Surprised to find myself here...

[Guest]

I haven't logged on for a while, like many others simply getting on with my new life in Perth. I recognise a lot of familiar names but I don't know if any of you remember me. We migrated to Perth 2008 on a 457 visa, gained PR in 2009. Settled SOR near Freo and have had some good times, times when I had to pinch myself to belive it was real. I have had exceptional success at work and have a senior management position I would not have achieved in the UK (far more competition)

 

We've also had some bad times, we had terrible tenants in our house in Scotland who wrecked the place and we didn 't have rent for almost two years, this started just as we had signed a building contract so we were paying two mortgages and rent and our outgoings were more than our income so in the end we had maxed out two overdrafts and five credit cards....

 

We have been in the house we built almost two years now but it is still 'unfinished' as we haven't money for flooring, curtains etc, outside is just as the builders left it - ie sand and weeds. We have taken in a lodger to try and help with paying off the debts but we can only progress slowly.

 

Eightneen months ago my son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and in February this year I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis so that has been more stress and more expense.

 

When we came it was for life - when people said 'you can always come back' I smiled sweetly and thought 'not really'. There is the expense of course and also I thought it was unfair on my son. I wasn't going to go through all this and not gain citizenship but I truly thought after 4 years my son would be an Aussie (he was 5 when we moved here) and there'd be no going back.

 

Well, we qualify for citizenship in November and our son has never waivered in his desire to move back home (his words). We have just returned from our annual visit and on the last day he sobbed and sobbed that he didn't want to leave.

 

Neither my OH or I are truly happy. For a while I've been saying when asked 'If I knew four years ago what I know now I'd tell my OH to take a hike when he said we should emigrate, life here isn't really better and I miss my friends and family but since we're here it's not worth the stress of going back' I now think maybe it is. It turns out my OH thought he had to put up and shut up because it had all been his idea and is VERY unhappy.

 

It is in part people, we just haven't made the same sort of friends here. Listening to my OH laugh and laugh with his best mate when we were back almost made me cry, I've not seen him like that in ages. Being with people I could be 'me' with, who I could talk to about my diagnosis and feel really listened to, instead of feeling like a 'whinging pom'. It's not just that though, it's a connection with the landscape that I cannot even explain. It's wet and dirty and miserable but it's home. On our last I went with a friend to the Falkirk Wheel in the rain, we had a picnic under the shelter of a climbing frame and the children played in the rain and I had the best time ever!

 

Clearly the recent visit has stirred up these feelings but it definitely isn't 'post holiday blues' in fact it was a pretty horrendous visit, my health was very poor, I was even admitted into hospital at one point and spent most of the time in so much pain I could barely move. I was actually very relieved for the holiday to be over! And the fact that travel is so hard for me now is a reason in itself to move back - my parents are in their 80s and not able to visit us so an annual visit is a must.

 

I am scared, I was so certain Perth was the right decison so how can I trust what I think now? I know this is homesickness and I know it can be overcome I guess I think since we all feel the same and there is a door open for us why not simply go back?

 

It wouldn't be easy since we have a lot of debt in both countries and a house in Perth not really in a good state to sell but if we are going to do it now is a good time in terms of my son's education.

 

I kinda know we could easily be ping pong poms but I'm not sure if that matters - if we have dual citizenship we can choose to live in different countries at different times.

 

Thanks to anyone whose got this far, I know no-one can help us make the decision but it's good just to get it out.

 

Jules

[Love Shoes]

:hug:

[Guest Southernstar]

It seems to me the best place for you and your family at the moment (given your health and how youre all feeling) would be the UK. Having said that I would wait until you have your citizenship in Oz, as this may prove useful if your circumstances change in the future... doesn't hurt to have a choice.

 

I wouldnt worry about being a ping pong pom.. you have to do what you think is right for you, noone else's opinion matters.

 

I myself have been back and forth a few times and love both countries for different reasons, nothing wrong with that.

[3FatCats]

Wow. I am pretty speachless.....just good luck and my goodness, you must surely be looking at your turn for some better times x

[Petals]

You have had a bad run hope things start to pick up for you all. I guess one thing to consider is what climate is best for your condition. I had a friend who lived in London and loved it and she was a bad asthmatic, the docs told her she could not stay in London so she moved to Norway as even though its cold its a dry cold.

 

Good luck you have to do what you have to do.

[Guest]

It seems to me the best place for you and your family at the moment (given your health and how youre all feeling) would be the UK. Having said that I would wait until you have your citizenship in Oz, as this may prove useful if your circumstances change in the future... doesn't hurt to have a choice.

 

I wouldnt worry about being a ping pong pom.. you have to do what you think is right for you, noone else's opinion matters.

 

I myself have been back and forth a few times and love both countries for different reasons, nothing wrong with that.

