Helz980 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Sat here wondering (after another 'discussion') how many couples have split up due to differences in whether its UK or Oz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Quite a few i think. most people i have met here have come out here with someone and have gone on to meet someone else. I guess you change and you dont have anything to hold that change down such as family etc... sh*t happens and people move on ...happy days :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 I am considering it but not just because one wants to live here n one somewhere else but also as it highlights the differences in ppl..the different outlooks, goals, plans, strengths n weaknesses. .something that maybe we didnt see in each other before... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Or it can bind you together in ways that wouldn't necessarily have happened if you'd stayed put. A shared adventure with your best friend who also happens to be the love of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sustain Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Sat here wondering (after another 'discussion') how many couples have split up due to differences in whether its UK or Oz? How many couples actually "discuss" would be my first question. Then how many seek a compromise versus take it or leave it approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Or it can bind you together in ways that wouldn't necessarily have happened if you'd stayed put. A shared adventure with your best friend who also happens to be the love of your life. We are lucky xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Judging by posts on here over the years - quite a lot! Whether it's just the country difference or whether it'd have happened anyway - no idea. I hope that doesn't happen to you, OP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Seen quite a few break down. I think one reason is when one of the couple are keen and the other is not so and is persuaded and cajoled into it. I think both need to be up for the move, maybe not perfectly equally, but no cajoling should be required. We are like QSS, the shared adventure has made our bond stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 I have to say that initially in 2012 we were the strongest we have ever been, even through the tough times when our daughter was born very early but the past few months its not been like that. It could just be me but some of things he does/I do we don't seem to get along & because I've actually stopped mentioning wanting to go home it's like it's the green light that says yes she wants to stay. who knows, these feelings could pass but all I care about is my daughter as selfish as it sounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 I have to say that initially in 2012 we were the strongest we have ever been, even through the tough times when our daughter was born very early but the past few months its not been like that. It could just be me but some of things he does/I do we don't seem to get along & because I've actually stopped mentioning wanting to go home it's like it's the green light that says yes she wants to stay. who knows, these feelings could pass but all I care about is my daughter as selfish as it sounds. Having a baby is a major test on a marriage especially if you are away from your nearest and dearest. Give yourself a break :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 Having a baby is a major test on a marriage especially if you are away from your nearest and dearest. Give yourself a break :hug: Maybe am just over thinking things....that's typical of me. I'll just look forward to my holiday in the uk & only then can I make any decisions xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichway1 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 It's pretty hard. We had a tough time with our baby in Oz. Really I thought I was destined to an unhappy life even before that, our relationship was failing and flawed in many many ways. I was so unhappy there but he was content. We were absolutely on the road to separation. I was planning to stay in Oz though with my baby, separately from him, as I knew I wouldn't have the heart to take his child away from him, which is why I was destined to a life I wasn't entirely happy with. Somewhere along the line he realised it was me or Australia and he chose me, and to come home with me. It took a long time for things to be good, and quite a long time for me to forgive him for allowing me to be so miserable for the years in OZ(before anyone jumps in I know it was myself allowing me to be unhappy but I was there because of him and it's not entirely rational but it's how I process it). Now we are together with another baby and we are finally fine. Lots of times along the way I felt this was such a pointless battle, why are we trying to salvage this? We are so different. lots of times I thought I can't be bothered, life has been hard enough for long enough it would just be easier to be on my own(with the baby). However, again things have gotten better. We recently got some couple counselling and that has saved us, we didn't even have to go too many times. Having been (kind of) where you are, and felt the loneliness and pain and heartache and the struggle with a new baby and little support (we had none), and then to go through the pnd and finally come out the other side, you just have to do whatever is best for you and your baby at the time. Everything always has a way of working out, so love to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Given 1 in 2 marriages fail anyway it is hardly surprising that over the years a number of couples that migrate do separate. Any major change, whether having a baby, migrating, major career changes etc. will put stress on a relationship and whether that brings you closer together or tears you apart probably depends on how good the relationship was to begin with. It definitely brought us closer together and I guess another question is how many couples would have split up if they hadn't migrated? I think in some cases it's a way of spicing up a life that has gone a bit stale, some truth in that for us I think - not saying we'd have split up otherwise though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynne78 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 How many couples actually "discuss" would be my first question. Then how many seek a compromise versus take it or leave it approach. It is a lot easier to find a compromise in other situations. Unfortunately deciding which side of the world to live on doesn't leave a huge amount of room for compromise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazjazjalu Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Just split with my husband of 15 years. We have been here since 2009 and have two children. Probably would have happened even if still in the UK. Anyone else in Sunshine Coast with same dilemma?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 We are lucky xx Us too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Yep that's happened to me. My wife pushed me into going back to England when I didn't want to go back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I think the shared dream of moving to Australia has pushed me and my husband closer together especially during times where we nearly split up. We also struggle as we have 3 children and no family to support us and so have little times to ourselves. By the time we get to Australia it could go two ways. We could either realise we have no more shared interests or reasons to be together or due to our children being that little bit older and more self-sufficient we may enjoy spending time together and enjoying the lifestyle we have achieved. It does scare me at times, but I do allow myself to think of the 'what if's' before we go. Then again, 'what if' it happened in the UK? I would be in exactly the same position! Family are useless and my ex is useless (eldest two)! Might as well be stranded in a beautiful place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainR Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 The truth is, that moving is incredibly stressful. Even as someone who has moved my family several times, I know that this next move to Aus will see increased stress and a few more arguments over the early months. If you can recognise it and know that it will come, then you can overcome it. But there is always going to the day where one or the other shouts "We should never have moved here" or "why did you move us here" etc, but once it all calms down you can cope. 6-12 months I reckon is the crucial point, but if you arrive and can't find work, that really is going to put some people over the edge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Sat here wondering (after another 'discussion') how many couples have split up due to differences in whether its UK or Oz? When we were living in Swaziland, there was a saying among the "old hand" expats - "Are you married or have you lived in Africa?" Everyone's different, and moving to a new country can highlight those differences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sideshowdeb Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I think the shared dream of moving to Australia has pushed me and my husband closer together especially during times where we nearly split up. We also struggle as we have 3 children and no family to support us and so have little times to ourselves. By the time we get to Australia it could go two ways. We could either realise we have no more shared interests or reasons to be together or due to our children being that little bit older and more self-sufficient we may enjoy spending time together and enjoying the lifestyle we have achieved. It does scare me at times, but I do allow myself to think of the 'what if's' before we go. Then again, 'what if' it happened in the UK? I would be in exactly the same position! Family are useless and my ex is useless (eldest two)! Might as well be stranded in a beautiful place! I didn't realise it at the time, but looking back, there have been times when emigrating has been the only thing we've seen eye to eye on. I think in the end it will have made us stronger but I guess only time will tell? Hope it all works out for you too :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks for everyone's replies & I guess whatever happens will happen. We still love each other that is for certain & who knows when I return to the uk for my holiday in August I may think differently about returning to the uk full time. Unfortunately we do not have crystal balls! So for now I will continue to take each day as it comes & enjoy what Australia has to offer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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