Is it normal that I keep changing my mind?!

[maidensarah]

We are thinking about submitting an EOI however I keep changing my mind, mainly because I have small children who I worry about uprooting. 

I’ve been to Australia before for a year (12 years ago now), I travelled a bit, worked 7 months of the 12 and stayed for a few month in both Sydney and Brisbane. I wouldn’t have come home if my visa hadnt have ran out, but I was only 21 so it’s easy to have an adventure. 

My husband’s never been but I’ve always talked about it with him and we’ve recently been speaking to a recommended Migration agent and we are just deciding whether to do the Skills Assessment for my husband and submit the EOI.

My main concern is my children and that they’re settled in school. They are 6 (7 next month) and 4 (5 in May). They go to a nice school, have nice friends and teachers. It is such a scary thought to think that I’d be taking them away from that and into an unknown school to start again. I know children are adaptable but they’d still be different. Neither of them are particularly sporty and I hear about schools being very sporty. They like being outside and playing games but my oldest doesn’t like competitive things, it’s just not his personality. He’s more into the academic side of things. 

I realise that we don’t even have a visa granted (yet) however I have to think about my main concern before submitting the EOI.

I’m interested to hear from other parents that have moved. How did it work out (or not work out) for your children? 

Thanks 

[CaptainR]

Our kids were a similar age when we moved, they were absolutely fine. I think moving schools isn't such a problem at that age, as long say you consider the schools when choosing where to live so that you move straight into the catchment area of a good one. 
 Nothing has to be permanent in life and if things aren't quite how you planned than you can see it all is a big adventure/long working holiday over here and then head back before they reach high school age.  Life is but an adventure and I'm sure the kids will love it. 

As for sports, yes thats a bit part of life here, but so are many other activities. We've come from UK private schooling to Australian state schooling and have been happy with the two schools our children have attended here. 

 

[Gbye grey sky]

24 minutes ago, maidensarah said:

We are thinking about submitting an EOI however I keep changing my mind, mainly because I have small children who I worry about uprooting. 

I’ve been to Australia before for a year (12 years ago now), I travelled a bit, worked 7 months of the 12 and stayed for a few month in both Sydney and Brisbane. I wouldn’t have come home if my visa hadnt have ran out, but I was only 21 so it’s easy to have an adventure. 

My husband’s never been but I’ve always talked about it with him and we’ve recently been speaking to a recommended Migration agent and we are just deciding whether to do the Skills Assessment for my husband and submit the EOI.

My main concern is my children and that they’re settled in school. They are 6 (7 next month) and 4 (5 in May). They go to a nice school, have nice friends and teachers. It is such a scary thought to think that I’d be taking them away from that and into an unknown school to start again. I know children are adaptable but they’d still be different. Neither of them are particularly sporty and I hear about schools being very sporty. They like being outside and playing games but my oldest doesn’t like competitive things, it’s just not his personality. He’s more into the academic side of things. 

I realise that we don’t even have a visa granted (yet) however I have to think about my main concern before submitting the EOI.

I’m interested to hear from other parents that have moved. How did it work out (or not work out) for your children? 

Thanks 

I doubt that schools and the children making new friends will be a major issue tbh.  Our 11 year old (now 14) has done fine.   Most people find moving children away from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc a bigger concern.  Our families are small and we are not close to them so not an issue for us but it is for most.

Finding good jobs with affordable housing within a reasonable commuting distance should also be bigger concerns for you both imho.

You don’t say why you are making the move.  In my view both parents need to be fully committed to this enterprise though if it is to be successful and not simply a colossal waste of time, money and energy.

[bristolman]

34 minutes ago, maidensarah said:

We are thinking about submitting an EOI however I keep changing my mind, mainly because I have small children who I worry about uprooting. 

I’ve been to Australia before for a year (12 years ago now), I travelled a bit, worked 7 months of the 12 and stayed for a few month in both Sydney and Brisbane. I wouldn’t have come home if my visa hadnt have ran out, but I was only 21 so it’s easy to have an adventure. 

My husband’s never been but I’ve always talked about it with him and we’ve recently been speaking to a recommended Migration agent and we are just deciding whether to do the Skills Assessment for my husband and submit the EOI.

My main concern is my children and that they’re settled in school. They are 6 (7 next month) and 4 (5 in May). They go to a nice school, have nice friends and teachers. It is such a scary thought to think that I’d be taking them away from that and into an unknown school to start again. I know children are adaptable but they’d still be different. Neither of them are particularly sporty and I hear about schools being very sporty. They like being outside and playing games but my oldest doesn’t like competitive things, it’s just not his personality. He’s more into the academic side of things. 

