Losing our nerve

[midwife2005]

It's almost a year since we activated our visa, we had an amazing time in Perth and we were sure that we wanted to get back out there as soon as we could. But gradually as the months have passed all our insecurities have crept back in and it's driving me insane the whole will we wont we go dilemma. Everyone has their opinion and are constantly telling us if it's not broke don't fix it, which is the main thing that is bothering me really. Basically I'm scared shitless that we'll balls everything up by going, yet I'm sat here watching bloody Phil:Secret agent down under thinking, I want to be there:err:. At least we've got three and a half years to make our minds up eh!

 

:arghh:

[HappyHeart]

what have you got to lose?

[midwife2005]

My husbands business is the thing that worries me most. He's worked so hard to make it successful, survived the recession more or less unscathed and we would have to sell it. If things didn't work out in Oz then what would we come back to? We're doing good at the moment, family wise and financially. If we were in our 20's I'd think sod it, but coming back to nothing at 40+ terrifies the life out of me.

[Pom77]

We have been here 6 months and tbh if my husbands business hadn't gone under in the recession we wouldn't have even thought about it. I must admit it's been so much harder than we thought and what ever money you think you need to get out here you need to double it. The grass is not greener and it's opened my eyes to what England has to offer but nobody could have told me that I have had to do this myself to figure it out and everyone is different and so is everybody's journey here . I think its a case of if you don't do it will there always be a what if?

[Quoll]

Firmly in the "if it ain't broke" camp myself - my solution would be to stop watching H&A, Neighbors, WDU and Phil Who? And all the other soaps and look at what you have got! If circumstances change then go with the best option at the time. What ifs are a waste of time and energy - if you have something on the table that is better than you have now then try a belt and braces approach where possible to giving it a go otherwise, remember that Australia is just another first world country and if you live in one already there won't be that much difference on a day to day basis.

[Quoll]

what have you got to lose?

Hmm, so often asked glibly - based on posts on here: money, mental health, physical health, marital relationship, family relationships, kids education, career prospects (could go on but it won't!)

[midwife2005]

Hmm, so often asked glibly - based on posts on here: money, mental health, physical health, marital relationship, family relationships, kids education, career prospects (could go on but it won't!)

 

 

Everything you just said! When your already established, happy, not well off but ok, kids doing well etc etc we have everything to lose. Why did we want the visa again:confused:

[SteveandKirsty]

It is a tough call that we are currently going through too, although we are only just at the applying stage (which have returned from a short recce to SA last week).

 

But, (and without wishing to sound like my dad) if you feel that it is 100% not for you, and it sounds like this is the case, and your husband has a business that is clearly a success in the UK then perhaps you shouldn't...

[Guest Guest 47403]

Hmm, so often asked glibly - based on posts on here: money, mental health, physical health, marital relationship, family relationships, kids education, career prospects (could go on but it won't!)

 

And all those listed can just as easily be lost by staying put!

 

I'm quite happy I don't sit in the 'if it ain't broke' camp the world wouldn't progress if we all felt like that. We are in a similar position but are definitely making the move we have a lot to lose financially if it all fails to work out, but money isn't everything. One word I picked up on though is you said your happy, we're not desperately unhappy in the UK but there's definitely something missing and I definitely don't like certain aspects of the way the UK is heading.

 

If your happy as you say what are your reasons for migrating?

[Gbye grey sky]

Everything you just said! When your already established, happy, not well off but ok, kids doing well etc etc we have everything to lose. Why did we want the visa again:confused:

 

Yes, that is the question. But what is the answer? Answer that for yourselves honestly and you will know if the reasons you started the process still hold. If not what has really changed?

[Jacaranda]

Do people really spend that much time wondering the "What if's"?You can't live by regrets!Remember OP,whatever decision anyone makes,you make it at that time with the knowledge you have!Think about what makes you and your family happy!Think on a deeper level about what your daily lives will be like if you go or stay.

[jdad84]

Hmm, so often asked glibly - based on posts on here: money, mental health, physical health, marital relationship, family relationships, kids education, career prospects (could go on but it won't!)

 

To be fair most things on the list can go wrong whether you're in the UK or Oz.

 

All depends on what you think will make you most happy...

 

Job security? Being close to family? Sunnier climate?

 

For us it's the fact we've been to Oz before...loved it and can really see our future there.

