helenhope Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Advice really needed please!! Love Brisbane, great school planned for prep next year, bought a house in nice suburb, hubby not that happy in work so willing to move......................biggest problem loneliness. We both love Oz and have no desire to return to the UK but after 2 and a half years we still have no social life. No friends to visit. One of my boys asked me why we have no visitors and I got to thinking maybe Brisbane is not for us. We are looking at Perth but not sure if the problems may follow us. Other mums I have met have came to nothing and although I can give a reason I believe my age is an issue (45). They have just cancelled play days and faded away. Trouble is they still live in the surrounding areas. I am so fed up going to new groups like "bobby no mates' and it coming to nothing. I have beat myself up for long enough about why it has turned out this way maybe they just don't like me, whatever it is I need to do something positive for sanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Advice really needed please!! Love Brisbane, great school planned for prep next year, bought a house in nice suburb, hubby not that happy in work so willing to move......................biggest problem loneliness. We both love Oz and have no desire to return to the UK but after 2 and a half years we still have no social life. No friends to visit. One of my boys asked me why we have no visitors and I got to thinking maybe Brisbane is not for us. We are looking at Perth but not sure if the problems may follow us. Other mums I have met have came to nothing and although I can give a reason I believe my age is an issue (45). They have just cancelled play days and faded away. Trouble is they still live in the surrounding areas. I am so fed up going to new groups like "bobby no mates' and it coming to nothing. I have beat myself up for long enough about why it has turned out this way maybe they just don't like me, whatever it is I need to do something positive for sanity. Hi We moved from Melbourne to Perth about 3 months ago, already made loads of friends. Am older that you with a 4 year old! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Do you work? If not perhaps a job, even a part time one, would help to form new friendships. I can't imagine why a state move would help with making friends, it is not like you can generalise that people in Perth are friendlier than people in Brisbane. I am sure it is not that you are unlikeable to Australians and I also can't see why your age would be an issue, I think you have just been unlucky with the opportunities. It is hard to form a new social circle, you are not alone, we don't have visitors often either and we have been here for 3.5 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozziepom Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Advice really needed please!! Love Brisbane, great school planned for prep next year, bought a house in nice suburb, hubby not that happy in work so willing to move......................biggest problem loneliness. We both love Oz and have no desire to return to the UK but after 2 and a half years we still have no social life. No friends to visit. One of my boys asked me why we have no visitors and I got to thinking maybe Brisbane is not for us. We are looking at Perth but not sure if the problems may follow us. Other mums I have met have came to nothing and although I can give a reason I believe my age is an issue (45). They have just cancelled play days and faded away. Trouble is they still live in the surrounding areas. I am so fed up going to new groups like "bobby no mates' and it coming to nothing. I have beat myself up for long enough about why it has turned out this way maybe they just don't like me, whatever it is I need to do something positive for sanity. We moved from Sydney to the Gold Coast (work in Brisbane) a couple of years ago. We prefer where we live now but no real difference in people, both good and bad, just different surroundings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenhope Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 Thanks guys, AJ how long were you in Melbourne and where did you settle in Perth? I don't work but have been applying for the last 6 months and got 1 interview and a rejection, others have not even bothered to reply. I have not worked for 6 years and that may be an issue too, so felling pretty down. I was thinking of higher populated ex pat areas in Perth - law of averages and all that. I don't know how long I could give it hear - I miss friends and I miss them for my children too. no play days, no parties. Their birthdays caused me so much stress and anxiety I just felt so sorry for them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenhope Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 think I just deleted my reply, anyway thanks guys. AJ, was it an easy decision for you to relocate and where did you settle in Perth? Was considering a high populated ex pat community - law of averages maybe. I have been applying for work for 6 months 1 interview and 1 rejection no others even replied. A bit tricky as I haven't worked for 6 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I can't talk about Perth's heavily populated UK ex areas, but in general Perth is no different to Brisbane. A Kiwi friend of mine left Brissi for that reason and seems far happier in Melbourne. Connecting is very hard. You may well though jell with some of Perth's contingent of ex pat's that frequent this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Moved multiple times in Oz. 4th state/territory to find the right one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Can't see that it will make much difference TBH. I don't think one place is inherently friendlier than any other - you're going to be pretty isolated without extended family wherever you go. Friendships are hard to come by and you have to work hard to get them and they won't be the same as the ones you have left behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 think I just deleted my reply, anyway thanks guys. AJ, was it an