Moving to Australia - What would you do?

[meca]

Hi people,

 

I don't know if it's right place to post on this forum but i hope so.

Here is a little story.

And I'm sorry already for any typos I'm making since I'm from Sweden and english is not my main language.

 

Last year i've met a girl online and we started to chat and soon we felt huge attraction between each other.

We already talked about who would move where and she told me she would move here.

I've decided to go and visit her in Australia and i really liked Australia, but when i came there 2 weeks after she told me she couldn't move from Australia since she was too attached to her parents.

 

She told me she would like me to come to Australia and we could live anywhere.

So i came back to Sweden and thinking what to do. 3 Months later we met again in Thailand

and had great time and then she told me she couldn't move anywhere in australia except to be in the city where her parents lived.

 

So that a short version of every thing. Now the ball is in my hands.

I could get off 6 months of work to work there and i have already applied for working visa.

 

I have really good job in Sweden, working as project manager for big company, having good sallary and having alot of friends

and quite attached to my family.

 

I've asked her if i didn't like it in Australia would she move with me she said no.

I've asked her what if we have kinds and i don't like it would she move she said no.

That means it's one way ticket to aussie country.

 

I'm thinking australia as warm country and that's whats in my mind compared to Sweden where

where you wake up and you have a cloud above your head.

What i like about sweden is that we have a free healthcare and free schools, including university.

But i hate alot of things with Sweden also, actually i hate more things then i love them.

 

What would you do? I imagine Australia as i did when i was on hollyday, but i guess all those palms, treas, kengroos, oceans become everyday life which you don't think about as i do now..

Would you leave everything for a person knowing it's one way ticket?

She is already talking about kids.

Also everybody is telling even if i go for 6 months i will be stuck since she will do everything

to make me stay and that i would regret it after couple of years.

 

Those who have moved there, do you miss your family alot?

What is your opininion.

[BeeBoDee]

Hi there,

 

I don't mean to sound unkind, but from the information you've given in your post it sounds very much as if your partner is the one calling the shots. It seems a bit unfair that she is not willing to even think about moving elsewhere, not even in Australia, but expects you to move right across the world to her home town. It also sounds a little bit early to be thinking about having kids together when you haven't lived in the same country yet. What about what you want? From what you've written it seems you're the one making the sacrifices. Forgive me if I've got this wrong, obviously I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you've said. Hope things work out okay for you and you find a solution xx

[meca]

Hi there,

 

I don't mean to sound unkind, but from the information you've given in your post it sounds very much as if your partner is the one calling the shots. It seems a bit unfair that she is not willing to even think about moving elsewhere, not even in Australia, but expects you to move right across the world to her home town. It also sounds a little bit early to be thinking about having kids together when you haven't lived in the same country yet. What about what you want? From what you've written it seems you're the one making the sacrifices. Forgive me if I've got this wrong, obviously I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you've said. Hope things work out okay for you and you find a solution xx

 

Well in this case she is the calling the shots. I know, i mean i have lived with a person before and knows what it's all about but she hasn't.

She still lives at home, at age 25. So she doesn't know that much about living with someone.

 

In this case yes i'm the one making all sacrifices.

She used to live in Germany before, she moved with her family 10 years ago to Australia.

What i wanted was us to try in Europe and if it doesn't work i said i would move to Australia as a family.

But that's not an option for her eighter.

 

But for those who are there, how is the life? Is it hard to find work, friends, what do miss about europe.

What do you regret?

 

Another thing:

I have worked my self up to be a project manager. I don't have school for this.

Would it be hard to get equivalent job in Australia or do you need to have a paper that you are educated for that?

 

/Cheerz

[starlight7]

I think I'd run a mile. But that is me.

[Sammy1]

Well, at least she is laying all her cards on the table. I would be running, but at least you know the deal if you do decide to take it on.

[dmjg]

A partnership should be just that, a partnership.

 

Each should have a 50% say, or there abouts.