 

I used to think I could never move away from my family, but then after travelling to Oz and really feeling at home it changed my perspective. My missus and I both want children, the thought of their lives being in Oz, rather than gloomy gateshead is so exciting, thinking of the outdoor lifestyle, the opportunities we can provide them and to effectively build a new family tree half way around the world is just too much for us to turn down.

[Celt Down Under]

Are you perhaps too comfortable at present? Do you want challenge in you life, and I tell you now that challenge you it will. If that is the case, go for it, and have no regrets.

[Rupert]

I don't sit in the "if it ain't broke camp", nothing was broken for us but the move has been good. On the other hand I cannot abide the "regret what you did and not what you didn't" clichés, because everything you do is doing something and the decision not to go when you have a visa is a very brave one too.

 

I also don't think that whatever was right for me must be right for everyone else. The thing that troubles me in your post is selling up a successful business. That is so much bigger than for rest of us just handing in our notice.

 

I expect it is time for the pros and cons list. We did our list, then we rated each item with a score out of five for how significant that item was and then totted up overall. Lists can be very helpful and creating it can clarify your thoughts.

[Petals]

I think to take a chance you have to look at it that its a gamble. If you could come and make a mess of things and think oh well lets start again it may be ok for you. If you are the type of person who dwells on losses and what used to be then stay where you are.

 

Its hard being a migrant and once we are comfortable in our lives its much easier to stay where we are and make the most of things. After all its cheaper to take a holiday to where you like than sell everything up and move.

 

I am of the belief that if there is any doubt about it don't do it. That is the way I am.

[Gbye grey sky]

I think to take a chance you have to look at it that its a gamble. If you could come and make a mess of things and think oh well lets start again it may be ok for you. If you are the type of person who dwells on losses and what used to be then stay where you are.

 

Its hard being a migrant and once we are comfortable in our lives its much easier to stay where we are and make the most of things. After all its cheaper to take a holiday to where you like than sell everything up and move.

 

I am of the belief that if there is any doubt about it don't do it. That is the way I am.

 

I agee completely. If you think that moving may be wrong then chances are it will be. You will be magnifying the negatives when you arrive and the kids are likely to pick up on the negativity and fan the flames. I suspect that a positive mental attitude is a minimum requirement for emigrating.

[midwife2005]

I don't sit in the "if it ain't broke camp", nothing was broken for us but the move has been good. On the other hand I cannot abide the "regret what you did and not what you didn't" clichés, because everything you do is doing something and the decision not to go when you have a visa is a very brave one too.

 

I also don't think that whatever was right for me must be right for everyone else. The thing that troubles me in your post is selling up a successful business. That is so much bigger than for rest of us just handing in our notice.

 

I expect it is time for the pros and cons list. We did our list, then we rated each item with a score out of five for how significant that item was and then totted up overall. Lists can be very helpful and creating it can clarify your thoughts.

 

 

Thats exactly it. Selling a successful business. I can hand my notice in, get a job in Oz and if it didn't work out come back the UK and get another. My husband on the other hand isn't in that position. People say 'oh just start again' and yeah he could do that but at what cost. Yes we could go to Oz and everything could work out and life could be good. But if it didn't then would we as a family survive that, emotionally. Would we be able to get over the fact that we gave up a good life, a good business in the UK for life in Oz that didn't work out. It's such a gamble. Lots to think about.

[Rupert]

Thats exactly it. Selling a successful business. I can hand my notice in, get a job in Oz and if it didn't work out come back the UK and get another. My husband on the other hand isn't in that position. People say 'oh just start again' and yeah he could do that but at what cost. Yes we could go to Oz and everything could work out and life could be good. But if it didn't then would we as a family survive that, emotionally. Would we be able to get over the fact that we gave up a good life, a good business in the UK for life in Oz that didn't work out. It's such a gamble. Lots to think about.

 

What does husband think about it? You need to be united.

 

But I think you know your answer. And I was not joking when I said it is a very brave person that says no, I am not going to use my visa. Not least because of the avalanche of clichés about regretting things you do not don't .... :SLEEP: Do what is right for you. I think someone said it above, who really does go through their live agonising over past decisions and regretting them, nobody I have met does. Make your decision, move on.

[Guest Guest 47403]

Thats exactly it. Selling a successful business. I can hand my notice in, get a job in Oz and if it didn't work out come back the UK and get another. My husband on the other hand isn't in that position. People say 'oh just start again' and yeah he could do that but at what cost. Yes we could go to Oz and everything could work out and life could be good. But if it didn't then would we as a family survive that, emotionally. Would we be able to get over the fact that we gave up a good life, a good business in the UK for life in Oz that didn't work out. It's such a gamble. Lots to think about.