 

We will definitely wait for citizenship, we'll probably wait a year - I've been enquiring about school places for August 2013

 

Thanks for the encouragement, I am trying to accept that 'ping pong' is actual fine!

[calNgary]

Big hugs,, and good luck with whatever decision you make..

You sure have had a tough time of late and paired with trying to settle into a new country and life (which is tough enough on its own) i think you deserve some happiness, and i truely hope you find it.

 

Cal x

[Guest]

RA is better in warmer climes but I am often a LOT colder here - nothing beats double glazing and central heating

 

You're not the only person who has questioned that aspect though and it has to be part of the decison.

[twinsmom65]

Hi Jules... first off a big hug from me :hug:

 

I do remember you, you helped me when I was low and looking for employment. Just want to offer you some support. So happy that you are going for your citizenship, that will at least give you options. Sounds like you have had a rough go of it, emigrating is bloody hard without other stuff thrown into the mix. I understand about you wanting to move back closer to family and friends. As our parents age, it is something we think about.

 

I know I am so glad to be back home, I see my mom and dad all the time, it is so much better in person than on skype. My girls are settled now. Back where they belong, no more need for a pyscologist for the one daughter (which is great news for me !).

 

Your son has still not settled eh, it is hard being half way round the world, especially if you have no family near you, that is what I found the hardest, and especially when the chips are down. I remember when my OH lost his employment, I just wanted to talk to someone who would understand, and it was hard on me. I know that people say oh you can make friends here in Australia, but it is not the same.

 

Sorry to hear about your house back home, bloody tennants eh, some real classy ones out there ... NOT...it must be such a strain on you at the min, with health issues, financial issues and that feeling of not belonging.

 

If you need to talk or just have a rant (trust me been there) please feel free to PM me.

 

Cheers

 

Karen

[Guest]

A very powerful and poignant post, and I hope that sharing it has helped you in some small way at least. I hope you find peace on this. Good luck.

[Guest guest17301]

Jules...of course I remember you....did wonder where you were at! You attended the first PIO meet at KP, we emigrated around the same time. No words of advice for you other than ...follow your heart...its seldom wrong....the rest can fall into place. Life is way too short to waste time being unhappy.....cliched but true imo. Very best of luck...please stay on and share the journey with us x

[Que Sera Sera]

My Mum suffered with really bad Rhumatoid Arthritus, and she swore that the sun made hers worse! So Australia would definatly have not been the place for her. You've had some major bad luck thats been awful. I hope you manage to find a way through all this without too much more cost and stress. Good luck x:wubclub:

[Guest Guest26012]

Good luck with your decision! You have to do whatever is best for you and your family! We came here in 2008 also so it must be really hard for you to make that call! X

[Munchkinella]

My poor lovely, you have had a rough time :hug:

 

Sorry to hear of your son's diagnosis and of your own of R.A. Not good to be in so much pain. I hope your meds can be sorted soon to help you through it. I also have R.A. though I personally find the difference in weather doesn't affect me. What does though is stress.

 

I send you my love & prayers that you and your family find the happiness you deserve. :wubclub:

 

 

P.s. If you want someone to talk to about your R.A. I am here..just PM me any time Jxxxx

[starlight7]

Oh you are doing what is right for you - in your heart you have this feeling that you belong in the UK and it is courageous of you to go with that when it would have been so easy to just keep ploughing on in misery and unhappiness. Hugs and Best wishes for you and your family and I do hope your RA improves. My mum had it very badly and I know how painful and depressing it can be.

[Quoll]

(((hugs))) sounds like you guys have been through the mill. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next - moving on with your life to the UK is just another step in your life and if that is the best next step for you then go for it! It's a shame that ping pong has such a negative connotation. Life is all about moving forwards in the best direction at the time!

[Bob1]

what a lovely forum this is - 15 messages of support for a stranger that are all as heart felt as the original message. Keep posting Jules and let us know how you're getting on.

[sunni1234]

Hi jules

 

sending hugs xxx

 

We returned to the UK a month ago and it has been the best decision for the 4 of us. I managed to secure a place for the eldest (high school) before leaving and got a place for the youngest within a few days of being back. We have settled in warwickshire and love it. It is wonderful to be back after 6 years in Perth. Seeing my parents is priceless.

 

All the best to you and your family x

[ghost]

Hey jules sounds like you haven't had a good time of it . Tough when everyone's unhappy .

 

Imsure things will work out onewayor another and you will find a clear path.

 

We came home and it was the best thing for us !

[whoiam]

I'm so sorry life has been so tough on you guys recently. As someone else said--stress does play an important factor in illnesses like RA. But then anyone would be stressed with that amount of debt. But do believe that you can overcome this phase. Every bad time WILL be followed by a better time. Your finances will improve and hopefully you will be able to see more of the posiitves in life. Take care, believe and get better dear.

