The Bears Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Hi Everyone, I was just wondering if it was possible to get a little bit of advice from some of you wonderful people. I'll try and keep this short.... My Husband and I moved over from the UK in January, I have dual citizenship and he is on a WHV (with the aim to get a spouse visa if all goes well) We were fortunate to be able to move in with family (my Father) when we arrived, however this meant living in a small ageing community. So we never quite felt like we fitted in or felt at home. So 6 months later we have now moved up to Cairns to live with a family friend. This is where the problems begins, my Husband has just started working (however it is for a very small company so hasn't really helped with a social side of things) whilst am still trying to find my big break. But we are both starting to get cabin fever almost, as we only know 2 people (my Father and his friend). We really want to get to know more people in the local area but are struggling to think of ways to do so. The typical problems such as low funds are causing worry which makes things worse i guess. We are aged 23 and 28 and would like to meet people our age ish. Mainly because we (I mainly) are missing home more because we see all the fun things our friends and family are doing at home on facebook and from emails yet we seem to accomplish very little. We gave up a lot to come here (full time job each as well as our own place and a car etc) and I know so many people would do anything to be in our position but it feels harder and harder to appreciate this opportunity. I don't want to quit as then i feel like it wasn't worth coming. Cairns seems to have a large young population but does anyone have any advice as to how to get in with the locals etc? Until recently in the last 6 months the longest time we have spent apart from each other is going to job interviews. However now am the only one with our a job I feel down and can't help but think of home. Is there a big Pom community in Cairns like there is in Brisbane or Sydney? Thank you in advance for any comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I don't have the magic recipe for meeting people but there are a couple of things that struck me from your post. First one is to maybe be more independent, you had your own place so why would you now live with dad and then his friend? Look to get your own place, a shared place with a neutral third party if absolutely necessary. But living with family and family friends might be stopping you from relaxing, you are probably on your best "house guest" behaviour, feel like it is rude to go out without your host etc etc. Stand on your own feet. Next thing I would say, is to not put yourself under undue pressure to meet other people, you have been in Australia for a short period of time and presumably Cairns even less. Enjoy your time with your husband and your beautiful new surroundings, there is no need to get cabin fever. There is so much pressure to make new friends and prove we have made new friends with a move, I personally think it creates a pressure of its own. By all means make an effort, take up some new or old interests, but try not to be consumed by the thinking "I must make friends". They will come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bears Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 Thank you Bungo! Getting our own place is definitely our goal. But with only one of us working we are trying to save up some money and then commit to our own place. I agree I think i am putting too much pressure on ourselves. I think i was a little naive that it would all be magical and everything would just fall in to place when we came. We both had a large social group at home (mainly from working in a large shop for my husband and I worked in a large fast food restaurant) So we are used to being surrounded by people we know. I think staying positive will help as well! Thanks again x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Hi Hun, I'm sorry to hear this. Cairns is basically made up of backpackers and if you want to meet up with them head to the Woolshed (cheap drink and food) you also have Gilligans. My eldest would have been in your age range and his friends but they moved down to Townsville last year to go to JCU. Apart from backpackers I would say most of the poms are older and in the outer burbs with children. Im also down in Townsville now due to health reasons but if I manage to get back up I'm happy to meet up and introduce you to a few people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Thank you Bungo! Getting our own place is definitely our goal. But with only one of us working we are trying to save up some money and then commit to our own place. I agree I think i am putting too much pressure on ourselves. I think i was a little naive that it would all be magical and everything would just fall in to place when we came. We both had a large social group at home (mainly from working in a large shop for my husband and I worked in a large fast food restaurant) So we are used to being surrounded by people we know. I think staying positive will help as well! Thanks again x House shares vary in cost, my middle son has been in 3 different ones now ranging from $100 - $200. If you are a citizen you should be able to claim benefits immediately. We had a member from the forum stay with us in Cairns, he was only there for a free holiday and claimed he had moved back and claimed housing and Centrelink. So get yourself down for that. Your partner won't be able to claim anything though. Also