 

If you get no say, my advice would be the same as everyone else, forget it!

[Rupert]

Yeah to be honest, based on that, I would suggest knocking this on the head and maybe trying to find someone from closer to home.

[NowPerth]

At least she's being honest about her limitations and expectations up front. Much better than someone who leads you on and then provides you with an ultimatum after there are kids involved.

 

I think IN GENERAL (not for every couple) women find it harder to leave their family then men. She has left them for a time before to learn that she can't live like that. Many couples move here from the UK, then move back when someone realises how much they miss their parents. I think it's good that she has been honest and told you that up front.

 

No one on here can tell you what chances you have of making your relationship work out here as no one knows how much or little you love each other. Maybe you will decide it's worth giving it a shot. Maybe it is an adventure worth trying, with your eyes open to the possible pitfalls from the start.

 

As for work, many people find it hard to find work for quite a while, with or without qualifications. Much of the time it is about contacts, so maybe her family could use contacts to help with finding a job.

 

If you can't live without her, then you will have to come and give it a go. If you can imagine life without her, then maybe you aren't meant to be together.

 

Good luck and I hope things work out well for you. :hug:

[meca]

At least she's being honest about her limitations and expectations up front. Much better than someone who leads you on and then provides you with an ultimatum after there are kids involved.

 

I think IN GENERAL (not for every couple) women find it harder to leave their family then men. She has left them for a time before to learn that she can't live like that. Many couples move here from the UK, then move back when someone realises how much they miss their parents. I think it's good that she has been honest and told you that up front.

 

No one on here can tell you what chances you have of making your relationship work out here as no one knows how much or little you love each other. Maybe you will decide it's worth giving it a shot. Maybe it is an adventure worth trying, with your eyes open to the possible pitfalls from the start.

 

As for work, many people find it hard to find work for quite a while, with or without qualifications. Much of the time it is about contacts, so maybe her family could use contacts to help with finding a job.

 

If you can't live without her, then you will have to come and give it a go. If you can imagine life without her, then maybe you aren't meant to be together.

 

Good luck and I hope things work out well for you. :hug:

 

Thank you very much..

I really appreciate her honesty really.

She doesn't have or her family so much contacts when it comes to my profession.

Well the thing is it's hard without here, but i also expect a partner to go with me around the world as im ready for her. =)

[docboat]

Look, Australia is a great place to be. For me, I would not consider living anywhere else. But that has not always been the case - I have lived in Europe, Asia and Australia. In every country you must be open to change, accept differences, learn to find new friends, adapt to different routines. You know this, you have done this. From the sounds of it, however, your intended is not open to change. OK - I felt the same way about living in Hong Kong - would not have left, had I been asked in 2003. Times change, needs change. And it may be that she is much the same,not ready for a change. That may change.

 

I think you would be foolish to bank on that hope.

 

You would very likely thrive in Australia - anyone can. But you might not.

 

Putting yourself into such a relationship would not be clever. By all means come here. You can find a good visa, get a job, settle. But I would stay clear of a relationship where firm boundaries are given which do not permit flexibility and open mindedness

[meca]

Look, Australia is a great place to be. For me, I would not consider living anywhere else. But that has not always been the case - I have lived in Europe, Asia and Australia. In every country you must be open to change, accept differences, learn to find new friends, adapt to different routines. You know this, you have done this. From the sounds of it, however, your intended is not open to change. OK - I felt the same way about living in Hong Kong - would not have left, had I been asked in 2003. Times change, needs change. And it may be that she is much the same,not ready for a change. That may change.

 

I think you would be foolish to bank on that hope.

 

You would very likely thrive in Australia - anyone can. But you might not.

 

Putting yourself into such a relationship would not be clever. By all means come here. You can find a good visa, get a job, settle. But I would stay clear of a relationship where firm boundaries are given which do not permit flexibility and open mindedness

 

Yes Australia is awesome place to be.

