hubbert0403 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Struggled since I got here really, hubby been dong well even promoted to very responsible job. My problem is it took ages to get a job, I wanted to get out and meet people, instead I sit in an office on my own all day without a. Sole to talk to, I come home hubby goes to bed at 8 and out at 5am....I have had chance to see wht Aus is offering and except for the sunshine I may aswell be at home,at least I would have my family (albeit tiny).....dilemma ..hubby has even said he wants to stay help?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest26012 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Awe, so sorry you feel like this? How long have you been here, not that it matters? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hubbert0403 Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Only 8 months, but gone through every emotion and thought I was ok, everyone says wait for the 2 year period! But I just feel I am wasting my life away, so difficult when one wants to stay the other wants to go, where is the compromise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest26012 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Difficult one Hun? Must be really hard for you? You will get lots of replies and opinions, hope they help? Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 If he wont go then you need to have a serious discussion about compromises I fear. Would it be a compromise for you to agree to give it your very best for 2 years and if at the end of that time he would agree to go home for example. If at the end of that time you still want to go and he reneges then you have to consider whether you are prepared to compromise further or accept that you are going to be the sacrificial lamb in your situation. You dont say whether you have kids or whether they are even on the radar for you but whatever you do dont have any until you have sorted out your situation because they can be chains that trap you in Australia. You do need to be talking now though - he isnt a mind reader and there may be some implicit assumptions on both sides. Oh, and forget the two year thing, there is nothing magical about 2 years other than that it is a good enough time frame to put into a compromise agreement. You may be desensitized by that point or you may be even more firm in your resolve to move on to UK (never say go back, you can never go back to what you had!) Good luck, hope you can both agree on a compromise position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjg Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 What are, were, may be your hobbies? There will be clubs for most of them. Most will run in the evenings, you have to go to them, they don't come to you. Most are very welcoming of interested visitors. Book clubs, sewing clubs, swimming clubs, tennis clubs, basketball clubs, netball clubs, scrapbookng clubs, climbing clubs, skating clubs, skydiving clubs, kids clubs, artist groups, reading groups, gardening groups, photography clubs, origami groups, model aeroplanes, china dolls, knitting, crochet etc. Then you could also get into volunteering, SES, CFA, CWA, soup kitchens, community gardens, helpline staff, Good luck with whatever happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 You can't have much of a conversation with a fish anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Where are you based? Have you thought of putting out a 'meet for coffee/wine post on the sister forum for your state? You may find that you can get out socialising and forming some friendships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jzombie Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Emigration is a huge emotional, physical and psychological upheaval. Ups and downs, regrets and joy, sometimes the whole range of emotions over the space of an hour. We're fast approaching our 1st anniversary of the move from the UK and while we love our new lives here, there are still things we miss, things that almost make us wish we could go back - but even though we can, we won't. After less than a year, we can already see our social circle growing yet we still have to remind ourselves that our old social lives took all our lives to get to where they were, so hardly surprising that it's going to take time and a lot of effort. Emigration is like a bereavement. You'll never forget the old life and at times the loss is painful. But like a bereavement, time helps. The loss, although still there and the memories though still strong become somehow less painful. Give it time. 2 years at a minimum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Some nice words of wisdom there OP!I used to work in a job where I was predominantly alone for much of the time,and time alone at home too doesn't add up imho to a very happy existence!I changed job to one where I had quite alot of contact face to face and by phone,with other people,and joined a local group of interest to me,which I dip in/out of when I want to.It all helps!I think if your relationship is quite solid then speak to your OH,and maybe suggest (1)He doesn't go to bed so early,I realise he has an early start,my OH gets up at 5am but we go to bed around 9.30pm-10pm.It can't be too nice for you to have to sit alone most nights watching tv!and (2)As suggested already,either you go it alone to groups of interests or whatever,or you both go out together on weekends to meet other people.Its probably not Australia that's making you want to go home,rather the lack of people to have a good yack to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy79 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 feeling for you as know how you feel... give us a bit more info on your living situation.. Kids, place, hobbies etc etc... Like suggested above, go out a find a hobby, or pick up an old hobby. there's plenty of clubs to join.... If your both off in the weekends, then go out and explore, weekend here, or night out. doesn't have to been expensive, a camping trip, or just a nice walk along the beach in the afternoon topped off with fish and chips and a bottle of wine/beer on the beach watching the sunset..... or if not close to the beach, down the park and stick something on the free barbies and enjoy a bit you "together" time..... You do need to sit down and toalk to him about it though, otherwise you'll end up miserable, him happy(not really knowing what you feel) and having a shitty relationship on the otherside of the world is the last thing you could do with.... best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Stop whinging. Get out and live!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Why do people expect their lives to be so different here. Most people, go to work, come home, go to work etc etc. Why to get money to make their world. If the oh is happy in his job then you have cracked it in my view. Happiness comes from within, not from other people or where we are. Mistake so many of us make these modern times, that things, places and people are going to make us happy, sorry does not work that way. I would say getting out of the office at lunch time, going for a walk, visit a cafe regularly and hey presto people talk to us. Makes all the difference. I remember my friend she is Spanish but was brought up here in Aus, so her parents did not teach her spanish. She went to live there and still does, she told me she walked into the same shop every day and gradually got to know people and speak spanish. Its persistence that gets us over the line, otherwise we just retreat to what we knew and how boring is life then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 The "stop whinging" comments are entirely unhelpful but you will get used to them. In my experience once you were "90%" sure you wanted to go back that was as good as 100%. Once you let those feelings in they don't really seem to go away. Have you actually had the "I want to go home" conversation with husband? Amusingly I was always under the impression my wife was desperate to stay and would never go home. This made me feel trapped, fairly depressed and quite bitter about the whole thing (as those that read my posts may have noticed!) One day I decided I would get us home as a family even if it took 5 years. I decided it would become my mission (however selfish this sounds). I returned to our house that day and actually said "I want to go home" to my wife and she said "so do I" So we went. Say the words....you may be surprised! