Do I stay or Do I go - Confused.com

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

Hi

 

I am facing a dilemma and it's making me sick to my stomach at the moment. I apologize in advance for my ramblings but my thoughts are all over the place at the moment and I am hoping to get some advice from people who made the move.

 

Bit of background on me: I am originally from Cape Town, South African and moved to London 7 years ago on a working holiday via. I got sponsored, am now on PR and will be applying for my British citizenship next month. I should probably also mention I am single, 32 and work as a Software Developer. A few years back, when I was going through a really unhappy time in the UK, so I applied for my Australian 175 visa thinking moving was the answer. My visa got granted in June 2011 but I wasn't ready to move to Australia yet, as I wanted to get my British citizenship in case I wanted to return to the UK. I am now due to move to Australia (Brisbane initially) in April, and although I have not booked flights yet, my employer knows I am leaving and so does all friends + family.

 

The dilemma I am facing is that I am not sure if moving to Australia is the best thing for me any more. I am in such a different place that I was when I applied for the visa, so it really breaks my heart to think I have to leave a life I love behind. Especially since I have done this once before I know how hard it is to move to another country, it takes years to find your feet! Another concern is I love England and South Africa almost equally now, so I want to spend time in both and not sure how I am going to be able to add Australia to the mix. I also like Australia and the idea of living there, because it would offer a similar lifestyle as I the one I had while growing up in South Africa, something I really miss. But I am worried that living in London for so long has changed me too much to appreciate that kind of lifestyle. I have a good life in London, with great friends, get to travel loads and go home to South Africa once a year for a summer holiday. I just don't know if I am chasing pipe dreams by moving to Australia. At the same time I don't want to regret not moving to Australia because I am too scared, I have worked so hard and dedicated so much time and energy to moving to Australia it would break my heart to just let the opportunity pass me by.

 

Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated :-)

[xxlornaxx]

Could you go for a short time? Maybe take a career break and try it out before you make a more permanent decision?

[Guest51810]

Wow its a hard one! You have my sympathy! You dont sound like your as keen on Australia as you once were.. like you say your in a different place now. If you feel you will really regret not using the visa then maybe you could try it out for a year or two if you have british citzenship now. Is this the visa that gives you 5 years to move? Maybe you could see how you feel in the future

 

I probably havent helped at all but I didnt want to read and run :wubclub:

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

I have been thinking along those lines, but how long does one give it before you make a permanent decision? 6 months? A year? 2 years?

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

Yep, I have the 5 year one, which gives lots of flexibility. But been sitting on my ass for 2 years of it ;-) But March I will be half way through the visa, hence the decision to go then.

 

Frustrated because all my friends thinks I am mad for even thinking about now using my visa. Makes me feel incredibly ungrateful! :-/

[paul1977]

Only you can decide, but remember your already living in probably the greatest city in the world ..!!

[Guest51810]

Yep, I have the 5 year one, which gives lots of flexibility. But been sitting on my ass for 2 years of it ;-) But March I will be half way through the visa, hence the decision to go then.

 

Frustrated because all my friends thinks I am mad for even thinking about now using my visa. Makes me feel incredibly ungrateful! :-/

 

Its not ungrateful, you were the one that worked hard for the visa.. Not them. So its upto you wether you want to go or not.

 

I wouldnt feel bad if you decided not to go, you seem happy with your life

[xxlornaxx]

Someone ppl go and know very quickly it is not for them...you won't know how long till you are their but to me it sounds like you dont want to go but feel you should. What do you have to lose if you go? What will you lose out on by staying?

[fifi69]

You could look at it in the way you've started from scratch once so you can do it again...but reading between the lines IMO I would say its def not for you at this moment in time.

 

I love living in Oz...but if it had been suggested 10 years ago and I had come, I don't think I would have made a go of it. I would have been at the stage your at now, I loved my life, was having a great time in the UK, the Only thing missing was sunshine, which I got thru holidays.

i think for it to work, you have to want to leave wherever you are, wether that be for a career or a lifestyle choice. If you are happy where you are, I truely can't see what benefits moving to Oz would have for you

[Quoll]

If it ain't broke don't fix it. Sounds like you're in a good place now, don't bugger it up.

