adelenaylor Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I've Been in Queensland now 10years and for the last 4 years have missed home. my difficulty is that my marriage is just about to break up and my boys are 19 and 17 and will not move back at all. i don't blame them but it makes my decision hard. im also scared to fit back in. anyone on here moved back and felt the same Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 The UK hasn't changed that much in 10 years. Your kids could live anywhere. It's really about what you want and why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janlo Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I've Been in Queensland now 10years and for the last 4 years have missed home.my difficulty is that my marriage is just abouUK pt to break up and my boys are 19 and 17 and will not move back at all. i don't blame them but it makes my decision hard. im also scared to fit back in. anyone on here moved back and felt the same They might do if mum sets up a nice home for them. I unless they're the beachy, hot sunshine type there's more going on back in the UK for their age group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Hi , you will fit back in especially if you have lovely people around you . I could fit back in like a glove . I was crying my eyes out yesterday when I left my mates . You will fit back in . I've had such a fantastic time here and feel on top of the world . I got excited over green hills lol and sheep and quality bedding and towels in dunelm haha sad I know ! My kids will not come back and I don't blame them . sorry to hear about us marriage ! x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Hi , you will fit back in especially if you have lovely people around you . I could fit back in like a glove . I was crying my eyes out yesterday when I left my mates . You will fit back in . I've had such a fantastic time here and feel on top of the world . I got excited over green hills lol and sheep and quality bedding and towels in dunelm haha sad I know ! My kids will not come back and I don't blame them . sorry to hear about your marriage ! x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 The kids are pretty much adults and will be off living there own lives soon. Time to do and be where makes you happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 What kids think at 17 and 19 is not necessarily what they think at 27 and 29! At that age neither of my boys would ever contemplate not living in Aus. Now one of them is happily established in UK and not planning on leaving anytime soon! Your kids could end up anywhere so now is the time together your life back and be happy. Do what's right for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Im with everyone else,you could stay in Oz just because of your kids and then they move away!!! I'd do some research first,re any financial help you might need in the UK (as in benefits if you should need them),are you going to rent/buy?Jobs?Family for support?Sorry to hear of your marriage ending. Welcome to PIO,you'll find lots of support here!:cute: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Ten years is little time at all in the theme of things. I definitely echo what the others say. If returning is your burning desire do not hold back. The kids will decide themselves where their futures lay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BacktoDemocracy Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I've Been in Queensland now 10years and for the last 4 years have missed home.my difficulty is that my marriage is just about to break up and my boys are 19 and 17 and will not move back at all. i don't blame them but it makes my decision hard. im also scared to fit back in. anyone on here moved back and felt the same Returned back after almost 10 years in Qld, I'm a pensioner and wife younger, just to give you background, I had exact same feelings in the end about Qld. Wife wanted to continue to work in fairly narrow field of charity management outside London and had a job in 4.5 months and is now considering retraining for her 3rd career, none of which i think could have been achieved easily in oz, people have been very accepting and most of our old friend's have hardly changed jobs or addresses, I do feel that people have been very friendly and the beer actually tastes of something. sorry to hear about the marriage breakdown, very stressful and confidence sapping, maybe concentrating on doing something for yourself will help with getting thro it. All the best whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Go home. You deserve it. Your children are older, and I am so sorry to hear your marriage has broken up. I find it hard to stay even with a good marriage (but not perfect). Look at it as a new chance on life. And you never know, your children might very easily decide to move back to UK as well. But as you know, the ages they are, you can not force it. But it is a real possibility. Please do what is best for you. Go where you are happy and where you can relax. Put yourself first. If they need, the kids will follow. xX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Whilst I understand the sentiments being expressed here I am a little surprised that so many find it so easy to just say that the OP should up and leave her 17 and 19 year old sons in Oz. I wonder how many of those responding would recoil in horror if someone was looking to emigrate from UK to Oz leaving teenage sons back in the UK. No mention has been made about how dependent her sons still are financially or emotionally on their mother at what is a difficult age for many. I agree that you should look to make plans to return if that is what you need for your future happiness but would recommend that you consider the timing very carefully to manage the upset this may cause (notwithstanding any financial implications for all parties). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I don't think I could leave my youngest , my middle one maybe but not me youngest . I was dancing around the kitchen to Tom jones the green green grass of home lol my son said if I hear you play that one more time haha I said you my friend will be blarting next week when I get on that big bird and you will be wishing I was still dancing around us kitchen lol he said I know haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 So what are your childhood experiences like! Good on her for seeking advice to make a new life. And at the ages of her children, and a marriage breakup, that is exactly what she should do! Have sympathy rather than judgement! Shelly, well you know I have such a soft spot for you, but this woman has to put herself first! If the kids are not stupid and know right from wrong, mum will not be in the wrong and one day they might return to support her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 So what are your childhood experiences like! Good on her for seeking advice to make a new life. And at the ages of her children, and a marriage breakup, that is exactly what she should do! Have sympathy rather than judgement! Shelly, well you know I have such a soft spot for you, but this woman has to put herself first! If the kids are not stupid and know right from wrong, mum will not be in the wrong and one day they might return to support her. Oh no kiwiinaus , that's just me I would not judge her for leaving kids omg no I did it in UK to my eldest , I still feel guilt mind and over compensate with him but oh no I would never judge the lady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 So what are your childhood experiences like! Good on her for seeking advice to make a new life. And at the ages of her children, and a marriage breakup, that is exactly what she should do! Have sympathy rather than judgement!Shelly, well you know I have such a soft spot for you, but this woman has to put herself first! If the kids are not stupid and know right from wrong, mum will not be in the wrong and one day they might return to support her. I assume that this was in response to my post. I know you hate Australia and may have good cause for that, I don't know, but you do need to look beyond the location and try to appreciate the issue. Would you offer the same advice to a person looking to move from the UK to Oz leaving their children behind. I suspect not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Bless you above for replying so quickly. I sooo value what you two above say. Yes I am very unhappy in Queensland. And I absolutely do appreciate the issue here. My first thought was when I read this post was "oh how hard, because she has a marriage break up to deal with, plus two children. I felt my heart tug. God that must be hard. I am focussing on moving back to England with a marriage intact and it is still hard.! I do hate Australia, been in many countries for those who don't know me, yes hate Australia, but staying here, do very much appreciate the issue. Yes I do offer the same advice. Leave. You can not heal or progress or become a better person until you leave and have a fresh start. And then do everything possible to encourage your children to if not move to, but at least visit. But the ages they are, you need to re gain your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I left home (Oz)when I was 18,and went travelling alone for a couple of years,so 17 & 19 aren't too young I don't think.I respect the OP's opinion actually because she has obviously given all this a lot of thought,especially when it comes to her kids. For all we know (OP apologies,I am assuming here so please correct me if I am wrong)she may have to leave the marital home rather than stay around for a while.Starting over again is bloody hard (done it myself)so I am guessing the OP,rather than move within Oz again,then have to move to the UK when the kids are older,is moving straight where she wants to be.Its unsettling enough separating without the added stress of potentially moving twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I assume that this was in response to my post. I know you hate Australia and may have good cause for that, I don't know, but you do need to look beyond the location and try to appreciate the issue. Would you offer the same advice to a person looking to move from the UK to Oz leaving their children behind. I suspect not. I guess, is there a fundamental difference between the first migration, and the retreat from the first migration. Not always I admit, but in some instances I feel there is. The first migration is opportunistic. The second may not be. But regardless, it really depends on the children. Some children are very independent, even at 17. Some are not. Personally, I had as little to do with my parents as I could at that age. It all comes down to the op's situation, which she hasn't expanded upon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Well I beat you Jacaranda. Left home at 17, not my choice. Went travelling alone at 20! And yes kids mean everything. And how do you know she has given this a lot of thought? You have started over again. So have a few of us. When I read this it really got my sentiments. But poster is holding back. We would like to help you. But you are being a little clinical about your true feelings or the true circumstances. Please be honest and seek help. A lot of people here have been through a lot and we want to make you feel better, and give some meaningful advice. Hope you can give out a little more info, and hope we can help you more. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 sorry grey sky bit slow on uptake tonight! You ask do I offer same advice someone leaving UK for Australia leaving children? In truth, can not answer that. I am in awe of families who have long lasting happy relationships with their adult children. Unfortunately not the case in my family. I think it depends on circumstances. Must be wonderful for adults with elder children who stick together. But that is not always the case. Sometimes children who are elder teenagers are better to get away and have a fresh start and try. And sometimes adults need to release their elder teenage children. So I have sympathy either way. Well you have ended up in Surrey. So that is pretty damn good. And you have made choices. I just think the poster sounds a bit in denial, and I think there is probably a lot of hurt there. There is reason to be upset, post here, and seek help. Not everyone can spill their guts, fair enough, just hope people can come here and leave felling better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I've Been in Queensland now 10years and for the last 4 years have missed home.my difficulty is that my marriage is just about to break up and my boys are 19 and 17 and will not move back at all. i don't blame them but it makes my decision hard. im also scared to fit back in. anyone on here moved back and felt the same Bloody hell .....i have just read some of the replies ,and iam quite shocked ... " go live your own life ...carry on ...you deserve it " .....these are your children ,not your mates. I would do my best to hold the family together . I know children bugger off eventually,but that's on their terms ,not yours. Family is everything .....i don't mean you have to live in each others pockets .....if there is an ounce of motherhood in you ,and iam sure there is,then being 12,000 miles away from your children will be painful ,and hardly bloody worth it P.s I respect the other opinions ,just surprised at the responses Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Well I beat you Jacaranda. Left home at 17, not my choice. Went travelling alone at 20! And yes kids mean everything. And how do you know she has given this a lot of thought? You have started over again. So have a few of us. When I read this it really got my sentiments. But poster is holding back. We would like to help you. But you are being a little clinical about your true feelings or the true circumstances. Please be honest and seek help. A lot of people here have been through a lot and we want to make you feel better, and give some meaningful advice. Hope you can give out a little more info, and hope we can help you more. x I beat you both. I left home at 16 :wink: My choice with my parents blessing. Shared a cottage in the Lake District for three years with three other girls while gaining a diploma in veterinary nursing. Some of the happiest years of my life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 sorry grey sky bit slow on uptake tonight! You ask do I offer same advice someone leaving UK for Australia leaving children? In truth, can not answer that. I am in awe of families who have long lasting happy relationships with their adult children. Unfortunately not the case in my family. I think it depends on circumstances. Must be wonderful for adults with elder children who stick together. But that is not always the case. Sometimes children who are elder teenagers are better to get away and have a fresh start and try. And sometimes adults need to release their elder teenage children. So I have sympathy either way. Well you have ended up in Surrey. So that is pretty damn good. And you have made choices. I just think the poster sounds a bit in denial, and I think there is probably a lot of hurt there. There is reason to be upset, post here, and seek help. Not everyone can spill their guts, fair enough, just hope people can come here and leave felling better. I think that closeness or not, in families is developed early on .....some kids cant wait to get away ....some are encouraged to bugger off ....I will probably have the opposite problem .....my 2 wont go far .....i don't know whether that's a good or bad thing . I met a family in Liverpool ,and they all lived in the same cul de sac .....including 11 grand children .....another family the grand parents..parents and grandkids ....lived on a site with a beautiful property and 2 converted barns where the parents and children lived ....the idea was as the children grew up ....the grandparents would then move into the smallest conversion ,and a family would take over the main house .....it seemed to Be working very well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adelenaylor Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Thank you everyone for your words. I am taking baby steps and will split and stay here for a while first. My oldest boy already lives up north in the mines and he only comes home once a month if I'm lucky. My youngest finishes school in November so I'm unsure what he plans to do and he's unsure too. I don't hate Australia, both here and UK have there good and bad points. I just have missed th UK for the last 4 years, and my family and friends. I go back regular but it seems to make me worse. The kids are the only thing that is keeping me here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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