Lurkio Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 He didn't come with us. A few hours before we travelled he flatly refused to come. So I made quick arrangements for my Sister to keep an eye on him and the three of us went without him. Was total pants being without my Son for two weeks. We talked on the phone at least once every day. We got home today after a lovely trip and he was waiting for us to get home. Seems quite interested in the trip but softee softee catchee monkey... Maybe .... I still have until April to get the little brat over the pond and validated. Wish me luck :rolleyes: I will post a reccee report in a few days. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Can't believe he refused to go after all! Best of luck, hope he changes his mind soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyt Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I would have been so mad with him, you must have the patience of a saint. Teenagers are so selfish but they come good in the end. Just make sure you get him to validate or your storing up visa problems for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoandJon Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Damn little booger - I'm glad you enjoyed your trip though I'd give him a bill for the unused airticket and a plan for how he's goign to pay you back for it..... but then again I'm evil and mean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Bless you..... not over yet though! Look forward to your reccie report.... No Xmas present for him this year then??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 That is such a shame he missed out on a great holiday if nothing else. I really don't get that, it wasn't like he had to stay there, could have had a blast and something to tell his mates. I don't get why he is resisting just going over to validate. Its not like he has to move with you once you actually go. But it would at least give him options in the future if his situation changes. Its almost like he is holding you to ransom by doing this and perhaps thinking you won't go (but you should as we can't live our lives for them forever) if he won't either. Good luck for the future and getting him to validate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 He's 16. Tell him your going and thats final. He will hate you for a while until he settled in. Once he realises that there are heaps of opportunities out there (and Girls) he will soon get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Shame he missed out but well done you for actually getting on the plane and going. I'm hoping that you're two weeks away made him realise that living at home without you wasn't what he thought it was cracked up to be. I would talk about your holiday often, letting him know what he missed out on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I know you called him every day while you were over, but perhaps bring up with him that phone calls each day (or Skyping etc) once you are living over there wouldn't really happen each day. Time differences, work and just life in general don't make it easy to do so. I know its hindsight but perhaps to not have called would have been the way to go, or only have called once or twice while there to give him a better understanding of you being over there. Perhaps it might have made him appreciate the situation a bit more. I know it sounds harsh but he has a power thing over you by refusing to go, even on the holiday. I'd try to redress the balance a little if its possible. I re read your original post and it sounds like you are planning to go in a few years now. Honestly, if he doesn't want to go now, I'd perhaps just say fair enough its your call but we are leaving on this date and you have two choices to give yourself (and your GF even) opportunities in life later on, should you want. 1) Validate, at no obligation to come when the family leaves so if the GF and he break up (before or after you go) or he changes his mind later on once he's grown up a bit more he can head over to try it. Even if the GF and he are still together and they both come over. Include her so he can see you are not trying to cut him off from her. 2) Don't validate but you are going in year XXXX and that is final. And he will only have the option of the UK and the door will have closed. I do think he is perhaps feeling more secure as he has the offer to live with his GF's family (providing they are still together) and he knows you are wavering and have done things to try to accomodate him and might even change your mind perhaps. If he didn't have his GF he'd have nowhere to stay and would probably go and give it a chance. Perhaps the relationship will last but most teen romances at this age do not. Only he doesn't know that and won't be able to see past it I'd think. Teenagers tend to have a very short sighted view of life when still at school. Its only once they leave, get out into the world, be it uni, college or working that things really change for them (in my experience). Include her in his options if it helps. If they last the course they may both want to come out in 5 or 10 years. I'd paint a positive picture for them both, not only him. But the point about validating is a big one and if he can do that then that is all you are asking. And he gets to have a cool holiday thrown in. Hope that all made sense for an early morning ramble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinders5055 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Now planning a break over Christmas to validate get him over there Joanne, Once there I plan to lock him in the poolhouse - and then not come back (mwhhhha mwhhaaa). Now need to hope that he will come on holiday!! Oh lord our kids are the joy and worry of our lives. Bazinga - his Dad says not to worry cos he will come - but I know my stubborn son better than that. Do you have any kids of that age? Would you leave your 16year old on his/her own on the other side of the world? I was in exactly the same situation, and I decided to wait years until my daughter turned 18... in hindsight I should have just made her come when she was 16 cause now I'm leaving in Feb and she's staying here to do Uni. She says she will join us when uni is finished in 3 years - but will she? She is still with the same boyfriend she was with when she was 16 and he doesn't want to come to Oz so I bet she will stay.. but I have to live my