No she is not willing to change, i mean i gave the option to try anywhere in europe first. If we don't like it then let's move to australia.

That's true, it's big gamble to hope that she will change.

But honestly i don't think she would ever change.

Her family is there, her job is there and if we get kids well everything is there. So it really is one way ticket

 

I also agree with u that there must be flexibility and open mindedness in a relationship =)

[Tina2]

Sorry but I hear very loud alarm bells ringing ! At 25 to not even be willing to move to a different town in Aus is a big red flag. What if you get together and you get a good job in Aus and the company offered you a major promotion in a different state ? You would have to say no as she would not move away from her parents. As for the mine field you would be stepping into if you have children due to Aus Family Law is beyond your worst nightmare if the relationship broke down as your kids would never be allowed to even visit Sweden with you for a visit with out her approval so forget even thinking of you going home to Sweden to live with your kids if she wanted to stay in Aus.

Find someone in Sweden or find someone who is not so dependent on there parents.

[flag of convenience]

She should be looking for a home boy and not searching the web for potential partners from developed countries at least. Can she support you while you adapt and do what is necessary to obtain suitable employment in Australia?

What is she willing to sacrifice? You would be leaving a good life in Sweden for what? Will your qualifications be worth anything here?

She being from Germany and only 25 should have had some interest in relocating at least for a time. I would never be with a person with such narrow views with regards to living.

Besides far better weather, I would have doubts about Australia being better than Sweden. Be very careful trowing away a good life in Sweden for an unknown quality here in everyway. Why can't she come to Sweden for a time? Tread with care.

[Incata]

I met my husband online via a dating website, so have some sympathy for you. However, what you have is little more than a holiday romance. You have not lived together, gone through tough times, good times and bad times together. A relationship via the internet, skype, email is not the same and is no comparison to a genuine, loving relationship. Based on what you have said, you are not in a proper relationship and yet even at this stage she is not willing to negotiate or compromise and yet she wants to talk kids. Sounds to me like she is living in a bit of a fantasy about what a real relationship is and has not actually been in one before. If she had, she would realise that relationships take compromise and sometimes you have to go places you don't want to and do things you don't want to, just to support your partner.

 

As everyone else has said, I would say run.

 

Find yourself someone who lives in Europe and is willing to travel around and live in different places. Put it in your profile if you are doing the online stuff and when you are emailing, discuss it up front and don't bother to meet up with anyone who is not interested in moving more than 5 miles from their mother. Australia is a long way away and if you decide you want to be back in Sweden, and there are kids involved, like Endless Winter (another regular poster) you could find yourself trapped in a country you hate because you love someone.

 

Run, run, run!

[tinaisrar]

MMmmmm hard one or is it...Personally i do think there is always one person in a relationship who tends to be the driver wanting things etc. However, the other half is usually and should be happy to commit and also allow for change especially in the future, it is and should be a mutual agreement. One thing i admire her for is her honesty with you, at least you know her expectations. However, at 25 and she is still that attached to parents not wanting to move or do different things etc mmmm i would find that very restrictive as far as planning your future together. I certainly would not be planning kids yet but i would go for a 6 month trial why not.......But if your happy thats great, but from what she says she is calling the shots................And if your questioning things yourself and you certainly do and already have hesitations i would be listening to those thoughts of yours. It certainly seems your more flexible and wiser than her but if your happy and happy for her to pull the strings then good luck to you and i wish you both best xx

[meca]

She should be looking for a home boy and not searching the web for potential partners from developed countries at least. Can she support you while you adapt and do what is necessary to obtain suitable employment in Australia?

What is she willing to sacrifice? You would be leaving a good life in Sweden for what? Will your qualifications be worth anything here?

She being from Germany and only 25 should have had some interest in relocating at least for a time. I would never be with a person with such narrow views with regards to living.

