Guest guest33730 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Kelly, Obviously I'm so sorry to hear what's happened and I can only guess how you must be feeling. At least your son is safe and well and my guess is that this is just a knee-jerk reaction from your ex to remind you that he is still around and an important part of your sons life. A good friend of mine is a family lawyer in Paisley, but it would be better to get one on the east coast I think. Nothing can be done before Monday anyway, however if you want his number I can give it to you for you to contact him then. Try and take a few deep breaths - this will work out, it's just the shock that's kicking in. Daniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gary12 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I think the OP probably wrote on a public forum to get some advice as more often than not the people you are close to just rant and don't really offer any great advice in such stressful times. The exact same thing happened to my brother with his daughter many years ago, his ex cleared out the house and moved whilst he was at work taking his daughter with him. It was a very long battle but he got there in the end. Likewise my sisters 2 boys went to live with their dad for a period. my advice to you is When you ring your son keep it light, what have you done, what have you had for dinner (it maybe McDonalds for the 5th time that week but say nothing other than, ooh I bet that was a nice etc) as everyone has said, it's exciting your ex will be allowing your son to do all the things you don't, but eventually too much of a good thing turns boring. Document all conversations you have with your ex, no matter how small, date, time and what was said. Do not get into a slanging match with your ex, especially infront of your son. Do not allow anyone (family/friends) to put pressure on your son, it's surprising what people say with good intentions. Keep in regular contact with the school. The person who phoned you may be needed to give some sort of evidence of the conversation your son had with them. You may need to think long term about things like paying for your son to travel back yearly for a holiday with his dad, can you afford that? Finally, his dad my just have had a wake up call to realise that this is going to happen and he is going to the otherside of the world he may just want a bit of time with him. Hard as that is on you. You may find that when he has had time to think about it he will see it's not the best way to go about these things. I am sure your son will turn up for school Monday and things will soon get back to normal. I really wish you the best of luck and hope this horrible, stressful situation sorts itself out sooner rather than later. kindest regards Michelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest quigs Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Why did you ignore a serious warning from the school??? why did you expect a different outcome? You need to answer these questions for yourself and realise the rules have changed forever. Its a terrible freightening situation to find yourself in but you need to become a lot smarter and savier if you want your son back and stop playing into your ex-partners hands you can't afford anymore mistakes. I believe the other posts have offered very helpful advice: Your partner has had a wake up call and resents you taking his son to Australia. You need urgent very good legal advice, someone very experienced and pushy who will fight for your son. Do nothing outside of the law, try although difficult to keep the emotion out of it. If you are planning strategies etc with your solicitor do not discuss anything with your son, you don't know what will be repeated he is still a child. Keep it light and be his best friend. Be careful of Mutual friends passing back info. THINK like your expartner, I doubt very much he will turn up with your son at his old school. I imagine he has enrolled him near his home. If hes not at school Monday ring the schools near his house. I would go to the school with my solicitor and get him immediately don't warn the school. It remains to be seen whether he had legal papers at all- did you get a copy? You need to learn fast about family law and disputes. Good bookshops will have something to quide you over the weekend. Buy a tape-recorded and carry it at all times, record all conversations with your partner and son but do not tell them. Write down all dates, times transactions this is being smart. There are legal papers which stop another parent removing a child from the country you need these issued FAST. May not be needed but you need to be ahead of him. Does he have his passport, any birth certificates etc? I would park near his home and try and see if your son is even staying there. Your partners gloves are off and your playing catch up. Good Luck I believe you will get him back . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratchet Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 O i do feel for your situation.:hug: i think a mixture of the advice from gary and quigs should help you out. from my last dealing in a child in need/safeguarding children case. A thirteen yr old does have an element of decision making, but is still a minor in the eyes of the law. keep your whits about you, keep your head rational. Dont forget no matter of the situation there will be a ripple effect on your teenager. He will be hearing and seein alsort. Your the adult, you HAVE to behave that way and demand your ex does too for the sake of your son. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudi Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Oh Hun What a dreadful situation to be in. I cannot imagine how distraught you are feeling right now. I think you have had some really good advice from people. Most of all you need to keep calm, and rational about all this. Do not give your ex ANYTHING to use against you. He may well also tape conversations, so try not to get into anything with him. Let the talk go on between your legal teams. I hope it all works out for you, please keep us posted. Will be thinking of you. Love Rudi x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