[bunbury61]

Hi

 

I am facing a dilemma and it's making me sick to my stomach at the moment. I apologize in advance for my ramblings but my thoughts are all over the place at the moment and I am hoping to get some advice from people who made the move.

 

Bit of background on me: I am originally from Cape Town, South African and moved to London 7 years ago on a working holiday via. I got sponsored, am now on PR and will be applying for my British citizenship next month. I should probably also mention I am single, 32 and work as a Software Developer. A few years back, when I was going through a really unhappy time in the UK, so I applied for my Australian 175 visa thinking moving was the answer. My visa got granted in June 2011 but I wasn't ready to move to Australia yet, as I wanted to get my British citizenship in case I wanted to return to the UK. I am now due to move to Australia (Brisbane initially) in April, and although I have not booked flights yet, my employer knows I am leaving and so does all friends + family.

 

The dilemma I am facing is that I am not sure if moving to Australia is the best thing for me any more. I am in such a different place that I was when I applied for the visa, so it really breaks my heart to think I have to leave a life I love behind. Especially since I have done this once before I know how hard it is to move to another country, it takes years to find your feet! Another concern is I love England and South Africa almost equally now, so I want to spend time in both and not sure how I am going to be able to add Australia to the mix. I also like Australia and the idea of living there, because it would offer a similar lifestyle as I the one I had while growing up in South Africa, something I really miss. But I am worried that living in London for so long has changed me too much to appreciate that kind of lifestyle. I have a good life in London, with great friends, get to travel loads and go home to South Africa once a year for a summer holiday. I just don't know if I am chasing pipe dreams by moving to Australia. At the same time I don't want to regret not moving to Australia because I am too scared, I have worked so hard and dedicated so much time and energy to moving to Australia it would break my heart to just let the opportunity pass me by.

 

Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated :-)

 

this is not pro or anti either country ....but if i was playing pontoon ( 21 ) and had 2 cards ,totalling 19 ....would i ask for another card , and risk going bust ? ....iam with quoll ...she is the voice of wisdom and common sense ......how much happier are you going to be somewhere else, than you are now ?

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

Thanks everyone so much for your advice & thoughts! Much appreciated :-)

 

I guess my thought process is that although I am happy here now (which I definitely am!) and love my life (most of the time) I have to ask myself how I will feel in 10 or 20 years time. London is a such an amazing city but it's a young man (or woman in this case!) city. I don't want to be living here when I am old, it scares me a bit when I see oldies in London struggling on public transport. Also I do love living in London, I am not sure I would want to live anywhere else in the UK.

 

Australia is probably more of a long term goal and if I had more time I would probably put it off a bit longer. But as I don't have the luxury of time (visa runs out in a July 2015) and I don't want to spend my life ping-ponging around countries. I want a place to call home where I don't have to think twice about buying something because I need to ship it or throw it out.

 

I am just really sad about the whole thing because moving to Australia was always something I was incredibly excited about and now as the time creeps closer and it becomes a reality it's turned into something so negative in my mind.

 

I can't book my flights until end of January, so in a way I am holding off to make a decision until then. Maybe going home to South Africa will help me make the decision and remind me of the reasons I wanted to move to Australia in the first place!

[wakeboard1980]

If it was me, get your citizenship then go to Aus. If you do it now and it doesn't work out then you are still young enough to come back. And being single is the time to do it. If you do go at least you will answer the what ifs. Saying all that, it's only you that can make the decision so good luck, you are in a difficult yet enviable position.

[Chortlepuss]

You're single and free to take the risk. Brisbane offers excellent weather but IMHO that's where the advantage stops. Getting to SA (or in fact almost anywhere in the world) is substantially more expensive from Oz than from the UK. This is one of my major reasons for wanting to return. I work in IT on and off and job opportunities much better in London (or Sydney, Melbourne, Perth) than Brisbane. Very few major projects now mining is out of the picture, and a workplace maturity that has to be experienced to be believed (Most of my Oz mates take this line, not just a UK view). I agree public transport in London is for the fit and healthy - But plenty of brilliant places in UK where this is not so (I'm from near Brighton). Sometimes you need to step away from the UK to fully appreciate all that's on offer - I'm glad I did, but cannot wait to return so I can start to really live my life again!

