Family disconnecting with you after you emigrate

[Nemesis]

13 minutes ago, Blue Manna said:

When you get free accommodation, car hire and meals provided? I would have thought it was pretty close actually.

All the family members that I know who flew over to see Expats actually contributed quite a lot. I personally only had one visit from family, due to the expense, but they insisted on contributing to food costs, hiring a car themselves (there was 5 of them, too many for ours) and when we went travelling they happily paid their share of hiring places to stay. Much the same as I used to when I came home to visit - I know I always ended up paying well over the odds for food, but it also went towards general living expenses. 

[Quoll]

7 hours ago, Blue Manna said:

When you get free accommodation, car hire and meals provided? I would have thought it was pretty close actually.

Not everyone gets that and not everyone wants to stay in one place in the suburbs if they do go on holiday.  If you're not used to it like we are, that flight is a killer especially for the elderly and for a young family it can be a nightmare. I still don't see why anyone should be expected to fly over just to make someone else feel better or less guilty about the ramifications of their life decisions.

[BendigoBoy]

On 5/3/2024 at 9:01 PM, Monica33 said:

Has anyone had family and friends essentially forget about you after you leave the UK. Most of my family and friends do not want to engage with me much anymore. There’s no excuse these days to not keep in touch. I’ve been in Australia 17 years and it’s exhausting trying to maintain contact with people who don’t want to keep in touch.  I have a trip back soon and trying to lock in a time with my childhood friends and even my sister is becoming impossible. They are all busy. My sister has even booked herself a 2 week Mediterranean holiday the same time I’m there. I’m only there for 4 weeks and her answer was I’ll see you at some point. We haven’t had a fall out or anything, I just think it’s maybe a case of out of sight out of mind. Anyone else with similar experiences. Or is it just me

The friends (in my case), those links remain, even eight years after moving.  Heck, you could say they've gotten stronger in some ways.  Four of us meet up in Singapore regularly for a jolly together.

Family, on the other hand, I realised after seven years that I was the only one ever to make a phone call, ever to write an email, ever to send a Christmas card.  With family like that, who needs enemies.  So I gave up the trying and literally haven't even heard a peep from any of them since.  Blood is very definitely not thicker than water in my book.

[Toots]

8 hours ago, Nemesis said:

All the family members that I know who flew over to see Expats actually contributed quite a lot. I personally only had one visit from family, due to the expense, but they insisted on contributing to food costs, hiring a car themselves (there was 5 of them, too many for ours) and when we went travelling they happily paid their share of hiring places to stay. Much the same as I used to when I came home to visit - I know I always ended up paying well over the odds for food, but it also went towards general living expenses. 

When my sister was here for a few months from Scotland we went to Sydney and Melbourne also to NZ to see our nephew so it was quite an expensive holiday for her  but she did have a good time.

I notice you said expats.  I've always called myself a migrant.  What  is the difference between expats and migrants?

[Marisawright]

8 hours ago, Blue Manna said:

When you get free accommodation, car hire and meals provided? I would have thought it was pretty close actually.

I guess if you're offering them all that, you'd have to wonder why they're so reluctant.   

[Blue Manna]

2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

I guess if you're offering them all that, you'd have to wonder why they're so reluctant.   

The siblings never had a lot of money and don't really holiday anywhere. But I thought their kids would have taken the opportunity when they were younger. It's not uncommon for kids to do gap years in Australia, and my mum would have been a convenient base. But no. They didn't even tour Europe. Maybe they're just unadventurous people.

[Toots]

10 minutes ago, Blue Manna said:

The siblings never had a lot of money and don't really holiday anywhere. But I thought their kids would have taken the opportunity when they were younger. It's not uncommon for kids to do gap years in Australia, and my mum would have been a convenient base. But no. They didn't even tour Europe. Maybe they're just unadventurous people.

Some people are happy to live in the same town - the same street even, all their lives.  Good on them if they are happy.  Other folk love a bit of adventure - new places to see and new things to do.  I have a very good friend in Scotland whose sister lived in Hong Kong and New York.  She also had a holiday house in Portugal.  My friend could have visited those places but was never interested.  She was perfectly happy at home.

