Scousers1 Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 I think i have just realised after 29 years here that it just doesnt work without family and friends. I have fought off feelings for most of this time and i have exhausted myself with what about this and what about that. Well finally i have realised i need my family my friends and my home. How do i tell hubby and daughter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 I'm sorry to hear this @Scousers1 . Have you been back. Sometimes when you return you find friends have moved on. I would definitely see if you can all go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 1 hour ago, The Pom Queen said: I'm sorry to hear this @Scousers1 . Have you been back. Sometimes when you return you find friends have moved on. I would definitely see if you can all go back. Yes been back many times. Last year i was there. I hate coming back each time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 29 years is such a long time to feel that it's not been working for you. Does your immediate family have any idea of your struggle or will it come as a big surprise? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Will it come as a surprise to them? It did to mine after about the same length of time in Australia. Bottom line for me was that life in Australia with my DH was less worse than life in UK without him. My DH is Australian and always said he never wanted to live in UK again but life threw us a curve ball when my aging parents needed support so DH did a total about face and we have been here going on 6 years now. He seems quite happy but that is because he knows we will be returning when my dad dies. Hope you can work out what your least worst option is! Talking about the best way forward is the only way to do it. For me, returning to UK gave me my life back after 32 years, 8 months and 3 days of "not belonging". When things come to an end here I shall go sadly but glad that I've had this amazing time and hopefully ready for the move to be an adventure again. Good luck! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 Yes they know. I have tried over the years but it has become so hard. I cant be bothered going out any more or doing anything that i like. I think we have had so many friends come and go i am so over it. My daughter is determined she is staying here, this is putting a strain on our relationship as she has always said she would not go. At the same time she is not happy with her life anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 It's tough but you have to look after yourself! What about your DH? Would he go? I reckon once your kids are old enough they have their own lives to lead. I have one son here and one there. Grandkids both sides. As long as you have citizenship you can come and go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nijallo Posted April 17, 2017 Share Posted April 17, 2017 Scousers1, I really feel for you. I have been in Australia a similar time and have driven myself crazy for years and years wondering if and how I could return home to England. I am separated and will be divorcing mid-year from a short second marriage, unrelated to my wanting to move back. I have a 26 year old daughter here in Melbourne and she knows I'm seriously thinking of moving back and is fine with it and has her own life, although she said it will be quite strange. And her Australian dad will be here which is a comfort. My other daughter, 28, is living in London and may well settle there. Like Quoll, I would envisage travelling back and forth in years to come. I think the biggest thing, for me, will be actually making the decision once and for all and acting on it. It's a very daunting process. Best of luck with whatever you decide. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 Well here i am back home in the UK with my 19 year old Aussie daughter on holiday. We have 4 weeks here in total. Only been here for 4 days so far and i cannot beleive how my daughter is here. She has always been so determined she would not come here or live here etc. a month before coming she started to show real interest in the holiday which i found odd. Anyway, we are here. I have never seen her laugh so much or show interest in anything like she is here. She is loving all the family and friends and they are loving her. She finds them hilarious! I never see her so relaxed and happy, i am loving what i am seeing here. She is getting on with my mates brilliantly and does not look bored for the first time in years! I am so shocked at how she is taking it. We fight like cat and dog in OZ but we are having a ball here. Saturday she is off out with my hubbys best mates daughter and her friends to a pub, and looking forward to it! In OZ, she says she hates meeting new people! Anyway, one happy if not very surprised mum here. Its going great, not expecting her to want to live here but so happy at how willing she is to experience and accept it for what it is! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 37 minutes ago, Scousers1 said: Well here i am back home in the UK with my 19 year old Aussie daughter on holiday. We have 4 weeks here in total. Only been here for 4 days so far and i cannot beleive how my daughter is here. She has always been so determined she would not come here or live here etc. a month before coming she started to show real interest in the holiday which i found odd. Anyway, we are here. I have never seen her laugh so much or show interest in anything like she is here. She is loving all the family and friends and they are loving her. She finds them hilarious! I never see her so relaxed and happy, i am loving what i am seeing here. She is getting on with my mates brilliantly and does not look bored for the first time in years! I am so shocked at how she is taking it. We fight like cat and dog in OZ but we are having a ball here. Saturday she is off out with my hubbys best mates daughter and her friends to a pub, and looking forward to it! In OZ, she says she hates meeting new people! Anyway, one happy if not very surprised mum here. Its going great, not expecting her to want to live here but so happy at how willing she is to experience and accept it for what it is! Well if she is relaxed and happy and not bored as she is here, I think you could be in for a surprise. Bet you she tells you before the 4 weeks are up that she would like to live in the UK. Fingers crossed anyway. Have a great time! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 52 minutes ago, Scousers1 said: Well here i am back home in the UK with my 19 year old Aussie daughter on holiday. We have 4 weeks here in total. Only been here for 4 days so far and i cannot beleive how my daughter is here. She has always been so determined she would not come here or live here etc. a month before coming she started to show real interest in the holiday which i found odd. Anyway, we are here. I have never seen her laugh so much or show interest in anything like she is here. She is loving all the family and friends and they are loving her. She finds them hilarious! I never see her so relaxed and happy, i am loving what i am seeing here. She is getting on with my mates brilliantly and does not look bored for the first time in years! I am so shocked at how she is taking it. We fight like cat and dog in OZ but we are having a ball here. Saturday she is off out with my hubbys best mates daughter and her friends to a pub, and looking forward to it! In OZ, she says she hates meeting new people! Anyway, one happy if not very surprised mum here. Its going great, not expecting her to want to live here but so happy at how willing she is to experience and accept it for what it is! We came back 5 1/2 years ago after 30 odd years in Australia and it has injected life back into us as a family. We were sort of plodding along really, we didn't have a bad life by any means but it was mundane. Here we just do so much more and our kids love it, I can't remember the last time they mentioned Australia and refer to themselves as English now. Your daughters response is very positive for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 Well we have one more week to go before we head back to OZ. i am realizing just how isolating OZ is for us and as i said my daughter seems to be a totally different person here. Never seen her so open with people just happy to chat about anything. Willmiss here very much when we head back? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted November 6, 2017 Share Posted November 6, 2017 1 hour ago, Scousers1 said: Well we have one more week to go before we head back to OZ. i am realizing just how isolating OZ is for us and as i said my daughter seems to be a totally different person here. Never seen her so open with people just happy to chat about anything. Willmiss here very much when we head back? Time to plan a return to the UK? Sounds like your daughter would be up for it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home and Happy Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 On 16/04/2017 at 10:51, The Pom Queen said: Sometimes when you return you find friends have moved on. Real friends will be glad to see you come home no matter what. If they've moved on, then bully for them.... they weren't true pals in the first place. All of my old buddy's and the family were all over the moon when we came back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 4 minutes ago, Home and Happy said: Real friends will be glad to see you come home no matter what. If they've moved on, then bully for them.... they weren't true pals in the first place. All of my old buddy's and the family were all over the moon when we came back. Same, our friends are still the great friends we left, it's as if we were never away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home and Happy Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 On 26/10/2017 at 08:59, bristolman said: but it was mundane. Here we just do so much more Too true...Life away out there stuck in a suburb is about as dull as it gets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 On 16 April 2017 at 21:51, ali said: 29 years is such a long time to feel that it's not been working for you. Does your immediate family have any idea of your struggle or will it come as a big surprise? Yes, they do realise but its so hard to know what is right thing to do. Just took my daughter over there for 3 weeks and have never seen her so happy whilst there. She says she will not move though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 On 9 November 2017 at 07:44, Home and Happy said: Real friends will be glad to see you come home no matter what. If they've moved on, then bully for them.... they weren't true pals in the first place. All of my old buddy's and the family were all over the moon when we came back. My family and friends are all still there and readily available the minute we land, always have been. Love being with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 Just now, Scousers1 said: My family and friends are all still there and readily available the minute we land, always have been. Love being with them. Have you decided when you are going back and what about your daughter after her holiday there? Had she said anything to you about it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted November 23, 2017 Author Share Posted November 23, 2017 No, nothing said at all. It is driving me mad but i know if i bring it up we will end up fighting. We are back in OZ and all as depressed as ever! I find it way to hard to function here, it doesnt help when there is no talk about the holiday. I have been trying for way too many years to make this work for us, but now i have finally realised i have been trying for way too long. It was easier in the past but most people we know have either moved on or back to UK or even family have passed on. When we first came here there was so much to do and so many people around. Now there is just us and its not enough. Honestly do not know what to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wa7 Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 You seriously need to to start realising that you might be returning to the uk without your daughter. She is old enough to look after herself by the sounds of it anyway. You have to do what's best for you now because if you don't you will regret it. You could get back to the uk and really love it or after a few years realise you would prefer to be in Australia but unfortunately you will need to take the plunge and find out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 34 minutes ago, Scousers1 said: No, nothing said at all. It is driving me mad but i know if i bring it up we will end up fighting. We are back in OZ and all as depressed as ever! I find it way to hard to function here, it doesnt help when there is no talk about the holiday. I have been trying for way too many years to make this work for us, but now i have finally realised i have been trying for way too long. It was easier in the past but most people we know have either moved on or back to UK or even family have passed on. When we first came here there was so much to do and so many people around. Now there is just us and its not enough. Honestly do not know what to do Sorry to hear you seem to be back to square one Scousers. Sounds like if it wasn't for your daughter you would return to the UK as soon as you could. What if one of your relatives/friends in the UK looked into the job situation for your daughter and you all had a little conference about it and reminded her how she enjoyed her visit. She might get more enthusiastic about a move. Hope it all works out for you. Must be horrid you all being depressed. No good at all that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 54 minutes ago, Wa7 said: You seriously need to to start realising that you might be returning to the uk without your daughter. She is old enough to look after herself by the sounds of it anyway. You have to do what's best for you now because if you don't you will regret it. You could get back to the uk and really love it or after a few years realise you would prefer to be in Australia but unfortunately you will need to take the plunge and find out. I just could not leave her behind, we fight but we are very close too. I am scared to force her to go incase it turns out to be the wrong thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 9 minutes ago, Scousers1 said: I just could not leave her behind, we fight but we are very close too. I am scared to force her to go incase it turns out to be the wrong thing It's lovely that you are very close but you also have to think of your own happiness. Anyway if she's depressed here I can't understand why she wouldn't give it a go in the UK. You said she really enjoyed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 7 minutes ago, Toots said: It's lovely that you are very close but you also have to think of your own happiness. Anyway if she's depressed here I can't understand why she wouldn't give it a go in the UK. You said she really enjoyed it. I understand what you are saying but she says she has seen what moving did to me so she just wont do it! I need to talk to all the familt together i think 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.