n111kkx Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 So sorry to hear your news. I totally agree with Quigs - eyes open, gloves off, document everything and trust nothing. Get as much legal help as you can, I hope the coming week will bring you some good news. Thinking of you all x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjamie Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 Thanks everyone:wubclub: i have woke this morning and cant actually beleive this has happened. After thinking back on yesterday on the conversation this has been planned for a few months. Im going to citizens advice this morning then a lawyer monday first thing monday. I have got a note pad and have began writing everything down from the past few weeks. My ex has nothing of my sons. He took no clothes no school uniform no shoes nothing just what he got changed into and a change for the weekend. I have his birth cert and his passport. His school have told me to call in monday morning to advise of how they can help. I posted on here because theres several people who i have regular contact with and respect their advice and opinions and its always helpful for someone complete outside the situation to look in and advise. Going to CAB right now will let you know what they say thanks again everyone, really its very kind of you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Good luck Kelly:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Hi Kelly You are doing all the right things, in the right order. The CAB are in touch with local solicitors of all types. If need be they can get hold of a family solicitor over the weekend because most firms have emergency mobile numbers - which go to the Senior Partner of the firm, who has private numbers for all the solicitors. If necessary a solicitor can be found and the courts always have Duty Judges, In an emergency it is possible to go to the Judge's house and s/he will make a legally binding Court Order on the spot if necessary. It gets used to prevent people from taking children out of the country because the Order can be served on the airline or whoever. Hospitals use it as well when a child needs an operation which needs blood but religious beliefs prevent the whole idea. However, although it is heartbreaking for you at the moment, your son's situation doesn't sound serious to me. You know where he is and no risk or harm is threatened. I have been in touch with a solicitor in London who is in touch with another solicitor, who is practising and does Family Law including Child cases. The relevant solicitor can be contacted urgently if necessary but my feeling is that it is best to wait till Monday and to see the solicitors who already know about your case. I don't think you need the time, the cost and the emotional anguish of going through the whole thing with someone new at this very difficult time? Neither you or anyone else on here has said anything that would matter in Court. Any Family Law solicitor or Judge would read the thread and work out in a minute that none of us have a clue about the real Law and that we are all just friends who are offering moral advice and support to you, so please don't worry about that. Fingers crossed for you with the CAB, honey. Hugs :hug: Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Kelly I am so so sorry, I have been in a similar position and if you would like to chat my door is always open. At the minute your ex probably has no feelings at all about his son (especially as he was abscent for 2 years) he is probably trying to get at you because he is jealous of what new life you can offer and he can't. Hold on tight hun, your ex will soon realise how hard it is looking after a child, no more nights down the pub etc, he will probably bring him back himself after the novelty has worn off. I feel for your son at the moment, he is stuck in the middle of this and wherever he ends up he could do with a third party person to chat to. Remember, it is illegal for your ex to keep your son off school, as another poster has advised keep an eye on the schools in your ex's area, maybe hire a Private Detective. If you do find out which school your son is at, as long as you have proof who you are, who your son is ie passport they can not stop you taking him without a court order from your ex. Good luck honey, keep your chin up, you will get through this I promise. Big BIG Hugs Kate Ps Don't forget I am here if you need to chat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlem Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Just wanted to say, stay strong, i am sure your son dosent know how much this is hurting and worrying you, we all think we know our own minds at that age but when we get older and look back we realise how we are influensed. I am sure the no rules lifestyle will lose its excitement very quickly and he will be straight back home. Good luck on Monday x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pumpkin Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I read a story recently about a man whose child had been taken to Australia and the wife had gone back on agreements to let him visit or child spend summer holidays in UK. He had sold his house and spent his life savings on legal action to see his child. So I don't think it is fair to always assume the father is acting out of spite. Some dads love their children. Perhaps he is genuinely terrified of his son going to the other side of the world. I am not going to judge him because he hasn't seen the boy for two years, perhaps he tried to, perhaps he did not know the date of the parent evenings. I don't know. This is a pretty awful situation, but there are two sides to it and I know I will be damned for saying it but I can see the other side. Fathers are not just sperm donors. Perhaps the parents can work towards an arrangement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Karen and Colin Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Hi Kelly Just wanted to say how sorry we are to hear of your situation. As other members have said the best thing to do is get very good advice (CAB will give you this) and get good legal advice, notify the school and do the very best for your son, as he is caught in the middle of it. Whilst we have no doubts he's safe and sound it'll be a wake up call to his dad that he can't get to do whatever he wants over the weekend. Good luck and hope it all works out for you. :hug: Take care Karen & Colin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Torirat Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 How horrid for you, keep strong and stay focused. A lot of the advice given here has been great but I add to it that you should run through the yellow pages for a solictor who specialises in family law rather than one who is a just a standard practitioner. All the best hun and I hope things will work out for you Fingers for you Tori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I won't offer words of wisdom or advice as there are far too many ifs/what's and maybes in cases like this...I will say though that I have experience of similar situations and IMO the father is trying it on out of a misguided sense of injustice or something. You've been there for him Kelly, in this day and age any father worth his salt would not go 2 years without contact unless he actually couldn't be arsed, says it all, absent fathers get a raw deal in some cases but in others they are just losers who haven't a clue about parenting. I hope when he gets bored Kelly he'll return your son to his rightful home and your son will realise what has happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaC Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 no it is true, once a child has gone 12, they can choose where they want to live. I hope you get all this sorted. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I read a story recently about a man whose child had been taken to Australia and the wife had gone back on agreements to let him visit or child spend summer holidays in UK. He had sold his house and spent his life savings on legal action to see his child. So I don't think it is fair to always assume the father is acting out of spite. Some dads love their children. Perhaps he is genuinely terrified of his son going to the other side of the world. I am not going to judge him because he hasn't seen the boy for two years, perhaps he tried to, perhaps he did not know the date of the parent evenings. I don't know. This is a pretty awful situation, but there are two sides to it and I know I will be damned for saying it but I can see the other side. Fathers are not just sperm donors. Perhaps the parents can work towards an arrangement. Agree. Perhaps he has had second thoughts about the move to Australia and this has prompted his action. I feel for all of you and hope things can be worked out. The government have a scheme called mediation that can try and help improve communication, solicitors cost an arm and a leg, and it can be a lengthy battle sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LYNMACMD Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Just a bit about my circumstances some years ago I was divorced and lived with my partner and my two children my son and daughter. My partner and I went away for the weekend, the childrens father who had , had them every weekend took them as normal. At this time CSA was hitting ex hubbys hard and they had told him he had to pay me £70 a week he laughed at the time and said no way thats far too much I agreed, I came home on the Monday awaited their return at 5pm, just after 5 there was a knock on the door I went to find a man stood there on behalf of the court with a letter/form stating he had taken them to live with him and his new partner, like you I was distraught, I went to court only to find they blackened my name with alsorts of accusations, to get out of it looking as if he had taken them for CSA reasons, which were totally disproven, it wasn't until my son was 14 when the courts stated 'children are old enough to walk with their feet' that my son walked out and came back to me my daughter soon followed, they had been verbally abused by their dads partner even being told she didnt want his baggage only him and had offered her home to them so he didnt have to pay CSA, but the joke eventually backfired re CSA my son is 25 this year and my daughter will be 22 he is still paying me every month for the money he owed me. My advice is find out what grounds he had taken residency on, the children normally have to be in danger for them to be removed from the person who has residency, what has he informed the solicitors and courts, they do not go on the word of a child alone, they visit parents both alone and with the children to see how they are in both situations. Also ensure you do not under any circumstances give up your parental responsibilities I stuck to my guns and through the courts welfare officer it was decided my children could live at either house it was decided as they had settled in schools it was easier to let them stay with their dad but quite often they stayed at mine. Also I think Gollywobbler will confirm anything recorded you have to inform the other party they are being recorded to cover yourself within the law. I certainly know I cried buckets was suicidal so I know exactly how you feel and possibly like your ex mine had got this planned for weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjamie Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 i have walked around the house all day today like a zombie. my eyes are stinging from crying. i think im shocked at how under handed hes gone about it, i have ALWAYS given him access to our son never stopped him even when our son didnt want to go down i still told my son he should make an effort with his dad, and i have stupidly never pushed him for money. i have allowed him to walk all over me and now it has backfired and im the one whose lost out. i feel in total limbo and completely lost x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunnyday Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 i have walked around the house all day today like a zombie. my eyes are stinging from crying. i think im shocked at how under handed hes gone about it, i have ALWAYS given him access to our son never stopped him even when our son didnt want to go down i still told my son he should make an effort with his dad, and i have stupidly never pushed him for money. i have allowed him to walk all over me and now it has backfired and im the one whose lost out. i feel in total limbo and completely lost x You're going through a terrible time hun, be strong and have faith that it will all work out x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 Kelly, Legal advice is your first step. Until a solicitor gives you some firm advice everything is up in the air. I am also with another poster here. I think we should refrain from judging `Dad`. None of us know both sides of the story and we should respect that there are 2 sides to every story. My husband is a divorced Dad so I have seen the other side of the coin. Personally I Think he has had a huge wake up call and it has sunk in that it that it could be some time before he sees his son again. Thats a tough thing for anyone to think about, whether they are a fantastic father or an absent father. Kelly, I feel for you, I really do and I do hope that you and your son are reunited soon. I am sure that you will be. Joanne x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 G`day Kelly, Just wondered how you went this morning? Did your son turn up at school??? What did solicitors say?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 :hug: Kelly I'm sorry that I have no words of wisdom that might help you, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you have been hit with this out of the blue. I'm hoping and hoping that you can get this sorted out and your son comes back to you very soon where he belongs. Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Karen and Colin Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Hi Kelly, Just wanted to say we are thinking about you and hope that things get better for you today. Hopefully now that you can get some legal advice things will sort themselves out. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 Any news hun, thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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