blobby1000 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 We arrived here on 2nd November 2010. We had been planning the move for 5 years whilst qualifying as nurses, getting married and having 2 children and were inpatient to get here. We chopped around a bit on destinations but decided on Melbourne due to a good job offer for me. As the day of departure neared we found it harder and harder to say goodbye to family and friends but maintained a sense of optimism and genuine excitement for the future. The night before we left for London we had a party with about 50 guests, all friends, and a mates Irish band playing in the garden. The next day we cleaned up and shut the door behind us. My wife and I, both, fairly tough people, I mean emotionally, we dont blub every day...well we both cried from our home in Cheltenham all the way to Oxford, i think my wife was still crying in London. We were desperate to leave that house which we didnt really like, but when the time came we found it so hard!!! We had taken this move seriously. We sent all our stuff in a 20ft container and paid 4 grand to fly our dog out. Once in London we poured a whole bottle of champagne down the sink of the hotel, not through anger or being ungrateful, we just couldnt drink it. I remember 3 of my friends in particular I found it so hard to say goodbye to, again friends tough on emotions, all of us crying uncontrollably....! Anyway we pulled ourselves together, gathered our optimism and hopes and boarded the plane. We had done it...A new life beckoned. When we arrived here my thoughts are well documented (See thread Melbourne Smells!....) The job was not in the area it had been suggested, the boss bullied us into living in an area we didnt like etc, the job was nothing like I had been led to believe and the first 12 months were tough...but we kept going, we found things we liked and we did them lots of times, we travelled, we did a big road trip to Adelaide with our 3 and 1 year old, we took 2 weeks and I can honestly say we saw everything, we loved that. And we made a plan to move to Torquay after 12 months (100km down the road). We moved. We love Torquay. Its a beautiful town. In terms of where we live we have everything we ever wanted. The beach and a nice town. Our oldest child loves his preschool, both our children are happy as is our dog. Its not ideal that I still work in Melbourne as does my wife and we have not found alternative jobs but its not a major issue... BUT there is something missing. There is something big missing. And I suppose thats why I write this now. We really have struggled. We go down the beach everyday, we live the quiet life we want and we have enough money for the first time in our lives and can go on amazing holidays. But we really miss our friends and family. But its not just that...let me try to explain! We really have made no friends. We have tried hard. But we find the Australians for all their friendliness to be impossible to form real friendships. The ones we have met never ask questions, they dont keep a conversation going, they say "G'day" and "How you going" they are pleasant, they are nice, but the conversation, no matter how many times you see them, never progresses. The nurses at our work places dont seem to hold any opinions on anything, they dont want to talk about anything. They dont seem passionate about anything. I tell them Im going on a road trip and they just either say they have never been there or they say nothing at all! And then we have the English we have met!! Now I have a theory on the English over here and you may find this interesting. I think to live here as a Brit you need a kind of an "evil streak". Now obviously I say that tongue in cheek, they are not evil at all, but the ones we have met who have settled and found success seem to be able to either block out the UK and their friends and family, or dont give a toss about them, or have found a third way to manage their emotions which is unknown to me. The happy poms will tell us they have been here 10 years and never returned, they never send emails and never plan to go back. Or they have been here a year, or 2 weeks, and swear they will never go back, they rarely speak of home and say they dont need to keep in touch with people......we have not been like that. We have genuinely tried hard but we have been unable to make friends with British people or Australians!! Also we find the Brits very unreliable....we meet them, they talk and then next time they dont want to know (and remember its not us, we had friends in the UK, loads and loads of them!!!!) But we cant subscribe to the British successful theory of going all out to enjoy life here and leaving the emotions related to the UK and its inhabitants entirely behind. We wont be returning to Cheltenham, where I lived for 16 years and my wife for 6. We will (if we return) try a new challenge and go to Cornwall. We know finding work will be tough, we have a bit of money in England that has accumulated (we have 2 houses let out, investments we could not sell due to the market, not things we held on to because we expected to return). We miss people, we miss the countryside, we miss working alongside talented nurses, we miss the British humour, the old buildings and the conversation. Prior to discussing home (we had never discussed it in 17 months believe it or not, we just kept saying we would carry on) we had booked road trips from Melbourne to Sydney and one from Brisbane to Sydney, 2 weeks each, we will go on these trips. We will go home in January 2013 for 3 weeks and check out the areas in Cornwall we think we will like to live in, and see family and friends, we love Cornwall and used to go there on holiday all