LynneW Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 OK, so I am new to this site but would be so interested to hear any thoughts on my dilemma. We have lived here in Oz (Brisbane for 13 years) and I have nothing negative to say at all, expect it's been hard at times to feel settled. We have two children, born here and are in junior school, age 7 years and 9 years. I was feeling OK here until I went home for a visit in 2012 and again in April this year. Just tried to push it all to the back of my mind when we came from from our 2012 visit, but all came back again when we came back from our visit this year. Feeling the real 'pull' of home. Saw how it was when my kids spent time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Felt we had missed out on lots of family occasions, eg christenings, special birthdays, Christmas, nieces and nephews growing up who are the same age as my kids. Had forgotten how beautiful parts of England were and the history it holds. My husband feels it but not as much as me. He has a good job and I am currently not working (made redundant a while ago) So - should we go back and let my kids grow up with more family around them (like my husband and I did when we were kids), spend quality time with the grandparents as after all we don't know how long they have left ( I'm wondering if our lives as a family unit will be enhanced by the love and support of our families back in England? Can we leave behind the glorious weather that gives us a more outdoor lifestyle here in Brisbane? Is this enough to keep us here and away from our families? I know there would be a lot of logistics to sort out, eg house, super funds bank accounts etc - but they are only logistics aren't they? So many thoughts going around in my head, I'm just hoping I'm not the only one out there having the same dilemma and they can give my their thoughts ) Look forward to hearing from anyone - thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 One thing to think about is that when you go back from here to visit you are on holiday. Will you be spending as much time with your loved ones in reality if you live there. When you are both working, when kids are in school etc. I have seen it with a couple of people i know here in Perth. They went back and they stepped back onto the hamster wheel of life and things weren't as they remembered when they were on holiday there. Good luck with your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulRaynor Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hi Lynne, I've now been in Brisbane for 15 years and have felt the pull of home for some time. I am divorced and the kids have grown up so really think its time to move on but I need to line up a job before I return to the UK. Family reasons are the predominant issue on this forum and the MBTTUK group. I have no family left at home but still feel I want to take it as a new life chapter. Kids? well no one followed us out here so they have made great friends easily as a family substitute, that's what I have noticed the most and I think that's the main issue, as a teacher my advice would be to make the decision before secondary school. Last year I wrote down a list of reasons for and against returning. I filled a full page on reasons for, against there were 2 words. "The Kids" Yours are still young enough to re-adapt I think but in my experience as I'm sure in many others, the teenage years are not so easy and nowhere on holiday is the same as living there. I'm looking forward to it though and hope you will make the decision that makes you happiest. Good luck Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 OK, so I am new to this site but would be so interested to hear any thoughts on my dilemma. We have lived here in Oz (Brisbane for 13 years) and I have nothing negative to say at all, expect it's been hard at times to feel settled. We have two children, born here and are in junior school, age 7 years and 9 years. I was feeling OK here until I went home for a visit in 2012 and again in April this year. Just tried to push it all to the back of my mind when we came from from our 2012 visit, but all came back again when we came back from our visit this year. Feeling the real 'pull' of home. Saw how it was when my kids spent time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Felt we had missed out on lots of family occasions, eg christenings, special birthdays, Christmas, nieces and nephews growing up who are the same age as my kids. Had forgotten how beautiful parts of England were and the history it holds. My husband feels it but not as much as me. He has a good job and I am currently not working (made redundant a while ago) So - should we go back and let my kids grow up with more family around them (like my husband and I did when we were kids), spend quality time with the grandparents as after all we don't know how long they have left ( I'm wondering if our lives as a family unit will be enhanced by the love and support of our families back in England? Can we leave behind the glorious weather that gives us a more outdoor lifestyle here in Brisbane? Is this enough to keep us here and away from our families? I know there would be a lot of logistics to sort out, eg house, super funds bank accounts etc - but they are only logistics aren't they? So many thoughts going around in my head, I'm just hoping I'm not the only one out there having the same dilemma and they can give my their thoughts ) Look forward to hearing from anyone - thanks! Hi Lynne and welcome to POI. Family is definitely a tough one. For me it wins hands down every time and I would choose family (especially the time children can spend with them) over sunshine any day of the week. I would suggest you do a list, for's and against for both countries. We did this and it literally came down to giving up the sunshine to gain family....and theres no comparison is there. Im an big softie and sentimental person, really close to family. Christmas is a key factor too...IMHO anyway. Have you got citizenship here now? I would suggest getting that if not then go back to UK and give that a go for x years like you did here and see. Family is family, sunshine is just weather....again, in my opinion. Keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hello What others have said is good. I don't have much to add. I think if you have Aus citizenship (so that door is not closed to you should you wish to return) and