wozzie2202 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Sorry, need a rant.....:mad:Arhhh. I could scream. We are 8 weeks away from moving to Adelaide and the petty arguments between me and my husband have started. To my own admission I am a bit of a control freak and so am managing most of this process, but as our weekends get fewer and fewer and I've started to fill them up with visiting family to say goodbyes and doing things we'll not get the chance to do once we move etc he's starting to get antsy. He doesn't speak to many of his family and although i don't see much of mine, (my brother lives a good 3 hours away) I would like to actually say goodbye, only other half thinks they should be coming to us.:arghh: By this stage our house will be empty, kids will be bored etc. I'd then decided that it would be better to move out of our rented accommodation and in with my dad for the last couple of nights...again, as my dad is pretty cut up about the move and will not talk about it and as a result can be quite distant and grumpy, he doesn't want to go there either!! I despair. Is this a common occurrence in the last few weeks before you start a new life....we've moved a lot before but never this distance. He seems to have lost all perspective that I would actually like to say goodbye to my family even if he doesn't talk to his. Grrrrr.....men!!!...rant over Sarah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 We had a lot of tears. Well, she did. Coin should have dropped then. Not for family. They would have followed us. But for friends. The irony is, she dumped them all the moment we got back to the UK. My wife's a control freak. She thinks she's in charge. The reality is sometimes she is. Sometimes she's not. Choose your arguments wisely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicF Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 While I understand why you want to see family and say goodbye I don't see why you should expect your OH to do so as well. Maybe you can go visit family and he can stay home and do what he would like to do before moving. If the kids are old enough let them choose whether they go or stay home with dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairview70 Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 (edited) It's a very stressful time for you both. He's probably just worried that seeing your family will change your mind or at the least make it a harder more emotional time for You. He might feel guilty about dragging you away from your family even though it is a decision you made together, He still might feel like the bad guy. Take care Air hugx Edited February 2, 2016 by Fairview70 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Don't know whether or how I should articulate what I am thinking from reading your post. The whole emigration process (before, during and after) is very stressful. If there are fault lines in a relationship this process will reveal them. You guys really need to pull together. If you don't things could come to a head if you are not careful as you will need to be a team to make this move work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 ^Yeah, that. Don't tell him what he should do. Have a conversation from a blank sheet of paper about the time you have left, what you NEED to do, and then what either of you want to do. And don't assume everything has to be done by the whole family Some people just need some down time as well When we came over here, as the breadwinner I was super stressed about whether or not I'd done my research well enough in terms of cost of living, whether or not my job would work out, and as it was my job I felt responsible for my whole family's happiness, schools etc included. It was a lot to process and I'm sure the uncertainty made me grumpy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Could you not arrange a little get together at a pub or something and invite all your family and friends, we did this and it saved endless trips here and there to say goodbye to people. I can understand your hubby not wanting to stay at your Dad's if he isnt accepting your move, what about staying a cheap motel for the last few nights or spending the time sightseeing ?( we spent a few days in London showing the kids the sites). Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 One of the things you learn as either an expat or have emigrated (22years experience) when you visit UK on holiday is that even though you have travelled half way round the world, very few family or friends are prepared to travel even an hour to see you. You are expected to carry on travelling. So Cal's suggestion of a pub meet up is the best idea whether before you move overseas or visit back, that way no one is catering, and the ones who bother to turn up are the ones you want to see. It's exhausting enough coping with all the last minute things before you leave, so don't stress with unnecessary extra stress, it's easy to get into panic mode, so take a step back and reavaluate what is actually necessary and important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 ^Yeah, that. Don't tell him what he should do. Have a conversation from a blank sheet of paper about the time you have left, what you NEED to do, and then what either of you want to do. And don't assume everything has to be done by the whole family Some people just need some down time as well When we came over here, as the breadwinner I was super stressed about whether or not I'd done my research well enough in terms of cost of living, whether or not my job would work out, and as it was my job I felt responsible for my whole family's happiness, schools etc included. It was a lot to process and I'm sure the uncertainty made me grumpy I tend to agree with this. Does your husband have to go with you? I'd not make my hubby travel if he was busy with other things or preferred not to. My husband worked right up till 2 days before we flew out and I organised pretty much everything for the move. And if its a couple of weeks before then yes, family could come to you IMHO. We had a big leaving BBQ for friends and my son's school friends (and invited the kids families as