I realise that we don’t even have a visa granted (yet) however I have to think about my main concern before submitting the EOI.

I’m interested to hear from other parents that have moved. How did it work out (or not work out) for your children? 

Thanks 

You don't really mention why you are thinking of making the move ? You are really just swapping one 1st world country for another. Kids are very adaptable, ours moved the other direction and slipped right in. You just need to look at why you are planning on moving first. 

[maidensarah]

Moving away from family would of course be sad but we’re not the type that speak every day or see each other every weekend or even every month and we don’t rely on family for support. 

We’re already looking into areas and jobs and are happy with what we’ve found. It’s just deciding on an area to start with. 

So really my main concern is the children.

There’s no one reason why we may want to move except for trying out a different country, experiencing a different way of life in between the usual things like working and school. We’re happy with life here, have a nice house, cars, husband has a good job, I start a new job tomorrow though it’s just part time in a school to fit around my children’s school. I’ve been off work since having my first. It’s just more about trying something new. I like adventure. My husband is happy to go for it. I do worry that he could not earn as much as he does here as he does have a particularly good salary, that depends on the city we choose to be near. But if I could get a job that would help and we’ve been used to one wage for years anyway. So much to think about, it’s just making the actual decision that seems to be hard!

Edited February 19, 2018 by maidensarah

[maidensarah]

58 minutes ago, bristolman said:

You don't really mention why you are thinking of making the move ? You are really just swapping one 1st world country for another. Kids are very adaptable, ours moved the other direction and slipped right in. You just need to look at why you are planning on moving first. 

Well it wouldn’t be moving for a better job as my husband has a good one.. hopefully one on par. I know it’s another 1st world country.. I’ve been..  We have a nice life here and are happy. I just like trying new things. I have lots of fond memories of Australia and think we would all have a great time there, whether permanently or temporarily if after a few years we decided we would rather be back ‘home’.  But I don’t think you would know that until you’ve been there a while. I went there for a year. Probably more than most people who move out, some having never been. 

 

[LKC]

Our kids were a bit smaller than yours when we moved over (1 and 2), but were older when we moved back (9 and 11), and they were fine both times.  I do understand the worry though.  We moved for pretty much the same reason, just because we'd always talked about living overseas, and it was an itch we had to scratch.  OH was offered a job, and we decided to give it a try.  We never looked at is as being a forever thing, just a for now.  We had a great time, saw some beautiful places, and were very happy there for a number of years.

We moved back for many reasons, but school was a consideration for us.  Our eldest has Asperger's, and we felt that she was being left behind a bit or overlooked at school.  There was very little in the way of support for her, and she was bullied a bit for being clever rather than sporty.  She was due to start high school in January, and we decided that if we were to move back, we had to do it before high school.  As it is we moved to Scotland where they start a bit later, and so she is still in primary school (a lovely little village school) until she starts high school in August.

Remember that nothing has to be forever, and if you decide to give it a go and it all goes pear shaped, you can move again.  The only thing I would recommend is that you plan well, both in terms of financially to ensure that you have a reserve to move back with if you decide that you need to, and also have some honest conversations with your husband about what should happen if one of you is happy but the other isn't.  I've seen on here time and time again, situations which are impossible to get out of, either due to financial difficulties, or because one partner wants to go home with the children but the other parent won't allow it.  Don't underestimate the strain that a move can have on even the strongest of relationships.

[Tulip1]

The kids will be fine, will hardly remember it in a years time if asked. Think about when you take kids that age on holiday, within half an hour they're usually running around with new friends they've made.  That's the one thing not to worry about and it's your decision, they have to follow you wherever you go. 

[maidensarah]

49 minutes ago, Tulip1 said:

The kids will be fine, will hardly remember it in a years time if asked. Think about when you take kids that age on holiday, within half an hour they're usually running around with new friends they've made.  That's the one thing not to worry about and it's your decision, they have to follow you wherever you go. 

Thanks. Is it normal to change my mind so often though? Sometimes every 5 mins haha. Or at night I think no we’re quite happy why change it then in the morning I think why not give it a go. Was anyone else like that? I think it would be an easier desicion if we were not happy with life where we are. I mean, I don’t live in the greatest place in the UK or anything but it’s okay and I’m used to it. Maybe we could just be happy anywhere? Within reason!

