MichelleNeil&Mia Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hey everyone.... So here is our story, I just need opinions and to "get it out there" really We moved to Perth back in August 2011, we lasted 9 months :err:......................or should I say, after 3 months I kicked off massively and demanded to come home :wacko: and 6 months later we did! We have been back in the UK just over 18 months, broke up, got back together & bought a house and settled in sussex. I really struggled in Perth for various reasons, hardly any of which were actually to do with the place itself, and a lot more to do with me and certain things I hadn't dealt with before going...I just wasn't ready. But I didn't say that to anyone at the time, because I didn't realise it myself. Altho I really liked Perth, something just wasn't right and now I can see that..... i can see that I wasn't ready and there were still lots of ghosts I had to deal with back here, which thankfully I have and am now in a much better place in the old head because of it! Of course there were things we did wrong, who doesn't at first...? We lived in the wrong area, sent daughter to the wrong school which didn't help my not wanting to be there, but all the reasons we wanted to go in the first place, the weather, outdoor lifestyle, better opportunities, nicer way of life for our daughter, work/ life balance... was all great and I made some brilliant friends! I know its not the most perfect place in the world, I don't think that place exists tbh, everywhere has its own issues. But......... I just cant help but think I should have given it longer, ... and maybe we should give it another go? I had to come home when I did, to deal with things and realise exactly what I want from life. Which now I have done. However, being in such a bad way when i was there, in order to get all MY friends and family to back me in wanting to come home, (my husband loved it there, didn't want to come home, we argued A LOT and he was understandably angry at me for a long time!!) So I slagged the place off to anyone who would listen, as far as they are all concerned I HATED it there.... I didn't, I just hated being there, at that time, okay and maybe the flies! So now I feel ready...... only problem is, because I was so negative about the place before we left, having told everyone how terrible it was, people will think we are mad to go back... 1 person in particular, my mum. We had 2 years of hell from her before we went, (she was the only one, all other family were 100% behind us) because she thought it was "wrong", until they negotiated a move to Singapore with her husbands work. They have been there 2 years, (although have had many trips back to the UK , so weve seen them every 3 months at least!) and are making a move home for good in May. Because mum was so against us going in the first place, of course she was 100% behind my wanting to leave, and relished in agreeing with all the "bad" things about Perth. Now they are heading back to the UK for good, keep talking about buying a house nearer us, and how wonderful it will be to all be together!! How on earth do I bring up the fact that a return could be on the cards??? By the way, they are not necessarily coming back because we are home, although of course that is part of it. But I doubt they would have stayed in Singapore for good! Weve nowhere near decided that we will return for sure, my husband is understandably concerned....and if we did it wouldn't be for a year or so, but I would really like to give things a second chance, perhaps not forever, I don't believe that you can say anything is forever and I cant imagine living in one place forever (maybe I was a traveller in a previous life huh?) But I think we need to actually give the experience a real go!! I know I will get lots of different opinions on here, and I know I only have myself to blame for how I acted....at the time its how I felt, and now I feel different. So Let me have it POI am I mad to even consider going back, has anyone else had a similar experience and how do I even begin to bring the subject up with my mum.?? :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 If you want to go back, then you should go. What's in the past is in the past and gone and done with. As far as your mum goes, she herself has been living in Singapore - did she consult with you before she went? Was she willing to let her husband go without her if you would have said no don't go? Ultimately, you can't live your life for your mum and she can't live hers for you but I think you should write her a letter or email, explaining everything, just as you have here x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I honestly don't think 9 months is long enough to know either way - and since essentially you made the decision after 3 then the time after that really doesn't count as everything was judged through that filter. I can understand that you have now worked through stuff but I would honestly consider what Perth can give you that the UK can't given the upheaval your family has been through and what you would go through again (& I'm talking about your family unit not your mum). Are you sure you're still not looking for some kind of happiness that you think you will find in Australia that quite probably isn't there? How long have you been settled in Sussex? I would give it at least 2 years before even deciding whether to move back & give settling your absolute best shot - that's probably what you should have done in Perth in the first place but you're back now and decisions have to be made based on where you are now at. I wouldn't worry too much about the opinions of people you slated Perth to though & your mum won't be happy but she is obviously young and healthy enough to travel and who knows where her husband might take her next, you can't live your life for her. Maybe approach it as a temporary move, say that you feel like you never gave it a chance so you want to go back there to chase away the demons. Make light of it and say if you hate it as much the second time around then you'll be back even sooner but for your own peace of mind you need to know. And that's what I would do because I don't think you truly will know until you get there - do any of us? Have you thought about returning to somewhere other than Perth? (with less flies!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hope you don't mind me saying but it sounds as though you are always running away from wherever you are now. You say you are in a better place now and hopefully that is the case but why then do you have the urge to move on again. Perhaps if you can get a handle on that then you will find the place that best suits who you are. I do feel for your OH. Sounds like he has been through the mill and he is at the mercy of your whims. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Before doing anything I think I would look at your life, write a list of what is important and what is not. I am an impetuous person and I have to be very careful that I do not make the big decisions whilst on the up, by the up I mean when I am feeling, oh yeah I think that would be a good idea, I need to wait and think and wait and think. I am also of the opinion that its not a countries fault that we want to leave it, its us, is our life, and we only have one life so we need to enjoy it wherever we are and look for the positives not the negatives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Tell your mum what you've told us (maybe add the details of which ghosts needed laying to rest). You've given your reasons so well here - I think that's all that's needed. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 To be brutally honest, If I was the husband and you did go back to Perth I'm not sure I could fully integrate there knowing there is the likelihood of it being pulled from under my feet again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gpo1971 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Just go with your instinct, there are no right or wrong answers to be gained from here. And it doesn't sound like there is a 'winner takes all' option available to you. Invariably, whatever you do in life pisses someone off somewhere so just do what's best for you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Just wondering if this is in fact a wind up? If not, then I feel sorry for you. You have more than just yourself to consider - a child and husband. Maybe a good discussion with all interested parties might be of benefit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Just wondering if this is in fact a wind up? If not, then I feel sorry for you. You have more than just yourself to consider - a child and husband. Maybe a good discussion with all interested parties might be of benefit? A child a Husband and a Mother from the sounds of it, I think the OP needs to actually ask what her OH and child actually want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolvesaussie Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 It seems like something off Wanted Down Under, this couple moved to Aus, hated it, Divorced within 9months went back to the UK, patched things up got remarried went on WDU as they wanted to return to Australia... On the revisited a year later it catches up with them in Aus, they made the move again.. a few months before, they seemed happy this time.... as the credits rolled the voice over lady said "since filming BOB and Sally have seperated".. and returned to the UK.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 The old saying - "wherever you go, there you are" springs to mind here. Changing countries won't help if you aren't happy in yourself! No, you probably didn't give Perth long enough - many who only stay a few months are more likely to ping pong than those who've given it a few years but often your gut feelings of the first few months turn out to be still "right" when you've given it a year or two. It's your life to do with as you want (so what your mum says is irrelevant) but if Perth didn't float your boat the last time then try somewhere else. Otherwise maybe try somewhere else in UK if where you are isn't quite right either. You'll still be washing dishes, cleaning the floor and putting the rubbish out wherever you are (and never make a decision in winter, wait for summer to decide!). When you have a child in the mix though, be careful of moving to Aus (again) because if it does go pear shaped and you want to return but your OH doesn't, the court will refuse to let you leave with your child if your OH says no! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 If you think you should give Perth another go then why not? You have every chance of making it work if that is what you really want. I would try and get the family on board or it might not be so easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I am going to be brutally honest with you - based on what you have written, I think you should stay put. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I'd look at what peeved myself off last time, if I were you, and ask is it really going to be any different this time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Seeing as it's a thread for being brutally honest. Your husband must be a very understanding bloke to put up with your whingeing and getting him to leave Perth in the first place. You're lucky he came back with you and didn't stay there and even more lucky that he didn't buzz of back on his own when you broke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I think the decision should rest with your OH as he was happy in Australia but you weren't. If he doesn't want to return then I reckon you should concentrate of making a decent life in the UK - we all have to work, pay taxes etc just the same in Australia as anywhere else in the world and you obviously missed the UK enough to return. Just think how heartbreaking it would be for him if you changed your mind again - could your relationship survive that? Also, you have to think of your daughter too. She's having to move to different schools which can't be easy for her. But if you can tick those boxes then don't worry too much about what other people think, it's often other people's opinions that stop us from chasing our own dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I think you need to "ground"yourself first.Settle your mind,and get rid of the "Fight or Flight"syndrome.There is no rush.Concentrate of what you have here.I would not tell your parents of your thoughts of moving.No point in upsetting them unless you are absolutely sure of your decision.Its not the country,its your thoughts going on in your mind.Find some peace hon,and concentrate on that first.Your OH and child will thank you for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichelleNeil&Mia Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 Thank you for all your comments This is exactly the mix of opinions i needed to hear! For the record, My relationship with my OH is probably the best it has ever been right now, we separated shortly after we arrived back from Perth, which was over 18 months ago, just for a few weeks, which given the circumstances is totally understandable! Luckily it seems what we have been through has torn us apart, bought us back together and we are stronger for it. I am sure deep down he will never forget how our dreams were ruined because of me, and i will never forget the guilt of putting him & my little girl through everything i did. But we got through it. So why rock the boat? Is it because i feel so guilty for making him come back, that i feel i owe it to him to try again and prove that i can make it work...? Perhaps........... I never said i definitely wanted to return.... just that i had been thinking about it. If it ever is the right time time for us try again, it would be a family decision, there's no way we would go unless all of us were happy to. It was never all about me and what i wanted. I was in a very dark place back there and felt there was no other way out. (Because of not having dealt with stuff here, not because of Australia itself!) All the comments i have had here are exactly what i needed to hear, For the moment, yes, the right thing is to stay put and enjoy the life we have, and i wont be telling my mum or anyone else anything just yet.....that's what you lot were for! Just felt i had to get what i was feeling & thinking out there and luckily, this forum has enabled me to do that & gain perspective without upsetting anyone close to home. Thank you PIO xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.