Quoll Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I found friendships changed, a few dropped off altogether but the bulk of them were the "letters at Christmas" type. Now that I have moved back we get together occasionally but not in each others' pockets but when we do get together its as if we just continue with conversations we were having the last time we were together. I'd still call them good friends though. I agree that Skype and FB are the tools of the devil - it can't help to be constantly picking at the scabs of the life you have left behind - in the olden days it was much easier - out of sight, out of mind. As for grandparents cutting off from their grandkids - I can see that too. People deal with grief in different ways and the constant reminder of what they are missing especially when all their friends are enjoying grandparent hood with grandkids accessible can be incredibly painful. I fail to see why one would expect grandparents to trek across the world to keep contact - you move, it's your responsibility to keep the contact going. Of course, some people on both sides channel their inner bitch with great success but, often, a deep hurt is at the core - hard to see when you are on the receiving end of bitchiness but sometimes you can put yourself in their shoes and see that you leaving a huge hurt in their lives has to be dealt with the best way they can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 I found friendships changed, a few dropped off altogether but the bulk of them were the "letters at Christmas" type. Now that I have moved back we get together occasionally but not in each others' pockets but when we do get together its as if we just continue with conversations we were having the last time we were together. I'd still call them good friends though. I agree that Skype and FB are the tools of the devil - it can't help to be constantly picking at the scabs of the life you have left behind - in the olden days it was much easier - out of sight, out of mind. As for grandparents cutting off from their grandkids - I can see that too. People deal with grief in different ways and the constant reminder of what they are missing especially when all their friends are enjoying grandparent hood with grandkids accessible can be incredibly painful. I fail to see why one would expect grandparents to trek across the world to keep contact - you move, it's your responsibility to keep the contact going. Of course, some people on both sides channel their inner bitch with great success but, often, a deep hurt is at the core - hard to see when you are on the receiving end of bitchiness but sometimes you can put yourself in their shoes and see that you leaving a huge hurt in their lives has to be dealt with the best way they can. I cannot understand anyone cutting off their children or grandchildren to be honest. My own mother hardly kept in touch when she lived overseas for 9 years (Europe) but would visit if I paid. She refused to come to meet her first grandson because she was busy (she met him at 2.5 years old- again I paid) She returned to UK when she could claim her OAP and the benefits that would bring by which time we had decided to go to Australia ( I paid a bond on a house and furnished it for her, she also lived with us for 2 months)-she wasn't happy about being left to fend. We moved back within a year and we live about 20 mins away from her (although I only know the town she has moved to not her address) I did try to contact her when in Oz and back here but she has said she has her life and we are not part of it... If I have left a hurt in her life I would like to know when and how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bromney Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Sounds like I'm in the same boat as you guys, rarely here from friends but it actually doesn't bother me that much. The fact is when you're not meeting up on a regular basis you tend to lose common ground, it's hard to relate to what's happening in each other's lives today. Sure you can chat about past memories but try discussing what you've been up to lately and it becomes harder to relate for the person on the other end of the phone. Live and let live is what I say. Enjoy your own lives and I'm sure the friendships will be rekindled if you happen to be in the same country again as Quoll's appears to have done. I believe the trick is to make friends in your new home. Personally I'm finding that a little difficult as I'm still trying to get a job but it still doesn't make me yearn for England.......yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Yes I realised who my true friends were when I went to aus even when I was only on a whv! I think they resented more that i'd come back with a bloke lol, and moved to a different city to go to uni (tho that didn't work out and i'm back in my home town). but seeing a couple of so called friends it's not the same...it's awkward... I'm sure i'll be tested again when I move to aus permanently, but I shouldn't feel guilty about friends OR family for going to aus, and nor should anyone else, people that are acting like kids are being selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Yes, sadly and initially it feels quite hurtful when you realise that some people don't put the same effort into keeping those friendships going. We still get birthday cards etc., On the other hand there are some surprises too, my hubby is one of 4 boys and was closest to one of his brothers who has never been in touch, sent an email or