life I guess. Good luck Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyt Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 The funny thing about this thread is that anyone with a teenager can sympathies fully with your situation. People with little children or no kids at all probably think your sons the exception and their kids would never behave like this. My own son went AWOL the night before I was due to book a last minute holiday at 16, just because he said he didn't fancy Mexico again. Most teenagers only think about themselves but they do mature eventually. My son has changed into a nice, considerate young man now but I am dreading the rest of my kids being teenagers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest china Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm so sorry that you're son is behaving like this. I'm 25 so can still remember being 16 quite well. I'm a nice girl but all those hormones back you insane! I remember missing out on quite a few things that now embarrass me just to think about - for example I didn't go on a boat trip while on holiday with my mum in Mexico, so that I would be able to smoke a couple of cigarettes while she was gone - while on the boat they saw FIVE WHALESHARKS and she went SWIMMING with them. This is something I will regret for my whole life, that really was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I squandered it. I'm just saying this to let you know that we really do grow up, and break up with 'the love of our lives' (snigger! The boy I was dating at 17 is something else that I now find embarrassing!) and hopefully your son will see that he will only hurt himself by closing this potential door so early on. Lots of luck xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 The funny thing about this thread is that anyone with a teenager can sympathies fully with your situation. People with little children or no kids at all probably think your sons the exception and their kids would never behave like this. My own son went AWOL the night before I was due to book a last minute holiday at 16, just because he said he didn't fancy Mexico again. Most teenagers only think about themselves but they do mature eventually. My son has changed into a nice, considerate young man now but I am dreading the rest of my kids being teenagers. We were all teenagers once :cute: And many of us dug our heels in over things we didn't like or were very selfish about our lives being altered in any way from our social environment at the time. I know when my parents announced we were moving away from my hometown I went into a tailspin and rebelled. Didn't stop the move though. And having lived through a life changing move when I was 14 I have personal experience behind me. And even though some of us might not have children who are teenagers yet, some can understand where the OP is coming from because of other situations we may be involved in. Might not be parents to teenagers but doesn't stop us from being able to understand, IMHO. I certainly don't think the OP's the only parent to have experienced problems like this nor do I think my son will be an angel the rest of his childhood and its everyone else who has problems. Its an unrealistic view to take of parenting and children. I don't like tarring people with the same brush or making broad generalisations about parenting/parents and do take umbrage somewhat when other people do so. Its a hard enough thing to do, the old parenting thing, and to have to read such comments as were posted that perhaps we not as well thought through as they might have been. Mind you, I don't lose sleep over what is said on forums so I'll take it with a pinch of salt and say ces't la vie :cute: I don't expect my son to grow up and be all sweetness and light. Its an daft expectation to have. I am fully expecting the teenage years to provide challenges and struggles but hopefully we'll all come out the other side of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 We were all teenagers once :cute: And many of us dug our heels in over things we didn't like or were very selfish about our lives being altered in any way from our social environment at the time. I know when my parents announced we were moving away from my hometown I went into a tailspin and rebelled. Didn't stop the move though. And having lived through a life changing move when I was 14 I have personal experience behind me. And even though some of us might not have children who are teenagers yet, some can understand where the OP is coming from because of other situations we may be involved in. Might not be parents to teenagers but doesn't stop us from being able to understand, IMHO. I certainly don't think the OP's the only parent to have experienced problems like this nor do I think my son will be an angel the rest of his childhood and its everyone else who has problems. Its an unrealistic view to take of parenting and children. I don't like tarring people with the same brush or making broad generalisations about parenting/parents and do take umbrage somewhat when other people do so. Its a hard enough thing to do, the old parenting thing, and to have to read such comments as were posted that perhaps we not as well thought through as they might have been. Mind you, I don't lose sleep over what is said on forums so I'll take it with a pinch of salt and say ces't la vie :cute: I don't expect my son to grow up and be all sweetness and light. Its an daft expectation to have. I am fully expecting the teenage years to provide challenges and struggles but hopefully we'll all come out the other side of them. I'm sat here counting my blessings that my daughter was 11 when we moved, but when we first started talking about it she burst into tears saying we were making her leave her whole life behind ... Yep we were and we acknowledged that but at 10 we could say "but you don't really have an option because we're going". By the time the move came she was ok with the idea and now at 16 has said that she's so glad to have had her teenage years in Aus. At 16 I remember thinking I was so mature and grown up .. you look back and laugh at yourself. What will happen is that you'll find your way and whatever decision you come to in the end will be the right one because you'll make it for you and your family. :hug: Ali xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm sat here counting my blessings that my daughter was 