[jimmyay1]

On 04/05/2024 at 19:22, Amber Snowball said:

I sometimes wonder if they think because you are in Australia, you are on holiday so have more time than them or that you are the one with all the “news”? Rather than you are living a life of work, putting the bins out and ferrying children to sport just like them.

 

I actually had a relative say this to me in all seriousness. Quite sweet in a way so i had to smile. 

 "what's it like living in Australia, i guess it's like being on holiday all the time?"

I think this perception is more common than you think.  being overseas = sunshine = holiday. 

I had another relative who came and visited and was amazed i put a suit on to go to go out to work in my office every day "oh i didnt think anyone would wear suits in Australia".  

Edited May 6 by jimmyay1

[Skani]

7 hours ago, Toots said:

  What  is the difference between expats and migrants?

I've always assumed a migrant is someone making a permanent move to another country and an expat is someone working in another country but knowing it to be temporary and  eventually returning home - for example a diplomat or a transfer to a foreign branch of their company.  But I don't know if that's an official definition.

[Marisawright]

1 hour ago, jimmyay1 said:

I actually had a relative say this to me in all seriousness. Quite sweet in a way so i had to smile. 

 "what's it like living in Australia, i guess it's like being on holiday all the time?"

I think this perception is more common than you think.  being overseas = sunshine = holiday. 

I had another relative who came and visited and was amazed i put a suit on to go to go out to work in my office every day "oh i didnt think anyone would wear suits in Australia".  

...and this is why so many Brits want to migrate to Australia.  They have an unrealistic view of it.

[Amber Snowball]

1 hour ago, Skani said:

I've always assumed a migrant is someone making a permanent move to another country and an expat is someone working in another country but knowing it to be temporary and  eventually returning home - for example a diplomat or a transfer to a foreign branch of their company.  But I don't know if that's an official definition.

This has always been my definition. I think it is the accepted, even if not the official, definition! I see other places discussing the 2 in exactly this way.

[ramot]

6 hours ago, Toots said:

Some people are happy to live in the same town - the same street even, all their lives.  Good on them if they are happy.  Other folk love a bit of adventure - new places to see and new things to do.  I have a very good friend in Scotland whose sister lived in Hong Kong and New York.  She also had a holiday house in Portugal.  My friend could have visited those places but was never interested.  She was perfectly happy at home.

My brother has never visited me anywhere I’ve lived, from moving around England when husband was in the RAF, to Brunei or Australia, even though we have been to Cypress twice, where he retired to, to support him when his wife was ill. He didn’t even bother to catch up with us on the one occasion when we were both in England at the same time. I got the message.   
Since my SiL died, he has reached out and occasionally contacts me now, but hasn’t taken up our invitation to visit us. I find it odd and a bit hurtful.

[ramot]

2 hours ago, Skani said:

I've always assumed a migrant is someone making a permanent move to another country and an expat is someone working in another country but knowing it to be temporary and  eventually returning home - for example a diplomat or a transfer to a foreign branch of their company.  But I don't know if that's an official definition.

I was definitely an expat when working overseas on a contract, now an immigrant since we moved to Australia to live permanently and became citizens.

[Tregunec]

On 03/05/2024 at 14:01, Monica33 said:

Has anyone had family and friends essentially forget about you after you leave the UK. Most of my family and friends do not want to engage with me much anymore. There’s no excuse these days to not keep in touch. I’ve been in Australia 17 years and it’s exhausting trying to maintain contact with people who don’t want to keep in touch.  I have a trip back soon and trying to lock in a time with my childhood friends and even my sister is becoming impossible. They are all busy. My sister has even booked herself a 2 week Mediterranean holiday the same time I’m there. I’m only there for 4 weeks and her answer was I’ll see you at some point. We haven’t had a fall out or anything, I just think it’s maybe a case of out of sight out of mind. Anyone else with similar experiences. Or is it just me

I think it's not necessarily about moving. I've got mates we've just drifted apart from even though we're in the same city. No rows, just happens. Sometimes people just drift away.