Besides far better weather, I would have doubts about Australia being better than Sweden. Be very careful trowing away a good life in Sweden for an unknown quality here in everyway. Why can't she come to Sweden for a time? Tread with care.

 

 

Hi,

 

Alot of good questions asked here so I'll try to answer them =)

 

Can she support you while you adapt and do what is necessary to obtain suitable employment in Australia?

Yes and no, She would like to me to find some job until i have found the one i like.

 

What is she willing to sacrifice?

Actually nonthing, no family, no friends, no work

The only thing she claims is that she is also taking risk since she doesnt know if i would like it there.

 

You would be leaving a good life in Sweden for what?

I guess the answer on this one is the climate, and friendly people and nature¨.. Trust me i really really hate swedish climate

 

Why can't she come to Sweden for a time?

She's tells me that she knows that she would be depressed being here and that she would miss her family to much.

 

Yes i'm thinking all the time could i get better life there.

I mean i can buy a house here today, i have 6 weeks of vacation every year, i'm going to work and leaving when ever i want. I hardly meet my boss every couple of months We have free healtcare, schools and dentists for kids up to 21 years.

 

How much weeks do you have off when you have a job in australia?

Is it expencive with healthcare there?

 

This one is the one im constantly thinking off: "Be very careful trowing away a good life in Sweden for an unknown quality here in everyway."

[Xenon4017]

Hi,

 

... i have 6 weeks of vacation every year, i'm going to work and leaving when ever i want. I hardly meet my boss every couple of months .

 

So there's the solution right there. Go to your boss and say "Hey, Mr Blomqvist, I want to take all my holiday and overtime and make along vacation in Australia. I'll be back in 4-6 weeks".

 

Then you rock up to your girlfriends house and say "Hello, Mr and Mrs Finkelburger (you said she was German, right?), I'm here to stay and make a new life with your daughter."

 

I think you'll know where you stand within 4 weeks. If things work out, you'll have a sad conversation with Mr Blomqvist. If they don't, then you'll never have to see the Finkelburgers or their pumpernickel breakfasts ever again.

 

The good part is you won't have to throw away your life in Sweden before you're sure it's the right thing to do.

[meca]

So there's the solution right there. Go to your boss and say "Hey, Mr Blomqvist, I want to take all my holiday and overtime and make along vacation in Australia. I'll be back in 4-6 weeks".

 

Then you rock up to your girlfriends house and say "Hello, Mr and Mrs Finkelburger (you said she was German, right?), I'm here to stay and make a new life with your daughter."

 

I think you'll know where you stand within 4 weeks. If things work out, you'll have a sad conversation with Mr Blomqvist. If they don't, then you'll never have to see the Finkelburgers or their pumpernickel breakfasts ever again.

 

The good part is you won't have to throw away your life in Sweden before you're sure it's the right thing to do.

 

Hehe nice post =)

I have already got 6 months off from my work to go and try it out and waiting for visa (work/hollyday).

But the question is it worth to go those 6 months... as many said many alarm bells everywhere.

 

4 weeks is not even enough to find out her shoe size

[Xenon4017]

Hehe nice post =)

I have already got 6 months off from my work to go and try it out and waiting for visa (work/hollyday).

But the question is it worth to go those 6 months... as many said many alarm bells everywhere.

 

4 weeks is not even enough to find out her shoe size

 

If I went half way around the world for a girl I'd want to find out more than the size of her shoes.

 

But a WHV sounds perfect. And you'll get to see Australia in winter too, which is important. If things don't go so well with your guest family you can move on. As I see it, you've got a great opportunity and you've covered yourself for most outcomes.

 

And besides, everyone should have a great romantic adventure in their lives, pursuing the most unlikely of matches. Keep the Quixotic legend alive!

