CRP82 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Many years ago I decided I wanted more from life and should move to Australia, having visited and really enjoyed it. About 3 years ago I got a visa and decided to make the move. However, at the airport gate I had a panic attack and couldn't get on the plane. I returned home and spent 2 years depressed and lost all my confidence. Eventually I decided I was unhappy in my job so I quit and went travelling. I soon ended up in Australia. Which is where I am now and have been for 9 months. It's been a constant struggle to find work and get settled. In desperation for work I started applying for jobs back in England. I have been offered a great job in England, but couldn't feel happy about returning to my old life. I have also now been offered an equally good job in Australia (although I have my reservations). But all I can think about is how lonely and homesick I am and that I want to go home! Whatever life throws at me, I want the opposite. What is wrong with me? Btw: I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. So that is possibly a large part of the problem. I can't decide what to do but need to make a decision fast! Haw as anyone else felt like this and what did you do? Can anyone help?...please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 From the little amount of information you have posted I suspect that you should return home. I believe that what is holding you back is some concern that if you do so it's another failure like the time that you failed to get on the plane. But this is completely different as you have travelled alone and been here for 9 months. Treat the whole thing as an adventure and stop being so hard on yourself. Is there really any compelling reason for you staying in Brisbane? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Haven't you ever heard of the saying "the grass is always greener"? It's perfectly normal to develop rose-coloured glasses about the place you've left, especially if things are a bit of a struggle where you are. I couldn't wait to leave the UK after my year there, but I'm already thinking it can't have been as bad as I thought! Not that I'd contemplate going back but it just goes to show how your view of a place changes once you're no longer there. For most people, the most important thing is to have friends. If your friends are in the UK then I'd be going back there and THEN looking at how you can make your "old life" better by making other changes there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 This a problem a holiday does not prepare you for reality. A lot of people go to spain for their holidays and say how wonderful it would to live there but the vast majority would not last long as they would soon be moaning like the locals do about the heat and droughts instead of the rain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRP82 Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Apologies, I should give some more information. I have been to Australia 3 times prior to moving. Both for holidays and work. I have family here that I am very close too and all my friends back home have settled. So there isn't much for me there. Before I found a job here I was desperate to stay. Not sure what has changed my mind so drastically. I do make an effort to recognise the bad parts of my life in England and what stopped me from going home after my initial travels before I got to Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 ..........I would say your anxiety is making this hard.... ..........you feel you can't do right for fear of doing wrong...! ..........sit and write a list of your needs in life.... ..........of the things you want ..........then see which place supplies the most..... ..........be determined to give it your best.......to enjoy it... ..........I wish you good luck......and a happy choice....X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRP82 Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thanks Gbye grey sky I don't want to regret going home just as things are starting to get going. I.E. new job and hopefully new friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thanks Gbye grey skyI don't want to regret going home just as things are starting to get going. I.E. new job and hopefully new friends. It does appear that you are in danger of over-thinking everything. If you can manage to, go with the flow and try living in the moment that may help, or at least stop looking back. I don't know whether this would help you but think of the UK as where you came from and think of where you are as your home. Your future home may well be back in the UK or it might be elsewhere. In the meantime treat your time here as an adventure rather than an endurance test. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Toss a coin! Yup, easy as that - if the answer that comes down fills your heart with dread and your first response is "best of 3" then you know your answer. Stop trying to second guess yourself - take the best option that is on the table at this minute. If another comes along down the track then see if it is better than you have now or not. Life is too short to get emotionally tangled up with whatifs, just go with the best opportunity of the moment and if it works, you win but if it goes belly up then you re-evaluate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srh82 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 A lot of people suffer from anxiety of some kind, you are not alone! From one one sufferer to another, the best thing that you can do before you make any decisions on your future is to talk things through with a trained professional (I.e. Psychologist). They can unravel the feelings that you have and help you understand why you are feeling the way you are...this can help you manage that side of things better and help you develop some coping mechanisms. You should be able to get a mental health plan through Medicare via your GP. This will cut the cost with a trained professional. PM me if you are in Brisbane. I can recommend someone who has worked wonders with me and also my partner separately, AND saved my marriage in the process! So, she's good! Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Many years ago I decided I wanted more from life and should move to Australia, having visited and really enjoyed it. About 3 years ago I got a visa and decided to make the move. However, at the airport gate I had a panic attack and couldn't get on the plane. I returned home and spent 2 years depressed and lost all my confidence. Eventually I decided I was unhappy in my job so I quit and went travelling. I soon ended up in Australia. Which is where I am now and have been for 9 months. It's been a constant struggle to find work and get settled. In desperation for work I started applying for jobs back in England. I have been offered a great job in England, but couldn't feel happy about returning to my old life. I have also now been offered an equally good job in Australia (although I have my reservations). But all I can think about is how lonely and homesick I am and that I want to go home! Whatever life throws at me, I want the opposite. What is wrong with me? Btw: I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. So that is possibly a large part of the problem. I can't decide what to do but need to make a decision fast! Haw as anyone else felt like this and what did you do? Can anyone help?...please. Yoga? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Yoga? Out of Star Wars ? That yoga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie Wall Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 "the grass is always greener"?. I've heard this, but I believe the grass is greener where you water it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Out of Star Wars ? That yoga Whatever relives your anxiety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Whatever relives your anxiety. have you had a humor by-pass to go with your charisma by-pass....:wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Yoda that was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Yoda that was. thats what I said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 have you had a humor by-pass to go with your charisma by-pass....:wink: I don't know. Try saying something funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggie2012 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Your home is where your heart is. It is not easy with a big move like this. Either you endure the first 1-2-3 years if you can and look for the good things this country offers or just give up. I think the problem is you are not certain what you really want for yourself in life and that makes it harder, no matter where you go. Many years ago I decided I wanted more from life and should move to Australia, having visited and really enjoyed it. About 3 years ago I got a visa and decided to make the move. However, at the airport gate I had a panic attack and couldn't get on the plane. I returned home and spent 2 years depressed and lost all my confidence. Eventually I decided I was unhappy in my job so I quit and went travelling. I soon ended up in Australia. Which is where I am now and have been for 9 months. It's been a constant struggle to find work and get settled. In desperation for work I started applying for jobs back in England. I have been offered a great job in England, but couldn't feel happy about returning to my old life. I have also now been offered an equally good job in Australia (although I have my reservations). But all I can think about is how lonely and homesick I am and that I want to go home! Whatever life throws at me, I want the opposite. What is wrong with me? Btw: I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. So that is possibly a large part of the problem. I can't decide what to do but need to make a decision fast! Haw as anyone else felt like this and what did you do? Can anyone help?...please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooBooBear Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Btw: I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. So that is possibly a large part of the problem.. I would say that IS the problem. Makes no sense otherwise. You say how unhappy and depressed you were at home. So what makes you think anything will change if you now go back? I think you are having feelings of homesickness ONLY because you feel unsettled. I especially think this because you say how unhappy you were at home. So how can you possibly be homesick for an unhappy life?! Ponder that. Much better to get your anxiety disorder sorted out (which you can do in either country) and once that is settled and in remission; your overall life will improve. If you find a more permanent job and put down roots in one location in Australia - you will soon make new friends and feel more settled. All this "struggle" is why you are feeling so scattered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 [/color] Btw: I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. So that is possibly a large part of the problem. I can't decide what to do but need to make a decision fast! Haw as anyone else felt like this and what did you do? Can anyone help?...please. Yes, I do feel like that and no, don't make a decision fast. I have anxiety disorder which in the main, is controlled by lifelong meds, but one thing that I have learned, is that I take the wrong decisions when my anxiety is at it's worse, invariably brought on by other stressors. You really need to get professional help before you decide on anything. Whatever you decide, if that decision is based on/brought about by/with the professional help, then your anxiety will be much less, in the knowledge that your decision has not been brought about by your anxiety and has been arrived at "logically" so to speak. "Fight or flight" is nearly always with me with my condition, and it may well be what you're experiencing now, with the emphasis being on "flight". If you're suffering low self esteem because of your anxiety, that may well be causing your indecision............you simply don't trust yourself to "get it right" Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Thanks Gbye grey skyI don't want to regret going home just as things are starting to get going. I.E. new job and hopefully new friends. This post makes me think you should turn the UK job down and stay put for now. Moving is stressful and no point putting ur self through it unless you are sure. I think you will know when you are ready to do it, you won't need to ask anyone. So turn the UK job and put your energy into the new start in Australia. UK not going anywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) Hey mate.