Englishlover Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 This is may be a silly post. I have been in Long distance relationship with an English man in the UK. It has been 5 years already. We agreed to do fiance visa for me and I will migrate to the UK next year. However, last night he told me he is confused and wants to hold the paperwork. In your opinion, especially men. Do you think it is just excuse for not getting together or he is just unsure. In this kind of situation, what should I react? I feel I am in deep pain now while everybody is celebrating the new year. I am just stuck at the back of the room and feeling lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 5 years is a very long time to have a long distance relationship. When was the last time you saw each other? If it was a long time ago I think I would be feeling a bit unsure about things too (I am not a male by the way) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 5 years is a very long time to have a long distance relationship. When was the last time you saw each other? If it was a long time ago I think I would be feeling a bit unsure about things too (I am not a male by the way) Hi We saw each other in late 2012 last time with a plan that he would prepare everything to get me back in 2014. I am pretty sure he does not have anyone else. We always keep contact almost every day by sms , skype and phone calls. He promised me to do it last night, but he just sent sms to say that he is not ready for paperwork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I am sorry but personally I think you need to move on with your life and forget him. I know its not what you want to hear but why waste anymore of your life on someone who wants to keep you at arms length. Do you think maybe he wanted to move out here and he was looking for a ticket out here, or does he already have a visa for Aus? lots of hugs as it must be very hard for you :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobj Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Wot she says makes a great deal of sense. Men, real men, that is, don't leave their ladies in the lurch. Maybe old fashioned but that's how I see it. Cheers, Bobj. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 I am sorry but personally I think you need to move on with your life and forget him. I know its not what you want to hear but why waste anymore of your life on someone who wants to keep you at arms length. Do you think maybe he wanted to move out here and he was looking for a ticket out here, or does he already have a visa for Aus?lots of hugs as it must be very hard for you :hug: Hi Pom Queen Thank you for your comfort. He will not come to Australia. We have planned the move to the UK for me. I have told him I can do spouse visa for him if he wants to live in Australia, but he wants to live there so I am the one who will move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjg Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Wot she says makes a great deal of sense. Men, real men, that is, don't leave their ladies in the lurch. Maybe old fashioned but that's how I see it. Cheers, Bobj. It's not limited to the old fashioned type, Bob. Any man who has integrity wouldn't leave people who rely on him in the lurch. And there is not an upper or lower age limit on this. Me Male, BTW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindor Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 It seems to me like he's backing away and I'm sure, in your heart, you know that. Why don't you ask him outright? Make him say it! It will hurt, but at least you will have no doubt or false hope, this will enable you to move on and find someone who deserves you. Thats what I would do in your situation. It's a horrible situation at anytime but especially hard at this time of year. I hope you've got some family and good friends around you :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I agree with Lindor I would ask him outright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celt Down Under Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 You have wasted 5 years of your life. Do not wasted another 5 minutes of it. Dump him. I think that you already know that, but are just looking for confirmation on here. If he loves you, he will soon come running. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I am in agreement with the other posters, this guy is stringing you along having a bit of cake each ways in my view. Walk away and see what happens. I married a merchant seaman, met him in NZ and again in Aus. When I said where is this relationship going and it was just a question as we had to get direction for both of us, he said lets get married and we did four months later and I sailed away with him to Uk. You see if they are into you they are into you and if not, we need to get a life with someone who is into us. Five years dithering think there may be someone else waiting as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I am an Englishman who was single for many years and took the plunge in turning a long distance relationship into marriage. It is a big and scary thing to do - it feels like moving from youth to adulthood. Let's be generous and imagine that your man is having a wobble. Perhaps as he is faced with the paperwork, it is dawning on him that he is taking a big step and it is now starting to become real, not just an idea. He may well want time to get used to it; you need to allow him time but limit it. Tell him that you can't keep your life in limbo and he has to get the paperwork sorted within a week (two weeks?) or else it is off. Then give him a few days and ask for progress reports. Once the deadline is reached, you will have your answer. This will only work, though, if he believes your deadline. Making him believe it is your job. