VERYSTORMY Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Oz is not some wonder place. It is another first world country with all of the issues that come with that. We also work the longest hours in the developed world. If if he is not happy here, then that needs to be listened to. Many people move here and find that is the case. About one third of Brits leave. I think you need to re evaluate your plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 And many take 12 months or so to settle in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Australia is certainly not the answer to life's ills. It is often a relationship destroyer and regrets may not be immediately apparent but surface down the road, sometimes decades down the road. Be aware of the pitfalls. The kids may move on. So many things to consider. If one part not happy scrap plans to move or at least revalue what it is wanted and what is important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I like a lot of what you say Country vic. I have three goods friends and we quite often have a pub lunch and have a good old natter about life in general. When my husband was younger he would go for a game of squash if things weren't going well at work. Took out all his frustrations on the squash court :laugh: I agree they are are many strategies for dealing appropriately with anger and stress. For many this is physical activity, running, squash etc. they are many alternatives. I know people who read, bake, knit, garden, paint..... to alleviate their stress. While some people believe their stresses and problems are unique and no one else have as difficult a time as them and that justifies their anger, the fact is we all have stresses and problems. Some are clearly more serious than others. Watching the news this week I was struck by the problems the mother of Ebony Simpson has experienced for the last 23 years. I am prone to anger, I have had to find alternative methods of addressing my problems. It is something I have to actively work on but these days my angry rants are rare, I still moan at times but I try to keep some irony or humour in it. I still have the same problems but anger wasn't doing anything but make things worse, for me and other people. I would equate it to having a physical pain, taking pain killers, the pain killers make me feel ill but did nothing for the pain, so then I had the pain + I felt sick, better to just have the pain. I had to look for a plan B so I joined the gym, most of my aches and pains are starting to improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I do think the OP needs re-evaluate the situation and her methods of approaching it. Many women do the sacrificial, selfless, martyr, taking on the problems of everyone and responsibility for everything. They take on the role of carer for children, parents, partners but forget to consider their own needs and that they to need, and are entitled to, care. Most of us have limited energy and qualifications, I don't know anyone able to be the family psychiatrist, accountant, nurse, organiser, manager, cook and bottle washer, these roles need to be shared out and sometimes delegated to qualified professionals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I do think the OP needs re-evaluate the situation and her methods of approaching it. Many women do the sacrificial, selfless, martyr, taking on the problems of everyone and responsibility for everything. They take on the role of carer for children, parents, partners but forget to consider their own needs and that they to need, and are entitled to, care. Most of us have limited energy and qualifications, I don't know anyone able to be the family psychiatrist, accountant, nurse, organiser, manager, cook and bottle washer, these roles need to be shared out and sometimes delegated to qualified professionals. Was that another general comment? Or are you applying it to this thread, because if the latter it would be relevant if husband was sat on the sofa watching TV and drinking beer, but I am not sure how it applies here. I see a husband who has gone on ahead, living in a house share, clearly struggling away from the family, working six days a week, trying to find a new life for the family and thinking about their future and being brave enough to say it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scuffythetugboat Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 A mature aged person living in a house share has enough stress on it's own. I did it, I'd never do it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 The act of living apart for long stretches of time can be immensely stressful and it's going to heighten all feelings. Added to that leaving behind all that is familiar and having the burden of providing an income and supporting a family is massive. For the person left behind more often than not things carry on pretty much as normal. The stress on this bloke must be huge too so it makes it difficult not to then relay that in a phone call home. Whether he's genuinely not liking it here or whether it's a cry for help probably that OP will be the only one that knows , but whatever happens a frank and proper conversation right now sounds imperative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Things might change when you are both together again. At the moment you are both ,understandably, exhausted. A cliche I know, but a trouble shared IS a trouble halved. Keep going,and when you are together you can decide whether to stay or go, get different jobs, go to another part of Australia, go back or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KIRK AND CO Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 For 5 years my husband worked abroad for 10 weeks at a time while I did everything at home and worked as a teacher. He felt he couldn't get work in UK so we decided that we would look at Australia. I have completed an English test and did EVERYTHING for our application including all of the lengthy security forms for security checks as he had worked abroad. I have organised the sale of our house, on my own with 3 children as when we had to go to Australia to validate our visas at the end of April my husband stayed in Perth to look for work and get settled. I have since packed up the house whilst teaching, exam marking and taking care of the children. In the meantime in Perth, my husband found work through a housemate which is temporary involves waking up at 4am to drive for and hour to work from 6am to 4pm with a 20 min break. He does this Mon - Sat and he is exhausted and was hoping to train to complete a triathalon but is too knackered to do this now. He has applied for over 25 jobs now and for most he has been told his application will not be processed. These are jobs that he could do and has proven experience in but no one will even consider giving him an interview. Recruitment agents promise to phone back and ask him to email his CV then don't bother to get back to him. He feels frustrated and negative and stuck in this employment. It appears that it is a case of its not what you know but who you know. I am in the process of applying for teaching jobs and it looks like Ill be the one who works full time giving my husband the chance to re-train and spend time with the kids (quality time I haven't had because I've been run off my feet doing everything alone!) Due to the time difference he calls me every night and usually rants the whole time about all the negative things he is experiencing and how it is so much better in the UK!!! I am now in an empty house, exhausted and ready to move now with nothing to look forward to. I was so excited thinking well if it doesn't work out we can at least let the kids have a fun year experiencing life in a different country, different schools etc, meet new friends, live near a beach... We are planning to rent initially in case it doesn't work, however, last night my husband called to say that he is trying to be positive but just cant do it. He hates it there and says he thinks we are possibly making the worst mistake of our lives! So what now? I have to agree with your husband I would listen to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hereandnow Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Just have a go, it's worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Just have a go, it's worth it. I think her husband (who is doing it!) has decided