Guest Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 One of my partner's British friends recently commented to her that she and I live in "a cocoon" of family and home and as such we don't "fit in" with our local community as we don't socialise much. The missus was a bit put out by this assertion, but when I pointed out that we have a very small circle of friends (in my case it's just me and Harpo!) we started talking about what "fitting in" actually entails. When it came down to it, we reflected that as we observe the laws of the land, both work for a living, pay our taxes, send our child to school and try and be good neighbours, that we do actually "fit in" despite her friend's view. I know that I'll never be anyone's idea of the perfect British person living in Australia. I won't use the term 'immigrant' as I don't see myself as such, but I am curious as to what other Brits see as key to adapting to life here. Do you need to have a passion for the country, a fascination about it's landscape, a desire to explore it, a willingness to support it's sports, and an interest in it's culture? Sadly, I don't have any interest in the things that I've just mentioned, but oddly I still feel that I'm doing my bit to 'fit in.' Am I right or wrong do you think? After all, what does "fitting in" here really mean after all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quokka2005 Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Up where I am it's - wearing shorts all the time, driving a Ute, drinking most nights and thinking it's okay to say whatever you want.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibovered Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Dunno, never tried it, don't think I've ever offended anybody, all my in-laws and Australian friends would think it very odd if I started saying g'day and the like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bound4Tassie Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Depends on what you feel fitting in is. Some people entwine themself in the community...know everyone and everything that's going on etc....some barely know the names of their neighbours but they've got their circle.of friends and things they like to do and are happy with that. That's the same in the UK or Aus. When I met my now husband ( Aussie) I didn't try to fit in, he was just another person I met along the way. When i spend time among his family & friends I never have to think about saying or doing certain things to fit in....I'm just me. They seem ok with that as far as I know. Though I am mostly positive about most things Australian and not overtly Pro British ( I don't hate Britain either but I can be honest about it's deficiencies) If someone's outlook is quite negative and you constantly point out the bits you don't like, I can understand people thinking someone didn't fit in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Depends on what you feel fitting in is. Some people entwine themself in the community...know everyone and everything that's going on etc....some barely know the names of their neighbours but they've got their circle.of friends and things they like to do and are happy with that. That's the same in the UK or Aus. When I met my now husband ( Aussie) I didn't try to fit in, he was just another person I met along the way. When i spend time among his family & friends I never have to think about saying or doing certain things to fit in....I'm just me. They seem ok with that as far as I know. Though I am mostly positive about most things Australian and not overtly Pro British ( I don't hate Britain either but I can be honest about it's deficiencies) If someone's outlook is quite negative and you constantly point out the bits you don't like, I can understand people thinking someone didn't fit in. Just the same as Bound4Tassie. Never made a conscious effort to "fit in". I'm just me. Done a heck of a lot of living in different places and some places I felt at home in and some I didn't. We have lived in Tassie now for 2 years and I felt at home here from the word go. Most people are very friendly and though OH and I aren't wildly social people (especially me) we have made friends and I know all my neighbours (unlike when we lived in Sydney) so I suppose we have "fitted in" here. Never really thought about it much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjg Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Its obvious. You havent got citizenship yet. When you get handed the piece of paper, It also includes a strain of the bogan gene, Youll be out back drinking VB and fitting chrome exhausts to your car in no time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Fitting in is a very subjective term, which means different things to different people. Most people I know here would, I think, say that I fit in. I still talk like a pom, say crisps instead of chips, still hate VB and Carlton Draught, still hate Channel Nein (and therefore have nothing but contempt for the majority of Australian media), still hate footy, will never support Aus over England..... BUT, I love my town, love Victoria, care deeply about the politics of the country, have some great friends (who apart from bestie EW are Strayan), love the beaches and forests, love the native fauna, and find Aussies extremely easy to get on with. Besides, I hated footy in the UK too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 It does help to be here because you want to I guess. I love living where I am but I don't think that I fit in.....whatever that means. We have a few acquaintances but it is too early to call that a circle of friends. I know some people through a shared interest in golf (some are expats) and we contact each other for a round but it is limited to that and a beer after the game so far. I don't feel that I ever fitted in back in the UK either so it is probably me. Having no interest in, or watching, any of the 'soaps' or much TV for that matter, not obsessing with the Premier League seemed to exclude me from most of society in the UK. It is probably the same here with Rugby League, camping and fishing though, to be fair, I haven't heard anyone yet talking about TV programmes which seemed to be the staple conversation back in England. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 It does help to be here because you want to I guess. I love living where I am but I don't think that I fit in.....whatever that means. We have a few acquaintances but it is too early to call that a circle of friends. I know some people through a shared interest in golf (some are expats) and we contact each other for a round but it is limited to that and a beer after the game so far. I don't feel that I ever fitted in back in the UK either so it is probably me. Having no interest in, or watching, any of the 'soaps' or much TV for that matter, not obsessing with the Premier League seemed to exclude me from most of society in the UK. It is probably the same here with Rugby League, camping and fishing though, to be fair, I haven't heard anyone yet talking about TV programmes which seemed to be the staple conversation back in England. I rarely watch TV so I have no idea who half these so-called celebrities are - so when I was working in Sydney, co-workers would be talking about folk on those reality shows like they knew them and never-ending discussions about talent show contestants. Never was able to join in on those conversations. Kind of felt out of the loop at times. :cute: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Can't say we've ever fitted in anywhere here to be fair. We just get on with being in our own bubble more so since the kids have left home. Maybe it's just us i don't know really but we really do just love to be on our own just us two. We do get along with people and have social evenings and what not. Honestly the older we get the less inclined we are to want to be with people we don't really have a connection with. I guess our problemis most likely that we don't like the camping, fishing, hunting or local sports scene which always seems to end up with drunks all around. We sound positively sad but we are really nice people i promise....lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 I'm not sure Aussies and Brits are that incompatible... Quite a few of us have Aussie partner's here so obviously found something to talk about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 I think you just have to get on with life; it doesn't matter whether the cordial in the supermarket is different, or if the locals choose to shop barefoot, whether the sports and teams are unfamiliar -- just head down and get on with it. Find the things you do like and embrace them. Do not decide to be a permanent outsider and deliberately avoid doing things that might actually make you feel a bit closer to the country (for example become a citizen). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 ..........is there really such a thing as fitting in.....? ..........perhaps the young....to a social scene.... ..........but ime once past a certain age you March to your own drum.... ..........you may share a few interests with others.... ..........but gone are the days of sameness.... ..........the world has opened up.....! ..........people have so much choice now........ ..........the Sunday lunch.....the pub/beach.....the two weeks in ******...... Are rarely the majority...anywhere..! ...........with travel at our fingertips.......we've often left behind the structured fitting in... ...........Australia no different to anywhere else.... ...........enjoy what it has to offer......there are no requirements to ....fit.....ime... ...........football......sausage sizzle.....or beer.......can't abide any of them.... ............but there not requirements,,,,,, ............I've learnt to please myself.......and enjoy the bits of this country I like.. ............avoid the bits I don't..... ............the same for people.......life's too short to be worried about what others think.and do..! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Its obvious. You havent got citizenship yet. When you get handed the piece of paper, It also includes a strain of the bogan gene, Youll be out back drinking VB and fitting chrome exhausts to your car in no time. :biglaugh: Best post this week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Can't say we've ever fitted in anywhere here to be fair. We just get on with being in our own bubble more so since the kids have left home. Maybe it's just us i don't know really but we really do just love to be on our own just us two. We do get along with people and have social evenings and what not. Honestly the older we get the less inclined we are to want to be with people we don't really have a connection with. I guess our problemis most likely that we don't like the camping, fishing, hunting or local sports scene which always seems to end up with drunks all