go down to the lagoon, it's free and lots of your age group hang around there reading books, swimming etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 but does anyone have any advice as to how to get in with the locals etc? The VERY best way to get in with the locals (anywhere in Australia) is to join a local sports team or club. Things like netball, volleyball, football, water-skiing, mountain bike riding. Anything related to "sport" especially sports with "teams". And then you will be "in like Flynn" as they say. And if you hate sport, then maybe try meeting locals through: church, pubs, volunteering, hobby groups, meet ups (http://www.meetup.com/cities/au/cairns/), community college, and so on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akiralx Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 But we are both starting to get cabin fever almost, as we only know 2 people (my Father and his friend). We really want to get to know more people in the local area but are struggling to think of ways to do so. The typical problems such as low funds are causing worry which makes things worse i guess. We are aged 23 and 28 and would like to meet people our age ish. Mainly because we (I mainly) are missing home more because we see all the fun things our friends and family are doing at home on facebook and from emails yet we seem to accomplish very little. You may have to get used to it - We have been here for 6 years and the only person I know here is my wife. I had a large circle of friends in the UK, but here it just doesn't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 We have been here for 6 years and the only person I know here is my wife. I had a large circle of friends in the UK, but here it just doesn't happen. Don't you have any hobbies or interests? Geelong has a population of about 180,000. There must be oodles of clubs, organisations and activities with something of interest to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country vic Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 You may have to get used to it - We have been here for 6 years and the only person I know here is my wife. I had a large circle of friends in the UK, but here it just doesn't happen. Sadly I agree. I am here with my dog, sure there are people who say hi but in 10 years no one has ever made me genuinely welcome. Some people here will be quick to blame and critise you and for a long time I thought it was me, I now realise it's the way it is, outsiders are useful for the economy but don't expect to be allowed in. Some people get lucky and happen to come into contact with people in a similar situation and circumstance and it might work out, but for the most part loneliness is the way it is. Australians actually brag about not being neighbourly, they brag about not speaking to anyone living around them, or ever allowing a neighbour into their home,they are proud of it. Going to 'stuff' is not the same as having real friends, just like Internet hugs are not real affection. Please don't allow people here to put you down, many people are in the same situation. It's a hard thing to admit to not being wanted, admitting it attracts the usual critics and cliches so many people suffer in silence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 You'll probably get used to it but stop thinking that you have to have friends - the harder you try, the less likely you are to succeed. Simple answer is to get out into the community and meet people, you never know if and when you will click with someone. Sports are one way in, other interest groups are good, volunteering is also a good way to go. Don't try to find Poms, you're in a foreign country now so mix with the natives. And, finally, don't expect friendships to be the same as the ones you've left behind. Good Luck but if it doesn't work for you, move on, you're young enough! Edited to say - Country Vic wrote as I was replying and a truer word has never been said! It was 32 years for me - loads of acquaintances but very very few friends (mostly long term expat Poms like myself as it happens although none were sought as such). Fast forward to the 4 years I have been back in UK - my diary is full (almost too full!) with activities with new friends and most are the "call at 3am" kind if you're in a jam. I'm much older than you but knitting groups were my social "in" to my long left home town - these are friendships I feel will stick whereas my Aus ones never did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Sadly I agree. I am here with my dog, sure there are people who say hi but in 10 years no one has ever made me genuinely welcome. Some people here will be quick to blame and critise you and for a long time I thought it was me, I now realise it's the way it is, outsiders are useful for the economy but don't expect to be allowed in. Some people get lucky and happen to come into contact with people in a similar situation and circumstance and it might work out, but for the most part loneliness is the way it is. Australians actually brag about not being neighbourly, they brag about not speaking to anyone living around them, or ever allowing a neighbour into their home,they are proud of it. Going to 'stuff' is not the same as having real friends, just like Internet hugs are not real affection. Please don't allow people here to put you down, many people are in the same situation. It's a hard thing to admit to not being wanted, admitting it attracts the usual critics and cliches so many people suffer in silence. Sorry to hear this. We moved into our street less than 2 weeks ago. There are