you all want it, consider it carefully and see where it takes you. You might find that returning to the UK, if you don't say 'its forever' you may find you can spend a few happy years there and the kids finish school or you decide after a few years it has been lovely but you'd rather be in Aus and return in time for the kids to finish their schooling in Aus. Or you return a a point later or not. There is no hard and fast rule. I think your kids would benefit from it if they were indeed seeing family and so on on a regular basis, being involved in their lives and vice versa but if you end up living miles away or only seeing them rarely, is that reason to take them back and away from their home in Aus? I'd weigh it up but honestly, if you want it, I don't see any reason not to go. Be prepared its going to be hard, it will cost financially and work wise things may be tough, but if you really want to be there, you'll find a way and I'm sure it'll be good. Short term it might hit hard, but its a long haul thing Good luck with it all. Let us know how you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmab1995 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Once that pull gets nothing can stop it .... i have learnt that the hard way i tried for 2 yrs to ignore it but one of my very good friends had all ready gone through it ( she was back in the uk ) and she said to me when it starts nothing makes it go away until you have made the choice ????? We have been here 8 yrs .... we go back end of july and like you its the family pull (like most of us) ..... a few times i have said to hubby are we doing the right thing but it only because of the weather and family get togethers are worth alot more than the weather .... thats what i think anyway ..... And my kids are 19 , 16 , 13 ...... but they can not wait .... Good luck with whatever you decide xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I've said it many times but both of my, now adult, sons have independently expressed their regret at the isolation of our little family growing up in Aus. They say that they had a happy childhood but now, having partnered with girls from monster extended families they have felt the hole in their lives from not having grown up with their extended family in closer contact. My regret is, I think, that as a result, both of them have developed into young men who are just a tad too selfish and self contained (but their wives are whipping them into shape LOL) That said - reading posts of returnees who have struggled, it seems a lot of them went back for family and friends only to find that said family and friends have moved on and on returning they weren't the centre of attention. Must say that hasn't been the case for me but, from reports, it appears to have been for some returnees. If you do move on, just think of it as a new beginning and expect to have to work at making friends, not just expect to slip back exactly into the social milieu you had and you'll be OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 You can always go back for visits as an option. If you're not happy in Australia then you have the answer but if you are then thats a tough decision. My family are spread far and wide and we always get together when we can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Our two adult children are the exact opposite to quoll's both came out here as young adults (teenagers) both have been back to UK for holidays with the daughter spending a year there on a working holiday, both, after these visits, now say that Australia is home, and just enjoy the family whenever the opportunity arises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I've said it many times but both of my, now adult, sons have independently expressed their regret at the isolation of our little family growing up in Aus You have summed up my concerns right here Quoll! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 A lot depends on your family and how close you were to them. With our family we have grown apart- we now have little or nothing to do with those left in England. Mainly because they are not interested in us and never reply to emails etc- so we gave up, so to speak. We have a fairly large family here now with all the children and children's children so it doesn't matter to us now- though in the past we used to find it quite hurtful. If you are still close then you won't have that problem and it would certainly be nice to have your children experience the extended family- only a small window of opportunity for that to happen, too. You could always return one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 We have lived here in Oz (Brisbane for 13 years) and I have nothing negative to say at all, expect it's been hard at times to feel settled. We have two children, born here and are in junior school, age 7 years and 9 years. I was feeling OK here until I went home for a visit in 2012 and again in April this year. Just tried to push it all to the back of my mind when we came from from our 2012 visit, but all came back again when we came back from our visit this year. Feeling the real 'pull' of home. Saw how it was when my kids spent time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Felt we had missed out on lots of family occasions, eg christenings, special birthdays, Christmas, nieces and nephews growing up who are the same age as my kids. Had forgotten how beautiful parts of England were and the history it holds. My husband feels it but not as much as me. He has a good job and I am currently not working (made redundant a while ago) So - should we go back and let my kids grow up with more family around them (like my husband and I did when we were kids), spend quality time with the grandparents as after all we don't know how long they have left ( I'm wondering if our lives as a family unit will be enhanced by the love and support of our families back in England? As others have said, I think the big question is, how much did you see your family when you lived in the UK? Will you be able to live near them when you return? When you were back on holiday, you were the centre of attention and everyone made time for you - but realistically, how often are you/they likely to visit if you go back? The answer might be that you used to live in your family's pockets and you're confident the same will apply when you return - and if so, I'd say it's probably a good