around. We sound positively sad but we are really nice people i promise....lol You seem like our kind of people. Doubtless there are plenty of our types around but our paths rarely cross.......for obvious reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paisleylass Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Erm, what? We've found a huge diversity of people with various backgrounds and lifestyles, what's to 'fit in' with? We have friends scattered around here in Brisbane and also Melbourne and Sydney. Most are Aussie born, some are British, one Kiwi, one American. Few have kids, most don't, that doesn't really make much of a difference, though it does influence how we socialise. I remember reading, probably here on PIO, that Australia is really family oriented, if you don't have kids you'll struggle to fit in and make friends. What nonsense. Even at work, the split between family types and those who have chosen not to have children is roughly 50/50. Even in real estate listings, we've noticed that while many blether on about kids playing on trampolines and teenage retreat, some agents actually use wording such as "appeal to families and couples alike". Still doesn't account for loners heh, and we do know a few people who are single and live alone too. What we see is real life, not some Stepford Wives dystopia. Lots of differences. Really nothing to 'fit in' with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I don't think you have to make a conscious effort to fit in. Becoming an Aussie is a process of osmosis where you just absorb everything slowly and without realising it in time you have become a dinky-di, true blue, Australian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the bottler Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Up where I am it's - wearing shorts all the time, driving a Ute, drinking most nights and thinking it's okay to say whatever you want.. that's life in rural WA ... rough , hard working men ... don't you just love it Stacey ! ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Up where I am it's - wearing shorts all the time, driving a Ute, drinking most nights and thinking it's okay to say whatever you want.. I see your learning fast!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Interesting, have to think about this,might end up with a headache Thought about it now. In my case after being involved with everyone local in the UK Manchester, moving to AU country in Victoria, stunning place knowing hardly anyone drives me nuts moving to the Gold Coast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andromeda9 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Must add,been here 10 long years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wa7 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Fitting in is a very subjective term, which means different things to different people. Most people I know here would, I think, say that I fit in. I still talk like a pom, say crisps instead of chips, still hate VB and Carlton Draught, still hate Channel Nein (and therefore have nothing but contempt for the majority of Australian media), still hate footy, will never support Aus over England..... BUT, I love my town, love Victoria, care deeply about the politics of the country, have some great friends (who apart from bestie EW are Strayan), love the beaches and forests, love the native fauna, and find Aussies extremely easy to get on with. Besides, I hated footy in the UK too Hated footy in uk!! Take that back I say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I don't think you have to make a conscious effort to fit in. Becoming an Aussie is a process of osmosis where you just absorb everything slowly and without realising it in time you have become a dinky-di, true blue, Australian. I don't know about that my Partner has been here thirty plus years and i don't think he is anymore Aussie than he was thirty years ago. In fact as he's got older i think he has become more English. Not that it bothers me the Englishness is waht makes him so unique and lovable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I think that was a bit of a cheeky comment, from the friend, @Endlesswinter! I know in some places, there is still a sense of 'community', but that's not generally the norm these days. You go to work, the children get an education, taxes and bills are paid, presumably you contribute to the local economy by spending your wages on household goods etc. You seem like you and your family would be good neighbours, not rowdy etc. Apart from everyone becoming clones of each other, I'm not sure what more would be expected!? The mind boggles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Dunno, we (and this is the Aussie DH and I) don't drink (apart from the odd glass of red with dinner), smoke or have a footie team (of any persuasion) and for the first 20 years in Australia we were vegetarian so barbies were out. That said, I suppose we "fitted" as much as anyone but there wasn't really much to fit with. You do the usual obligation socialising through work, schools, interest groups but on balance I would rather have stayed home with a good book and my knitting /stitching and once the DH got his shed and his veggie patch he was happy as Larry. I have the accent though and an Australian perspective on distance so maybe I fitted better than I realise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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