Harpodom Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 They have no paternal contact didn't even acknowledge the court proceedings On the face of it thats OK then, but then again we're only hearing your side of the story: its impossible to know all the facts and therefore asking online strangers for advice on such a big decision is quite inappropriate IMO. I would however advise caution on being a single parent migrant: its hard enough for couples to make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 On the face of it thats OK then, but then again we're only hearing your side of the story: its impossible to know all the facts and therefore asking online strangers for advice on such a big decision is quite inappropriate IMO. I would however advise caution on being a single parent migrant: its hard enough for couples to make it work. Couldnt agree more,BUT she seems very determined/single minded,i reckon she has a very good chance of things working out,if positivity was a visa requirement,she'd get one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 True pablo, and memmy i wish you all the best. I was just being the devils advocate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Horrible situation to be in. I wish you all the best aswell! Like pablo says - you still seem very upbeat and positive so hat off to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I'd certainly thing about carrying on with my plans and tell hubby you've removed him off your application, but I would also (as Verystormy suggested) take some legal advice so that you don't get screwed financially and are able to move with everything that you're entitled to. Might delay the move slightly but you'll be coming over with one less worry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Judging by the coldness of his attitude I wouldn't be at all surprised that he had a reason to want you far away from him, ie another partner already? I'd say go for it nothing ventured nothing gained. It is definitely easier to make the move if you have no parents or close family. I wish you every success . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 From what you have said he sounds like a really nasty pasty. Is he likely to turn round and suddenly want access to the kids though? That is what would worry me in your situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 From what you have said he sounds like a really nasty pasty. Is he likely to turn round and suddenly want access to the kids though? That is what would worry me in your situation. Memmymooch's children are from a previous relationship. From what I've read elsewhere memmymooch has gained court permission to take the children to Aus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic1171 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi Mem Im in similar situation, wasnt married but long term relationship, I decided I wasnt going to give up my dream just because he gave up his, so Im heading as a single parent too. I would rather live knowing I tried rather than regretting never tried. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memmymooch Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi Mem Im in similar situation, wasnt married but long term relationship, I decided I wasnt going to give up my dream just because he gave up his, so Im heading as a single parent too. I would rather live knowing I tried rather than regretting never tried. Good luck Hi nic it's scary tho isn't it! Where are you headed and when? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Is your husband actually ending the relationship or delaying the move to do an MBA? If you have a 175 you don't have to move straight away. I can't guess what's going on in his head and a text message is a very inappropriate way to communicate but it suggests he didn't want to migrate but was scared to tell you. Is it him bailing on the relationship regardless of whether you go or not? Or are you angry with him (understandably so!) and the one that is walking out? Regardless is the relationship worth rescuing? Can you really know when emotions are running so high? Personally I wouldn't make any decisions right now - deal with your relationship first, get over your anger, get over your hurt or show your OH he is more important than Australia, reach a compromise and then decide what's best - your children deserve you to make rational, adult decisions not emotional ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic1171 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 It is scary and I know it will be incredibly difficult but whats more scary is the regret! Im hopefully heading to Brisbane/Gold Coast September time, just need to resit Ielts to try and get all 8's. How about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travelchic Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I am also heading out as a single parent. I have only one child so childcare shouldn't be too bad. Sounds to me like he's trying to buy himself out of the relationship to make himself feel better. If I was in your situation I would take all he offers and go. You have to decide what is best for you and the children. And as long as they have you in their lives they will be happy. Best of luck with your decision. Debs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memmymooch Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 Is your husband actually ending the relationship or delaying the move to do an MBA? If you have a 175 you don't have to move straight away. I can't guess what's going on in his head and a text message is a very inappropriate way to communicate but it suggests he didn't want to migrate but was scared to tell you. Is it him bailing on the relationship regardless of whether you go or not? Or are you angry with him (understandably so!) and the one that is walking out? Regardless is the relationship worth rescuing? Can you really know when emotions are running so high? Personally I wouldn't make any decisions right now - deal with your relationship first, get over your anger, get over your hurt or show your OH he is more important than Australia, reach a compromise and then decide what's best - your children deserve you to make rational, adult decisions not emotional ones. To be honest in his world there is no reason why I would not go and struggle because if you move to another country you expect that he tells me and just wait for him to walk back into my life as though nothing has happened. We have moved from making the move together to him not being happy to live off my money so ' you go ahead for a few weeks and Ill send you money each month til I join you' to I'll send you money for a little while to I'm doing this course you can go and wait patiently for me (without any financial support even though he earns 4k each month) to decide at some unspecified time to join you or we can go our separate ways and ( I'll still keep in touch maybe if either of us don't meet anyone else we'll reunite) not once has he said to me I don't want you to go I don't want to lose you he is incapable of emotion that doesn't revolve around himself after a particularly nasty argument last year in which he was physically violent afterwards he sat and cried not because I now had multiple bruises but because ' if you leave me I'll have no one' - he has no family here in Uk I am not angry and making the judgement to go in haste. I am sad and hurt but it's just another example of his total self absorption people fly from around the globe to do this course it's 1 week every 2 months there are ozzies on the course so he could do that and could afford to do that but