[meca]

I met my husband online via a dating website, so have some sympathy for you. However, what you have is little more than a holiday romance. You have not lived together, gone through tough times, good times and bad times together. A relationship via the internet, skype, email is not the same and is no comparison to a genuine, loving relationship. Based on what you have said, you are not in a proper relationship and yet even at this stage she is not willing to negotiate or compromise and yet she wants to talk kids. Sounds to me like she is living in a bit of a fantasy about what a real relationship is and has not actually been in one before. If she had, she would realise that relationships take compromise and sometimes you have to go places you don't want to and do things you don't want to, just to support your partner.

 

As everyone else has said, I would say run.

 

Find yourself someone who lives in Europe and is willing to travel around and live in different places. Put it in your profile if you are doing the online stuff and when you are emailing, discuss it up front and don't bother to meet up with anyone who is not interested in moving more than 5 miles from their mother. Australia is a long way away and if you decide you want to be back in Sweden, and there are kids involved, like Endless Winter (another regular poster) you could find yourself trapped in a country you hate because you love someone.

 

Run, run, run!

 

Yes this has become more then hollyday romance.

Well this is what i'm telling her. I have lived with a girl before for 5 years so i know all the good and bad sides of that.

I know how things can look and turn around.

 

Well she doesnt want to compromise on where to live, but for sure she wants to have the family with me.

Actually she does, she lives in a fantasy word, because i'm her first "real" boyfriend or serious relationship she had.

So good guessed on this one.

 

Well for living there is no compromise, and i for sure know that life is much tougher that this. There will be alot of hard things

in life to decide on and compromise. Life is not black and white.

 

Find yourself someone who lives in Europe and is willing to travel around and live in different places. Put it in your profile if you are doing the online stuff and when you are emailing, discuss it up front and don't bother to meet up with anyone who is not interested in moving more than 5 miles from their mother. Australia is a long way away and if you decide you want to be back in Sweden, and there are kids involved, like Endless Winter (another regular poster) you could find yourself trapped in a country you hate because you love someone.

 

I like what you wrote above )

[Incata]

Hi,

 

This one is the one im constantly thinking off: "Be very careful trowing away a good life in Sweden for an unknown quality here in everyway."

 

Meca, your advice to yourself is excellent and I suspect, if one of your friends told you the story you have told us, you would be giving him the same advice.

 

There are lots of potential partners out there for you. I did not meet my husband until I was 29, and by that point I had lived and worked overseas.

 

Another point you need to bear in mind (and I am unsure if you have read other threads), is that the job situation is not good over here and it seems to be getting worse. You would have to go to all the expense of going through a skills assessment, ILETS and applying for a visa, before coming out and competing with a local workforce who are out of work. It could be a real struggle for you and if you have a good job, can afford a house, get free healthcare, school and dentists for kids, why sacrifice it all for someone who is not willing to sacrifice anything?

 

I do wish you much happiness, but with someone who will give as well as take.

[pob]

OK I have to tell you I hate snow, I REALLY HATE SNOW.

 

But Sweden is a lovely country, it is also a country that cares very much about it's inhabitants and their standard of living. You seem to realise this though eh.

 

Going to Australia for six months would probably be a good idea, it is different and you will experience many things. But I would treat it as a six month thing.

 

Because like most of the other posters alarm bells are ringing when you talk about the girl.

Do you really want to be with somebody who is still holding mommy's apron strings?

If you do six months in Australia would she do six months in Sweden? Why not because she misses her mommy?

When you go there will you be staying in their house? Or expected to stay somewhere else?

Will her parents be happy that some Swedish guy comes over and moves into her bedroom? Where will she put her teddy bears? She still has teddy bears in her room at 25 doesn't she?

But also if you wind up in her bedroom for gods sake be careful, come prepared! Having babies is fun to talk about, but when one pops out it's a whole different matter.

Why even talk about children? If she has a kid who will look after it? Will it be her? So you will become the sole provider? Have you thought that through?

Why hasn't she had a boyfriend before? I hate to say it but you are not a real boyfriend are you. You are in bloody Sweden and that is a very long way away.

Ask yourself why she hasn't lived with anyone else before, ask her about previous relatonship's and what went wrong.