11 when we moved, but when we first started talking about it she burst into tears saying we were making her leave her whole life behind ... Yep we were and we acknowledged that but at 10 we could say "but you don't really have an option because we're going". By the time the move came she was ok with the idea and now at 16 has said that she's so glad to have had her teenage years in Aus. At 16 I remember thinking I was so mature and grown up .. you look back and laugh at yourself. What will happen is that you'll find your way and whatever decision you come to in the end will be the right one because you'll make it for you and your family. :hug: Ali xx That is part of the reason we are going sooner rather than later. I've read so many times about older children struggling with such a big move or not wanting to go at all for all kind of reasons. And having had to move when I was 14, I know how hard it can be. Even though we have strong ties to Australia with family we do realise that the longer we live in the UK with our son growing up, the more rooted he will feel here and his friendships will form. So moving within the next year or two makes perfect sense. He'll be old enough to have memories from living in the UK and will know the people here but young enough for starting afresh to not be so daunting :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 He didn't come with us. A few hours before we travelled he flatly refused to come. So I made quick arrangements for my Sister to keep an eye on him and the three of us went without him. Was total pants being without my Son for two weeks. We talked on the phone at least once every day. We got home today after a lovely trip and he was waiting for us to get home. Seems quite interested in the trip but softee softee catchee monkey... Maybe .... I still have until April to get the little brat over the pond and validated. Wish me luck :rolleyes:I will post a reccee report in a few days. x Sooooo - just a brief update - the three of us loved WA. We have spoken enthusiastically about our holiday, left the holiday snaps open on the computer, house details, jobs pages, talked about drive throughs and big cars... Friends and family were primed to ask about things that may interest him .. and guess what???? He and I and his girlfriend are flying over in early April to validate his visa :laugh: But he's still not getting his moped :no: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Sooooo - just a brief update - the three of us loved WA. We have spoken enthusiastically about our holiday, left the holiday snaps open on the computer, house details, jobs pages, talked about drive throughs and big cars... Friends and family were primed to ask about things that may interest him .. and guess what???? He and I and his girlfriend are flying over in early April to validate his visa :laugh: But he's still not getting his moped :no: :notworthy: Good for you, I bet thats a huge relief. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yup - can't tell you what a relief. Turned out that he hadn't even told his GF about emigrating. It appears that she's quite interested in the idea and made a point of getting me alone to tell me so (in a round about way). I've told her I will pay for her ticket too, but apparently the Mother wants to contribute. Maybe I need to start researching WHV. Note to self: stop counting chickens!! :animal-chicken: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yup - can't tell you what a relief. Turned out that he hadn't even told his GF about emigrating. It appears that she's quite interested in the idea and made a point of getting me alone to tell me so (in a round about way). I've told her I will pay for her ticket too, but apparently the Mother wants to contribute. Maybe I need to start researching WHV. Note to self: stop counting chickens!! :animal-chicken: Well done!!! :yes: Moped money can be transformed into ticket money.... :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Yup - can't tell you what a relief. Turned out that he hadn't even told his GF about emigrating. It appears that she's quite interested in the idea and made a point of getting me alone to tell me so (in a round about way). I've told her I will pay for her ticket too, but apparently the Mother wants to contribute. Maybe I need to start researching WHV. Note to self: stop counting chickens!! :animal-chicken: :laugh: I dont blame you though. But at least he is willing to validate now (Im sure the GF being allowed to go had noooooo say on his decision honest :wink::laugh:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silk Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Yup - can't tell you what a relief. Turned out that he hadn't even told his GF about emigrating. It appears that she's quite interested in the idea and made a point of getting me alone to tell me so (in a round about way). I've told her I will pay for her ticket too, but apparently the Mother wants to contribute. Maybe I need to start researching WHV. Note to self: stop counting chickens!! :animal-chicken: Yay! really pleased for you :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Sooooo - just a brief update - the three of us loved WA. We have spoken enthusiastically about our holiday, left the holiday snaps open on the computer, house details, jobs pages, talked about drive throughs and big cars... Friends and family were primed to ask about things that may interest him .. and guess what???? He and I and his girlfriend are flying over in early April to validate his visa :laugh: But he's still not getting his moped :no: That's great news ... so happy for you ... perhaps we should start a dealing with teenagers thread lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alterles Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 give him my number and i will have a man to man about australian girls, life style , music,motocross etc. im probably not helping, sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyt Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 So glad its working out for you, teenagers are Gods punishment for having sex! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkio Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 So glad its working out for you, teenagers are Gods punishment for having sex! :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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