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Teenagers not wanting to leave the UK


neilanddeb

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I really feel for you its hard with teenagers but at 16 they are still children and dont know whats best for them so as parents it our job to make that decision for them, whether it turns out to be right is part of the learning process as unfortunately children dont come with a manual on how to raise them, which is such a pity! Good luck with your plans im sure she will settle and make friends and when she becomes an adult it out of your hands and the time comes for letting go :(

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I really feel for you its hard with teenagers but at 16 they are still children and dont know whats best for them so as parents it our job to make that decision for them, whether it turns out to be right is part of the learning process as unfortunately children dont come with a manual on how to raise them, which is such a pity! Good luck with your plans im sure she will settle and make friends and when she becomes an adult it out of your hands and the time comes for letting go :(

At 16 you can get married, a 16 year old if they have anything about them can choice to stay in the UK if they want to.

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My son was the same but when the reality of not seeing us again dawned on him, he realised that perhaps he might want to come after all. He's not as young as your daughter, he's just turned 19 and when we first started the process of getting his dad's visa, he was consistent in saying he wasn't coming. At the time, he was under 18 and I said you're under 18, you're not staying behind by yourself. The time since applying for the visa has given him time to think about what is realistic for him and he's coming now but says he will only stay for a couple of years.

 

Perhaps you need to ask your daughter if she really feels that she can support herself, not only financially but also practically, if she was to stay behind, and ask her how she feels knowing that you will be a very expensive plane ride away and she might not be able to save up the £15 per week to come out each year, thus meaning she may not see you from one year's end to the next.

 

Whilst I do feel that you need to take her view into account, I don't think that you should allow yourself to be held to ransom by her. I know this sounds harsh but you need to think carefully about what you want as one day, she will grow up and leave home and live her life. You can't live your life for her. I'm leaving adult children behind and grandchildren but one son is planning to move to Scotland soon so the time that we see him will be rare anyway, although not as rare as when we move of course.

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At 16 you can get married, a 16 year old if they have anything about them can choice to stay in the UK if they want to.

 

Yes you can get married but your parent or guardian has to sign the marriage certificate on your behalf, you can't sign it yourself. I know this to be fact as my son married his then 17 year old girlfriend and her mother had to sign the marriage certificate.

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Hi all.

We are in the early stages of the visa process but our 16yr old daughter has put her foot down, and yes she says I'M NOT MOVING TO AUSTRALIA. Any help will be gratefully received.:arghh:

 

You should look into university/ college fees in Australia before you get too far down the track - it may well be better that she stays put. She will be an overseas student here if you do not have PR, and if you get PR you will pay local rates but they will need to be paid upfront - and we are talking many thousands. And ideally you won't come before the end of her schooling as A levels will be more use to her in the future unless she decides to stay in Australia permanently.

 

All tough questions and teenagers' futures are a real spanner in the works for a lot of peoples' plans on here!

 

Good luck - have a look around the forum as these issues get discussed often...

Edited by noworriesmate
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At 16 you can get married, a 16 year old if they have anything about them can choice to stay in the UK if they want to.

 

I think that under 18 you can only get married with parental consent .. or at least that used to be the case, has it changed?

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I think that under 18 you can only get married with parental consent .. or at least that used to be the case, has it changed?

 

The parent/guardian signs the marriage certificate to show consent as the minor can't do so. Also, bizarrely, if the under-19 year old spouse is still in education, the other spouse gets the child benefit monies paid to them. All very odd. Although I'm not sure what happens if they are both under-19 and in full time education - the mind boggles :eek:

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At 16 someone can choose to leave home and therefore if a 16yr old refuses to emigrate with their parents they do not have to. With our boys who were 17 we said come out and validate your visa so you then have a choice for 5yrs, both did so but one of them decided to return to the UK for a one year course but then returned to Aus and is very happy with no plans to head back again. The trick is to listen to their concerns, treat them as adults, go through the options with them as if you are prepared to let them stay if they really want to. Often it's simply that they want to show you they are independent etc - if you clamp down they will pull against you but if you allow them enough room more often than not the common sense will prevail.

 

NWM

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At 16 someone can choose to leave home and therefore if a 16yr old refuses to emigrate with their parents they do not have to. With our boys who were 17 we said come out and validate your visa so you then have a choice for 5yrs, both did so but one of them decided to return to the UK for a one year course but then returned to Aus and is very happy with no plans to head back again. The trick is to listen to their concerns, treat them as adults, go through the options with them as if you are prepared to let them stay if they really want to. Often it's simply that they want to show you they are independent etc - if you clamp down they will pull against you but if you allow them enough room more often than not the common sense will prevail.

 

NWM

 

I do think it was me going through finances with him when he really resisted coming with us that was the turning point for him. Pointing out to him that on top of rent, gas, electric and water bills, there would be food, clothes, fares to work and that's before you look at mobile phone and broadband, or TV licences etc., all the little bills that add up that they don't think of because we are here to pay for those little extras. This was ultimately why he agreed to come with us, as he realised that practically speaking, he couldn't realistically support himself and have the lifestyle that he has right now.

 

I'm hoping that after having been there for a couple of years, he will settle in, make friends and want to stay. If he doesn't then he's that much older and (hopefully) more mature.

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Time for some negotiating I would think. Tell her that you will do a deal. She is 16 now, and to come out here for 12 months. If she is not settled and wants to go back then, tell her that you will help her to do so. Splitting the difference may work. What you do not want her doing, is separating herself from you totally, which can easily happen.

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Hi all.

