Wishful Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 I am here with two children who have an aussie father. They are 10 and 12...The fact is that anti depressants dont always help situational depression which is what it sounds like you have and what I get. One day I hope to be home but for mow I am here.... Your children WILL cope. My adivce for what its worth is go home.I have now been here 23 yeasr and yes the pain does dull...but if you dont have to go through life with a constant dull pain then dont do it !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BirdB Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 I am here with two children who have an aussie father. They are 10 and 12...The fact is that anti depressants dont always help situational depression which is what it sounds like you have and what I get. One day I hope to be home but for mow I am here.... Your children WILL cope. My adivce for what its worth is go home.I have now been here 23 yeasr and yes the pain does dull...but if you dont have to go through life with a constant dull pain then dont do it !!!! Thank you, i must find out about situational depression, the pills have helped with the constant crying ( now only crying some of the time) but they have not dulled the pain, just made me able to function a bit better. My husband keeps saying when I get better we will talk again and make a plan to possibly go back but as long as I am here and time is ticking I cant see myself getting any better. Meeting up with some people from here which has helped x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siblin! Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Thank you, i must find out about situational depression, the pills have helped with the constant crying ( now only crying some of the time) but they have not dulled the pain, just made me able to function a bit better. My husband keeps saying when I get better we will talk again and make a plan to possibly go back but as long as I am here and time is ticking I cant see myself getting any better. Meeting up with some people from here which has helped x The fact is , it's been three years you won't get better unless you change your situation . The dull pain , the gut wrenching getting out of bed every day to face 'another day' , the feeling like you're in a prison , these won't go until you chnage your situation. I know how you feel because i felt exactly the same and it's unbearable ...you just feel trapped and chewed up all the time ...but there is no solution , you cry and cry. You feel like a twisted coil , a pencil ready to break...that's no life and no medication will ' get you better' . My thoughts go with you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 The fact is , it's been three years you won't get better unless you change your situation . The dull pain , the gut wrenching getting out of bed every day to face 'another day' , the feeling like you're in a prison , these won't go until you chnage your situation. I know how you feel because i felt exactly the same and it's unbearable ...you just feel trapped and chewed up all the time ...but there is no solution , you cry and cry. You feel like a twisted coil , a pencil ready to break...that's no life and no medication will ' get you better' . My thoughts go with you x Absolutely spot on Siblin!!! That is EXACTLY what it feels like. There are CBT tricks to help you through each and every day and there are mindfulness exercises which can help but with situational depression NOTHING is going to solve the problem except taking yourself out of the situation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BirdB Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Thanks Siblin and Quoll, and everyone else too, your comments mean so much to me and you have just explained so exactly how I feel. I need to show this thread to my husband and hope it gives him the strength to help us achieve what all Poms in oz members have in common which is simply to to live happy and contented lives. And if we do decide to return, I in turn need to find the strength to help him feel it was all 'worth it'. We still have a long way to go, it took immense courage for him to get here and I don't know what will happen if I ask him to go through it all again as he was also very nearly ill, but we have to do something and soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homesick1 Posted September 4, 2020 Share Posted September 4, 2020 On 21/04/2010 at 09:28, Guest BirdB said: Thank you, i must find out about situational depression, the pills have helped with the constant crying ( now only crying some of the time) but they have not dulled the pain, just made me able to function a bit better. My husband keeps saying when I get better we will talk again and make a plan to possibly go back but as long as I am here and time is ticking I cant see myself getting any better. Meeting up with some people from here which has helped x Hey, I know this thread is 10 years old but I am in exactly the same situation & wanted to find out what you decided to do? Did you head back to the uk & did your kids settle? I’m days away from booking a flight home but I know it will break my kids’ hearts. They are 11 & 18 so the eldest can always come back once he’s financially independent but the youngest is so settled at school that it won’t be easy for her. I feel so guilty for putting my own happiness ahead of theirs but I’ve stayed for them for the last 9 years & it really does feel like a life sentence. This feels like a now or never situation but it’s so scary... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 4, 2020 Share Posted September 4, 2020 6 hours ago, Homesick1 said: Hey, I know this thread is 10 years old but I am in exactly the same situation & wanted to find out what you decided to do? Did you head back to the uk & did your kids settle? I’m days away from booking a flight home but I know it will break my kids’ hearts. They are 11 & 18 so the eldest can always come back once he’s financially independent but the youngest is so settled at school that it won’t be easy for her. I feel so guilty for putting my own happiness ahead of theirs but I’ve stayed for them for the last 9 years & it really does feel like a life sentence. This feels like a now or never situation but it’s so scary... Kids are generally quite resilient and they can look upon it as an adventure. At 11 most kids are going to experience a huge upheaval in their education anyway with high school looming on the horizon. The best thing you can do for your kids is to be a happy parent! Modelling good mental health, happiness and positivity is one of the best gifts you can give them. Most kids settle just fine - and if it were a move in the opposite direction, everyone would be telling you to go for it. I see I commented originally, 10 years ago and I cannot believe how much my life changed in that decade with nearly 9 years in U.K. In the interim - became undepressed, lost weight, made friends, saw the country etc. No kids of course but I would have done it with a kid at 11, not sure about the 18 year old given international Uni fees but recalling my lads at 18 they’d have told me to bugger off and have fun. Good luck whichever way you jump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homesick1 Posted September 4, 2020 Share Posted September 4, 2020 On 10/03/2010 at 09:06, Guest BirdB said: I moved here with my husband and 2 girls aged 10 and 12 in October last year after 3 years of stress and heartache. Now my worst fears have happenend, they love it quite understandably as they are in fantastic schools and my husband has a job he enjoys on a lot less hours than in the uk - but I am feeling so badly homesick I cannot even think about the future here. My most overwhelming feeling is guilt, the kids were in good schools in England and we had family around us especially my mum who devoted herself to us all. I have a terrible fear that if I decided I couln't cope anymore and dragged us all back, I would end up without a decent school for the girls as the competition for places is so fierce. It took my youngest daughter a long time to settle here as she is very anxious and shy and due to her age, she would have be thrown into a scary high school after being nurtured in a small caring primary school which she now loves. I spend every day in tears feeling lonely and worrying about what I have done and wondering if I should just learn to live with the pain I have created rather than run the risk of ruining their lives. We have skype and free calls to Uk, I do have some good friends here too but the ache in my heart wont go away. Australia is an amazing place I want to be happy here but my heart won't let me. Thank you for your reply. So did the kids & hubby go happily when you returned? How old were they when you went back? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 4, 2020 Share Posted September 4, 2020 49 minutes ago, Homesick1 said: Thank you for your reply. So did the kids & hubby go happily when you returned? How old were they when you went back? The trouble is that you can't base your decision on how other people coped, because everyone is different. Besides, it's very unlikely the original poster is on these forums or even getting notified of new posts. An eleven-year-old is a child, and can't look far beyond tomorrow. Of course there will be tears and tantrums if you move them to another school, whether it's in the next suburb or in another country. But they are resilient at that age, and they'll get over it. The 18-year-old is almost an adult. I think you should consider talking about your feelings openly and honestly with that child, and involve them in the decision. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 5 hours ago, Homesick1 said: Thank you for your reply. So did the kids & hubby go happily when you returned? How old were they when you went back? I’m not the OP, they have left the forum Guest in their name is a clue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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