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pomonwaytooz Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 This is may be a silly post. I have been in Long distance relationship with an English man in the UK. It has been 5 years already. We agreed to do fiance visa for me and I will migrate to the UK next year. However, last night he told me he is confused and wants to hold the paperwork. In your opinion, especially men. Do you think it is just excuse for not getting together or he is just unsure. In this kind of situation, what should I react? I feel I am in deep pain now while everybody is celebrating the new year. I am just stuck at the back of the room and feeling lost. Hi englishlover, i have aver just moved to Perth from the uk, it took me 6 months for my visa and I was panicking thinking that I wasn't going to get my visa come through, I have got a friend who works in the uk and his position is involving migration and I told him my situation for which he was very surprised at how long my visa took, and he said that in the uk it would take no longer than a month at best, so sorry to say this so called man is stringing you along in a big way, best thing you can do is severe all your ties with him and not waste another second on him, and go out there and enjoy your new life. After all life is to short go and have a good New Year's Eve by celebrating properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 When a man really loves you and really wants you, you will know there will be no room for doubt. There will be no games and no mixed messages. Get out there and meet a real man my lovely :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you everyone for your advice. I just cannot understand why he makes it so difficult. I have been living in Australia for 9 years, having a job, but I am ready to start everything again in the UK even I do not know my future there. Maybe it is right that he does not love me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikey Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you everyone for your advice. I just cannot understand why he makes it so difficult. I have been living in Australia for 9 years, having a job, but I am ready to start everything again in the UK even I do not know my future there. Maybe it is right that he does not love me at all. If he changes his mind and u do end up going to the uk, please keep all your options at home as open as u can.... good luck whatever happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Like the others have said I think you need to ask him outright what his plans are. We can all speculate but he is the only one who knows what's going on in his head. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMG79 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you everyone for your advice. I just cannot understand why he makes it so difficult. I have been living in Australia for 9 years, having a job, but I am ready to start everything again in the UK even I do not know my future there. Maybe it is right that he does not love me at all. Hi, I'm a bloke, and all I can say, is I would not wast your time trying to understand it, it sounds like he is lacking some sort or moral fibre, if he can't be straight with you. I was in a distance relationship with my wife for a couple of years when she was coming and going from her country. You know if you want to be with someone or not, and when you are from different countries there is sacrifices by both parties that sometimes needs to be made, move on find someone who knows what they want in life have some fun!!!!:biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I'm afraid I agree, I think you are worth more than that. Even if this guy decides he was just having a wobble then how does that make you feel? I know I would be doubting my security with a man I was moving to the other side of the world with. I know you have spent 5 years on this man but you haven't seen him in over a year and surely if he had feelings for you he wouldn't have left it so long between visits? As much as you know this guy, I would be slightly worried that he didn't have a prior agenda or a wife hidden away somewhere. Are you sure you know this guy? Have you visited him in England before and met family or friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 I'm afraid I agree, I think you are worth more than that. Even if this guy decides he was just having a wobble then how does that make you feel? I know I would be doubting my security with a man I was moving to the other side of the world with. I know you have spent 5 years on this man but you haven't seen him in over a year and surely if he had feelings for you he wouldn't have left it so long between visits? As much as you know this guy, I would be slightly worried that he didn't have a prior agenda or a wife hidden away somewhere. Are you sure you know this guy? Have you visited him in England before and met family or friends? Hi Jac2011 I visited England for 4 times. We mostly went on trip. I have not met his family yet, but I went to his place. Nothing looked suspicious in his place or his personal stuff like phone, emails. He never went away when he was on the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I am an Englishman who was single for many years and took the plunge in turning a long distance relationship into marriage. It is a big and scary thing to do - it feels like moving from youth to adulthood. Let's be generous and imagine that your man is having a wobble. Perhaps as he is faced with the paperwork, it is dawning on him that he is taking a big step and it is now starting to become real, not just an idea. He may well want time to get used to it; you need to allow him time but limit it. Tell him that you can't keep your life in limbo and he has to get the paperwork sorted within a week (two weeks?) or else it is off. Then give him a few days and ask for progress reports. Once the deadline is reached, you will have your answer. This will only work, though, if he believes your deadline. Making him believe it is your job. Good luck. Agree with this,dont be too hasty in your own decision,but ask for a firm decision from him at the same time,living your life in limbo will do you no good Best of luck English lover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 Agree with this,dont be too hasty in your own decision,but ask for a firm decision from him at the same time,living your life in limbo will do you no good Best of luck English lover Thank you. I have asked him again today. He is sick in bed and told me he needs time to think for few days. I will have to be in a limbo for few more days Sent from a laptop on desk via very slow internet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Big commitment or not - do you really want to be with someone who has to think about it? I know I wouldn't be hanging around waiting for him to make up his mind. I'd already have walked away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rob dc Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you. I have asked him again today. He is sick in bed and told me he needs time to think for few days. I will have to be in a limbo for few more days Sent from a laptop on desk via very slow internet yeahhhhhhh time limit, if no go, don't hang about Think if you need someone like this in your life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pomonwaytooz Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Hi Jac2011 I visited England for 4 times. We mostly went on trip. I have not met his family yet, but I went to his place. Nothing looked suspicious in his place or his personal stuff like phone, emails. He never went away when he was on the phone. 4 TIMES and you never met his family come on wake up please!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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