[bristolman]

29 minutes ago, maidensarah said:

Thanks. Is it normal to change my mind so often though? Sometimes every 5 mins haha. Or at night I think no we’re quite happy why change it then in the morning I think why not give it a go. Was anyone else like that? I think it would be an easier desicion if we were not happy with life where we are. I mean, I don’t live in the greatest place in the UK or anything but it’s okay and I’m used to it. Maybe we could just be happy anywhere? Within reason!

This is what makes me wonder whether it's right for you, it's such a massive move you really need to be at least 90% lol. From what you are saying you have a comfortable life, not short of money, kids are settled etc. I would say this to anyone thinking of moving in either direction, If you are questioning it this often you need to think very hard about it,  it's a massive upheaval to scratch an itch. 

[Gbye grey sky]

1 hour ago, maidensarah said:

Thanks. Is it normal to change my mind so often though? Sometimes every 5 mins haha. Or at night I think no we’re quite happy why change it then in the morning I think why not give it a go. Was anyone else like that? I think it would be an easier desicion if we were not happy with life where we are. I mean, I don’t live in the greatest place in the UK or anything but it’s okay and I’m used to it. Maybe we could just be happy anywhere? Within reason!

Can’t tell you whether or not it is normal.  We left a good life with good jobs in the UK too.

Once we had done all the financial calculations I don’t remember any wobbles at all during the planning stage and waiting for the visa.  Nor any doubts at all since moving.

I suspect, because you have been here before (though in different circumstances) you are conscious that day to day life as a family may not be substantially different so......is it worth all the upheaval, expense and angst?  For us as a couple it was because, frankly, we both loathe UK winters.  I really had struggled all my life with S.A.D. which would kick in at the start of November and not pass until mid March.  So, in that sense my life has been transformed.

You have to weigh up what you are losing against what you are hoping or expecting to gain.

[maidensarah]

8 minutes ago, Gbye grey sky said:

Can’t tell you whether or not it is normal.  We left a good life with good jobs in the UK too.

Once we had done all the financial calculations I don’t remember any wobbles at all during the planning stage and waiting for the visa.  Nor any doubts at all since moving.

I suspect, because you have been here before (though in different circumstances) you are conscious that day to day life as a family may not be substantially different so......is it worth all the upheaval, expense and angst?  For us as a couple it was because, frankly, we both loathe UK winters.  I really had struggled all my life with S.A.D. which would kick in at the start of November and not pass until mid March.  So, in that sense my life has been transformed.

You have to weigh up what you are losing against what you are hoping or expecting to gain.

I also loathe the winters and feel the cold easily. I’m generally always cold unless the heating’s on. 

Where abouts have you settled in Aus? 

[Gbye grey sky]

4 minutes ago, maidensarah said:

I also loathe the winters and feel the cold easily. I’m generally always cold unless the heating’s on. 

Where abouts have you settled in Aus? 

We are south of Brisbane in ‘The Redlands’.  We live a few miles inland in the village of Mount Cotton.

[maidensarah]

11 minutes ago, Gbye grey sky said:

We are south of Brisbane in ‘The Redlands’.  We live a few miles inland in the village of Mount Cotton.

Around Brisbane is my first choice to move to as it was my fave. Hubby could earn more in Sydney/Melbourne though however looking at the house prices to buy (thinking longer term) even within an hour’s commute I don’t think we could afford so earning less but paying out less for a house may work out around the same or better around Brissie.  I know people who live in Bridgeman Downs and stayed with them a while. 

[Gbye grey sky]

17 minutes ago, maidensarah said:

Around Brisbane is my first choice to move to as it was my fave. Hubby could earn more in Sydney/Melbourne though however looking at the house prices to buy (thinking longer term) even within an hour’s commute I don’t think we could afford so earning less but paying out less for a house may work out around the same or better around Brissie.  I know people who live in Bridgeman Downs and stayed with them a while. 

We came from Surrey.  Earned a great deal more in UK but our view in life is that as long as we have enough the rest is just trappings we can happily do without.

We used to save heavily in the UK and have reaped the benefits of that now.  We were able to sell our 1930s pebble-dash semi-detached for a lovely home on a 1000sq metre block on an elevation overlooking bushland.  The exchange rate meant that we had around $150,000 in change too.  We had lovely neighbours in Surrey and have lovely neighbours here too though no chats over the garden fence here as they are too high lol.

Love our house but our UK furniture is really small in it and we are not inclined to waste money replacing it at this stage.