[bunbury61]

Thanks everyone so much for your advice & thoughts! Much appreciated :-)

 

I guess my thought process is that although I am happy here now (which I definitely am!) and love my life (most of the time) I have to ask myself how I will feel in 10 or 20 years time. London is a such an amazing city but it's a young man (or woman in this case!) city. I don't want to be living here when I am old, it scares me a bit when I see oldies in London struggling on public transport. Also I do love living in London, I am not sure I would want to live anywhere else in the UK.

 

Australia is probably more of a long term goal and if I had more time I would probably put it off a bit longer. But as I don't have the luxury of time (visa runs out in a July 2015) and I don't want to spend my life ping-ponging around countries. I want a place to call home where I don't have to think twice about buying something because I need to ship it or throw it out.

 

I am just really sad about the whole thing because moving to Australia was always something I was incredibly excited about and now as the time creeps closer and it becomes a reality it's turned into something so negative in my mind.

 

I can't book my flights until end of January, so in a way I am holding off to make a decision until then. Maybe going home to South Africa will help me make the decision and remind me of the reasons I wanted to move to Australia in the first place!

 

Totally agree about growing old in london ...i have seen old people standing at bus stops , looking completely overwhelmed and lost in the capital ....there again would i want to be old in some isolated inland town in oz ....no thanks to either

[Rupert]

If the only pull factor to Australia is that you might regret not using your visa, then I would say this is not good enough. I don't buy that "regret the things you do .." cliche. Every decision is doing something. I think you don't want to go but feel you should, this also seems like a bad reason to move.

 

You already have two homes and two options of where to live, throwing another one into the mix could just be confusing and unless you are a nomad naturally, you could end up not quite fitting in anywhere. Some have said you could always go back, but your leaving will. upset the equilibrium, the world won't stop still for you.

 

Personally, I think forget this visa, it sounds like you have a very happy life and I mean this is a nice way as you can see from the smilie face, but don't be greedy.:wink:

 

I am also not commenting on this as a UK vs Australia debate. I ma in Australia and am happy here and don't think we will go back to UK anytime soon. But I do not assume what is right Fi rme is right for everyone else and it seems to me like UK is right for you.

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

Thanks both Wakeboard1980 & Chortlepuss for you thoughts

 

@Wakeboard1980, I am definitely staying for my citizenship, applying next month actually so this should hopefully be sorted by end of January. I would never leave the UK without making sure I can come back here, I would be devastated if I left and could not come back. Especially since I think of this as home now as much as South Africa, just in different ways. I know I am very lucky to be able to choose between the UK, Australia + South Africa, but sometimes I wonder if life would not have been easier if I had less choices. My friends want to hear none of me not going to Australia, I think they just making sure they have a place to stay when they come visit if you ask me ;-)

 

@Chortlepuss, funny you say that you need to step away to realize what you have. I think this is exactly what is happening to me, I was so focussed on getting to Australia I somehow forgot to focus on what I had here. Now that I know I am going I see things SO differently! I think I am trying to psych myself up for Australia again, I frankly don't understand my current state of mind, I am like a spoilt child that want my cake and eat it. But I guess I have to be honest with myself and give it a go, I think the alternative of not going and always wondering will be worse. Yep, I heard out the Brissie pace of working and it really is a concern, so that is why I am only using Brisbane as my base initially (most of my mates live there) but looking at both Melbourne & Sydney for work as well and also because I think after London it might be less of a shock to the system that laid back Brisbane. I think I am going to have to do some hard talking to myself and make the final decision of to stay or go when I come back from holiday in January, nothing like coming back to a freezing cold depressing London in January after 3 weeks in sunshine to put things in perspective. But I do suspect after a year in Australia (I am giving myself a year) I will almost certainly return to the UK for good.

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

@Rupert, thanks for your advice, you make a few valid points! But what worries me about my current state of mind is that I seem to have done a complete 180 on how I felt a few months back. I don't want to just give it up just because I am in a comfort zone. But I see your point about upsetting my life for the sake of something I am not quite sure I want anymore.

 

Part of the reason why I still feel I have to go is a pretty sad one really. My mum passed away a couple of years ago, almost literally just before my visa got granted, she was sick for quite sometime but always told me how proud she was of me travelling the world and doing the things she would have loved to do. She supported me all the way and I would somehow I feel I owe it to her to at least try. Even if I hate it and come back here, at least I won't feel I had given up before I even started. I know it seems a silly reason maybe, but I guess its a big part of it.