well even if we didn't know them). Hired a pub BBQ and used their enormous beer garden. Did that about 3 weeks before so I didn't feel obliged to keep saying cheerio or anything to them nearer the time. It was a fun afternoon and evening for all. No drama, no pressure. The last day of school for our son was the day before we flew out but I kept it low key in the playground at pick up. We just carried on and departed as quietly as possible. We saw family quite a bit in the run up to moving and I packed our son off to stay with my parents the final weekend so they had some quality time with him and then we went and had Sunday lunch with them and said bye then. Flew out a few days later. My parents lived a good 90 minute drive away. I'd honestly not make demands or put pressure on him in the run up to moving. It is stressful enough even if people don't show it, inside they may be churning. You can go see your family, take the kids for a night and let him have his time if he wants. I'm not sure I'd go to stay with family for a few days before leaving, more so if they were unhappy about us going. I think that is a recipe for disaster and may end in heartbreak, arguments and resentment. And be stressful on top. Take the kids to London for a couple of nights before flying out. Go see the sights, enjoy and be ready to go. Or stay in a B&B somewhere nice so you can go do Legoland a safari park or something even? Or as suggested by Cal, meet half way for a big slap up lunch somewhere and an afternoon together where other people do the work and cook the food You can do this a few weeks before you go, it doesn't have to be just before you leave IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) One of the things you learn as either an expat or have emigrated (22years experience) when you visit UK on holiday is that even though you have travelled half way round the world, very few family or friends are prepared to travel even an hour to see you. You are expected to carry on travelling. I've always found this to be the case, mostly with friends. Since my 20's when I moved overseas its never really been any different. I did make a big effort on our trip back in July to see friends but in the end I stopped bothering as very few wanted to make the effort to even drive half an hour in their car to meet up when I was driving the same time or longer to the meeting point. I've said next time I go to the UK I am seeing my parents for a week-10 days, one or two good friends during this who do make the effort and then we are bogging off to France for a few weeks for the TDF and other delights. Stuff staying in England wasting my time. Seen enough of the UK in my life to not need to spend another 3-4 week holiday there anytime soon. Ooops, sidetracked myself :unsure: Tsk. Edited February 3, 2016 by Guest eta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) Ah no. Well it's hard leaving. I'd recommend spending as much time as possible now while you can. You never know if living in Aus will be permanent, and it's nice to feel a good bond with family even when you're not physically near them.For us, we find phone calls, Skype, Facetime, Instagram and Facebook really helps us maintain those relationships as best as possible, and I, for one often get in touch with my brothers or parents when I'm having a crap week or need to talk, in addition to the regular catch ups. Each to their own, but if you want to see your family, just do it. PS - in the last couple of weeks before we moved over, my wife moved in with her folks and I moved in with mine. Partly due to logistics, space etc. I remember not liking it at the time, but in hindsight it was a good thing. Now we are here all we have is the 5 of us, so don't stress about the next 8 weeks. Just do what you need to do now. You can relax in a few months... Edited February 3, 2016 by Captain Roberto grammar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croft Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 We moved in with my parents for the last couple of weeks before we left. It was disastrous. They kept on telling my wife "it's not too late to change your mind." which really started annoying her. They kept on worrying about our (quite sensible at the time) 3 year old going around the house, constantly saying one of us needed to be watching him even when they were in the room. When we asked for them to look after him for an afternoon so we could pack our bags without interruption it was like we had asked them to move heaven and earth (funnily enough they took him out and had a really good time). When we had last minute hiccups with the hire care that the sponsor was providing to get us to London we got a load of grief and "oh, we would have organised it ourselves and not left it up to them". Same with a problem with a DD charge on our bank account. It proved VERY stressful. Maybe this is what your husband is trying to avoid? During that time we spent a couple of days with my wife's Aunt and husband. Oh, so much more relaxed and I really wish we'd spent the time there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 I didnt do the whole goodbye rubbish, wasn't for me, but accepted my OH wanted to. No right or wrong way to do it, but recpect each other's wishes and differences. Also your friends and family may not wish to do the whole goodbye thing either so if they don't respect that too, it's not an insult it's their way of coping. Hang on in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 We moved in with my parents for the last couple of weeks before we left. It was disastrous. They kept on telling my wife "it's not too late to change your mind." which really started annoying her. They kept on worrying about our (quite sensible at the time) 3 year old going around the house, constantly saying one of us needed to be watching him even when they were in the room. When we asked for them to look after him for an afternoon so we could pack our bags without interruption it was like we had asked them to move heaven and earth (funnily enough they took him out and had a really good time). When we had last minute hiccups with the hire care that the sponsor was providing to get us