How to convince your 81 year old mum to come and visit

[Parley]

It probably is unreasonable to expect a very old parent to follow the child's dream of moving to the other side of the world.

It would be incredibly worrying for an 81 year old.

 

I wouldn't do it personally.

 

Either go on your own, or wait until after she has passed away would be best really.

[ramot]

My mum was late 70's when we left. My father in law early 90's and I still remember him saying 'I'll never see them again' Breaks your heart to leave people. My mum is now 82 and nothing on earth would get her on that plane. None of my family have come to see me despite frequent invites. This makes me sad as I want to share how lovely parts of Oz can me but I totally understand. They want to spend their money on going places much nearer, more convenient and quite frankly with a whole lot more to offer than Brisbane. The attraction of Oz has faded for me over the past 8 years and I am convinced that it is not a great place to grow old unless you are very rich and have a large circle of friends and family here. Simple pleasures for my mum like strolling to the beach, popping on the local bus to the shops, spending all hours in the garden would not be possible due to restrictions of distance and climate here. I do appreciate that you would miss your mum dreadfully. But for older people IMO the UK has so much more to offer. If she doesn't want to come you have a really difficult decision. I am sure she wants to be with you - but Australia may have no draw to her other than the fact that you are there. In my 50's I'm starting to find the flight gruelling - even early 40's I found it rather exciting. I have huge admiration for anyone who attempts it in their 80's but if I'm lucky enough to live that long I want to be home in the security and familiarity of the UK

 

just have to reply to this. Both my husband and I are happily retired in our 70's and here for 12 years, having moved here for retirement with no family here.We were up for adventure in retirement.(some would imply i must be in my dotage by now)

we have a fantastic life, only in when we want to be. Every interest you could have is probably catered for. All the usual help that is available in UK is probably on offer here, eg meals on wheels should you need them.

No different a life in UK, where our retired friends have an equally good life, but shame about the weather. The warm is better for these old bones.

 

It amazes me that sweeping statements are made about retirement here.I seriously know so many retired here and trust me most of us are having a ball, spend time gardening, obviously not in the hottest time of the day, walking, swimming, going to excercise classes, enjoying hobbies, golf etc. etc. How good is it to swim in our own swimming pool.

Also not many of us are mega rich either. There is a lot of help financially here, which I honestly don't know if you get the same in UK, I will ask friends, when I manage cope with our annual UK flight this year. Yes in economy.

 

sorry to rant, but it's important to point out that you can be happy here in retirement just as you can in UK.

[newjez]

It's crunch time....we validated in November 2013 and have until November 2017 to get to Oz, a window of opportunity has come up and leaving Jan 2016 would be a good option, however I have a very big sticking point....my mum. If we go now she will be on her own, we will be taking her two grandchildren away from her and they are basically her life, when we came back from our validation trip at the end of 2013, she wouldn't really talk about us leaving and although she would never stop us I know leaving her would be devastating for her, but at the time she had said she would come out and visit plus she had my older sister back here, unfortunately my sister passed away suddenly in January this year and my mum is now point blank refusing to travel.

 

Our Australian adventure was something we always wanted to do and we worked very hard to be in a position to get a PR visa, taking over 4 years to be granted and at this moment a lot of things such as work, finances, school ages for kids etc have lined up that going in the next 6-8 months would work very well but going and my mum not visiting for extended periods is not an option.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, has anyone been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? I'm thinking I need to sit down with her and run through everything with her and make her understand what it means to us and how we work around her fears about coming to visit, the plane journey etc.. but at the moment I'm dreading that conversation

 

Why don't you offer to go and get her?

[weaver]

I, too, would have to say that my life has greatly improved here in Oz. Back in the UK the weather was frequently far too wet windy and cold to go out in the fresh air for long and, at least where I was living, there were few clubs and groups for the elderly to attend. Here in Perth, I attend classes at a school for over 50's, Keep Fit and Yoga at yet another centre for the over 50's that also provides meals and organizes trips, and I get to swim in the pool every day over most of the year. When you include the free transport to shops, parks and other venues of interest then it's hard to argue that life is not fuller, and healthier, here in Oz.

[flag of convenience]

just have to reply to this. Both my husband and I are happily retired in our 70's and here for 12 years, having moved here for retirement with no family here.We were up for adventure in retirement.(some would imply i must be in my dotage by now)

we have a fantastic life, only in when we want to be. Every interest you could have is probably catered for. All the usual help that is available in UK is probably on offer here, eg meals on wheels should you need them.

No different a life in UK, where our retired friends have an equally good life, but shame about the weather. The warm is better for these old bones.