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 The "stop whinging" comments are entirely unhelpful but you will get used to them. In my experience once you were "90%" sure you wanted to go back that was as good as 100%. Once you let those feelings in they don't really seem to go away. Have you actually had the "I want to go home" conversation with husband? Amusingly I was always under the impression my wife was desperate to stay and would never go home. This made me feel trapped, fairly depressed and quite bitter about the whole thing (as those that read my posts may have noticed!) One day I decided I would get us home as a family even if it took 5 years. I decided it would become my mission (however selfish this sounds). I returned to our house that day and actually said "I want to go home" to my wife and she said "so do I" So we went. Say the words....you may be surprised! Oh dear, look who's back.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Why do people expect their lives to be so different here. Most people, go to work, come home, go to work etc etc. Why to get money to make their world. If the oh is happy in his job then you have cracked it in my view. Happiness comes from within, not from other people or where we are. Mistake so many of us make these modern times, that things, places and people are going to make us happy, sorry does not work that way. I would say getting out of the office at lunch time, going for a walk, visit a cafe regularly and hey presto people talk to us. Makes all the difference. I remember my friend she is Spanish but was brought up here in Aus, so her parents did not teach her spanish. She went to live there and still does, she told me she walked into the same shop every day and gradually got to know people and speak spanish. Its persistence that gets us over the line, otherwise we just retreat to what we knew and how boring is life then. Oh how I have missed your nonsense petals!!!!! The point of the OP is that if all they do is go to work go home and go to bed then whats the difference to being in the UK? And you agree with this by admitting that its not so different in Australia... That's the whole point. If the day to day stuff is the same (which it is in most peoples cases and certainly was in ours) then what, precisely, is the advantage of living in Australia over the UK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris955 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Thats just it, for many there is no tangible advantage. Oh how I have missed your nonsense petals!!!!! The point of the OP is that if all they do is go to work go home and go to bed then whats the difference to being in the UK? And you agree with this by admitting that its not so different in Australia... That's the whole point. If the day to day stuff is the same (which it is in most peoples cases and certainly was in ours) then what, precisely, is the advantage of living in Australia over the UK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Thats just it, for many there is no tangible advantage. but for the vast majority there is. As many more stay than return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gumster Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 We were advised by a couple who'd been in oz 40yrs that whenever you felt home sick you where only 24hrs away& they said you should take a weeks holiday in the uk to remind you just why your living in oz. might help just to refocus what you actally want & give you time to step away from the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rose Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Happiness comes from within, not from other people or where we are. Mistake so many of us make these modern times, that things, places and people are going to make us happy, sorry does not work that way. I agree with the rest of your post that I haven't highlighted, but the bit above: I couldn't disagree more. Happiness does not just come from within, but from other people. Positive relationships with family and friends are extremely important to being happy. In fact, for me, they are probably the #1 thing for happiness. To the OP, I know it's a cliche, but try joining a few clubs, such as a running, spinning or swimming club. The exercise will help you feel better and these are places where you can start to meet people. Remember, small steps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 We were advised by a couple who'd been in oz 40yrs that whenever you felt home sick you where only 24hrs away& they said you should take a weeks holiday in the uk to remind you just why your living in oz. might help just to refocus what you actally want & give you time to step away from the situation. The majority of poms these days are just not prepared, physically or mentally, for how incredibly hard it is to emigrate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris955 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Yes that would work for some, for others of course a trip back makes you realise why you want to returm permanently. We were advised by a couple who'd been in oz 40yrs that whenever you felt home sick you where only 24hrs away& they said you should take a weeks holiday in the uk to remind you just why your living in oz. might help just to refocus what you actally want & give you time to step away from the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cracked Actor Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Stop whinging. Get out and live!! Very easy to say that when your a dinosaur and have lived there since time began. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Very easy to say that when your a dinosaur and have lived there since time began. You are? Well that's good for you then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozziepom Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Its a tricky one. We've been here just over 3 years and its a fabulous country, and we're lucky to have seen quite a bit of it, but the pull of friends and family is still strong. It may have something to do with the age people are when they move, I have a theory that many people have a "friend making" phase of their lives, often before getting married or meeting their life partner, I made loads of really good friends (in the UK) in my 20's to early 30's, since arriving in Australia in my 40's I haven't really made any close friends, just a few acquaintances at work. This could also have to do with not having children here (for the parents social scheme). Australians are a sociable and welcoming bunch mostly but I also realise that most people I meet already have their circle of friends, they've been here all along. I'm not at the point of heading back to the UK, but the day may come, and I understand. I'd honestly say 8 months is a bit early and if you can try togive it a decent amount of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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