We are in the early stages of the visa process but our 16yr old daughter has put her foot down, and yes she says I'M NOT MOVING TO AUSTRALIA. Any help will be gratefully received.:arghh:

 

As others have said, she might be right. Is she intending to stay on at school? If so, you might do better to wait till she's got her A levels before you make the move, because if she has trouble settling in, it might sabotage her results in the HSC (Aussie equivalent). Also, if you don't have permanent residence, going to university will cost thousands and thousands of dollars in upfront fees.

 

If it wasn't for the education issue, I'd echo the idea of doing a deal. Ask her to come out and try it for 12 months and if that doesn't work, you'll help her go back (are there grandparents she can stay with?).

 

The other thing to think about is - how will you feel if she does go back? She may not return immediately, but if she doesn't settle, there's a chance she'll go back when she's older. The biggest single reason for going back to the UK is missing family - are you going to be able to live with the fact that your daughter's on the other side of the world, if that happens?

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I do think it was me going through finances with him when he really resisted coming with us that was the turning point for him. Pointing out to him that on top of rent, gas, electric and water bills, there would be food, clothes, fares to work and that's before you look at mobile phone and broadband, or TV licences etc., all the little bills that add up that they don't think of because we are here to pay for those little extras. This was ultimately why he agreed to come with us, as he realised that practically speaking, he couldn't realistically support himself and have the lifestyle that he has right now.

 

I'm hoping that after having been there for a couple of years, he will settle in, make friends and want to stay. If he doesn't then he's that much older and (hopefully) more mature.

 

I think that's probably the way I'd go about it, calmly saying "show me how you're going to live" .. lets work it out how much you're going to need to earn. Looking at properties they'll be able to afford etc.

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I think that's probably the way I'd go about it, calmly saying "show me how you're going to live" .. lets work it out how much you're going to need to earn. Looking at properties they'll be able to afford etc.

 

I think it worked out that he could afford a chicken coop with half a roof in Outer Mongolia but no running water although a stream was nearby :wink:

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That's a very difficult situation and I can imagine the amount of angst it's causing in your home.

 

Without knowing your financial and family situation, I don't know if it would be practical for her to stay in the UK while the rest of the family goes to Australia but if it isn't, I think you'll just have to put your foot down and insist.

 

If it is practical for her to stay (finances, family to stay with etc), perhaps you could consider allowing her to do so but for goodness' sake, don't allow her to burn the Australian bridge.

 

Make sure she is included on your visa application as a migrating dependent and that she comes to Australia for a short visit to validate her visa. Then she can return to the UK but has the option to return if she changes her mind (and she probably will - a 16 year old knows a lot of things that they're likely to discover were wrong when they're a bit older).

 

If she comes back within 5 years of the visa grant date, she just hops on a plane and comes. If it's after then, it's a bit more difficult because she'll need a Resident Return visa but with the rest of her close family in Australia, getting one should be doable without too much trouble.

 

If she isn't on the visa as a migrating dependent (with a validated visa) and wants to join you after she turns 18 and has left school/uni, she quite simply won't be able to. End of story - no other options apart from getting a skilled immigration visa of her own.

Edited by Ozmaniac
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The harder you push to make her come the more resistance you will meet. I think to force it would set you up for a whole world of problems. Negotiations are the way forward I think. Lets face it in a few years she will be making her own life. Can you postpone...maybe do a deal..ie come for 6 months and pay her ticket back if needed. Look at options for her to stay....making it work without your child can be stressful too though...

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I think it worked out that he could afford a chicken coop with half a roof in Outer Mongolia but no running water although a stream was nearby :wink:

 

Lol ... at least he was sensible enough to realise that the chicken coop wasn't great

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Personally I wouldn't be moving a 16 yr old to Aus. I'd be organizing that they could finish their A levels in UK - board with relatives or friends and pop over to Aus for holidays. Get them to validate their visa so they have plenty of time up their sleeves then at the end of A levels they can work out whether they want to do Uni in UK or Aus. By then they will be old enough to make their own rational decisions about where they want yo spend their lives.

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Time for some negotiating I would think. Tell her that you will do a deal. She is 16 now, and to come out here for 12 months. If she is not settled and wants to go back then, tell her that you will help her to do so. Splitting the difference may work. What you do not want her doing, is separating herself from you totally, which can easily happen.

 

Nice in theory but totally impractical unfortunately. You just cannot bugger about chopping and changing education systems at that age. She'd screw up A levels and potentially screw up Yr 12 outcomes. Far better to let them get A levels (which travel to Aus far better than do Yr12 quals in reverse) then decide whether yo do Uni/post school in UK or Aus

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Hi all.

We are in the early stages of the visa process but our 16yr old daughter has put her foot down, and yes she says I'M NOT MOVING TO AUSTRALIA. Any help will be gratefully received.:arghh:

 

Setting aside the issues of whether or not she should have a choice in the matter, from a practical PoV, it's very important you & your daughter think & talk hard about what she wants to do educationally, because decisions made at this stage can have major ramifications. This especially applies if she wants/expects to go to University. Realistically you can't swap educational courses mid-way without mucking them up, so she either has to stay to finish A levels, or move quickly enough to do Yrs 11/12 in Australia - or go back and do them.

 

Then there's the Uni fees equation to consider. If you move to Aus then as far as UK Unis are concerned, she is a foreign student and will be paying overseas student fees, which puts them out of reach for most people. If you move to Aus and she wants to go to an Aus Uni, then on a permanent visa she'll be paying "home" fees, but won't be able to get a HECS loan. So that will have to come out of your pocket as well.

 

Stay in the UK and she will be a home student for UK uni fees and will be able to get a student loan.

 

So as you can see, it's something that needs to be considered very carefully, because at this stage of her educational career decisions are hard to reverse. Going to Aus to "suck it and see" isn't going to work if she wants to come back to go to Uni.

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