the time. Then if we agree on the plan to return we will come back and spend our time sorting it out. We could get citizenship in November 2014 but we will see if we want to wait that long... Once we decided we wanted to go back we felt an urge to go immediately but then we realised this is a unique opportunity to see some more stuff, so we will also plan trips to the Outback, another road trip, Brisbane to Port Douglas, hopefully get over to W.A to my very favourite place (Coral Bay) and hope to get to NZ. A lot to cram in and we may not be able to do all of it! I have rediscovered my zest for life and with it I have realised that I love travelling in Australia but its not somewhere I want to live. Day to day I think the things we like are all things we can get in the UK...the beach, a house with a log burner, a quiet town....we do not crave the typically Australian stuff, the BBQ and the sun....apart from the money (we have enough here and didnt in England but we hope we will change this) we feel we can get all the stuff we like here in England and have all the stuff we miss too. So I think we will be here another 18 months and then return to live in the UK, and we have big plans and if we do go back it wont be with the feeling that Australia is crap, it will be in the knowledge that its not somewhere we want too live but we will have had an amazing experience and it will have made us tougher and told us what is important to us in life. Im so lucky to have a wife that agrees and feel the same and kids that are young (4 and 2) and a dog that does not express an opinion. Good luck to all in the same or entirely different situations! Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Great thread and you seem happy in yourself, watch out for the animal crowd who,ll be more upset that you didnt ask the dog,( some think that animals are allowed to have an opinion) Personally i just eat em. best o luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Make the most of it - you are wise to take the opportunity while you can. Be a tourist - enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoiam Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 That was such a honest outpouring of feeling. From what you have written I feel that the thing you miss most are close friends and family. I do think it is easier for people to move around the world if they do not have such deep feelings for friends and family. For me from the time I got married I kind of transferred my affections to my OH and when children came along to them as well. So everyone else is on the outside of that circle. IMO as long as my OH and kids are around me I dont mind where in the world I live. Forming real life friendships take time and effort--as well as similar interests. When I say time I mean the time over months and years where a person gradually moves from being an acquaintance to a friend. And if you live in a reasonably secluded area it would be even more difficult. Best of luck in your future decisions--just make sure you are near friends and not quite isolated --might help you settle better on your return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Hi the dog just phoned me (skype facility) and threatened to hide yer slippers,,just thought id tell you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 Ha! The bugger ate my slippers (and two pairs of Italian trainers, one shoe from each pair) and his bed, many years ago!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Good (no, bloody good) post mate. Very honest and articulate. I very much relate to your feelings pre departure, and also to your observations re making friends with aussies. Perhaps now you're more relaxed you'll enjoy things more and who knows? Friends may start happening. Good luck, and enjoy your new found freedom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Good post and you have to follow your heart. You are right in that some Aussies are distant and we find we have nothing in common anyway. As a feisty female I have never said before but when I was young and single here I never went out with an Aussie, I was not their cup of tea and they not mine. That said I have found my niche here in Aus and love it and accept that I will never be a typical Aus Mum lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shell15 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 But we find the Australians for all their friendliness to be impossible to form real friendships. The ones we have met never ask questions, they dont keep a conversation going, they say "G'day" and "How you going" they are pleasant, they are nice, but the conversation, no matter how many times you see them, never progresses. The nurses at our work places dont seem to hold any opinions on anything, they dont want to talk about anything. They dont seem passionate about anything. I tell them Im going on a road trip and they just either say they have never been there or they say nothing at all!Rob I completely agree with you!! AND I'm an Aussie!! Only since living in the UK though would I have ever understood what you mean...Good luck with whatever you choose to do. p.s.I think that may be why they say dogs are a man's best friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest laroo76 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Im on the other side of the coin so to speak. But agree with alot of what you said but exactly the other way around. I'm an Aussie living in the UK for the last 10 years and am moving back to Oz in July (my husband is English). I had to basically cut myself off from Oz to enable me to settle in the UK, I kept in touch with family, but to settle had to concentrate on where I was and try enjoy