Sitting here with my cup of coffee in jimjams on the outside deck watching the rainbow lorikeets, sulphur crested cockatoos and assorted other birds on the lawn and in our trees as I type.  This is paradise as far as I am concerned.  I feel so lucky.

[calNgary]

We have been here 11 years now, the kids were 3 and 8 when we originally made the move and they slotted into school and kindy great and made friends without much problem. I do believe if your happy the kids will be happy. Yours are at a good age to move, the older they get the more challenging it can be.

As for your doubts, i think lots of migrants get them, more so once you have the visa and the move is drawing closer, i often had days where i thought what the heck am i doing. Its all worked out good though and the amazing weather is just a fantastic bonus,like you i was always cold but no more cold wet winters for me,lol..

Cal x

[Bulya]

Just back in after feeding our resident Blue Tongue lizard some grapes.  Makes one feel for those still stuck in the U.K

[Marisawright]

14 hours ago, maidensarah said:

We are thinking about submitting an EOI however I keep changing my mind, mainly because I have small children who I worry about uprooting. 

I’ve been to Australia before for a year (12 years ago now), I travelled a bit, worked 7 months of the 12 and stayed for a few month in both Sydney and Brisbane. I wouldn’t have come home if my visa hadnt have ran out, but I was only 21 so it’s easy to have an adventure. 

My husband’s never been but I’ve always talked about it with him and we’ve recently been speaking to a recommended Migration agent and we are just deciding whether to do the Skills Assessment for my husband and submit the EOI.

My main concern is my children and that they’re settled in school. They are 6 (7 next month) and 4 (5 in May). They go to a nice school, have nice friends and teachers. It is such a scary thought to think that I’d be taking them away from that and into an unknown school to start again. I know children are adaptable but they’d still be different. Neither of them are particularly sporty and I hear about schools being very sporty. They like being outside and playing games but my oldest doesn’t like competitive things, it’s just not his personality. He’s more into the academic side of things. 

I realise that we don’t even have a visa granted (yet) however I have to think about my main concern before submitting the EOI.

I’m interested to hear from other parents that have moved. How did it work out (or not work out) for your children? 

 

Edited February 20, 2018 by Marisawright

[CeltInCaulfield]

Marisa hits it on the head.

Even after being the partner who pushed the hardest and fought the longest to win the argument for Australia, once the visas had been granted, it was me - not the wife - that got cold feet.  

For us, it was the sanity of getting away from Brexit, the job prospects (software engineers in the UK make pennies compared to what's out here) and the lifestyle we can have out here that wins every time, hands down.  Everyone'll have different reasons and rationale for wanting to make the move; however, as is often pointed out, at the end of the day, it's just another first world country.  And you do get a bit sick paying $3 a pop for a can of Irn Bru...

Oh, yeah... and the kids love it.

Edited February 20, 2018 by CeltInCaulfield

[Marisawright]

3 hours ago, CeltInCaulfield said:

Marisa hits it on the head.

I hit the nail on the head and then I deleted my post, LOL.

Anyhow, I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

@maidensarah, my advice would be - don't even contemplate a move to Australia unless you're convinced you want to live there permanently.  Of course, you may change your mind once you're here - that's a different story, and something you'd have to deal with if it happened.   But IMO it's a bad idea to migrate with the idea that "I can always come home if it doesn't work out".  

If you're moving with kids, it will cost you around £40,000 to make the move.  Visa fees and air fares are the least of it - there's shipping (and/or buying new stuff when you arrive), buying a car (they're more expensive here), a month's AirBnB, not to mention several weeks out of work, when you still have to eat!  Once upon a time you'd be offered work as soon as you got off the plane, but nowadays the advice is you need about six month's living expenses up your sleeve, because that's how long the job hunt could take you.

If you were moving permanently, you might decide (as many do) that you'll be able to make up for that loss over the rest of your lives in Australia.  However, if you're thinking of it as an adventure, there's no way you could recoup that investment - and what's worse, you'll be up for another £40,000 to go home again.You could end up back where you started with a much much bigger mortgage or (worse case scenario) no home at all.  

So the question becomes, do I want an adventure in Australia badly enough to spend £80,000 on it?    Just think what you could do for your kids with that money - or more to the point, what you won't be able to do for them in the future, if you spend your equity now.  

[maidensarah]

50 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

I hit the nail on the head and then I deleted my post, LOL.