to London we got a load of grief and "oh, we would have organised it ourselves and not left it up to them". Same with a problem with a DD charge on our bank account. It proved VERY stressful. Maybe this is what your husband is trying to avoid? During that time we spent a couple of days with my wife's Aunt and husband. Oh, so much more relaxed and I really wish we'd spent the time there! yes, i probably forgot to say, the whole time leading up to going is odd, stressful, emotionally weird, many people feeling weird and maybe not really expressing what they really want to say. So maybe expect it to be hard and stressful. Then if it is and people get arsey and stressed and act weird, you don't need to get as freaked out by what in hindsight will be 'small stuff'. It's a big thing moving to the other side of the world, not just for you, but your friends and family. So maybe try and take a step back from individual things that seem like a big deal now and look at the bigger picture. Whatever happens you'll be in Adelaide soon, and that's that. So, take a deep breath and do your best to get through the next few weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 We started getting stressed for the last few weeks before leaving. We recognised this and we made a pact. Anything untoward, said or implied, whilst getting through this, would not be held against the other. When it all got too much, we just strolled down to the pub and forgot about it all for a couple of hours. I remember spending a full day clearing the remains of the loft and garage. We made several 'tip runs' through the day, we were so tired, and on the last run, 10 mins before the tip closed for the night, the Landrover refused to start. The guys were ready to lock the gates so we had to leave the car there and walk home. We were dressed in the most scruffy clothes, we were covered in dirt and dust from the loft/garage and OH had ripped the back of his t shirt during the day. Then it started raining!!!!! OMG I thought I was going to cry but we must have looked so pathetic suddenly we were laughing. We laughed all the way home, God knows what our neighbours thought when we came down the street looking like two tramps in ripped clothing. When it all gets too much, try and turn it around, look for the humour in it. You will come through this, we all do in the end. By the way, you get it all in reverse at the other end. Just as hard and just as stressful, but nobody said it would be anything else. Good luck, I'm sure you will get over it all soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Its hard saying goodbye- none of our family came to the airport- they didn't want to and we didn't want them too, either. As for my husband's only brother, he never bothered to even say goodbye ( still hasn't after 42 years!). People are different- maybe your husband just doesn't want to do the goodbye thing and I think maybe you should respect that and go to see your family without him. Really not worth fighting over, you have enough on your plate as it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CNC FABS Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Just about to go through this myself. We fly 4th April. Wife worried about leaving her parents (we don't think they will ever fly and see us, no plane passenger types). I'm more worried about the little things, cancelling direct debits, how / when to cancel mobile phones, who will say 'pop into a local office to cancel' when we are 10k miles away. Do we renew house insurance for 1 month or just leave it out ?. How do I clean house for new buyers when vacuum will be on a ship somewhere !! mostly little things that wont end the world. But as mentioned above, I'm the 'breadwinner' and instigator of this move. So it's up to me to make all this work and financially sound. So I will be feeling pressure to find work and rental etc when we arrive. So I would rather have my own thinking time etc these last few weeks and not be dragged to the inlaws t much thanks ! If it all gets to much, just pop open a bottle and chill. Alternatively if it gets to calm, just read the daily mail for a bit. Then you can rant about leaving this sinking ship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metoo Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Just about to go through this myself. We fly 4th April. Wife worried about leaving her parents (we don't think they will ever fly and see us, no plane passenger types).I'm more worried about the little things, cancelling direct debits, how / when to cancel mobile phones, who will say 'pop into a local office to cancel' when we are 10k miles away. Do we renew house insurance for 1 month or just leave it out ?. How do I clean house for new buyers when vacuum will be on a ship somewhere !! mostly little things that wont end the world. But as mentioned above, I'm the 'breadwinner' and instigator of this move. So it's up to me to make all this work and financially sound. So I will be feeling pressure to find work and rental etc when we arrive. So I would rather have my own thinking time etc these last few weeks and not be dragged to the inlaws t much thanks ! If it all gets to much, just pop open a bottle and chill. Alternatively if it gets to calm, just read the daily mail for a bit. Then you can rant about leaving this sinking ship. Make sure you cancel your TV licence early. You will likely be paid up six months in advance. The buggers don't like giving you your money back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patphillips47 Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Just about to go through this myself. We fly 4th April. Wife worried about leaving her parents (we don't think they will ever fly and see us, no plane passenger types).I'm more worried about the little things, cancelling direct debits, how / when to cancel mobile phones, who will say 'pop into a local office to cancel' when we are 10k miles away. Do we renew house insurance for 1 month or just leave it out ?. How do I clean house for new buyers when vacuum will be on a ship somewhere !! mostly little things that wont end the world. But as mentioned above, I'm the 'breadwinner' and instigator