idea. Otherwise, perhaps not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaea93 Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Sometimes, it is easy to say go or stay but what we really fail to comprehend is that whether we stay or go, there are a lot of decisions and sacrifices to make. You know, once you've decided to go, you have a lot of things are to be prepared. Should you bring all of your stuffs back to UK? Or will you just leave it in Brisbane? How about your friends? Although you are originally from UK, you've developed strong relationship with the community you're in, won't you miss them? You see, when you are planning to move, it's not just about the money, consider also the emotional pain it'll cause you and of course the stress it can give you when moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 I'm not the best adviser, as I would go in a heartbeat but am trapped here due to kid's education. Once they get to teenage years your choices narrow. You've got some good advice here. If you have citizenship you are free to come and go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 I'm just holding out for citizenship , if I'm not settled by then I'm off back , like it here and feel more at home than perth , but not enough for me , carnt pull my lad out of school again niether he's only 18 months left . my son and grandson are my big draw back , love me other family but it my son and grandson I miss , well grandson I've not met yet they are coming in July though . Im im seeing my eldest son here struggle for jobs , I see him scratching his head and sighing a lot , I feel for him , but has soon has he says he's insulin dependant ,it seems to me nobody wants to know . He will have to go to uni because there is nothing else , but he doesn't want to go and I carnt force a 20 yr old , he needs a apprentiship I think he's very good hands on and excellent at maths , not so great with English . Obviously he can speak English lol . you follow your heart 13 yrs is a fair go , and you probably have citizenship so it's no biggy to come back again . To be honest it's nothing like I thought it would be here , my hubby prefers it than England , he doesn't prefer the way the do things in work he says they have a lot to improve on lol .but the place he prefers . I miss people popping in family , friends , party's , no life here when it's dark not really , unless you go in the city , but I'm different than most a lot my age have young kids lol . To me in comparison I had more of a life In the uk , used to look forward to my fri , sat nights out with friends , miss christenings , Xmas birthday get togethers . I like the sun and big open spaces but something still not blowing up my frock . Maybe I need my own house to settle , maybe . I don't know what it is . I understand though , my hubby's mate in uk who's a aussie , did say to my hubby after 2 years you will be **** bored in perth , lol . But here has something , but something missing . A lady I spoke to other day she's a Ozzie she said to me what you come here for , my boys are in uk and love the life they have , she said she's even bored of here , lol . Family is the biggest thing , but I would hold out for citizenship just in case , but for you go give it ago you can always come back . :chatterbox: Good luck whatever you decide . :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Our two adult children are the exact opposite to quoll's both came out here as young adults (teenagers) both have been back to UK for holidays with the daughter spending a year there on a working holiday, both, after these visits, now say that Australia is home, and just enjoy the family whenever the opportunity arises. That's the difference - yours moved as young adults, having grown up with extended family around them. Mine grew up isolated. They may well have been different had they grown up amongst their wider family. One of mine calls Australia home (well, his wife does!) and the other can't even be bothered to go back for holidays now that he's discovered the big wide world and its opportunities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolvesaussie Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I grew up isolated in Australia, didnt bother me in the slightest... . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I'm not the best adviser, as I would go in a heartbeat but am trapped here due to kid's education. Once they get to teenage years your choices narrow. You've got some good advice here. If you have citizenship you are free to come and go. We too would go in a heartbeat but like you circumstances at the moment don't allow. Will i hope at some stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I miss people popping in family , friends , party's , no life here when it's dark not really , unless you go in the city , but I'm different than most a lot my age have young kids lol . To me in comparison I had more of a life In the uk , used to look forward to my fri , sat nights out with friends , miss christenings , Xmas birthday get togethers . I like the sun and big open spaces but something still not blowing up my frock . Maybe I need my own house to settle , maybe . I don't know what it is . /QUOTE] I still haven't got used to it 8 years on! - No one that pops in -( and no-one I'd dare pop in to here - all far too busy). I miss the casual social life, the last minute call for a BBQ when the sun mysteriously comes out, chatting to mates and gossip. You wouldn't think it was so hard to make friends here, but I certainly haven't got the knack of it (I'm not a complete social disaster BTW I can make friends easily in the UK and have quite a wide social circle). TBH now I know I'm going back at some stage and am not destined for a lonely old age rattling around in my rental and going to bed at 9pm I've relaxed a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I miss people popping in family , friends , party's , no life here when it's dark not really , unless you go in the city , but I'm different than most a lot my age have young kids lol . To me in comparison I had more of a life In the uk , used to look forward to my fri , sat nights out with friends , miss christenings , Xmas birthday get togethers . I like the sun and big open spaces but something still not blowing up my frock . Maybe I need my own house to settle , maybe . I don't know what it is . /QUOTE] I still haven't got used