[Rupert]

@Rupert, thanks for your advice, you make a few valid points! But what worries me about my current state of mind is that I seem to have done a complete 180 on how I felt a few months back. I don't want to just give it up just because I am in a comfort zone. But I see your point about upsetting my life for the sake of something I am not quite sure I want anymore.

 

Part of the reason why I still feel I have to go is a pretty sad one really. My mum passed away a couple of years ago, almost literally just before my visa got granted, she was sick for quite sometime but always told me how proud she was of me travelling the world and doing the things she would have loved to do. She supported me all the way and I would somehow I feel I owe it to her to at least try. Even if I hate it and come back here, at least I won't feel I had given up before I even started. I know it seems a silly reason maybe, but I guess its a big part of it.

 

 

Mmm you see again I don't see any pull factors, although it is interesting that you do seem to be reluctant it give up on Australia. I thought you would latch onto the posts telling you to embrace your good life in London but you are not completely, so there could be meaning to that.

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

@Rupert, yeah I know I am a confused bunny. Its just I remember when I visited Australia for the first time I loved it, just trying to remember why. I wonder if part of the reason is not to do with the fact that I wasn't 100% sure if I could say in the UK permanently back then. Funny how something like ILR can change your perspective....

[LizzyTinKnicks]

Sympathies on your dilemma. If you're able to financially, practically and emotionally, one solution might be to take a 6 month "career break". Put your stuff in storage/rent out your flat etc and fly to Oz to activate your visa. Set yourself a mental limit of spending 6 months there to try it out for size. 6 months is no time at all and soon passes, yet is enough time to explore your options and enable you to firm up your feelings for Oz vs UK one way or the other. By allowing yourself a "career break" you're not giving yourself unrealistic targets to make a huge life decision that you'd feel you need to either meet or fail.

 

At the end of 6 months, you can either restart the clock in Oz and do it 'properly', or slot back into your old life in London easily enough. Either way, you'll know that the decision you make is the right one. I know you say that you don't want to spend your life ping ponging around, but you're only 32 and 6 months invested now will set you up in the right place for you, wherever that is, for years to come.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[3FatCats]

If it ain't broke don't fix it. Sounds like you're in a good place now, don't bugger it up.

 

What Quoll said :wubclub:

[surfndirt]

What do you like to do in your spare time?

 

Do you like the London lifestyle in your spare time? If so, then I would say you need to stay put. If you dream of surfing on a weekend, getting out bush or going on adventures like that then come to Aussie. Being in the city here is the same as a city anywhere - only more expensive (yes, even compared to London). There is nowt special about the cities here at all, regional living and the ability to easily get out of em and do stuff mentioned above is the sweet spot here.

 

Don't move here if you are the type that likes to spend weekends in a city - you are far better off in UK / Euro land, for sure.

[SaffaInLondonMovingToOz]

One of the biggest thing I like about London is the feeling that there is always something to do and I can travel so easily & cheaply. I hate being bored and just sitting around, I need to always be on the go so living somewhere to chilled out would do my head in. But at the same as I am very sporty and love the outdoor lifestyle, and miss having the beaches nearby even though I am not a beach bum by any means. In my home town the beach is 10 minutes walk away from my house, so I grew up seeing the beach every day. One my next holiday to SA in December I am going Sky Diving and learning to surf. So unfortunately the answer to your question is not a simple one, I love both the city life and the outdoor lifestyle, hoping to find somewhere in the middle.

[paul1977]

One of the biggest thing I like about London is the feeling that there is always something to do and I can travel so easily & cheaply. I hate being bored and just sitting around, I need to always be on the go so living somewhere to chilled out would do my head in. But at the same as I am very sporty and love the outdoor lifestyle, and miss having the beaches nearby even though I am not a beach bum by any means. In my home town the beach is 10 minutes walk away from my house, so I grew up seeing the beach every day. One my next holiday to SA in December I am going Sky Diving and learning to surf. So unfortunately the answer to your question is not a simple one, I love both the city life and the outdoor lifestyle, hoping to find somewhere in the middle.

Move to brighton, 45 minutes from London and you have a beach