only 12 houses in it but already we have met and spoken with all but one (next door on one side who keep themselves private which is fine as far as I am concerned). We have also been in 2 houses so far. Maybe we have just fallen on our feet here and I accept it is early days. Also in the first two weeks we have had several tradies here (don't ask). A plumber, aerial guy, pest control monitoring, and an issue with a faulty burglar alarm. All have arrived on time, been helpful, courteous, friendly and efficient. We have been made to feel very welcome since we arrived here in July by everyone we have contacted. Bank staff, council officers, even Centrelink (registering for Medicare) and Transport Office when applying for Aussie Drivers Licence. It is a pity that others have such bad experiences here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 You may have to get used to it - We have been here for 6 years and the only person I know here is my wife. I had a large circle of friends in the UK, but here it just doesn't happen. I have to admit, although I confidently said that friends will come in my earlier post, one of the reason I suggested OP not be consumed by it, is that I also did not make a friend in five years. But I think that is also just me, I am naturally a loner and it was not my priority. I had plenty of social interaction through work and went to social gatherings of people from work and I always found Australians nice and friendly. Now I have left, plenty of them are my Facebook friends and when I visit next year I will catch up with quite a few of them. But no, I didn't have friends there, just acquaintances, never went to anybody's house and the only person that ever came to my house was an old school friend from the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I think what you are experiencing is perfectly normal, after the initial euphoria wears off and life becomes normal you start to realise Australia isn't all 'that' actually it's not that different from the UK and you start to realise what you have given up. If you add to that employment difficulties, housing difficulties and financial worries it's pretty much a recipe for disaster. It certainly didn't help us making friends that we couldn't afford to spend money going out - not even for a coffee! It is difficult to know what to suggest without knowing your interests but the kind of things that come to mind are to join surf life saving, there is bound to be a local club, volunteer in some kind of way - I had a friend who volunteered for the RSPCA when she first came to Perth, at the very least volunteering is good for your state of mind, take up something 'free' with your partner - learn a new language together (lots of opportunities for language 'exchange' in Australia), or cycle/walk/birdwatch/anything - especially something new that doesn't get you comparing to the UK. I think you are at a 'difficult' age - what age isn't? Most people your age in Australia will still be very much attached to their school friends & that seems more the case than in the UK where people tend to move away from home for university. Once people start having children then new friendships develop but you're not there yet! If you're still waiting on your 'big break' why not get a job in a bar or coffee shop, especially in an area where younger people go. I wouldn't especially seek out poms myself - you may find your friends are transient and tbh I think there is a risk of feeling more isolated if you end up with an 'everything is awesome' crowd (protest too much I always think) or equally with friends who are struggling themselves and bring you down - much better to have Australian friends who can share their culture with you but are realistic about it's wonderfulness (or otherwise!) Just remember this will pass - you will get jobs, a place or your own and friends - only time will tell if it is on balance a better life than you had in the UK - for us in the end we decided not, but it was only when the housing, employment and financial woes ceased that we could really make that decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Sorry to hear this. We moved into our street less than 2 weeks ago. There are only 12 houses in it but already we have met and spoken with all but one (next door on one side who keep themselves private which is fine as far as I am concerned). We have also been in 2 houses so far. Maybe we have just fallen on our feet here and I accept it is early days. Also in the first two weeks we have had several tradies here (don't ask). A plumber, aerial guy, pest control monitoring, and an issue with a faulty burglar alarm. All have arrived on time, been helpful, courteous, friendly and efficient. We have been made to feel very welcome since we arrived here in July by everyone we have contacted. Bank staff, council officers, even Centrelink (registering for Medicare) and Transport Office when applying for Aussie Drivers Licence. It is a pity that others have such bad experiences here. It is a shame. Loneliness is bound to make folk feel a bit depressed. Like other people here on the forum though, I have been lucky enough to meet and make friends with lovely people. I still phone and email two good friends from Perth and we left there nearly 30 years ago. My three very good friends in Sydney I met at work 20 years ago. When I moved to Tasmania, two of them also moved away from Sydney, one to Port Stephens, one to Mount Wilson and the third is happy living in Dulwich Hill in Sydney. They have all visited us here and I'm hoping to get up to Sydney when we will have a get together. I have made friends here too - mainly through voluntary work and we do "stuff" together .................. days out when we will stop for lunch somewhere - go to the cinema - meet for coffee. OH has joined a couple of clubs and some days I hardly see him. He's off doing something or another with other club members. Some days though, I just want to be on my own - potter in the garden, go for long walks with my dog, do a bit of drawing and sketching, listen to music, read books. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Australians actually brag about not being neighbourly, they brag about not speaking to anyone living around them, or ever allowing a neighbour into their home,they are proud of it. Do they?! Been here over 20 years and never heard any Australians brag about such things. In the UK I knew one household (neighbour) in London. Here I know ten. And I am a shy person. You must have met some very STRANGE Australians. Then again there are some oddbods living in the country rural areas. So anything is possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Have said this before how different we all are. I feel blessed with the friends, acquaintences etc. be they good friends or just people whose company I keep when in the various activities I join in. I have had a lousy virus since I came back from UK. not a day has passed that someone has called to see how I am, be they Australians or other expats like me, absolutely no difference between them. My surrogate mother, at least 3rd generation Australian,who is absolutely lovely ( she decided to semi adopt me when I moved here 12 years ago!) age 89 checks most days to see how I am, my neighbour also Australian Came round with scones yesterday, mind you I think she was worried that my husband might be being a bit neglected!!! I Found the first 18 months difficult with no family here then, but once I made more effort, it all changed for the better, just like living any where else find some people lovely others not, it takes time to settle, but I genuinely believe if you smile at the world it tends to smile back at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Going to 'stuff' is not the same as having real friends Well that is true. But the best way to make real friends is by going to "stuff" and interacting with other people. And slowly over time tentative friendship grows into something real and lasting. You won't make real friends by sitting at home and posting on PIO........you need to get out and about doing "stuff". Personally I am a loner and enjoy my own company most of all. Also shy. But even I have managed to make some really good friends by joining groups and whatnot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Please don't allow people here to put you down ???!!!! I cannot see that happening here. Especially to genuine and heartfelt issues. Most people are here to offer advice and help where possible. I have never had hundreds of friends like some people. I prefer quality over quantity. But I do remember when I was in the UK and going through a bad friends drought. I asked my sister how come she had so many friends when I was having problems. She said she met ALL her friends through her children. Having children is a great ice breaker. But getting with like-minded people with the same interests would work in any scenario. For example, dog owners could join a dog group and make human friends through your dog. A neighbour of mine tells me she made fantastic lasting friendships just from walking her dog in a particular dog park years ago. The dogs have now all died; but the friendships remain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Does Cairns have a Surf Club? If you want to meet younger people and join in with a typical Aussie pass time I can recommend Surf Clubs. They usually have a subsidised bar, are on the beach generally with great views while you're in the bar and if you are sporty at all you will be welcomed with open arms and be in with a few people before you know it. If there's no surf club try tennis, the local swimming pool, squash club, golf. Aussies love their sport and you would be more likely to meet and chat to people in a sporting environment than sat in a pub these days. Everyone seems to be staring into their mobile between drinks and hardly ever speak to each other, let alone new people. Cheaper than pubs too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Do they?! Been here over 20 years and never heard any Australians brag about such things. In the UK I knew one household (neighbour) in London. Here I know ten. And I am a shy person. You must have met some very STRANGE Australians. Then again there are some oddbods living in the country rural areas. So anything is possible. Well that's how CV is finding it JimpingJilly!They're speaking from their own experience,which sounds different from yours.I lived rurally in Sth Aust and within a week,had more friends than I could shake a stick at.Someone else moving into the same town might of had a totally different experience. To the OP,you've been offered some good suggestions from other posters,so I'd look into those.Can I make a suggestion?You mentioned FB.I would try not to go onto FB too much as it could hinder you moving on so to speak.Its good to keep in contact with people,but FB can be a poor substitute for talking face to face with new friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Australians actually brag about not being neighbourly, they brag about not speaking to anyone living around them, or ever allowing a neighbour into their home,they are proud