Anyhow, I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

@maidensarah, my advice would be - don't even contemplate a move to Australia unless you're convinced you want to live there permanently.  Of course, you may change your mind once you're here - that's a different story, and something you'd have to deal with if it happened.   But IMO it's a bad idea to migrate with the idea that "I can always come home if it doesn't work out".  

If you're moving with kids, it will cost you around £40,000 to make the move.  Visa fees and air fares are the least of it - there's shipping (and/or buying new stuff when you arrive), buying a car (they're more expensive here), a month's AirBnB, not to mention several weeks out of work, when you still have to eat!  Once upon a time you'd be offered work as soon as you got off the plane, but nowadays the advice is you need about six month's living expenses up your sleeve, because that's how long the job hunt could take you.

If you were moving permanently, you might decide (as many do) that you'll be able to make up for that loss over the rest of your lives in Australia.  However, if you're thinking of it as an adventure, there's no way you could recoup that investment - and what's worse, you'll be up for another £40,000 to go home again.You could end up back where you started with a much much bigger mortgage or (worse case scenario) no home at all.  

So the question becomes, do I want an adventure in Australia badly enough to spend £80,000 on it?    Just think what you could do for your kids with that money - or more to the point, what you won't be able to do for them in the future, if you spend your equity now.  

Thanks, and I’m also interested to know what your first post was?! 

If we moved to Australia I would intend to live there permanently as we would be applying for a PR visa.  So unless we actually hated it after giving it a few years,  which I couldn’t see happening. There’s no way I would want to uproot us all twice. I wouldn’t go out if our only option was a temporary visa with an occupation on the short term skills list for example. For me it’s just that initial decision. It is quite a big one after all. 

[Quoll]

Nah, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. 

Looks like you’ve won the lottery - nice house, good jobs, good school, happy kids. If you’re a gambler - how much of that are you prepared to lose and for what? Might you be better scratching your adventurous itch with regular holidays (more rec leave in U.K. than Aus) and enjoying what you’ve got?

Australia is just another first world country, very expensive these days to live in so it might not be a case of you “wanting” to work, so much as “having” to work to make ends meet and it’ll still be the humdrum “clean the loo, put the garbage out, organise the afterschool care, wash the dishes” life that you have at the moment when you get there. 

The kids will probably be fine but “nerdy” kids do often cop it more with the bullying and bullying is pretty endemic in Australia but generally most kids settle ok.

[Marisawright]

33 minutes ago, maidensarah said:

Thanks, and I’m also interested to know what your first post was?!  

I wrote my first post before I read everyone else's, and realised that you'd answered the question of why you wanted to go.  Which seems to be, if I read it right, that you enjoyed your working holiday all those years ago, and you've got itchy feet.  It seems like a flimsy reason to uproot your children and your husband from a good life.  

The other thing to consider is that you like trying new things - so if you move to Australia, what then? What makes you think you won't get itchy feet again in ten years' time, by which time your children might be in the midst of important exams?   Or you may settle down till they've completed their education, but then want to go home - by which time they're Aussies, and won't want to follow Mum and Dad.  

IMO you could have quite a few holidays over the next few years with 40 grand, and satisfy your thirst for adventure that way.

Edited February 20, 2018 by Marisawright

[maidensarah]

12 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

I wrote my first post before I read everyone else's, and realised that you'd answered the question of why you wanted to go.  Which seems to be, if I read it right, that you enjoyed your working holiday all those years ago, and you've got itchy feet.  It seems like a flimsy reason to uproot your children and your husband from a good life.  

The other thing to consider is that you like trying new things - so if you move to Australia, what then? What makes you think you won't get itchy feet again in ten years' time, by which time your children might be in the midst of important exams?   Or you may settle down till they've completed their education, but then want to go home - by which time they're Aussies, and won't want to follow Mum and Dad.  

IMO you could have quite a few holidays over the next few years with 40 grand, and satisfy your thirst for adventure that way.

I dunno about quite a few with the cost it takes to go on holidays on the school holidays. (I don’t know if people are ‘allowed’ to take their kids out for holidays in Aus?) But a week away in Majorca in August is costing 3.5k and that’s with a free child’s place. 

[rammygirl]

Holidays don’t have to cost a lot.  We used to holiday regularly in Spain and Majorca, getting cheap flights and renting a villa or apartment and a car for much less than that, even in peak season.  And our relatives in the UK still do that for much less than 3k.  We have always travelled a lot on a modest budget and enjoyed it all the more by not staying in big hotels that could be anywhere.