easy decision for you to relocate and where did you settle in Perth? Was considering a high populated ex pat community - law of averages maybe. I have been applying for work for 6 months 1 interview and 1 rejection no others even replied. A bit tricky as I haven't worked for 6 years. Hi we were in Melbourne for 4 years moved mainly for partners work. I would say the work situation is the same for me as Melbourne, I am finding it hard to find part time to fit in with Kindy etc so I have just started doing a course instead, am lucky that we don't need me to work. I had friends in Melbourne to but some of the worked so maybe that is why I see more people here. I would say between the 2 I prefer Perth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nats Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 Advice really needed please!! Love Brisbane, great school planned for prep next year, bought a house in nice suburb, hubby not that happy in work so willing to move......................biggest problem loneliness. In response to the question posed in the title of your thread, Yes, we moved from Perth to Brisbane, but not for the reasons you are considering a move. You may be onto something, Perth does seem to have a bigger UK expat population, but you only have to look to areas such as Northlakes and Cleveland in Brisbane to find greater expat communities, therefore you don't necessarily have to move interstate in order to surround yourself with compatriots. I would think long and hard before uprooting solely for the sake of creating new friendships when you've already highlighted that you love Brisbane, own your own home in a nice suburb & have a good school lined up for your child. Just as you hear lots about the curse of 'ping pong poms' or the expats that simply can't settle due to one foot in either country the same torment can be faced when you've invested 2 whole years in one city and relocate to another. I often ponder a move back over to WA, the pull is for the wonderful friends I left behind there and the beach lifestyle, in reality...I doubt I would last there now, I wouldn't have the freedom to visit other major cities as cheaply or as readily, shopping is dreadful by comparison and on the whole cost of living is much higher, but, having sampled both lifestyles (and believe me, they are very different) I am in a constant state of indecision, find it really difficult to commit to an area to settle down and buy a house. I reckon I might move up/ down the coast in the next year or two just to reach a happy medium. Need some of that beach lifestyle back. Like you, we've been in Brisbane 2 and a bit years, and in that time made very little friends. By comparison, in Perth we had a very busy social life and many friends - all of whom were expats. You really need to be prepared to 'put yourself out there' as you'll have heard time and time again if companions are high on your list of requirements. This is exactly how I made lots of friends in Perth, I was new to Australia and motivated to meet lots of people and make a success of our migration. I realised before touching down in Australia that I was going to miss my old friends, nights out, girly stuff and a lack of this would be the one thing most likely to make me homesick so I threw myself into meeting people via PIO, attended all work functions (it really helped that my workplace was full of expats) and of course through going out you are introduced to others, the key is actually going out and interacting with people. Your not going to gel with everyone you meet, and after a while I had no interest in meeting any more people, became more of a chore than anything else. Since arriving in Brisbane I guess I kinda lost all gusto for it, was lucky enough to know a few people already in Brisbane from back home and haven't really bothered making any attempts to establish new friendships. I too would like to have a few more friends sometimes, but its not really a priority...I figure it will happen when kids come along. I'll make more of an effort then to attend toddler groups etc and with your little one going to school next year, that will put you into contact with more people. If you could find a part-time job too, I reckon I'd be climbing walls if I didn't have work to go to, and I have made a few friends at work too. Have you heard of 'Meet up'?? You should register on there, sounds corny but when your not working /coming into contact with others how else are you supposed to interact with others?? If you go on there you will find hundreds if not thousands of other people on there in the same predicament, or people just wanting to meet others to share a similar interest. My hubby found a 5 aside football group using meetup.com He's always on my case telling me to get onto it, I'm keen to get into running or some other form of fitness group so I might well do that at some point, certainly when we are about to start a family I'll want to meet other new mums. Have a look on it, there's an abundance of groups, from coffee meet ups to divorcee meet ups and everything in between. It covers all areas and all age groups, expats as well as Aussies which I think is very important, surrounding yourself entirely with expats isn't exactly immersing yourself into the Aussie way of life, particularly with young children, its good to be involved more with community events etc. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 All my good friends have been met accidentally, not at meetings, schools or any of that stuff. Just like meeting a guy. Try meeting others than Brits also do not compare. Friends are like flowers we need to water them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 How about doing some voluntary work? Even at the schools/kinders- it is a really good way to make friends. Join a committee and have some of the meetings at your place. Are you a churchgoer? Churches pride themselves on their social connectedness. I am not sure that changing states would make a heap of difference though I also think Brisbane, although nice, is not a particularly friendly area unless you are into heavy boozing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xenon4017 Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Like other have said, I don't think moving state will help. From your post, I gather your children are pre-school? This would make a difference. Of the people we know (apart from work colleagues), none of them are childless. With the different clubs and kids activities you can't help but bump into the same people around town. Maybe your point is really about forming deep friendships with people. Whilst I find it's easy to meet people and chat with them for an hour, or hook up with them for a weekend camping, I would say that it's not that easy to find people who you would see on a regular basis for heart-to-heart chats. Maybe age is a factor. Maybe people are more superficial here. I find that some of the younger parent are quite immature or naive. As for advice, I would join a (not so serious )sports club. Dragon boat racers are always on the lookout for members. Or bush walkers. They tend to have an older age group and they're actually doing something. Let us know how you get on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 We moved from Sydney to Perth and have to say we have found it harder to make friends in Perth than we did in Sydney. In the 6 months in Sydney we had made some friends. In over 5 years in Perth we havent made any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loopylu Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Advice really needed please!! Love Brisbane, great school planned for prep next year, bought a house in nice suburb, hubby not that happy in work so willing to move......................biggest problem loneliness. We both love Oz and have no desire to return to the UK but after 2 and a half years we still have no social life. No friends to visit. One of my boys asked me why we have no visitors and I got to thinking maybe Brisbane is not for us. We are looking at Perth but not sure if the problems may follow us. Other mums I have met have came to nothing and although I can give a reason I believe my age is an issue (45). They have just cancelled play days and faded away. Trouble is they still live in the surrounding areas. I am so fed up going to new groups like "bobby no mates' and it coming to nothing. I have beat myself up for long enough about why it has turned out this way maybe they just don't like me, whatever it is I need to do something positive for sanity. Hi Helen I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble building a group of friends in Brisbane. I have been here 5 years and, believe me, it takes time. It's only the last year that I have formed a good network of friends. The locals have their own lives and so aren't too fussed about making friends with new arrivals so you are right to target other ex pats as potential buddies. We've been through the unreciprocated play dates etc so know how demoralising it can be. We are on the northside and belong to two Facebook social groups for new arrivals and Mums, most of whom are British. We go out for meals and have park meet ups and a lot of good friendships have been formed. If you are interested in joining these groups, please send me a PM and I can send you the details. We are a friendly bunch and some of us (me included) are mid forties too! Although I work full time, I still like to socialise with the other Mums. Chin up and I hope you start to feel more positive soon!:biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Join a gym, swimming club, running club, knitting circle, just something where you might meet people with similar interests. Once you have something to talk about friendships will soon develop. Don't know whether we've been lucky but we moved around in the UK and we came over here not knowing anyone and we've always managed to find and keep a big group of friends. Both me and the wife are sporty types though so have met people through that. Squash club, swimming, gym, Surf Club. Usually followed by pub or coffee shop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul1977 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Join a gym, swimming club, running club, knitting circle, just something where you might meet people with similar interests. Once you have something to talk about friendships will soon develop. Don't know whether we've been lucky but we moved around in the UK and we came over here not knowing anyone and we've always managed to find and keep a big group of friends. Both me and the wife are sporty types though so have met people through that. Squash club, swimming, gym, Surf Club. Usually followed by pub or coffee shop. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Every state/territory is very different, even more so than pommy county's. A move is always a good idea before contemplating the Pommy Run IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 I think you just have to be a bit pushy at first- and develop a thick skin- move on if you get a knockback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenhope Posted October 30, 2013 Author Share Posted October 30, 2013 A huge thanks for all your posts gave me a lot to think about. First thing I'm going to do is develop a thick skin and keep going, second is to find a sport for me minus children and then who knows. I am already a member of a gym, attend a weekly playgroup, swimming lessons and gymnastics. I have met Brits, Oz's and Japanese so maybe I am looking for too much but most of all maybe too soon. At least you have all made me realise it has happened to others - maybe i'll stop beating myself ...for now anyway lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 It's a difficult one this because if you try to push it what you end up with is lots of acquaintances but not necessarily people you end up wanting to be friends with. Joining the P&C at the local Primary school is a good start, as in volunteering locally. Also take yourself out to a local family friendly pub, get to know your area. Get out of the car and walk to parks etc. Has your OH got workmates with wives to invite around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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