of this move. So it's up to me to make all this work and financially sound. So I will be feeling pressure to find work and rental etc when we arrive. So I would rather have my own thinking time etc these last few weeks and not be dragged to the inlaws t much thanks ! If it all gets to much, just pop open a bottle and chill. Alternatively if it gets to calm, just read the daily mail for a bit. Then you can rant about leaving this sinking ship. Change your phone contract to Pay as you go before the time then when it runs out just don't top it up ( that's if the phone is yours and the contract can be changed ) Cancel direct debits by letter sent recorded delivery the if you can give them a forwarding address in Oz or a relative Make sure you have internet banking then you can close off direct debits yourself once they are finalised make sure you get receipts for everything and keep,bank statement for proof we had a situation where a finance company tried to chase us up in Oz I put a hole in their request as I had final payments documented from direct debits to Powergen etc Plus I told them it was me that gave that gave Powergen a contact Aussie address otherwise they , the debt collector would have known where to find me Oh sorry was this reply Powergen got it wrong ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wozzie2202 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Thanks for your honest replies. I think it was just a hiccup and the stress of everything. To be honest, I'm happy to go on my own to see my brother. I think it was a spur of the moment overreaction as all is fine. Our challenge is we have always moved around having spent 24 years in HM Forces so it's not like we're new to this and yes, when we used to come back to UK, we always had to do the rounds. No one ever wanted to see us when we were getting posted here there and everywhere and now all of sudden family who never normally visit us want to say goodbye but can't find the time in their calendar to travel to us so I guess I just want to keep everyone happy and make sure I said my goodbyes. One thing I know, it we have a sold marriage and starting from scratch in new places is something we're used to. It'll all work out, I'm sure of it. The irony of the situation with my dad is he took me and my mum to live overseas when I was 3 and took me away from my grandparents for 8 years..his justification was it wasn't permanent though, but if he could have stayed overseas he would of...funny how quickly parents forget:confused: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CNC FABS Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Forgot how TV licence works !!! Signed d/d all those years ago and never think of it again..£12 a month... Bet they are like road tax, only send a bloody cheque ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wozzie2202 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Just about to go through this myself. We fly 4th April. Wife worried about leaving her parents (we don't think they will ever fly and see us, no plane passenger types).I'm more worried about the little things, cancelling direct debits, how / when to cancel mobile phones, who will say 'pop into a local office to cancel' when we are 10k miles away. Do we renew house insurance for 1 month or just leave it out ?. How do I clean house for new buyers when vacuum will be on a ship somewhere !! mostly little things that wont end the world. But as mentioned above, I'm the 'breadwinner' and instigator of this move. So it's up to me to make all this work and financially sound. So I will be feeling pressure to find work and rental etc when we arrive. So I would rather have my own thinking time etc these last few weeks and not be dragged to the inlaws t much thanks ! If it all gets to much, just pop open a bottle and chill. Alternatively if it gets to calm, just read the daily mail for a bit. Then you can rant about leaving this sinking ship. I can totally relate...our house insurance is due at end of Feb!! I've got a little project plan running and dates plugged in with when the cancel what..that I can control....it's the emotional piece that's harder...not so much on our part as we're used to moving on, but everyone else. Thankfully our neighbours have offered to lend us bits and bobs when our stuff goes....even their car! I'm finding it hard not to start packing as having been a military wife, it's something you get so used to doing! We know that we are in for a bumpy ride over the next few months but we always went in to this with our eyes wide open...certainly think there may be a few bottles of wine cracked open over the next few weeks....whilst we still have jobs to afford to buy wine!!:eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CNC FABS Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Well the wine is no cheaper when you get down under !!! We will sell our cars and borrow one from inlaws. Have just booked a hotel room at Gatwick to stay day before we leave (even though we live in Hampshire) As want a stress free arrival and peace by ourselves. Before we fly out 2pm the next day. We are also having a 4 day stop over in Singapore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wozzie2202 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Well the wine is no cheaper when you get down under !!! We will sell our cars and borrow one from inlaws. Have just booked a hotel room at Gatwick to stay day before we leave (even though we live in Hampshire) As want a stress free arrival and peace by ourselves. Before we fly out 2pm the next day. We are also having a 4 day stop over in Singapore. We're also having a stopover in Singapore (2 nights)...will be there at the same time if you fly the day before us. Where about are you staying and where's your final destination in Oz? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CNC FABS Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 We arrive Singapore 5th April, leaving Fri 8th. Staying at the Movenpick on Sentosa. Keep my 8 & 9 year old's happy for couple of days, before heading to new home, Mornington Peninsular in Melbourne.:yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.