[Guest]

Big hugs,, and good luck with whatever decision you make..

You sure have had a tough time of late and paired with trying to settle into a new country and life (which is tough enough on its own) i think you deserve some happiness, and i truely hope you find it.

 

Cal x

 

I certainly do think it could have worked out differently for us, I don't 'hate' or 'blame' Australia but the fact that we have faced those difficulties in a new place has made it harder to integrate, afterall no-one like a 'whinging pom'

:biggrin:

[Guest]

Hi Jules... first off a big hug from me :hug:

 

I do remember you, you helped me when I was low and looking for employment. Just want to offer you some support. So happy that you are going for your citizenship, that will at least give you options. Sounds like you have had a rough go of it, emigrating is bloody hard without other stuff thrown into the mix. I understand about you wanting to move back closer to family and friends. As our parents age, it is something we think about.

 

I know I am so glad to be back home, I see my mom and dad all the time, it is so much better in person than on skype. My girls are settled now. Back where they belong, no more need for a pyscologist for the one daughter (which is great news for me !).

 

Your son has still not settled eh, it is hard being half way round the world, especially if you have no family near you, that is what I found the hardest, and especially when the chips are down. I remember when my OH lost his employment, I just wanted to talk to someone who would understand, and it was hard on me. I know that people say oh you can make friends here in Australia, but it is not the same.

 

Sorry to hear about your house back home, bloody tennants eh, some real classy ones out there ... NOT...it must be such a strain on you at the min, with health issues, financial issues and that feeling of not belonging.

 

If you need to talk or just have a rant (trust me been there) please feel free to PM me.

 

Cheers

 

Karen

 

Hi Karen, I remember you too, I didn't know you were in Canada though! It's good to know other people understand, it's very hard to throw away a dream, and despite how my post probably makes it sound there is a LOT a do like but for four years I've been thinking 'we'll get there' in terms of getting settled, financially straight, good friends etc. and we probably would but why wait when it's there for the taking back home (I hope!!!). We have a house there with a 400 GBP a month mortgage against $3500 a month here and I would earn more in the UK! The sale of our house here would clear the debt and we could walk away and start again.

 

I didn't live near my family in the UK but 180 miles away is quite different to 10,000!

 

I'll PM you

 

Jules

[Guest]

Jules...of course I remember you....did wonder where you were at! You attended the first PIO meet at KP, we emigrated around the same time. No words of advice for you other than ...follow your heart...its seldom wrong....the rest can fall into place. Life is way too short to waste time being unhappy.....cliched but true imo. Very best of luck...please stay on and share the journey with us x

 

And of course I remember you too and that meet in KP! I am quite shy though and I found the meets a bit overwhleming, and it was even worse for OH who was not a PIOer. I have been wondering lately though if my stubborn refusal to be a 'ex-pat' hasn't help me settle, I was rather disparaging of those that settled in 'british' areas, made friends with other brits etc. There is no point dwelling on how it could have been different though only where to go next.

 

I agree entirely life is too short to waste on being unhappy and whilst I wil have to not think of the money wasted I certainly don't regret coming and we've had some priceless experiences (both positive and negatives we've learnt from).

 

So glad YOU are happy and everything has worked out for your family.

 

Jules x

[Guest]

My poor lovely, you have had a rough time :hug:

 

Sorry to hear of your son's diagnosis and of your own of R.A. Not good to be in so much pain. I hope your meds can be sorted soon to help you through it. I also have R.A. though I personally find the difference in weather doesn't affect me. What does though is stress.

 

I send you my love & prayers that you and your family find the happiness you deserve. :wubclub:

 

 

P.s. If you want someone to talk to about your R.A. I am here..just PM me any time Jxxxx

 

I'm still learning what affects me, flying for sure but I think that's more to do with the immune supressant treatment. It was a chest infection that wiped me out first of all (& this is the second time after flying despite wearing a face mask)

 

I do strongly believe it was triggered by stress, it was relentless for months (I forgot to mention a re-org at work that put both OH and my jobs on the line, and our continued residence in Oz depended on his job at that time!) and I just dug deep and got on with it and probably didn't look after myself well enough.

 

It sounds like you may have your RA under control with medication, I am hopeful that will be possible for me too.

 

Thanks

 

Jules

[Guest]

(((hugs))) sounds like you guys have been through the mill. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next - moving on with your life to the UK is just another step in your life and if that is the best next step for you then go for it! It's a shame that ping pong has such a negative connotation. Life is all about moving forwards in the best direction at the time!

 

Thank you. I think it was the acceptance that to go back wasn't 'failure' and neither would it be 'failure' to return again that has freed me to make the right decision for now without worrying if it's the right decision for forever.