phoned, yet one of his other brothers who he didn't do much with text's him, they chat on the phone, they've been out on holiday, his wife sends newsy emails every couple of months with what the family are up to etc. It's just one of the sad parts of moving away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I think you just have to shrug your shoulders and accept that life moves on. I'm talking about friends more than family when I say that. We find that we don't keep much in touch with lots of people apart from the dreaded christmas letter, as we have moved about an awful lot, but to be honest when we do meet up, we have a great time, and then accept it might be years before we see each other again. Hurt from family is a bit harder to cope with, but it seems a strange but true fact that the person who has moved away generally seems to be the one who tries more to keep in touch. I moved to Africa on my own in the 1960's, then married someone in the forces, and then lived in Asia before moving to Oz, so really know this from first hand experience. Hopefully it is reassuring that it isn't just you, it's a fact of life from years as an expat mostly all saying the same thing. The other strange thing is that when you go back to the UK for a visit, having travelled 1/2 way across the world, quite a lot of people can't be bothered to travel perhaps only an hour to come and see you. You have to make the effort to see them!!!! Treasure the few who do continue to keep in touch they are worth their weight in gold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I think the friends thing affects ladies more than guys. My missus seems to notice when she sees people and they don't speak. She speaks to her folks and family a lot more than I do. Gets a it upset if she doesn't get a Christmas card or Birthday card from someone she thinks should have remembered. Guys can go years without being in touch, ring a mate up who you've not seen for 25 years and carry on like you saw them yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I cannot understand anyone cutting off their children or grandchildren to be honest. My own mother hardly kept in touch when she lived overseas for 9 years (Europe) but would visit if I paid. She refused to come to meet her first grandson because she was busy (she met him at 2.5 years old- again I paid) She returned to UK when she could claim her OAP and the benefits that would bring by which time we had decided to go to Australia ( I paid a bond on a house and furnished it for her, she also lived with us for 2 months)-she wasn't happy about being left to fend. We moved back within a year and we live about 20 mins away from her (although I only know the town she has moved to not her address) I did try to contact her when in Oz and back here but she has said she has her life and we are not part of it... If I have left a hurt in her life I would like to know when and how. Ah, now she falls into the full blown bitch category! Sounds like she should never have been a mother in the first place! But despite her you have grown into a great mum! (I don't think my mum should have been a mother either and whilst there are tendencies to cut people out of her life she's always played favourites with the grandkids!). People like that are best allowed to drift out of your life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris955 Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Its just natural really, people have their own lives to live and different priorities. We tend to stay in touch with friends via Facebook. When we arrived back and met up with friends it was like we had never been away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LojaChica Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I think the friends thing affects ladies more than guys. My missus seems to notice when she sees people and they don't speak. She speaks to her folks and family a lot more than I do. Gets a it upset if she doesn't get a Christmas card or Birthday card from someone she thinks should have remembered. Guys can go years without being in touch, ring a mate up who you've not seen for 25 years and carry on like you saw them yesterday. I was just thinking that! Us Girlies "seem" to feel it more and over analyse it.............I know I do..............My DH it's all black and white with him.......You only poop on him once and that's it!! Wish I could be like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 Yes, I have also experienced this. Rarely hear from quite a few of the lads that I was good mates with for many years. I don't necessarily think it is deliberate from them. I think people just get on with their lives and when you are no longer about they feel less of a need to speak to you. In true British style a lot of our socialising was done in the way of going to the football or going to the pub to watch the football and play some pool but as I am no longer there to do that then I can understand why I don't hear from them much anymore. I am not offended and I know if I moved back to the UK they would be very welcoming to me. Life goes on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleabo Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 I don't think I have been dissappointed by friends or family really. Given that we picked ourselves up and moved to the other side of the world. Most folks don't like change, have their own lives, and are busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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