to it 8 years on! - No one that pops in -( and no-one I'd dare pop in to here - all far too busy). I miss the casual social life, the last minute call for a BBQ when the sun mysteriously comes out, chatting to mates and gossip. You wouldn't think it was so hard to make friends here, but I certainly haven't got the knack of it (I'm not a complete social disaster BTW I can make friends easily in the UK and have quite a wide social circle). TBH now I know I'm going back at some stage and am not destined for a lonely old age rattling around in my rental and going to bed at 9pm I've relaxed a bit Awww chortlepuss I know exactly what you mean , I find it easy in uk too , but then the friends I have I grew up with , my hubbie is a great bloke and a funnie guy , but the friends I seem to choose my oh has nothing in common with at all . Although one of my best friends in uk , it took my hubbie yrs warm to her too lol . Don't get me wrong he will welcome you with open arms my friends , but then he's difficult to join in their banter lol not because he's antisocial though carnt explain it really lol . My my neighbour here are really nice people , but I don't think we would have much in common look at lot older than us and they don't look like they would want a get together like a laugh and bit of a boogie lol . Im im not anti social at all , Im polite to people make them very welcome , unless they are nasty behind my back then I'm done which it has happened to me . I find it it hard because everything is done in the day BBQ , drinking , then they ready for bed at 7 pm lol I'm a night owl , days are for days out round the pool have a laugh and a BBQ I know that , or just relaxing , but I miss my night life . Don't do night clubs or pubs that are chocka block because I would fear of trouble breaking out but I love entertaining in my own home . i go pubs though , but more for a couple than a full blown night out . People are very spaced out from you too . Had to drive 25 km to one of me mates in perth , so there is not that just popping in for a coffee , like I had back in uk . Having said all that I like it here and I'll see how I go , something for me is missing though . My hubby does think if I go back uk I'll want come back haha I don't know I'll see , I'm not un happy though I'm always laughing lol , it does worry me though when I'm laughing to myself a lot haha no on a serious note I'll do anything for folk it's just meeting people that float ya boat . Have a great day hunnie ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I think as others have said it depends on if your hopes/expectations of family life back in the UK will materialise - only you know the answer to that. We really only ever spent special occasions with family back in the UK, and spend a weekend with my dad every couple of months, my kids rarely spent time with their cousins, but more time with friends. My children are now 19 and 14, neither have expressed regret about moving, and my daughter has said several times she's happy to have had her teenage years here. My son, holds onto his Englishness .... but only because it's good with the girls lol. We have been lucky enough to develop some very close friendships here. We are all different - as you can see from the replies, some kids have regret not being part of an extended family whilst others have not, some have been homesick and others not - so you're going to get lots of contradictory advice .... only you and your hubby know what will be best for you and your family because only you really know the potential of what your life will be like back in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I think aswel when I got bored in uk , I would nip shopping on me own , buy something for me house , because I had that house to buy for , I would nip my sisters half hr up up me mothers half hr , if me mums down her caravan , I get in the car and drive down for the day. I would be up the local shops see a mate , they would say are you in , in a hr put kettle on I'll be round . Me me eldest son who's in uk , he was never still mum you coming here coming there lol . I miss that sort of stuff . Also I worked major factor I think meeting the normal everyday kind of normality . My my hubby doesn't understand me , he doesn't miss much , but he's working all day here and in uk he was , so he keeps his type of people close to him at work , hard to explain but there's something not great for me here , but I'll hold out and see how it goes , I think my own house maybe I don't know May give me something to focus on . My my other two lads here like it they are easily pleased , obviously job for the older one he knows he has to get which he's trying . Im a worrier over the kids lol but they are fine . Thing I may need have a baby pmsl . thats a joke , I carnt have anymore kids lol . Mid life crisis I think I'm in lol also i do go shopping here on my own feel a right idiot , but passes a hr or 2 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I wouldn't think it would make any difference to your kids especially as they know no different. I would think living in the UK though they would possibly become a bit sharper in terms of Wit and also not grow up to expect everything handed on a plate. there is a great deal to be said about growing up around culture and history, it make the person feel more whole. That way your kids may not feel as lost as it seems many Australians are and end up covering themselves with meaningful tattoos etc.. :-) I guess a bit more joined to the Caucasian race being part of Europe. If they were my kids I would not want them to grow up ozzy but that's just me and I prefer being British Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomabbie Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Been here in perth 2 years now and am struggling big time with homesickness at the moment. I really cant put my finger on it, I like Australia, on the whole most people I have met have been great, we both have good jobs and have just recently bought our first house. It just feels like something is missing, we have 2 teenage children who are now 17 & 15 who seem settled (it was difficult at first) but if anything as time goes on im less settled. Im so confused I dont hate the place but like I say it just feels like something is missing ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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