Skani Posted December 6, 2017 Share Posted December 6, 2017 15 minutes ago, exukgirl said: my husband who is aussie loved it over there and wants to move there...im kinda feeling the same but not sure so much to think about. Firstly, have you determined whether your husband would be allowed to settle there? It is now very difficult to take a non EU spouse into the UK and there are several eligibility hurdles to jump over. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted December 6, 2017 Share Posted December 6, 2017 20 minutes ago, exukgirl said: I was born in the Uk and my parents emigrated to NSW when i was 7..i was never interested in going back to the uk. 2 of my kids are now living there and i have just returned to Australia after a 6 week visit to all the family including a sister still living in the uk. I am feeling very lost since i got back, my husband who is aussie loved it over there and wants to move there...im kinda feeling the same but not sure so much to think about. I loved being back and seeing all my extended family and my kids especially. I still have a sister and a brother and one daughter in Australia and of course friends....I have really been struggling since i came home. You sound very unsettled after your holiday. Could you take an extended holiday some time and spend longer in the UK? If you and your husband are serious about moving there - indeed there is a lot to think about. Are your husband's parents/grandparents British? If so it won't be such a palaver visa wise for him if you do decide to go back. There will be other members on this forum who will be able to answer any questions you have if you do make the decision to live in the UK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exukgirl Posted December 6, 2017 Share Posted December 6, 2017 i am very unsettled...my husband has no English relatives so no he cant get a British passport. I was thinking the same maybe take a 6-12 month trip see if we like it enough first. Not sure how ill go about that either though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted December 6, 2017 Author Share Posted December 6, 2017 1 hour ago, exukgirl said: I was born in the Uk and my parents emigrated to NSW when i was 7..i was never interested in going back to the uk. 2 of my kids are now living there and i have just returned to Australia after a 6 week visit to all the family including a sister still living in the uk. I am feeling very lost since i got back, my husband who is aussie loved it over there and wants to move there...im kinda feeling the same but not sure so much to think about. I loved being back and seeing all my extended family and my kids especially. I still have a sister and a brother and one daughter in Australia and of course friends....I have really been struggling since i came home. I know what you mean, happens to me everytime but lately more so. Where in the UK are you from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted December 6, 2017 Author Share Posted December 6, 2017 5 minutes ago, exukgirl said: i am very unsettled...my husband has no English relatives so no he cant get a British passport. I was thinking the same maybe take a 6-12 month trip see if we like it enough first. Not sure how ill go about that either though. It very hard isnt it. I just want to go back but others arnt sure, very hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robswife Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 On 29/11/2017 at 14:15, Home and Happy said: That's the best feeling in the world, when you finally touch down in Heathrow. Home. Manchester for me 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exukgirl Posted December 8, 2017 Share Posted December 8, 2017 On 06/12/2017 at 15:23, Scousers1 said: I know what you mean, happens to me everytime but lately more so. Where in the UK are you from? Derbyshire, My son is living in Nuneaton 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted December 8, 2017 Author Share Posted December 8, 2017 So ver hard! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 Unfortunately things are getting worse. Hubby and daughter want to stay in OZ but i am so bored with life here, we hardly ever do anything together. It is now ripping us apart we are hardly having anything to do with each other and the house now had the worst bibe, i would never have thought this would happen to us. Both hubby and daughter say i need to return to UK but my daughter is not coping at all, neither am i to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 30 minutes ago, Scousers1 said: Unfortunately things are getting worse. Hubby and daughter want to stay in OZ but i am so bored with life here, we hardly ever do anything together. It is now ripping us apart we are hardly having anything to do with each other and the house now had the worst bibe, i would never have thought this would happen to us. Both hubby and daughter say i need to return to UK but my daughter is not coping at all, neither am i to be honest. Are you seeking some professional help? Seeing someone can help you with your decision making. It's really a no win situation - you have to leave your family to be happier - but will you be truly happy. I would imagine your unhappiness is effecting everyone in the house. If your hubby and daughter are saying you need to return to the UK it sounds as if they're giving you permission to leave them - you just have to now give yourself permission to do what you want to do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I think now might be the time for family counselling. You guys can go round and round in circles until the cows come home but you may need an impartial third party to help you, as a family, to agree a compromise situation. At the end of the day, one or more of you is not going to get all you want. What you do have to decide is perhaps not the best outcome for each of you, rather the “least worst”. As you know I hated Australia but by rationalising tha my life there with my husband was less worse than my life in U.K. without him would have been I could live with it. Going home as and when I needed to was a life saver for me and as part of our compromise agreement, the DH worked to fund that (we both worked but he could have retired). You can’t cuddle a country and when you are old and grey, sitting alone isn’t going to be nearly as pleasant as sharing your life with someone you love (no matter how much you may not like him at the moment). Cutting and running may seem immediately attractive but unless there are other, more serious, relationship problems you will probably regret it in the long term. If you decide that the people in your life are more important than the place you live it, then there are strategies a counsellor can help you with, to make life more liveable day to day. It’s not going to fix the problem but it can dull the pain. Try a CBT or ACT therapist for help in managing. You would definitely seem to be between a rock and a hard place. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Quoll said: I think now might be the time for family counselling. You guys can go round and round in circles until the cows come home but you may need an impartial third party to help you, as a family, to agree a compromise situation. At the end of the day, one or more of you is not going to get all you want. What you do have to decide is perhaps not the best outcome for each of you, rather the “least worst”. As you know I hated Australia but by rationalising tha my life there with my husband was less worse than my life in U.K. without him would have been I could live with it. Going home as and when I needed to was a life saver for me and as part of our compromise agreement, the DH worked to fund that (we both worked but he could have retired). You can’t cuddle a country and when you are old and grey, sitting alone isn’t going to be nearly as pleasant as sharing your life with someone you love (no matter how much you may not like him at the moment). Cutting and running may seem immediately attractive but unless there are other, more serious, relationship problems you will probably regret it in the long term. If you decide that the people in your life are more important than the place you live it, then there are strategies a counsellor can help you with, to make life more liveable day to day. It’s not going to fix the problem but it can dull the pain. Try a CBT or ACT therapist for help in managing. You would definitely seem to be between a rock and a hard place. I will seek out some help with this quoll as it really is getting too difficult to deal with. I would never have expected us to end up here especially as we have been together for 35 years and we were always very close, but not anymore. Hardly even speak to each other now, as there is nothing to talk about. I think we have mixed with the wrong types of people here but we have been unlucky with friendships since we got to oz, seem to be surrounded by people who dont get along. thanks for replying and i will seek help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, Scousers1 said: I will seek out some help with this quoll as it really is getting too difficult to deal with. I would never have expected us to end up here especially as we have been together for 35 years and we were always very close, but not anymore. Hardly even speak to each other now, as there is nothing to talk about. I think we have mixed with the wrong types of people here but we have been unlucky with friendships since we got to oz, seem to be surrounded by people who dont get along. thanks for replying and i will seek help. Good on you! 35 years is worth saving I reckon, but it does take work. In the first instance Relationships Australia might be a good starting point for the two of you but your GP might put you on a mental health plan with an individual psychologist to work on your own feelings. Don’t be afraid to label this what it is - it’s a form of depression which is intruding on your everyday life and stopping you living life to the full. Recognising it helps you deal with it. Good luck! Edited December 29, 2017 by Quoll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I have never experienced home sickness, so perhaps it's not my place to comment. But I have been on the forum long enough to read many posts such as yours, where it appears (to me) that the poster has fixed on moving back to the UK as being the only solution. Rather than finding and addressing whatever the problem might be. Once the poster has decided upon moving back as the way forward, they seem to give up on life in Australia, they disconnect and shut themselves off. From there on they get progressively more miserable - looking for a way back rather than forward. For some moving back is the fix, but it seems for just as many things aren't quite right back in the UK either. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 2 minutes ago, Peach said: I have never experienced home sickness, so perhaps it's not my place to comment. But I have been on the forum long enough to read many posts such as yours, where it appears (to me) that the poster has fixed on moving back to the UK as being the only solution. Rather than finding and addressing whatever the problem might be. Once the poster has decided upon moving back as the way forward, they seem to give up on life in Australia, they disconnect and shut themselves off. From there on they get progressively more miserable - looking for a way back rather than forward. For some moving back is the fix, but it seems for just as many things aren't quite right back in the UK either. I totally agree with what you are saying here but beleive me i try every week. Moving back is not my first choice i would love things here to be better but it just does not work whatever i do. My daughter is behaving as a spoilt bitch ( never thought i would say or even think that) she was once the most beautiful girl. She struggled with friendships in school, unfortunately i sent her to a private school and they are all spoilt, my mistake! But she now says she has to be rude and defensive as she was walked over when she was nice, unfortunately she is the same at home, i just cant imagine what she went through to end up like this. Hubby cant deal with the two of us so has shut himself out. I just dont know what else to do. I never spend time with daughter in the company of others as she never brings friends here anymore and most of our friends have left the area. So we just fight. At least in the UK we would have alot of family and friends around us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Your daughters behaviour wouldn't change because you would be in the UK, you would perhaps cope better with it because you could go off to see friends and family. As I suggested before, see a psychologist for yourself and perhaps some family therapy for the 3 of you. relationships Australia aren't just about keeping people together, but can help parties split more amicably. Being devils advocate - your daughter may not bring people home because of the atmosphere you've mentioned within the family. You may be projecting your unhappiness onto others and that's difficult for others to cope with. Moving to the UK may be the cure for your unhappiness, but it won't necessarily heal your family without seeing a third party. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 3 hours ago, Scousers1 said: I totally agree with what you are saying here but beleive me i try every week. Moving back is not my first choice i would love things here to be better but it just does not work whatever i do. My daughter is behaving as a spoilt bitch ( never thought i would say or even think that) she was once the most beautiful girl. She struggled with friendships in school, unfortunately i sent her to a private school and they are all spoilt, my mistake! But she now says she has to be rude and defensive as she was walked over when she was nice, unfortunately she is the same at home, i just cant imagine what she went through to end up like this. Hubby cant deal with the two of us so has shut himself out. I just dont know what else to do. I never spend time with daughter in the company of others as she never brings friends here anymore and most of our friends have left the area. So we just fight. At least in the UK we would have alot of family and friends around us. Having family and friends around you isn't an instant fix to your problems as a family. If anything it will probably just gloss over what is wrong and you'll fracture more as you are not addressing and resolving the problems. @Ali makes some good points and has suggested therapy with which I wholeheartedly concur. It may not be easy going once you get into the sessions and talking but it will hopefully start you all on the path to hopefully working through your issues with each other and perhaps ultimately your future in Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 8 hours ago, Peach said: I have never experienced home sickness, so perhaps it's not my place to comment. But I have been on the forum long enough to read many posts such as yours, where it appears (to me) that the poster has fixed on moving back to the UK as being the only solution. Rather than finding and addressing whatever the problem might be. Once the poster has decided upon moving back as the way forward, they seem to give up on life in Australia, they disconnect and shut themselves off. From there on they get progressively more miserable - looking for a way back rather than forward. For some moving back is the fix, but it seems for just as many things aren't quite right back in the UK either. Unfortunately exogenous depression (homesickness is a variation) is a very real beast and the solution is usually to remove oneself from the external stimuli which are causing the depression. In this case the problem may well be Australia- the OP has recently experienced feeling so very different when not there. It really is very hard to understand what is going on if you’ve never felt that way - even having known about it in theory for years I was most certainly not prepared for the dump truck impact it had on my life. I guess at one stage I might well have poo-pooed it as giving up, not coping etc too (I’m a very pragmatic, independent, coping person as a rule). It’s an easy one to dismiss because it seems so petty to people who aren’t living it but it’s just like any other depressive episode and whilst the usual exhortation is “buck up”, those afflicted really do try to buck up but with a huge weight on your shoulders it’s very hard to do and you get utterly exhausted acting a life. The black dog can be a killer no matter if it’s a pit bull or a Rottweiler unfortunately. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 On 08/12/2017 at 03:53, exukgirl said: Derbyshire, My son is living in Nuneaton I have a great little drive to Nuneaton from Solihull when iam working there ...through meriden ...nice ...bring you out on astley lane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber Snowball Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 16 minutes ago, bunbury61 said: I have a great little drive to Nuneaton from Solihull when iam working there ...through meriden ...nice ...bring you out on astley lane I love reading your posts about your views of the UK on your travels for work. Makes me feel I’m in the passenger seat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 2 hours ago, Amber Snowball said: I love reading your posts about your views of the UK on your travels for work. Makes me feel I’m in the passenger seat! because Solihull to Nuneaton is m42 -m6 ...vile in a morning the back way Is up through Solihull town centre - through Catherine de Barnes - Meriden - and then off the beaten track to Nuneaton ?...job done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home and Happy Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 My commutes are nice...great views, unclogged country roads,....not so nice in winter when its dark ....and the ice can be bad some days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber Snowball Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 11 minutes ago, Home and Happy said: My commutes are nice...great views, unclogged country roads,....not so nice in winter when its dark ....and the ice can be bad some days. Lovely! Ice is not something I have had to deal with for a while now, which is a bonus of where I live now. If I get back to the UK I keep bunbury61 in mind that you have to “choose your area wisely”. The beautiful places are amazing but the less beautiful are seriously horrendous. Lived on the outskirts of London on a council estate before coming to Aus. Sorry Scousers1 we have digressed and not in a helpful way when you feel so stuck. Hope you have accessed some professional help and that things get sorted one way or another. I feel for you. The earlier posts from @Ali, @Quoll and others I think added great perspective and advice and I have nothing extra to add other than my best wishes for you and your family’s happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) On 12/30/2017 at 07:07, Scousers1 said: I will seek out some help with this quoll as it really is getting too difficult to deal with. I would never have expected us to end up here especially as we have been together for 35 years and we were always very close, but not anymore. Hardly even speak to each other now, as there is nothing to talk about. I think we have mixed with the wrong types of people here but we have been unlucky with friendships since we got to oz, seem to be surrounded by people who dont get along. I hope you are getting some help now, Scousers. Please don't start blaming other people for your situation. It's not their fault, in fact it's not really anyone's fault. Some people are made to be nomads and don't mind being miles away from their friends and family for years on end. Some people have VERY close family ties and the longer they're away, the more miserable they get. You can't decide to be one or the other, it's the way you're born. I'm a nomad. I've lived in Australia for over 30 years and if I see my family once every two years, I'm happy. But I can see from your posts that you're the other kind of person: you miss your family in the UK more and more with every passing year, it's so bad it's like a physical pain. Edited January 10, 2018 by Marisawright 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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