what was around me rather than wanting to be home. It took at least two years to become more comfortable. I found it very difficult to make friends as people have their own cliques and don't often want to let new people in. I could go on but it bores me to tears when people start these slinging arguments about which country is better, each to their own! When we finally made some good friends they moved to Australia!! I like a lot of things about the UK but cant wait to go home and bring my children up how I was brought up. I really think people who move to Australia but then move back to the UK, just want to go HOME, where they know, where they love, where their friends and family are, and where they feel most happy to live out their lives and there is nothing wrong with that, its exactly what Im doing in moving back to Australia. Its where I grew up, it has the smells I love, my friends and family, my sense of humour, hot Christmases, but thats because thats what I know and love. Good luck on your move HOME, I hope you settle well and enjoy the rest of your days!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Good shout,your exactly right , this sounds bad but im glad iv no family after seeing how everyones torn apart emotionally. Cheaper at christmas too, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Originally Posted by blobby1000 But we find the Australians for all their friendliness to be impossible to form real friendships. The ones we have met never ask questions, they dont keep a conversation going, they say "G'day" and "How you going" they are pleasant, they are nice, but the conversation, no matter how many times you see them, never progresses. The nurses at our work places dont seem to hold any opinions on anything, they dont want to talk about anything. They dont seem passionate about anything. I tell them Im going on a road trip and they just either say they have never been there or they say nothing at all! Rob ..............I know what you mean but real friendship perhaps is just different here..............I have found it is not as intimate as my friendships in the uk..............it is a much more relaxed and 'surface '? ...........experience................my Aussie friends often slip away for a few months if there is no commen events .......to appear later wondering why I enquirer about this................often bemused that lengthy breaks interspaced our friendship was ever an issue.............I have learnt to be content with my own company.............and adopt the laid back approach to friendship and other social events...........often invitations are often loosely given.............its very much up to you if you go or not.................very welcomed if you do................no worries if you don't.....................same if I invite friends..............always have a flexible catering figure...............I do think we have a very polite and set thoughts on friends and socialising.............often needing to see everyone is ok for food and a drink............included in conversation..............where as here it's up to the individual..............just a different slant on life....imo ..............I wish you luck in your future journey ........wherever you choose.............tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I lived in Cornwall for 4 years and would warn you that if you found it difficult to make friends as poms in Oz don't expect it to be easy to make friends as grockles in Cornwall. People who've lived there 20 years or more are still "incomers" and not locals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Great post, I have found though that I'm the one who does most of the keeping in touch, one of my best friends has sent me one email in 2 years (although i still receive birthdays and Christmas cards), keeping in touch has got to be a 2 way process. Are you planning on going back to the UK for a holiday before you move for good? I ask because one of my friends really missed the UK and went back for a wedding in the summer, loved it so much that she then went back in the December and a lot of us thought "that's it she won't come back" ... but she came back and decided to stay in Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs WebWeazel Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 When we first moved to the UK from RSA we had the same problem making new friends and it took ages to make some really solid ones. But we have in the end and I will miss them all desperately when we move to Oz and have to do it all over again! So you're right, its not you and it's not them. It's just the way it is! Keep us posted on your progress! Mrs W Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 A heartfelt post Blobby - thanks for sharing. I think there is a difference in the way we (Aussies) engage with our friends - although I had never given it much thought until I began reading comments on PIO about how people felt Aussies don't form the same kind of deep friendships. I think we do but I don't think we express this in the same way people in the UK do. I have often felt a bit suffocated by my British friends especially in the early years of our friendship. They have often wanted to talk about things that I wouldn't dream of talking about to anyone I hadn't been friends with for decades and I really had trouble understanding their desire to do that. This is something several of my Aussie friends have also commented on so I don't think it is just me. In return my British friends have probably felt that I was a bit distant or didn't care (which wasn't the case). Perhaps the most reliable test to determine if an Aussie thinks of you as a friend is to see what they do when you are in some sort of trouble. You may have more friends than you realise - but they are unlikely to be living in your pocket, or want you to be living in theirs. I hope whatever you decide to do, in relation to where you end up living, that you and your family will be happy. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 See how you feel after the 18 months things may change, hugs k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest famousfive Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 The very best of luck to you and your family.....it is not an easy decision to make.You sound as if a weight has been lifted and will have a whale of a time seeing everything aus has to offer knowing it is an extended holiday.We head off in 5wks.My OH is an aussie,we both like it here but feel we have to sacrifice too much of who we are to continue our lives here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AaronS Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 The friend thing is weird. Especially for me I think. While most stereotypes of Texas aren't true (we don't all ride horses or wear cowboy hats....although I do), we are all very friendly and like to talk each others ears off. Walk into a little bar alone, order a beer and have a seat....within a few minutes you'll be talking away with someone and getting into the details of each others lives. I love that....and miss that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Relocate Northern Beaches Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Beware the cornish can be pretty insular as well ( I am Cornish!) Some places you are a newcomer till you've lived there 20 years or more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Perhaps the most reliable test to determine if an Aussie thinks of you as a friend is to see what they do when you are in some sort of trouble. You may have more friends than you realise - but they are unlikely to be living in your pocket, or want you to be living in theirs. Agreed. I have more Aussie friends than Brits and I can give 'em a miss for 3 months or more yet when we do meet up, it's like we've never been away. I think it's more or less a sort of "I'll leave it up to you" kind of attitude as to when we next meet or talk on the phone, but If I am "missing" for too long, they're soon on the phone asking if I'm ok. I never feel as if I'm "pushing" the friendship, and neither do I ever feel as if they are.............it's a sort of "friendship just is" kind of attitude IYKWIM? You know you don't have to maintain the friendship, as it doesn't need maintaining.............they're there when you need 'em and that suits me fine 'cause I ain't a big one on socialising anyway..............like my own space too much, and they understand that and don't see me as aloof, as some Brits do. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pozz Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Hi, I may have missed it in the original post; but what were your reasons for coming here, and why did they not materialize? Is it just the family/friend thing that makes you want to go back? I live 15 mins from Torquay, so I can enjoy the beaches but still have an 'almost' city life in Geelong where I have some great friends, and plenty of friends in Melbourne too when I want the big city experience. Im definately one of the 'evil streak' type though and dont get home sick or sentimental. Do you think the UK is going to give you everything you need, or in a couple of years time you'll be ping ponging back? If you ever fancy a chat/beer give me a shout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Beware the cornish can be pretty insular as well ( I am Cornish!) Some places you are a newcomer till you've lived there 20 years or more! tell me about it! I married one and I'm still an outsider after 27 yrs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Good post and you have to follow your heart. You are right in that some Aussies are distant and we find we have nothing in common anyway. As a feisty female I have never said before but when I was young and single here I never went out with an Aussie, I was not their cup of tea and they not mine. That said I have found my niche here in Aus and love it and accept that I will never be a typical Aus Mum lol LOL, it always amuses me that as a young and feisty female myself I ended up with an Aussie (love at first sight - aaah!) but at least he is now almost a Pom (by descent) so maybe it was the Pom genes that struck me the most!!! He isnt your usual Aussie I must admit, apart from an affinity with his shed and his garden! OP - good on you, go where you feel you belong! I concur with many of your observations there - 32 years in Aus and not really an Aussie friend who has missed me since I have been gone!! (Surprisingly, not one of the expat Pommie ones either - looks like they needed me more than I needed them!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 (Surprisingly, not one of the expat Pommie ones either - looks like they needed me more than I needed them!) Which is probably the reason why some go back. It's amost (IMHE) like many poms need affirmation of their "worthiness" via friendships and are so "devastated and desolate" when they don't seem to make them here. (Umpteen posts relating to "lack of friends" on this forum. Me? I know who/what I am and embrace the fact that I don't need friendships to tell me that I'm "worthy" (or not).................I yam what I yam and that all's that I yam............................I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.................peep peeep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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