hubbert0403 Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 We live on the Gold Coast just hubby and me, grown up kids at home....It is difficult to join clubs at present due to health issues, pretty much cant do anything at the moment, but working on it ans I am currently trying to locate a Tai Chi club, plus I am a very shy person which makes it hard to just go and meet people I dont know, once I get talking of course there is no shutting em up haha...regards to discussing this with hubby he has just been promoted with 7 months of starting his job and not a small promotion but a role covering Eastern Australia and NZ, of course he is delighted and me too for him, and he is so happy here so to tell him this now would be one big blow.....I am prepared to give it the 2 years but keeping my sanity in the meantime is the hardest part. And as for the comment about stop whinging, was that really necessary, we all deal differently with this huge upheaval in our lives and like to think there are people on this site that can help, not make you feel like crap at seeing such comments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugby Lad Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Start by looking for another job - it's always easier to find a job when you have a job. Obviously the lack of human interaction is getting you down so look for something else that gives you that interaction. And like everyone else has said the two most important things are: 1. Talk to your husband, he's not a mind-reader. Tell him how you feel and put some changes in place; 2. Get involved in something. Sport, craft, hobby, volunteering whatever. Just put yourself out there. All the very best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Yes I agree with Rugby Lad get another job if you can as you sound like you need more human contact and I get that, your away from everything and everyone you know, hubby gets home has dinner falls asleep early then up early and the cycle continues that seems to be the normal here early to bed early to rise. If you get another job you might meet some more people and get some friends. I am with you on everything you say I have been there and still there. Talk to hubby tell him how you feel and make some short terms goals and plans and see how you feel down the track . If your still not happy further down the track get out as life is too short is not be happy :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warren&liz Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Hi there I have been homesick from the holiday period ended. Before we came here we had a pact that if after 2 years either one of us wanted to go home we would all as a family return. My OH has now said that things have changed and he is not going. I am stuck here now. I am depressed, crying every day. I am making the kids life a misery as I am always sad. Talk to your husband. See if he will go home. I really hope he does. There is more to life than sunshine. Good luck. Liz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Hi there I have been homesick from the holiday period ended. Before we came here we had a pact that if after 2 years either one of us wanted to go home we would all as a family return. My OH has now said that things have changed and he is not going. I am stuck here now. I am depressed, crying every day. I am making the kids life a misery as I am always sad. Talk to your husband. See if he will go home. I really hope he does. There is more to life than sunshine. Good luck. Liz x Try another state or territory? As much as I like Perth I couldn't live there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 To the OP there might be little changes that help. The first thing that sort of jumped out at me in your post was why in earth does your OH go to bed at 8? Surely he could stay up an hour or two later to keep you company? It wouldn't kill him to have 7 hours kip rather than 9 doesn't sound like he's being particularly supportive to me. Can you get out and about weekends? Hard work during the week isn't so bad if you have the lovely weekends to look forward to. Perhaps work part time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Shoes Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Why do people expect their lives to be so different here. Most people, go to work, come home, go to work etc etc. Why to get money to make their world. If the oh is happy in his job then you have cracked it in my view. Happiness comes from within, not from other people or where we are. Mistake so many of us make these modern times, that things, places and people are going to make us happy, sorry does not work that way. I would say getting out of the office at lunch time, going for a walk, visit a cafe regularly and hey presto people talk to us. Makes all the difference. I remember my friend she is Spanish but was brought up here in Aus, so her parents did not teach her spanish. She went to live there and still does, she told me she walked into the same shop every day and gradually got to know people and speak spanish. Its persistence that gets us over the line, otherwise we just retreat to what we knew and how boring is life then. There is only so much going out to lunch, walking, visiting cafes 'regularly' that one can do ... IMO believe me I have tried it and it get's darn boring after a while .... not being able to find work or in the OP's post ... it took ages to find a job .... really does not make for a happy life in Australia IMO ... at least at ' home ', they / we have our families close by ..... I have got to the point where I have given up looking for work, because quite simply there is none here .... the floods keep on seeing to that ..... so all this rubbish about going out to meet new people, striking up conversations in cafe's in just that IMO rubbish, I have tried it, I am very friendly, pleasant et et ... not offensive to look at, and I have tried to chat to ladies in cafes and they just aren't interested in chatting back ... maybe it is because I am a whinging Pom I don't know ..... it is also not possible to visit cafes bars everyday with one wage coming in ... a coffee is $4 .. + a sandwich is $9+ I try to get out once of twice + a week in the hope that a) I will find a nice new friend or b) find a job .... so far I have been unlucky on both scores .... I walk my dog 3 times a day, her legs are getting shorter by the day :err: I have hobbies, cycling, playing guitar, reading, beading ...... walking .... socialising ..... (well used to socialise) To the OP I feel sorry for you ... please have that chat ... my oH knows changes have to be made and is now listening ...... good luck whatever you decide to do ... And if anyone thinks I am whinging YES I am, I am fed up of people saying .. you should get out more, :realmad:Australia is this that and the other :swoon:.... don't get me wrong I like Australia but not as much as I thought I would do ... whoops ... done it got it off my chest ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 There is only so much going out to lunch, walking, visiting cafes 'regularly' that one can do ... IMO believe me I have tried it and it get's darn boring after a while .... not being able to find work or in the OP's post ... it took ages to find a job .... really does not make for a happy life in Australia IMO ... at least at ' home ', they / we have our families close by ..... I have got to the point where I have given up looking for work, because quite simply there is none here .... the floods keep on seeing to that ..... so all this rubbish about going out to meet new people, striking up conversations in cafe's in just that IMO rubbish, I have tried it, I am very friendly, pleasant et et ... not offensive to look at, and I have tried to chat to ladies in cafes and they just aren't interested in chatting back ... maybe it is because I am a whinging Pom I don't know ..... it is also not possible to visit cafes bars everyday with one wage coming in ... a coffee is $4 .. + a sandwich is $9+ I try to get out once of twice + a week in the hope that a) I will find a nice new friend or b) find a job .... so far I have been unlucky on both scores .... I walk my dog 3 times a day, her legs are getting shorter by the day :err: I have hobbies, cycling, playing guitar, reading, beading ...... walking .... socialising ..... (well used to socialise) To the OP I feel sorry for you ... please have that chat ... my oH knows changes have to be made and is now listening ...... good luck whatever you decide to do ... And if anyone thinks I am whinging YES I am, I am fed up of people saying .. you should get out more, :realmad:Australia is this that and the other :swoon:.... don't get me wrong I like Australia but not as much as I thought I would do ... whoops ... done it got it off my chest ...... Feel better now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 There is only so much going out to lunch, walking, visiting cafes 'regularly' that one can do ... Hi Love Shoes, I'm wondering if there is a volunteer register near you where organisations needing volunteers and those wanting to volunteer can be matched up for compatability? (By that I mean volunteering in an area in which you are interested). My job used to be finding employment for special groups and it often happened that, not only did the volunteering create a great social network for those who were new in a community, but it often led to paid employment, either with that organisation or with another through the "grapevine" effect. http://www.volunteeringqld.org.au/dotnet/volunteer/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Shoes Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Hi Love Shoes, I'm wondering if there is a volunteer register in where organisations needing volunteers and those wanting to volunteer can be matched up for compatability? (By that I mean volunteering in an area in which you are interested). My job used to be finding employment for special groups and it often happened that, not only did the volunteering create a great social network for those who were new in a community, but it often led to paid employment, either with that organisation or with another through the "grapevine" effect. http://www.volunteeringqld.org.au/dotnet/volunteer/ TBH Skani, I need to earn a wage ..... ... it's not cheap to live here, plus to do volunteering would probably mean another car, which we can't justify if no salary coming in .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 This is why I think everyone should have the "what if" conversation before they go out and agree how long to give it. Not that it is legally binding of course but to have that common understanding and to have made a deal that both are prepared to stick to can be a great help in these situations. We made a 4 year deal for Australia, of course if either of us had been desperately unhappy then that might have needed to change, but for a touch of homesickness or a feeling of being a touch unsettled it was 4 years. In this case, well I would look to have that conversation now. Discuss how you feel and try to reach an agreement on how long you give it. And also a action plan on what you can do to make it work better, yes by staying up a bit later and perhaps joining some social groups e.g. walking groups are very sociable and don't require any particular skills. I get up at 5.20 every day and don't need to go to bed by 8pm so he really is being a bit precious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 This is why I think everyone should have the "what if" conversation before they go out and agree how long to give it. Not that it is legally binding of course but to have that common understanding and to have made a deal that both are prepared to stick to can be a great help in these situations. We made a 4 year deal for Australia, of course if either of us had been desperately unhappy then that might have needed to change, but for a touch of homesickness or a feeling of being a touch unsettled it was 4 years. In this case, well I would look to have that conversation now. Discuss how you feel and try to reach an agreement on how long you give it. And also a action plan on what you can do to make it work better, yes by staying up a bit later and perhaps joining some social groups e.g. walking groups are very sociable and don't require any particular skills. I get up at 5.20 every day and don't need to go to bed by 8pm so he really is being a bit precious. It needs 3 yrs before one has a clue what it's all about IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 First thing I'd do if I was the OP is look for another job- even the effort and goals involved will help even if nothing turns up. Eight months is a very short time to allow- most of us would feel at least a little homesick during that time ( except me, I didn't, just grateful to be here away from the grey) Get your CV up to scratch and hawk yourself around a bit- talk to people, a lot of jobs here are 'word of mouth'. Join something- church, club, community centre or anything that interests you and where people are around and let them know you want a job. My first job here was via a community centre who were looking for tutors- not very good pay but it led to so much more and great on the CV. Decide that you are not a shy person- no one will know you have 'changed'- very liberating in a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 :wacko: why should I? well at least I am being honest, no good pretending I am not a whinging Pom now is there :wink: I meant are you feeling better that you got it off your chest? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul1977 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 It needs 3 yrs before one has a clue what it's all about IMO I disagree with that, The only thing time does is make you more immune to the situation your in. The place your in doesn't become a better place, you just slowly lose what you knew before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Shoes Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I meant are you feeling better that you got it off your chest? Ah, whoops LOL, :wubclub: yes and no .... feels better to write it down, and OH is doing something about it .... so I suppose yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Ah, whoops LOL, :wubclub: yes and no .... feels better to write it down, and OH is doing something about it .... so I suppose yes What is OH "doing about it" or would that be too personal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Shoes Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 What is OH "doing about it" or would that be too personal? Just sent you a PM :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I disagree with that, The only thing time does is make you more immune to the situation your in. The place your in doesn't become a better place, you just slowly lose what you knew before Yup, you do become desensitised to the situation over time, the nett result being the quote that you often see on here of people living a half life and losing their sense of "me". To the OP (and anyone else feeling trapped at the ar$e end of the universe - thank you P Keating), may I suggest a visit to your GP - if s/he has any nous they could try and get a mental health plan going for you with a CBT or ACT therapist (that's Acceptance and Commitment Therapy btw, you don't have to go and visit Wendee in Canberra!). Such therapies, if done well, will help you cope with those intrusive thoughts - and the more trapped you feel the worse those thoughts will become. Therapy won't solve the inherent problem if you are stuck in a place you come to loathe but it can help you get through every day. Oh and don't worry about the resident seagulls (sh!t and run) that threads like this always attract, they don't have a clue! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Yup, you do become desensitised to the situation over time, the nett result being the quote that you often see on here of people living a half life and losing their sense of "me". To the OP (and anyone else feeling trapped at the ar$e end of the universe - thank you P Keating), may I suggest a visit to your GP - if s/he has any nous they could try and get a mental health plan going for you with a CBT or ACT therapist (that's Acceptance and Commitment Therapy btw, you don't have to go and visit Wendee in Canberra!). Such therapies, if done well, will help you cope with those intrusive thoughts - and the more trapped you feel the worse those thoughts will become. Therapy won't solve the inherent problem if you are stuck in a place you come to loathe but it can help you get through every day. Oh and don't worry about the resident seagulls (sh!t and run) that threads like this always attract, they don't have a clue! Regional seagulls, not resident seagulls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d4ddyc00l Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Sounds like more than just a location issue. If this is what it's like in Oz why would it be any different in any other country including the UK? Really think you need to properly TALK to the OH not just about Oz but your lives and relationship in general. I think he may need a wake up call, and when he gets it you may find your lives will change for the better! I just think that if you have issues in a relationship it doesn't matter where you are, you'll still have them. Best of luck and I hope things start to improve! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 The "stop whinging" comments are entirely unhelpful but you will get used to them. In my experience once you were "90%" sure you wanted to go back that was as good as 100%. Once you let those feelings in they don't really seem to go away. Have you actually had the "I want to go home" conversation with husband? Amusingly I was always under the impression my wife was desperate to stay and would never go home. This made me feel trapped, fairly depressed and quite bitter about the whole thing (as those that read my posts may have noticed!) One day I decided I would get us home as a family even if it took 5 years. I decided it would become my mission (however selfish this sounds). I returned to our house that day and actually said "I want to go home" to my wife and she said "so do I" So we went. Say the words....you may be surprised! I thought for a moment my OH had joined PIO and written that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Oh how I have missed your nonsense petals!!!!! The point of the OP is that if all they do is go to work go home and go to bed then whats the difference to being in the UK? And you agree with this by admitting that its not so different in Australia... That's the whole point. If the day to day stuff is the same (which it is in most peoples cases and certainly was in ours) then what, precisely, is the advantage of living in Australia over the UK? That's exactly what we came to realise, add to that aging parents in the UK, a son who has never got over homesickness and living hand to mouth, despite a decent salary and there was only one sensible thing to do Flights are booked for 9th July. I don't hate Australia but my life here is no better so the cost of missing out on my friends, family and the things I enjoy doing is not worth the benefit of decent weather in Spring/Autumn and a 'dream' home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incata Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 We were advised by a couple who'd been in oz 40yrs that whenever you felt home sick you where only 24hrs away& they said you should take a weeks holiday in the uk to remind you just why your living in oz. might help just to refocus what you actally want & give you time to step away from the situation. That's what I did when I lived in Canada and felt homesick. I knew very quickly that the UK was no longer home and what I actually missed was company. It was a bit of a kick up the backside to make more of an effort to make friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris955 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Exactly the same for us, because we have a 'better' life here I am looked at as an Oz hater, it would be funny if it wasnt so sad That's exactly what we came to realise, add to that aging parents in the UK, a son who has never got over homesickness and living hand to mouth, despite a decent salary and there was only one sensible thing to do Flights are booked for 9th July. I don't hate Australia but my life here is no better so the cost of missing out on my friends, family and the things I enjoy doing is not worth the benefit of decent weather in Spring/Autumn and a 'dream' home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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