Rinnesbird Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hi All, I've been reading the posts about returning to the UK for the last few days and I realise that every post is different and everyone has there own reasons. a single mum through losing my husband to illness a few years ago. I couldn't stay in my own home as it hurt with so many memories so I took my daughter travelling round Oz for 6months. Best thing I did. Low and behold at the end of it I had an interview for a very specialised job. I returned to the UK and packed up the house to return out to WA in the space of 8weeks. That was nearly a year ago however as I'm finding things are tough - really tough. My work demands lots of paperwork which I'm finding I have to bring home so I can pick my daughter up at the end of the school day. I have meetings in the city once a week which I have to take my daughter out of school for as I haven't made that link with the other mums in the school to ask if she could go with them. Then it comes to the weekends where I am so exhausted that I can rarely have energy for anything other than kids parties and the park. I have tried to pick up some of the sports I did back home but everything is so expensive, I'm struggling. I keep having the thought that 'this is better than the UK' but honestly a mum that is tired and hardly has a chance to spend quality time with her, I'm really beginning to wonder. My support network back home was fab as well as family i had brill friends who knew what i had gone through. I also don't like the person I'm turning into here. I just wonder how long do I stick it out for??? No support network and a mum that feels like she is missing out on quality time, is it time to call it a day? :-( Thanks x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Sorry to hear of your loss and the tough times that you are going through. Must be very difficult. When I read your post I can't but help think that you should go back home and have the support of your family and friends. You don't say what age your daughter is.. Have you spoken to her about it at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rinnesbird Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hi, thanks for reading and replying. My daughter is 5 nearly 6. I think my worry is that I am working to cope with my own grief but in fact I'm missing the precious time with her. I suppose selfishly I'm also thinking I don't have any time to myself - but for now that suits. I know there are a lot of people who would give there right arm to be in the position I'm in - but I can't carry on as I am. Not fair to myself or my daughter. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butler Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I have to agree, perhaps going home for now would be a good idea, I think it's amazing what you've accomplished. Are you an Australian citizen, could you return in the future? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simmo Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 It's such a shame that you are having to make such a decision when it seems your career is going well but IMO you should go home to where you have your support network. You sound like you are coping OK but in danger of burning out, your daughter has (as i read it) already lost her dad so any quality time you two can have together is precious and I think you would get more of that back home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hi,thanks for reading and replying. My daughter is 5 nearly 6. I think my worry is that I am working to cope with my own grief but in fact I'm missing the precious time with her. I suppose selfishly I'm also thinking I don't have any time to myself - but for now that suits. I know there are a lot of people who would give there right arm to be in the position I'm in - but I can't carry on as I am. Not fair to myself or my daughter. x I wasn't sure if she was a bit older and would then have a bit more say / influence on the matter of moving back to the UK but she is at an age where she would likely integrate very easily into a school back in the UK. You are right, you can't can't carry on the way you are. I really don't think there is much point in you staying in Australia. The longer you stay, the worse you may feel. I think you have probably already made up your mind but are just looking for some confirmation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I also see you are from Moray.. Beautiful part of the UK with stunning landscape. I remember being at a lovely beach up that way and watching dolphins come in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carol Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Maybe it is a new job that is needed? All the issues you have put down in the post are due to your job -you could get a new job and then see how you feel. you could get in touch with one parent organisations and see if there is any help available re childcare Good luck cx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boudy14 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 try to stay positive, and maybe another job where you could tweak things more/?? do you have any family that could come out to give you a break for a while? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I tend to think that being where you have established support networks is the way to go (people first, places second) but at the end of the day you still have to put food on the table. Perhaps can you put out "OMG I'd kill for that job" type feelers both in Aus and UK and see what happens (that does, of course, take energy which you may well not have!) then you have concrete choices in front of you. Can you take leave and maybe revisit UK to see whether you an cope with the memories there before you decide to move on and also recharge your batteries in the process. Your daughter will be fine back in UK education at this age. It does sound like you are between a rock and a hard place - good luck with your decision making! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Geordie lass Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hi All, I've been reading the posts about returning to the UK for the last few days and I realise that every post is different and everyone has there own reasons. a single mum through losing my husband to illness a few years ago. I couldn't stay in my own home as it hurt with so many memories so I took my daughter travelling round Oz for 6months. Best thing I did. Low and behold at the end of it I had an interview for a very specialised job. I returned to the UK and packed up the house to return out to WA in the space of 8weeks. That was nearly a year ago however as I'm finding things are tough - really tough. My work demands lots of paperwork which I'm finding I have to bring home so I can pick my daughter up at the end of the school day. I have meetings in the city once a week which I have to take my daughter out of school for as I haven't made that link with the other mums in the school to ask if she could go with them. Then it comes to the weekends where I am so exhausted that I can rarely have energy for anything other than kids parties and the park. I have tried to pick up some of the sports I did back home but everything is so expensive, I'm struggling. I keep having the thought that 'this is better than the UK' but honestly a mum that is tired and hardly has a chance to spend quality time with her, I'm really beginning to wonder. My support network back home was fab as well as family i had brill friends who knew what i had gone through. I also don't like the person I'm turning into here. I just wonder how long do I stick it out for??? No support network and a mum that feels like she is missing out on quality time, is it time to call it a day? :-( Thanks x hi Rinnesbird, sorry to hear about the tough time that you have experienced. It does seem that all of your stresses relate to your current job. Is there other options within the organisation that you could do? I know how tough life is being a single parent in a different country. I too lost my husband and that made me realise that life is so precious. I take every opportunity that comes my way and being able to live in Australia is great. However, it is not for everybody. You have to do what is right for you and your child. Having a good support network is so important and if that is not working in Oz maybe returning to the UK would be the better option, but only you can decide that. I have been in Perth for 18 months now and found the first year very tough, but it has got easier though. Having good friends. Take care and hope everything works out for you. Michelle x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdk43 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hi Rinnesbird. I too am from Moray originally, Brought up in Forres. Where are you from? I think you have done amazingly well to come to Australia on your own, set up a new home and begin a new life. Absolutely nothing wrong with having tried it, and returning home. Is Moray where you still live? Having loved ones around and people to help you out is a massive part when there is only the two of you. Good luck with whatever path you take, feel free to PM If you fancy a coffee or anything. Donna x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incata Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Why don't you look at before and after school care for your daughter? You can get the government 50% rebate to cover half the cost. The after school care group who look after my son charge $24 per session and they pick him up from school, give him an afternoon snack and entertain him until we can pick him up. Lots of places have vacancies. Have you checked wither your daughter's school offers an after school club? Many now do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Hi Rinnesbird Firstly I think you have been incredibly brave, it's not easy on your own, been there and worn the t-shirt. I would try to change your environment slightly first to see if it makes things slightly easier. I didn't see which area you are currently living in- but PIO can be a wonderful tool to help make friends, acquaintances I suppose to start with, who at least are a sounding board. I bet there are other Mums out there feeling a bit disconnected in your area. I also saw a post recently (sorry I can't remember who) who gave her little ones class teacher a note to hand out to some other Mums with her contact details on with a suggestion of play dates etc. She said it helped to break the ice with the other Mums. Next, childcare. As suggested already, does your little ones school offer the facility. Im not sure whether you are on the 457 temporary visa or if you have PR, therefore changing your employer may be a little more difficult if they have sponsored you. I would start with small steps, childcare and meeting other mums first. But sometimes things are just too much, if you feel it really would be easier to return, then hold your head up high and head back, you've been through an incredibly tough time and you have also been very brave making the move on your own. Good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rinnesbird Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks all for your replies. It is very much appreciated. My job is part of a sponsored visa and so unless I can get someone else to take it on I really am putting myself back to the uk if I resign from the post. I suspect the changes I need to make are ones back in the uk in form of house, area etc Ive been fortunate that since my daughter was born I never had to work more than 2-3 days so she isn't the only one finding this a shock to the system. I wouldn't mind so much the 5 days a week but its the impact on other times such as evenings and weekends and the effort that I have to put into the job. I also don't see that changing. im going to speak to the company and put forward my worries and see if they can change anything. I know they would struggle to replace me so they might. Otherwise I would look to return by mid August so my daughter could start school with her peers. Many thanks again x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jin77 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Good luck with talking to your employers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen85 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Maybe a different area within the uk so you still have the support you need without the painful memories. I can say as a child growing up without any relatives other than mum and dad until they split was very hard and only now do I realise it as an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I am also am a single parent here in Australia. I hear you and it is not easy. Yes have a chat with your employers and see if they can help you. However if your not happy maybe decide to go home to your family and friends who will help and be there for you BOTH. In my situation I can not go home, so at least you have options which is something. Just do what makes you and your child happy...why because