forget who you used to be?

[Petals]

Petals you are always jolly kind on here, so I will go easy on you!!!! But all this "you are heading back so who cares" does that mean if we dont like Australia then we are not welcome on here? Im sure you didnt mean that!!!

 

Im not criticising Australia for not being England, Im commenting on the differences and explaining that I dont like the differences! Its made me (us) realise how much we like England. As I am quite careful to point out, this is just my opinion on what I have found...

 

It doenst meant others wont enjoy this lifestyle

 

I understand what you say, but sometimes when reading it comes across,as you say different to what we mean. Personally I think for us we accept the fact that we are Poms if you like and we have differences and we live our lives different to a lot of people in Aus but then is it because we are poms or just that we are different ourselves. I do believe the early years are the hardest for migrants, and I also believe that the longer we stay here the more we do change in subtle ways. We will always gravitate to our own its human nature. I have four best friends, one is a pom, two are kiwis and one is Australian. Some things I discuss with the pom and the kiwis and not the Aussie one, why because difference, background etc. Just works out best that way.

 

Even after all these years I still find it easier to talk to people from the UK as we have common history, however I do not want to live the history anymore :smile:

[Guest Ptp113]

Ah, I see, so the idea is to come over here in your 30s and forget that you are English?

 

So the trick is to get off the plane and turn into a sort of psedo-Aussie....buy a BBQ, grow a moustache, buy a ute, make your sentences go up at the end, ask people "how you going?, call afternoon "arvo" and forget who you used to be?

 

I knew you wouldn't get it What is it with new arrival poms now, they used to adapt and ameliorate their pom ways but these days the arrogance overides everything?

[yorkiegirl]

I knew you wouldn't get it What is it with new arrival poms now, they used to adapt and ameliorate their pom ways but these days the arrogance overides everything?

Why do they need to ameliorate their ways?

[Guest famousfive]

There is no secret. Just realise that you moved to a foreihn country, and don't continue to think, act, and talk like a pom.

 

What a ridiculous notion.Anyone who honestly thinks this will make them fit in better here in aus have no idea........in fact 'friends' they make here will probably be laughing at them rather than with them on most occasions.Can you imagine an aussie rocking up in London acting and talking like a pom?Who do you think they would be fooling?They would be treated like the village idiot........and would provide for great comedy material when they are not present!!

 

What a shame some people feel the need to reinvent themselves when they move somewhere.What happens a few years down the road when you realise the real you is not that happy......only the 'NEW' you is pretending to be happy.If people have such a low opinion of themselves that they think they have to think,act and talk differently to make a go of things then I suggest they cancel all migration plans and spend the money on counselling services instead.......

 

What a sad way to start a new life....feeling shame for who you are and where you come from.

[Harpodom]

What a ridiculous notion.Anyone who honestly thinks this will make them fit in better here in aus have no idea........in fact 'friends' they make here will probably be laughing at them rather than with them on most occasions.Can you imagine an aussie rocking up in London acting and talking like a pom?Who do you think they would be fooling?They would be treated like the village idiot........and would provide for great comedy material when they are not present!!

 

What a shame some people feel the need to reinvent themselves when they move somewhere.What happens a few years down the road when you realise the real you is not that happy......only the 'NEW' you is pretending to be happy.If people have such a low opinion of themselves that they think they have to think,act and talk differently to make a go of things then I suggest they cancel all migration plans and spend the money on counselling services instead.......

 

What a sad way to start a new life....feeling shame for who you are and where you come from.

 

couldn't agree more FF.

 

TBH I think a lot of new arrivals do fall into this trap they make for themselves. It must be a very empty feeling being 'friends' with people you don't actually like and feigning interest in stuff that bores you

[surflen22]

I can see validity in all the arguments on here. For me personally, I've had to learn to communicate in a different way, deal with realtionships differently and build friendships in a manner that I'm not used to. Yes, there have been parts of being from the UK that haven't necessarily been helpful but there are also elements of being British that you have to capitalise on - these are what make you unique and interesting.

 

I don't think its about stopping being a pom as such, its more about adapting and realising that many things are done differently here. Not better, not worse...just different.