that it isn't worth having a go! He's trying to protect his family from a huge mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 You mentioned your OH working abroad until the move to Oz,and he felt he couldn't get a job in the UK?Why was that?I was initially going to suggest you head over anyway,now,and hopefully find a teaching job,so it would give him some breathing space to find a better job,but.....as his job is temp,if he loses it,its going to be tough going living just on your wage with 3 kids,and do you have enough funds to keep you all going until you actually find a job? How do you feel about living in Oz?If your OH were to come back to the UK,and you never had the experience,how are you going to feel?Bitter?Relieved or what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Sounds like OP's husband would be far better off returning to the UK. He has applied unsuccessfully for 20 jobs and doesn't like the job he has. Time to throw in the towel and return to the UK and his family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Just have a go, it's worth it. Well a lot of people would disagree with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Well a lot of people would disagree with that. Typically, it appears to be the ones that have already moved back the UK or want to that advise caution... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Typically, it appears to be the ones that have already moved back the UK or want to that advise caution... I think it is a shame that some people seem unable to see things from another point of view, "I like / don't like it hre so you will / won't too" seems to be the extent of some thinking, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hereandnow Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Well a lot of people would disagree with that. A lot? No it's actually a miniscule number of migrants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hereandnow Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I think it is a shame that some people seem unable to see things from another point of view, "I like / don't like it hre so you will / won't too" seems to be the extent of some thinking, A vocal minority, and a very small minority at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 As someone who does like it here it's not boding well based on the husbands feelings...that said give him a different job and his family around him and he may feel very differently. I'd be cautious too if I was the OP. If it was me I'd put the ball in his court and ask what he wanted. If he wants to cut his losses and come back maybe that's what should happen. It must be very difficult going alone for a number of weeks/months.... Maybe OP could agree to go out for a set period, say a few months...then make a final decision after all have been together for a while....would be logistically difficult but better that than to move lock stock and barrel as things stand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I must be honest this is why I don't like the idea of sending one person ahead. I understand why people do it for security , peace of mind etc. but it's a kind of false environment for the person who goes ahead. It's an adventure best shared in my opinion. The OP has not come back on so I hope she's not been scared off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I must be honest this is why I don't like the idea of sending one person ahead. I understand why people do it for security , peace of mind etc. but it's a kind of false environment for the person who goes ahead. It's an adventure best shared in my opinion. The OP has not come back on so I hope she's not been scared off. Totally agree...cannot imagine having arrived on my own....I doubt it would have been the experience it was. My experience was that the early days...working it all out together and getting sorted were so thrilling, different, fun and challenging but we had a blast! Such good memories of our first weeks......it makes me think when people have a different experience...will they ever 'get it' will they fall in love with the place? I really think if your first impressions are negative or neutral it's never going to be what you want or need it to be. But in the OPs case it may be different if they were together? I don't know I guess the husband needs to consider that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen75 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thank you to everyone who has replied. I wasn't trying to get marital advise but was really seeking other people's experiences of what it is like out there. I guess rant was a bit of a harsh word as I really meant excessive moaning - he wasn't actually shouting or 'having a go at me' so to speak. Since my post he has had the opportunity to go out and do active stuff and not just work so he is feeling happier. We have everything on way and a 6 month house rental set up and I have been offered an interview and other application in process and I could teach on supply for a while. I have seriously considered whether we should just give up and re-start here but think that once we are all out there it will be different, we have 6 months to find out for ourselves and if in that time it is no good then like a lot of you have suggested we can look at other areas of Australia or return home. When I wrote the response I was prob a bit emotional with the move and thought that I could get a wide range of views from people out there who have experienced life in Oz. Thank you very much for taking your time to answer and I will post again in a few months time with an update! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thank you to everyone who has replied. I wasn't trying to get marital advise but was really seeking other people's experiences of what it is like out there. I guess rant was a bit of a harsh word as I really meant excessive moaning - he wasn't actually shouting or 'having a go at me' so to speak. Since my post he has had the opportunity to go out and do active stuff and not just work so he is feeling happier. We have everything on way and a 6 month house rental set up and I have been offered an interview and other application in process and I could teach on supply for a while. I have seriously considered whether we should just give up and re-start here but think that once we are all out there it will be different, we have 6 months to find out for ourselves and if in that time it is no good then like a lot of you have suggested we can look at other areas of Australia or return home. When I wrote the response I was prob a bit emotional with the move and thought that I could get a wide range of views from people out there who have experienced life in Oz. Thank you very much for taking your time to answer and I will post again in a few months time with an update! Im really glad to hear that Sarah, give it a really good go, and I'm sure he'll feel a lot better when he has you all there to support each other . Good luck.:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thank you to everyone who has replied. I wasn't trying to get marital advise but was really seeking other people's experiences of what it is like out there. I guess rant was a bit of a harsh word as I really meant excessive moaning - he wasn't actually shouting or 'having a go at me' so to speak. Since my post he has had the opportunity to go out and do active stuff and not just work so he is feeling happier. We have everything on way and a 6 month house rental set up and I have been offered an interview and other application in process and I could teach on supply for a while. I have seriously considered whether we should just give up and re-start here but think that once we are all out there it will be different, we have 6 months to find out for ourselves and if in that time it is no good then like a lot of you have suggested we can look at other areas of Australia or return home. When I wrote the response I was prob a bit emotional with the move and thought that I could get a wide range of views from people out there who have experienced life in Oz. Thank you very much for taking your time to answer and I will post again in a few months time with an update! Hope you haven't quit your UK job though - career breaks are a good safety net! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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