of it. Strangely, in my 6 decades in Australia, I have never once heard anyone brag about that. I have always known my neighbours, we have always been welcome in each others' houses and we have always helped out and been helped in times of need. So glad I've never lived where you have lived. Going to 'stuff' is not the same as having real friends The "stuff" I mentioned doesn't guarantee a lifelong friendship. But the chances of finding strong friendships is much greater with people of similar interests than a random group you may meet at work or a social event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Do they?! Been here over 20 years and never heard any Australians brag about such things. In the UK I knew one household (neighbour) in London. Here I know ten. And I am a shy person. You must have met some very STRANGE Australians. Then again there are some oddbods living in the country rural areas. So anything is possible. We rented in Como when we first moved here. The landlord and Landlady had the house at the front and we were in a unit at the back. We became very good friends with them, he gave me a job painting his house, got me in his squash team, took me to play tennis and wouldn't take a bean off me as I was unemployed for 5 months. They even helped us pack and move when we got our house. As soon as we moved in we had neighbours come round with drinks, next door were an older couple who had a pool and we were invited round for a few drinks and food and met the other neighbours while there. Everyone seems to make and effort when people move into the area, mostly because a lot of us have been through the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpingjellybean Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Everyone seems to be staring into their mobile between drinks and hardly ever speak to each other, let alone new people. I went out for a romantic meal with my partner. We were having a good old chin wag and whispering sweet nothings. When we suddenly noticed how quite the restaurant was. Every other couple was individually on their mobiles. Not talking. Not making eye contact. Just texting or whatever they were doing. Me and my partner were joking that they were probably texting each other across the tabletop. This was one of the most bizarre situation I have ever been in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Same for us. Neither of has made a real friend in 7 years. We have tried a range of things like clubs - I have done a number of sports clubs and my wife has as well as well as art groups and art classes. But, nil. Tried chatting to the neighbours and things, but not as much as a coffee. Made friends easily previously. We moved to a new area a few years before we moved to Oz and within a year we had made some wonderful and close friends who are still close friends today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chlooe19 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Hi Everyone, I was just wondering if it was possible to get a little bit of advice from some of you wonderful people. I'll try and keep this short.... My Husband and I moved over from the UK in January, I have dual citizenship and he is on a WHV (with the aim to get a spouse visa if all goes well) We were fortunate to be able to move in with family (my Father) when we arrived, however this meant living in a small ageing community. So we never quite felt like we fitted in or felt at home. So 6 months later we have now moved up to Cairns to live with a family friend. This is where the problems begins, my Husband has just started working (however it is for a very small company so hasn't really helped with a social side of things) whilst am still trying to find my big break. But we are both starting to get cabin fever almost, as we only know 2 people (my Father and his friend). We really want to get to know more people in the local area but are struggling to think of ways to do so. The typical problems such as low funds are causing worry which makes things worse i guess. We are aged 23 and 28 and would like to meet people our age ish. Mainly because we (I mainly) are missing home more because we see all the fun things our friends and family are doing at home on facebook and from emails yet we seem to accomplish very little. We gave up a lot to come here (full time job each as well as our own place and a car etc) and I know so many people would do anything to be in our position but it feels harder and harder to appreciate this opportunity. I don't want to quit as then i feel like it wasn't worth coming. Cairns seems to have a large young population but does anyone have any advice as to how to get in with the locals etc? Until recently in the last 6 months the longest time we have spent apart from each other is going to job interviews. However now am the only one with our a job I feel down and can't help but think of home. Is there a big Pom community in Cairns like there is in Brisbane or Sydney? Thank you in advance for any comments. I am in the middle of applying for residency with my partner. He is located in Tully and I live in Cairns due to work situations. I use to be the same, I know how you feel and it defiantly can be hard, I have slowly built up a couple of good friends. My main thing was although I work in a popular travel shop I was just sick of making friends that moved on every 6 months. I will hopefully be around for a while so.. If you want to grab a coffee in town 1 day feel free to give me a shout Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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