 

 

If you do go over, you do realise that you will be quite special as a person don't you? Even the most average Swedish guy is drooled over by Aussie girls, your blonde hair and the fact that you are all so tall and slim as well. I'm average height here in England, but when I was in Sweden I was just a short dumpy guy, ha ha ha.

 

I know you are a bit lonely there in Sweden as well, finding the right girl has been hard. But to be honest you seem to be a nice guy. Don't make a mistake you will regret.

Do not burn any bridges either.

If you do come, buy a return ticket you will need it to talk to your boss face to face and see your family again. You will for sure miss that taste of elk and reindeer, eating kangaroo is not that nice.

 

 

What ever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck.

[grahamffc]

At least she's being honest about her limitations and expectations up front. Much better than someone who leads you on and then provides you with an ultimatum after there are kids involved.

 

 

 

This happened to a mate of mine, he's from Sydney moved to London in 2004, met a girl in 2008 and made clear that he intended to move home one day. She was happy that Australia sounded like a great place to live and one day maybe even bring up a family. She became pregnant in 2010 and they considered moving but she wanted to stay close to her family while she had the baby and thought it would be nice if its maternal grandparents were nearby for the first 6-12 months of its life. Time passed, when ever the subject was raised she became colder on the subject of moving to Sydney until she eventually laid her cards out and said she never wants to leave the area they currently live in (Wimbledon-Kingston area). Very harsh on him but he seems to be getting on with it and is a great Dad.

 

As it happens they are currently visiting his family in Sydney. According to another friend who knows his family well and has since moved back, she is being a little immature on their holiday, implying that their son doesn't like it here etc. My friend was really looking forward to taking his son to an Aussie beach (even though its winter) and she said "he doesn't like the sand here"!

 

So at least this girl is at least being clear in her intentions from the start. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Levi]

Hi meca,

 

Another person, another comment - here I go:

 

“But i hate alot of things with Sweden also, actually i hate more things then i love them.” I can’t believe you actually wrote that! Would you like to change places with me? Do you want me to tell you where I live? Sweden, from my point of view: developed country, advanced economy, free healthcare, free schooling, I bet the roads and the infrastructure in general is very well maintained, a clean country (which is very important for me), etc etc. = very high standard of living!

 

As it has been said, tread with care = be careful what you do/decide. I too have to agree that a relationship should be around fifty-fifty when making decisions.

Users flag of convenience and Incata and Xenon4017 pretty much summed it up on the second page. Read their posts again if you want to. As I counted she gave you 3-4 negative answers when it came to living anywhere, moving to Sweden first, then moving about in Australia, etc.

 

“I have really good job in Sweden, working as project manager for big company, having good sallary and having alot of friends” I’d say you are in a very good position now. Think more about this then: “Be very careful trowing away a good life in Sweden for an unknown quality here in everyway.”

 

Pick a girl/woman from your city. The big company where you work must be in a big city. Plenty more fish in the sea. Do you know what this expression means?

 

You could talk about this issue with your boss, but you say you hardly meet him (every couple of months). Ask for more advice from people who are closer to you.

 

In my opinion user pob really nailed it with the witty comments. flag of convenience, Incata and Xenon4017’s advice was more on the mature side though, which I like a lot. You have to be mature about this. As I see it, the girl at 25 is much less mature.

 

I think of relationships as a ping-pong game. You ping, she must pong and her pong must be in the right way. This girl’s pongs were everything but right/correct.

[Nikey]

If u hate the swedish climate and love australia then why dont u just visit oz for 6 months. U can see lots of this lady whilst keeping your independence and seeing more of the country. Be careful tho and dont get trapped in anyway. If it was me I would not stay at her house but I would live somewhere else, even if ut was a campervan on her drive...at least u can leave if u need to. It doesnt sound as if it will b a forever thing but I could b wrong and it might b fun to find out. Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all....