he chooses not to partly I believe because then he would have to live at home and fully take on the role of husband and step father which in 3 years he has not done has always worked away coming home most weekends but not guaranteed there have been occasions where I have received a txt at 6pm on Friday he is not coming wants to go to some sales in London. My usual week consists of mon - fri I have no contact with him unless he has gone past a speed camera upon which I will get a call asking will he get caught or he is waiting on a letter did it come along those lines come the weekend he will arrive and sit himself down on the sofa I meanwhile will spend the weekend run ragged getting all the shopping washing cleaning etc done while he chills watching hour after hour of wildlife program's when he tires of that we are allowed to watch something of course it's not what he wants to watch and ' why do I have to be like a dictator and force him to watch something he doesn't want to' so he goes upstairs for a nap or to play on iPad until he tired of that at which point he arrives back downstairs to re take control of the tv. I have no idea where he lives as I obviously don't need to know this information. If I have not been 'polite' enough over the weekend -he is big on politeness I will get a succession of vile abusive emails on the Monday one big no no is to swear at him he totally flips out but of course if he is angry he can swear and hurl abuse at me because an apology later makes that all ok. I have tried my hardest to make this work but I feel that it's got to the point of no return basically he has now chosen a course which he could do at any time over us and I'm 100% sure that even if I said ok I'll stay until you do this course as long as then we go at the end of it he would find something else he just needed to do followed by something else until I would be getting near the point where I had to go or lose the opportunity and as I'm 40 next week age is not on my side. I think for my own mental well being I need to go have lost track of the number of times have cried all the way to work on Monday my car has seen a lot of tears! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memmymooch Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 It is scary and I know it will be incredibly difficult but whats more scary is the regret! Im hopefully heading to Brisbane/Gold Coast September time, just need to resit Ielts to try and get all 8's. How about you? Good luck with IELTS I just missed getting 8s 7.5 in just one section on academic one was so annoyed took the general one as well then to get my 8s and found that easier. We are hopefully heading to Melbourne in June or July Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 It sounds like you are better off without him. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest76088 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Lots of "better of without him, he's a ****" on here. In the interests of balance, given that we know little, and what we do know is one side of the story. How about "Wife determined to go to Australia and even though husband has no interest and doesn't think it is a good move for the family, she says she doesn't care about that she will take my stepkids and go anyway". BigD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Lots of "better of without him, he's a ****" on here. In the interests of balance, given that we know little, and what we do know is one side of the story. How about "Wife determined to go to Australia and even though husband has no interest and doesn't think it is a good move for the family, she says she doesn't care about that she will take my stepkids and go anyway". BigD How about, husband having doubts about the move to Australia and sits down with wife to discuss things in an adult way, and if a mutual decision can't be reached then try to split amicably, instead of sending a text and signing up for a course without discussing the impact on the wife's and children's lives? yes, we've only heard one side, but the circumstances of the husbands announcement don't sound very fair either do they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Lots of "better of without him, he's a ****" on here. In the interests of balance, given that we know little, and what we do know is one side of the story. How about "Wife determined to go to Australia and even though husband has no interest and doesn't think it is a good move for the family, she says she doesn't care about that she will take my stepkids and go anyway". BigD I don't think the other side really matters here. He is welcome to go post that somewhere if he wants. What is important is how he treats her, no matter where they live. She is not happy with the way he treats her (I would have sent him packing long ago) so she IS better off without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest76088 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I don't agree. This is an open forum not an individual counselling session. What might be useful is an objective view of the situation, and to recognise how the other party might be feeling rather than offering extreme advice. BigD I don't think the other side really matters here. He is welcome to go post that somewhere if he wants. What is important is how he treats her, no matter where they live. She is not happy with the way he treats her (I would have sent him packing long ago) so she IS better off without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Hi,OP,hope you are alright?What can I say?He's an arsehole hon!Nothing more,nothing less.Going by what you've told us,I really believe you would be better off without this guy!I also believe you should make this move,not just for yourself but for your children.It sounds to me like you have had a rough card dealt to you and you deserve better than than hon!It can't be nice not having your Mum around for support either.I think,when you move to Australia,doing that in itself will give your much needed confidence a boost.You need to start feeling good about yourself,and not accepting any crap from any future relationships you might have.Can't believe how selfish some guys are.Sounds like he just wanted to see you when it suited him,and do you really want a man who can't/won't spend any time with your kids?No,I would'nt either hon! I truly hope if you make the move,that it works out for you,because you need a good break in your life,and to start afresh and put all this BS behind you!Best of luck hon and if I could I'd give you a big hug.xxxx:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 I don't agree. This is an open forum not an individual counselling session. What might be useful is an objective view of the situation, and to recognise how the other party might be feeling rather than offering extreme advice. BigD And his actions are'nt extreme?No its not an individual counselling session but lots of people post on here for support.This lady clearly has very little support around her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest76088 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Carry on. I'll seek rational balanced discussion elsewhere. BigD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Carry on. I'll seek rational balanced discussion elsewhere. BigD Yes probably a good idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy79 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 go, leave him behind and start your new life in OZ.....( advice based on your info given ) best of luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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