(OP) Not read the whole thread as in work... But I have had anxiety on and off for the last 22 years or so. It comes and goes, but I am generally always a bit anxious. I've been to counselling and stuff, and it's great, but once your few weeks are over, you're on your own again. It can be unpleasant, but you realise after a while that it's 'just anxiety' and it probably won't kill you anytime soon! Ideas like this are common in mindfulness and mediation practices. You observe your thoughts, but don't take them too seriously. Oddly enough, many softly softly approaches never worked for me. Life gets hard sometimes. I just ignore the panic and it subsides. When I think I am thinking too much, I just keep myself super busy, and I get easily distracted by the task at hand. There's an old book which I listen to on the train on the audible app on my phone. It's this: "How to stop worrying and start living" - link here It's quite old, and there's quite of bit of the parts that just say 'pray and put your trust in god', but even these can be translated to 'put your trust in the universe' or gave faith 'in something' - there are also these online sites like Beyond Blue and stuff. But for me listening to that old book has good tips. Basically, your anxiety and your problem of where you want to be aren't the 'same problem', so separate out your stuff! We are all born with different pros and cons, and if you happen to tend towards anxiety you're in good company. There's lots of us! I think you just have to work with what you've got. Go, stay. It's not necessarily going to help you feel less anxious, so just make a decision quickly and don't look back. Indecisiveness makes me feel anxious (worried). Do just make quicker decisions and get on with life. I worried a lot prior to moving here, and quite a bit for the 1st few months. It's normal! well it is for me... but I am happy a lot too. Good luck! Edited August 12, 2016 by Captain Roberto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Hey mate.(OP) Not read the whole thread as in work... But I have had anxiety on and off for the last 22 years or so. It comes and goes, but I am generally always a bit anxious. I've been to counselling and stuff, and it's great, but once your few weeks are over, you're on your own again. It can be unpleasant, but you realise after a while that it's 'just anxiety' and it probably won't kill you anytime soon! Ideas like this are common in mindfulness and mediation practices. You observe your thoughts, but don't take them too seriously. Oddly enough, many softly softly approaches never worked for me. Life gets hard sometimes. I just ignore the panic and it subsides. When I think I am thinking too much, I just keep myself super busy, and I get easily distracted by the task at hand. There's an old book which I listen to on the train on the audible app on my phone. It's this: "How to stop worrying and start living" - link here It's quite old, and there's quite of bit of the parts that just say 'pray and put your trust in god', but even these can be translated to 'put your trust in the universe' or gave faith 'in something' - there are also these online sites like Beyond Blue and stuff. But for me listening to that old book has good tips. Basically, your anxiety and your problem of where you want to be aren't the 'same problem', so separate out your stuff! We are all born with different pros and cons, and if you happen to tend towards anxiety you're in good company. There's lots of us! I think you just have to work with what you've got. Go, stay. It's not necessarily going to help you feel less anxious, so just make a decision quickly and don't look back. Indecisiveness makes me feel anxious (worried). Do just make quicker decisions and get on with life. I worried a lot prior to moving here, and quite a bit for the 1st few months. It's normal! well it is for me... but I am happy a lot too. Good luck! Yes, procrastination goes hand in hand with anxiety although strangely enough, so does impulsiveness at times when I am not so anxious, (at least in my case) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) Yes, procrastination goes hand in hand with anxiety although strangely enough, so does impulsiveness at times when I am not so anxious, (at least in my case) I'm sure you're right. I reckon everyone is different. I think over time, you get to know yourself - and even though we all chip in with a bit of advice here, none of it might be useful. It's all quite variable isn't it? But one thing i think is a universal truth is that 'we are not our thoughts'. And if you've had anxiety before (and had it bad), you can tell yourself, 'it never killed me last time' and start gradually giving less of a sh*t about it... It's unpleasant, but so is a very strong cold, childbirth and lots of other things. For me it never hangs around too long, but it does pop it's head up quite often. In my case - coming here and having a lot of tough situations has really improved my anxiety. I've had acute panic a bit here, but I learned that it doesn't kill me. So now I just don't take it seriously.. Here's comes the panic (again!) then let it go. And carry on. The OP might find by taking the seemingly tougher path will help in the long run. Stay, fight, work hard, distract yourself with work... that really helps. Helps me get out of my own head. The way I see it is that sometimes you just need to 'get out of your own way' - and focus on something else. Edited August 12, 2016 by Captain Roberto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.