you can :-) Your very brave coming out here on your own and I take my hat off to you ..well done and take care :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Hi All, I've been reading the posts about returning to the UK for the last few days and I realise that every post is different and everyone has there own reasons. a single mum through losing my husband to illness a few years ago. I couldn't stay in my own home as it hurt with so many memories so I took my daughter travelling round Oz for 6months. Best thing I did. Low and behold at the end of it I had an interview for a very specialised job. I returned to the UK and packed up the house to return out to WA in the space of 8weeks. That was nearly a year ago however as I'm finding things are tough - really tough. My work demands lots of paperwork which I'm finding I have to bring home so I can pick my daughter up at the end of the school day. I have meetings in the city once a week which I have to take my daughter out of school for as I haven't made that link with the other mums in the school to ask if she could go with them. Then it comes to the weekends where I am so exhausted that I can rarely have energy for anything other than kids parties and the park. I have tried to pick up some of the sports I did back home but everything is so expensive, I'm struggling. I keep having the thought that 'this is better than the UK' but honestly a mum that is tired and hardly has a chance to spend quality time with her, I'm really beginning to wonder. My support network back home was fab as well as family i had brill friends who knew what i had gone through. I also don't like the person I'm turning into here. I just wonder how long do I stick it out for??? No support network and a mum that feels like she is missing out on quality time, is it time to call it a day? :-( Thanks x What sports are you interested in and what are you finding expensive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I think a lot depends on quite how much support you would get - your life sounds rather like mine and I'm not a single parent but we both work full time and it can be a struggle. One option could be to have an aupair, they are usually english language students and they live with you and you feed them in exchange for 15 hours 'free' childcare. We used aupairs for a couple of years - you get superb ones and awful ones (you can 'sack' them if they are truly awful) and in the end we got fed up of having to get to know someone new every 3-6 months but it might give you some breathing space right now. Juggling being a single mum with work does seem to be the real issue rather than Australia so I do not think that would change much in the UK - it was that way of living that lead to us moving here! If you really would have support you can rely on in the UK then it may be the best option but I have a friend who's a single mum who moved (in the UK) to be nearer her extended family and found rather then getting support she was giving support and moved back to her previous home after a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLH Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 After the Christchurch earthquakes my wife and I decided to go back to the UK. I gave up my teaching job and her her part-time nursing job. We sold our home and figured we'd be well-off in the UK. Exchange rates had worked for us and, if we bought a modest place, we'd be mortgage free. I'd do supply teaching. She'd nurse - maybe agency so she could pick and choose, and we'd have plenty of time for the kids. What a bloody disaster the next year was. A complete loss. We went from feeling relatively well-off in NZ to feeling dirt poor in the UK. Being mortgage free didn't mean much when we couldn't get work. Not quite 'property rich and cash poor' but something like that. Family support melted away after a while once everybody reverted to doing exactly what they'd always been doing. Life had previously felt like a bit of an adventure. It now felt like nothing exciting whatsoever. It's different for everybody and depends on individuals' circumstances so I won't say what anybody should or shouldn't do. We're now back in NZ. Got a decent teaching job again. Things are OK. Certainly better than they were a year ago. We'll shift to Oz in time but just need something we're used to for a while - too much post quake moving in recent years. Need to be somewhere vibrant and, for all it's been good to us, NZ isn't that. Anyway, as for your returning to the UK. I'd say do it if you can undo it. Best wishes. Hope things work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Hi All, I've been reading the posts about returning to the UK for the last few days and I realise that every post is different and everyone has there own reasons. a single mum through losing my husband to illness a few years ago. I couldn't stay in my own home as it hurt with so many memories so I took my daughter travelling round Oz for 6months. Best thing I did. Low and behold at the end of it I had an interview for a very specialised job. I returned to the UK and packed up the house to return out to WA in the space of 8weeks. That was nearly a year ago however as I'm finding things are tough - really tough. My work demands lots of paperwork which I'm finding I have to bring home so I can pick my daughter up at the end of the school day. I have meetings in the city once a week which I have to take my daughter out of school for as I haven't made that link with the other mums in the school to ask if she could go with them. Then it comes to the weekends where I am so exhausted that I can rarely have energy for anything other than kids parties and the park. I have tried to pick up some of the sports I did back home but everything is so expensive, I'm struggling. I keep having the thought that 'this is better than the UK' but honestly a mum that is tired and hardly has a chance to spend quality time with her, I'm really beginning to wonder. My support network back home was fab as well as family i had brill friends who knew what i had gone through. I also don't like the person I'm turning into here. I just wonder how long do I stick it out for??? No support network and a mum that feels like she is missing out on quality time, is it time to call it a day? :-( Thanks x Can you not offer to fly Your parent/s or close friend out here for an extended holiday. Loads of people have their Mum come over for months at a time to help out :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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