 

It amazes me that sweeping statements are made about retirement here.I seriously know so many retired here and trust me most of us are having a ball, spend time gardening, obviously not in the hottest time of the day, walking, swimming, going to excercise classes, enjoying hobbies, golf etc. etc. How good is it to swim in our own swimming pool.

Also not many of us are mega rich either. There is a lot of help financially here, which I honestly don't know if you get the same in UK, I will ask friends, when I manage cope with our annual UK flight this year. Yes in economy.

 

sorry to rant, but it's important to point out that you can be happy here in retirement just as you can in UK.

 

While glad you are happy in your retirement here, with regards to sweeping statements, a member of my family retuned just prior to 81 to UK, forfeiting the 'good life' of beach and bridge, for a life of easy travel, short distance between places, country walks, pretty countryside, a sense of belonging while still playing bridge and to the best of my knowledge never looking back.

Hardly unique in returning but far older than most.

[flag of convenience]

I, too, would have to say that my life has greatly improved here in Oz. Back in the UK the weather was frequently far too wet windy and cold to go out in the fresh air for long and, at least where I was living, there were few clubs and groups for the elderly to attend. Here in Perth, I attend classes at a school for over 50's, Keep Fit and Yoga at yet another centre for the over 50's that also provides meals and organizes trips, and I get to swim in the pool every day over most of the year. When you include the free transport to shops, parks and other venues of interest then it's hard to argue that life is not fuller, and healthier, here in Oz.

 

I agree it certainly can be. But not necessary so. Distance and driving being factors depending on location. Perhaps heat in summer. Saying that I think I'd prefer the warmer weather with age. Damp climates like I recall in Ireland not for me. Chances are though you were perhaps living in a far smaller place in UK. I found plenty for older folk in my area being so many in evidence.

[Paul1Perth]

LOL...I'm the husband but my wife is of the same opinion as me, living in Australia is something she'd like to experience but its not the end of the world if we don't go, she certainly doesn't think we should leave without my mum agreeing that she would come and visit. However we both agree we'd probably regret not taking the opportunity buy that's life sometimes it doesn't work out as you want.

 

Funny how I always assume that it's a female thing to want to look after Mum and think about kids feelings and the rest of the family.:rolleyes: If you and the missus are on the same page with the Australia thing then you're on a winner. We would have been devastated, once we decided we wanted to come, if something had stopped us.

[ramot]

While glad you are happy in your retirement here, with regards to sweeping statements, a member of my family retuned just prior to 81 to UK, forfeiting the 'good life' of beach and bridge, for a life of easy travel, short distance between places, country walks, pretty countryside, a sense of belonging while still playing bridge and to the best of my knowledge never looking back.

Hardly unique in returning but far older than most.

 

But I only wrote that you can have an equally good life in retirement in both countries, replying to to an inference that being retired in oz was potentially a miserable existence, I never crticised any one for moving countries? I admire any one whatever age who up sticks to another country.

 

Sorry flag, re-read this and apologise as thought you were upset at my post.

Edited June 11, 2015 by ramot

[flag of convenience]

But I only wrote that you can have an equally good life in retirement in both countries, replying to to an inference that being retired in oz was potentially a miserable existence, I never crticised any one for moving countries? I admire any one whatever age who up sticks to another country.

 

Sorry flag, re-read this and apologise as thought you were upset at my post.

 

Not a problem. Far be it for me to be upset at others posts. As you say as long as all are happy in their decision. I'm amazed at the list of potential retirement countries being 'pushed' these days. I must say I never understand how Ecuador ranks top in recent years.

[Marisawright]

Bungo, Quoll I appreciate what you are saying and my mum is more important to me that living in Australia however equally IMHO I'm not actually asking that much of her, she would have to "endure" an uncomfortable trip once in 3 months, she is in the fortunate position to be able to travel business class or even a 45 day cruise on the Queen Elizabeth to get to Oz. The life she has here revolves around my family and in particular her grand daughters, why you think being able to spend more time with the family she cares about so much in a climate far more conducive to good health as opposed to stuck in her house in the UK on her own would be classed as comparative penury I have no idea.

 

The climate isn't necessarily more conducive to good health depending on how she reacts to heat - older people often find it very trying. However, I think Quoll thought you were suggesting she move out permanently, which costs so many thousands of dollars that she might have very little left to live on. #

 

I do think business class would help, but what would help much more is to arrange wheelchair or buggy transport to and from the plane at each end. My MIL had that - she was in her seventies and quite hale and hearty so she thought it was a bit unnecessary at Heathrow, but she did appreciate it at the other end.