 

FWIW I think you are best off staying put if your happy, what business does your hubby run? Is he driven? is it something he could do again in Oz?

[Guest]

We were definitely in the 'better to regret something you did' camp when we moved to Australia and although it cost us a lot I do not regret it one bit. We're back in the UK now and whilst it's only been 4 months so the honeymoon may end, i have never been this happy in my entire life. If we hadn't gone to Aus then I would have always been thinking 'there as to be more to life than this' what Aus made me realise is there isn't.

 

What did it cost? A lot of money, my mental health (for a while), my husbands career & his mental health (for a while), a distruption to our son's schooling (though he's doing absolutely fine) and it's my belief my physical health & I will never recover. Now the health issues were due to stress which wasn't down to Australia per se but the events that happened wouldn't have happened if we'd stayed put (but could have equally happened had we moved to Canada or France or wherever)

 

But I still don't regret it! I do regret going 'forever' - I wish we'd taken the 4 year visa as 'an adventure' and nothing more. Another good thing that has come out of it though is the real understanding that nothing is forever!

 

Probably the most important thing you can do is get down to why it is you think life for YOU would be better in Australia. And then see if the facts really stack up - it is not automatically a 'better' life - it's a different life that some people like better but that's bot the same thing.

 

As for your husband's business personally I wouldn't worry - he may have survived the recession but who knows what could happen - if that's the only thing that stops you going and then 6 motnhs after your visa expires it goes down the pan (bad debt, lawsuit, serious illness - who knows what's around the corner?) how are you going to feel then.

 

I would consider though what he will do in Perth - if he has a successful business here what will he do there? If it's setting up s business does the business paln stack up in the Australia marketplace? If he's to become an employee - how will that feel for him? Is he going to be happy working for someone else?

[Johndoe]

 

If your happy as you say what are your reasons for migrating?

 

^In a nutshell.

 

You must have had a reason in the first place. Will that reason still be there if you decide to stay? Will that reason lead to unhappiness? If not, stay put, but if the "move motivator" remains, then you will be unfulfilled.

[ali]

Hmm, so often asked glibly - based on posts on here: money, mental health, physical health, marital relationship, family relationships, kids education, career prospects (could go on but it won't!)

 

I don't think it was asked glibly and whilst I agree with your comments some people don't think of that (without the benefit of hindsight), I think it's a good question to make people stop and consider things.

[fensaddler]

For most people, most of the time, a decision to migrate is a mixture of push and pull issues - stuff that is giving you a reason to leave, and stuff that is giving you a reason to choose where you are going. All I can advise is to ask what the push is - it doesn't sound like there is too much, and the pull sounds like a dream painted by TV programmes. The TV image, as most of the posters will tell you here, is nothing like the reality. For most people, once they have got over the honeymoon period, the advantages of one place over another are not that huge - you gain and you lose, and the balance can be very fine. For us, on the positives, my career is probably in better shape, our daughter is in a better place in terms of schooling and peer influences, we probably have more friends (but less family), and we live in a city we love (for so many reasons). On the downside, of course, we lost close contact with family and friends in the UK, we no longer own the house we live in (and the stretch to buy one here is considerable), and our stability is (still) at the whim of government. I commute further and I have a longer working day, whilst my OH has not found a permanent job. And there are lots of small things - not being able to go and watch your football team for example, and not being able to listen to Radio 4 in the bathroom and in the car. I know only what I've read on your post, but I sense there is little push for you, and the pull sounds to be too much about a dream rather than a hard nosed reality. I fear you will miss what you have left, and find that what you came for is not really here. Of course, Oz has given us lots of things we could not have expected or planned for, so that may also happen to you - but I'm not sure that is enough to take the step you are taking, particularly with the situation around your OH's business.

[VERYSTORMY]

I think what you have to do is ask why you want to come to Oz. What is it you think Oz will give you that you haven't got. Then, you have to make a choice on the gamble - is what you think Oz will offer worth the gamble.

[HappyHeart]

Exactly..its a gamble...if you can't take the risk...don't come. The odds are 50/50. You'll never know until you try it....some cant 'afford' to try it...I don't just mean financially..we all have different mindsets...