abitlostreally Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I moved to Sydney from the UK, alone, about a year ago to work in the field of higher education. It did seem a good idea at the time (grass is greener?) and I enjoyed it by myself for a while. However, I've become increasingly homesick and I don't really know anyone. I lecture to university students and the difference with what I had to deal with back home is quite striking. I don't really have the most experience in the world when it comes to my field or lecturing, and there's not really anyone I can discuss things with comfortably. I have found having no real friends or a support network to be hard. I have a 'reasonable' sense of humour and try and be friendly and approachable, but there's something very different about this city compared to what I have known. As much as I'd rather not, I don't see any way of continuing to live in Australia. After seeing all the sites by myself, weekends are not much to look forward to, other than a break from a stressful job! The pay is all I could ask for and I like the weather and beaches that I have seen, but I'm quite lonely and it doesn't feel to me like I can be here much longer. Given this, I am thinking a lot of moving home. The thing that puts me off is that I know exactly what I'm going back to after any elation has worn off. I'm really stuck and would appreciate any advice. Thank you :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I am kind of of the opinion that if you are young, single and no real ties then the world is your oyster. If the UK doesn't appeal in the long term I'd look to trying elsewhere and seeing where it takes you. Go back to the UK, see how you feel in 6 months and then perhaps look to going elsewhere and seeing the world a bit more. I think it can be hard when a person doesn't have many or any real friends in their new country and then becomes homesick. It compounds all the things and makes it so much harder to feel at home and enjoy where you are. Returning may or may not solve how you feel, but only you can decide what to do next. Have you joined any clubs? Got any interests? Posted on our Socialising forum to ask if there is anyone wanting to meet up? All those things and more can make a difference and even having just one or two friends can go a long way into making you feel better and more settled. We moved a few times in the UK and it took a couple of years to build friendships and get to know people past a superficial level. It was hard work and hubby and I both really had to put ourselves out there and be proactive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 What is the difference you talk about with the students? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveymb Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Hi abitlostreally I currently work as a Researcher in HE in the UK, occasionally giving guest lectures etc, but was wondering what working in HE is like in Oz. When we visited last year, I spoke with someone who used to be in the natural sciences at Melbourne Uni. But, after completing his PhD and postdoc work, he left HE to become a secondary school teacher. He said he had no regrets about the change and cited the demand for writing bids and brining in money as a major factor for changing career. What is your experience of lecturing in Oz? As for feeling lonely, I agree with snifter's comments. However, would you be looking to get back into the HE sector in the UK? It's tough here at the moment and with the REF round the corner, people are not hiring unless you have a lot to offer i.e. a list of publications as long as your arm or money. It’s not the only thing to think about, but it's something to consider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Being alone is not great imo though some claim to like it and can be the same anywhere tbh. Not clear whether you are young or wanting to stay single but 11 years ago I joined an Introduction Agency (in the UK) and am now happily married with daughter and planning my move to Oz. a good friend who lived in Sydney at the time did the same over there a few years back and still in Oz with young son and happily married. Not saying that is the answer but whether you do that, join clubs, post on social forum, whatever you do, you need to be proactive to change things around and not get in a rut. I am guessing wildly but maybe you were lonely a year ago in the UK and thought that by relocating your luck would change. I feel for you and hope you take snifter's advice and network. David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Is there anyone you can connect with via work?How are you feeling about living in Aus?If its not the country but the situation you're in atm,then I would try and find a way to meet people.Either through work,joining clubs or whatever else it takes.If its the country and loneliness,then come home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incata Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Being alone is not great imo though some claim to like it and can be the same anywhere tbh. Not clear whether you are young or wanting to stay single but 11 years ago I joined an Introduction Agency (in the UK) and am now happily married with daughter and planning my move to Oz. a good friend who lived in Sydney at the time did the same over there a few years back and still in Oz with young son and happily married. Not saying that is the answer but whether you do that, join clubs, post on social forum, whatever you do, you need to be proactive to change things around and not get in a rut. I am guessing wildly but maybe you were lonely a year ago in the UK and thought that by relocating your luck would change. I feel for you and hope you take snifter's advice and network. David I met my husband on match.com. I'm going to sue - he was advertising under false pretences :laugh: Seriously though, somewhere like match.com might give you the opportunity to meet some friends (as they have a friends site as well as a relationship site), and that will make the weekends a little less lonely. The advice others have given about joining a club is good. There is all sorts out there from sports to creative groups. I know how it feels though. I was single when I moved to Canada and it took about 6 months before I made some friends through work to socialise with. It is much easier when you have kids, but all credit to you for giving it a go. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tickled Pink Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 What is the difference you talk about with the students? There are lots... some down to cultural attitudes to learning, others down to the differences in university system structure - most degree programmes are organised differently over here to the UK. Subtle changes to the unknowing eye, but significant ones to the 'insiders'. OP - I understand what you are saying, working in this environment can on occasions be quite isolating - everyone is so engrossed in their work. But looking into clubs independent of the uni is a good idea, and I have made many friends this way. What kind of things do you enjoy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
can1983 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 well I dont know if Sydney is an unfriendly place as such its just really hard moving alone! I tried it 5 years ago and lasted 3 months door to door This time i've got my Fiancee and found a great group of people through sailing but other than that its been a struggle tbh at work everyone sits in silence all day and making friends is nigh on impossible stick with it for a bit and try some of the things people have suggested and if you do go home theres no shame in that best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clairebear82 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Hey, I think creating a new social group etc can be one of the hardest things about moving (not just to a different country either!) - but I don't think you are alone in this either. Check out some of the social threads on here and on Sydneyforum.com too - it may help? Worth a try before you give in and head back? Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I don't know that I would have been brave enough to move by myself, well not now anyway, I moved to London by myself when I was 25 and it might as well have been to the other side of the world in the sense of needing to build a network. I don't think I have made any friends in 3 years in Sydney, but difference is it doesn't bother me as I have my OH and a bunch of acquaintances from work and am happy enough with that. If I were lonely, then I would definitely look to be proactive about it, if you don't fancy the dating agencies which are a good idea, then there are also plenty of social clubs as well and I would join one of those. I joined one in London when I was going through a spell of friends moving on and a relationship breakdown and it really helped me during that period. So I would give that a go as well. If all else fails, then no point being unhappy, move back and try to pick up where you left off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Must be a girl thing. It is harder for girls just going out and being social though. What do you do? If you start chatting to some guy he might think you are giving him the come on. Girls are usually clicky with their friends and harder to break into their circle. A guy can go in a bar anywhere and have a chat to anyone, or just sit on his own quietly. If a girl does that, specially if she's attractive, some guy will probably try and chat her up. Guess you could be lucky and meet someone that way, just for a chat maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy1 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 After a year or two everyone is homesick. Happened us when we went over first many years ago and we were a couple. Missing home is never easy and will come and go over the years. Agree with some of the others above try to stick it out and find some way to join some groups etc. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 After a year or two everyone is homesick. Happened us when we went over first many years ago and we were a couple. Missing home is never easy and will come and go over the years. Agree with some of the others above try to stick it out and find some way to join some groups etc. Best of luck Doesn't always happen. Never felt homesick and I don't think my wife has either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Doesn't always happen. Never felt homesick and I don't think my wife has either. I honestly don't think we have ever felt homesick in Australia either. But there have been a couple of times in my life where I have felt a bit lonely and needed to get a better social life going, it needs working at sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 The OP knows that s/he is not going to like what s/he finds in the UK on returning, so a simple return is not the best option. What is needed is not a change of place but a change of mind. What is it that you really want from life? Why? (Not where, or with whom .... and especially not "how?"!) Decide on that first, and then the where, when and how become clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Ive been here almost 7 years and have eventually talked hubby into taking a holiday back to the UK. He has never missed anything about our old life, where as i had 'the wobbles' in my first year here and although id never want to move back to the UK (i do enjoy our life here lots) ,Im coming up to my 40th birthday and i do feel i need a Uk 'Fix', more to see my family than the country itself but also to show the children, where they lived, old schools and who their relatives are etc etc.. Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I moved to Sydney from the UK, alone, about a year ago to work in the field of higher education. It did seem a good idea at the time (grass is greener?) and I enjoyed it by myself for a while. However, I've become increasingly homesick and I don't really know anyone. I lecture to university students and the difference with what I had to deal with back home is quite striking. I don't really have the most experience in the world when it comes to my field or lecturing, and there's not really anyone I can discuss things with comfortably. I have found having no real friends or a support network to be hard. I have a 'reasonable' sense of humour and try and be friendly and approachable, but there's something very different about this city compared to what I have known. As much as I'd rather not, I don't see any way of continuing to live in Australia. After seeing all the sites by myself, weekends are not much to look forward to, other than a break from a stressful job! The pay is all I could ask for and I like the weather and beaches that I have seen, but I'm quite lonely and it doesn't feel to me like I can be here much longer. Given this, I am thinking a lot of moving home. The thing that puts me off is that I know exactly what I'm going back to after any elation has worn off. I'm really stuck and would appreciate any advice. Thank you :-) You have done the hard part and moved here alone and got that all important job with good money, going home is not the option just yet, more to do with getting that social life up and running, You made a great effort doing what you have done already, (i dont think I could have moved here alone ) so hats off to you. could always turn those strengths to pushing on and making the social scene work. I joined classic car clubs as thats my hobby, turned up at shows got talking to people, takes a little time but consider what you have done in a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Nah, if it doesn't float your boat then move on. You don't have to keep banging your head against a brick wall in hopes that it will lessen your headache. Cast around for new opportunities (the world really is your oyster), get some options to consider then try something new. There's nothing in the rule book that says Sydney or even Australia has to do it for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 But she is not exactly ecstatic about a UK return though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Is there not a social group where you work? Most would use that as a primary source of friends. I would ask people of your own age/interests what they do at w/ends. They probably think you are fine and don't need them- I am sure if you told them you were feeling isolated they would rally round- that is the Aussie way I have found. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinetic Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I joined classic car clubs as thats my hobby, turned up at shows got talking to people, takes a little time but consider what you have done in a year. You can't beat talking to people about twin SU carburettors and rotor arms! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tickled Pink Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Is there not a social group where you work? Most would use that as a primary source of friends. I would ask people of your own age/interests what they do at w/ends. They probably think you are fine and don't need them- I am sure if you told them you were feeling isolated they would rally round- that is the Aussie way I have found. Academia is often a little different... it tends, in many cases, not to be well known for its social atmosphere. I can fully understand why the OP may not have made many friends at work. I know of few colleagues where work is the primary friendship source. In fact, (me included) I tend to deliberately seek out non-academic friends! So I can have other conversation, it can be very insular otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I sometimes feel the same and I am live in the UK and am British I agree with what everyone else has said - look for clubs to join (model making, running, knitting, fitness, books) and I would imagine there are activities/social things happening at wherever you are lecturing. If there is something "missing" currently, moving back home does not mean you will find it again - unless you move back to where you lived before, set up with the same friendship group/work colleagues etc. I can sympathise with you as I am not a massively social person/do not have loads of friends, but put yourself out of your comfort zone for a while and see what happens! Be open and the unexpected may happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Try this http://www.meetup.com + Sydney in google and it is not a singles group! For those who don't know, it was started after the 9/11 event. meetup now exists in many countries and many towns within those countries and offer a huge amount of activities as social friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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